I was staring at the form they gave me yesterday. I still wasn’t sure as to what to do of this. I had a hope that this dispute is short lived. The misunderstandings would be clear and we will be back together like before. Like nothing ever happened but everytime I attach myself to people, all I receive is heartbreak and disappointment. I guess I always end up on the verge of self doubt, thinking if the problem is within me? But then based on my past experiences I overcome it quickly. In my short 22 years life span, I have realized that whatever Mahadev does, he does for the greater good. The big picture is always the better one. But we cannot see it, hence, the current pain breaks us from within. Specially for a highly sensitive and emotional girl like me! My teenage was no less than a the drama I never want even my enemies to live!
*10 years ago*
“Roll no. 35 Shrinika Thakur”
I responded to my roll call. Shrinika Thakur a.k.a Shri. Puberty was a pleasant surprise for me! The dumbo old fashioned girl next door was suddenly the contemporary teenage sensation in her school. I could do everything except for singing. Sports, cultural activities, oratory shone beside my name. Hence, even after having an above average academic records, people loved me. Girls were envious of my overall personality and my appearance. Insecurity was written over their faces. I had the best group of my friends, though, I get along with girls rarely, yet there were some picked ones. Hima was the one I trusted the most. I almost got suspended just before my exam because I was defending her but thankfully Mahadev saved me. Riya was the only one who could beat me in looks but I always had the upper hand because of her clumsiness! There were other two three more. They were mediocre but good people. We always would stick together. And then it happened for the first time… When I realised what heart break actually means.
Pranay was four years senior to me. He was the heart throb of his batch, academically brilliant and a basketball player. But he never spared a glance to any other girl. I had heard of him but never really paid attention until one day, someone approached me with a news that Pranay actually crushes over a girl of our batch! Curiosity aroused and the news spread like a forest fire! Even I wanted to know the mysterious girl. And then the same day at dispersal his best friend approached our group. And asked if I could talk to Pranay for a minute or two!
Another forest fire! I, myself couldn’t believe it! The guy who never looked at any girl crushes over me! It felt like an achievement! Even I wanted to meet Pranay! I had never seen him. Just heard of him. I agreed and he was standing near the water cooler leaning on it. He probably heard our footsteps, so he turned around and suddenly everything was in slow motion for me. Being such innocently attractive and beautiful should be a crime! The hormones did it’s work and there were butterflies within and around me! Is love at first site even a thing? At that moment it was for me!
Pranay was the first guy I saw in different light. He was the most soft spoken person I knew! Introvert, shy, polite, good looking and an achiever! He was every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend and I was seeing him! That day wasn’t the only time we met. Girls had another reason to be envious of me! His female batchmates many times tried to attack me verbally as well as physically but they stood no chance. Pranay was always considerate. He then, proposed one day. I was about to answer but the recess was over and we had to return to our classes! Our conversation was left incomplete and I couldn’t concentrate the remaining half of my day! I waited for him after dispersal but he didn’t come out of the gate. Next day, he wasn’t at school. We never exchanged our contacts so I had no other way to know about him. A week passed and there wasn’t any sign of his presence. So gathering all my courage I asked his best friend. And I got to know that he got suspended till his pre boards exam. A teacher caught him hitting his classmate severely because he was badmouthing me! I didn’t know how to react!
When it was time for their pre boards I waited for him. He entered the gate and saw me. We had a brief eye contact and then he went into exam Hall. I saw him after 2 months. I was happy. It was time to complete our conversation. But it never happened again. He ignored me throughout his exams like I never existed! I couldn’t understand the reason. I had no idea what changed! After that, he moved to Vizag. My first love story remained incomplete like that conversation.
Suddenly I wanted to watch my whole life in flashback! I lied on my bed with my arms under my head. How much my life has changed after that. How much I have changed after that! How much I have grown up as a human! I was thinking about the next turning point of my life!
*9 years ago*
I was grieving my grandfather whom I loved the most in my family. Being the eldest child of my family, I always had the privilege of being the favoured one. My grandfather spoiled me like a princess! My wish his command! His demise was really disturbing for me and then only few months back, a tragedy named Pranay had happened. Time was taking it’s course. Thanks to my friends, I was healing. And then another character entered my life. Chetan. Chetan was Pranay’s batchmate and friend. He came in contact via social media. We became good friends and he was the one who told me about Pranay’s actual suspension and why Pranay ignored me was because his mother, in front of all his friends made him swear on her that he will never meet me again. That was overdramatic I know but Indian Moms! Chetan was a good person. He was the athletic champion of the school. We went for regionals together last year but now he is in senior category. We were friends since then. He would understand me like a true friend. One day while chatting on social media he asked if I was interested in being his girlfriend? I thought he was joking so I replied in a similar way but then he said he is serious. He liked me since regionals but then there was this Pranay drama and he couldn’t do anything. I didn’t know what to say. He understood my dilemma and assured me that he would be patient for me to reciprocate his feelings. And even after sometime, I couldn’t then we would be back to friends without disturbing our equation. At that time, there was this boyfriend trend and only I didn’t have one! So I agreed! It was so weird and awkward at first! But he made me relax! He really was patient with me. And I don’t remember how I fell in love with him! Chetan healed the heartbreak gifted by Pranay! Moreover, I didn’t have to pretend and act different in front of Chetan, I could be me and he loved me for that! If Pranay introduced me to love, Chetan taught me how it feels to be in love!
I turned sides. I have seen phases of love. Many phases. Not just romantic but family, friends, teacher, self. But nothing is permanent in this world. Change is the only constant. And it has been proven time and again in my life! Such a roller coaster it was!
*5 years ago*
I had changed my school after 10th because I wanted a stream which my former school didn’t offer! Life at new school was much more different than the old one. Here, people were more liberal, modern, open minded and easily approachable! Former school was good but I had to leave it with bitter memories. My so called awesome group turned out to be a gang of back b*t*hing jealous morons. I caught my so called friends instigating people against me behind my back red handed! The pain I felt was worst than the one by Pranay! I never knew i was brooding snakes in my sleeves! A long and dirty faceoff and we parted our ways for good. Mahadev has always been watching over me. He rewarded me with few but great people as friends. And one of them was Ekta! She was my soul mate. Our first meeting wasn’t what everyone wants. We disliked each other! But rest was history. This school enhanced my skills and even gave me recognition for it! The new girl in the school was really different!
As for my family life, it had been 4 years since our joint family broke into two pieces. Aunt kept on conspiring, uncle was wife’s servant and grandma couldn’t choose right side over her comfort! After, love and friends, even my family disappointed me! The only constant was Chetan! He was there for me always. Like he promised. I must have been Mahadev’s favorite that’s why he brought Chetan in my life! We had been together for four years and very much in love. We wouldn’t meet very often but little long distance relationship had it’s own kind of romance and charms.
I am not able to sleep tonight! So much has happened over the years that it feels like it was a previous birth! Time has flown by like a bird. Things around me has changed a lot! Of course, after all, change is the only constant. Oh yes, there’s three more for me… heartbreaks, disappointments and unexpected twists! I never rode an actual roller coaster. Never felt the need to do so… My short 22 year life has given me the needed experience already!
To be continued