SWASAN FF I Hate u & I Hate Myself Because I Still Love U Episode 36

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Happy that you all like it, and sorry arshaanya di that I couldn’t keep up to your expectations. And aamias you asked me y I’m hurrying actually the thing is next week I have an operation and I want to finish it before that. So I’m sorry. Thank you all once again for liking my ff. Trust me you won’t have any idea that how much your comments made me happy and how much it helped me in forgetting my loneliness. Of course my mom dad were there for me always but they also have their office and have to take care of my brother also. So at times when they are not available tellyupdates was a great relief. Thank you my dear Di’s, friends & tellyupdates for giving me a wonderful opportunity and a great platform.

Now let’s go for the finale episodes.

Sanskar’s POV

It’s being a week after our mehendi. Swara have forgiven bhabhi and now they are like before. In this bhabhi persuaded Swara to forgive shekar uncle and sumi aunty. It was a quiet difficult task but Bhai and bhabhi made it possible. And in these days they loved her like anything and everything that washed away all pain from her heart and now I can see that old Kiddu Swara back.

Now i had found out what is her plan after marriage. She told me that after this unwanted marriage she will make an excuse and leave from here. From my own sources i came to knew that she was going to continue her studies in bangalore as swara which she started as aashi. As it was an official plan that too for the security of the country the university allowed her to continue as swara and the paper works are also almost completed.

But now as she had forgiven bhabhi and all she has to be here. I know I’m the reason that she decided to leave. So I have decided that I’ll leave from here. I won’t allow others to suffer for my sin. Day after tomorrow is haldi and I will leave here today itself.

(Takes a file from his side table)

I didn’t sign the divorce paper you give me but now I’m signing it. You can be free from all the ties. (saying this he signs the papers).

Swara’s POV

I’m so happy now jiju, sahil, bhai and bhabhi all were right when i let out my pain i’m feeling soo much relaxed not only me but each and every person connected with me were worried and now all are happy. But where is this sanskar i have not even seen him for once in the past three days. Don’t know what is he doing. Arjun sir told me that he was in office yesterday, but why, he was on leave because bcz of marriage. What is he doing let him come i will show him hell.

Think all these she reached her room and went to her cupboard to keep her wedding dress. On return she notice a file kept on her study table.

Swara: (taking the file) what is this, i didn’t keep this here (thinking this she opened it and was shocked) divorce papers and what is this letter


Hai swara, you are reading this letter , matlab you have seen the divorce papers. Are you happy now. I wish i was there to see the smile on your face which was missing since the day i betrayed you. As now everything is at it’s right place, i’m the only hurdle between you and your smile. I’m leaving swara and i promise you i will never come in front of you. Be happy and please move on in your life. AND FOR A LAST TIME, IF POSSIBLE PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Bye this time forever.

Swara clutch the letter in her palm and with bloodshot eyes: how dare he??

She called someone

Swara: neil trace sanskar fast..

(hello all this is shiny, till now was there typed on docs and the rest was there written on her dairy and i’m just typing it for you, and the reason why i’m typing this will be relieved at last)

Then she called every one and informed them about sanskar and each and every things happened in between them. All were shocked. By then neil had traced sanskar and informed swara. She went to the area and found sanskars car and followed it. When got a chance she overtook and block his way. She went and pulled him out of the car and give him a tight slap.

Swara: you want punishment for your deeds right then have it (she give him an another slap) and this one is for leaving me alone again. She hit him on his chest, this one for signing those stupid divorce papers. Again hitting on his arms, this one is for not trying to convince me…………….. Like this she was hitting him with her tiny hands. But sanskar was all numb he was not understanding what is happening, and when he realised that she forgive him he couldn’t control himself and he hugged her tight. She was protesting but his grip was that tight as if his life depends on it. She struggled a lot and became calm after a long time in his arms.

Both were crying hardly hugging each other when all others came there. Everyone were admiring their love and was standing with a smile. Sanskar parted the hug and kissed her all over her face but in return swara again slapped him

Swara: how dare you to leave me, i hate you (turning to others) baba, jiju i don’t want to marry this idiot, what if he again leave me like this. You search for someone else i will marry him on the fixed date.

Saying this she went from there. Sanskar was shocked to hear it and others were laughing silently. He came to his senses and followed her.


Sorry guys only this much was there on her dairy.

I’m posting this because this is the only thing we can do for her.

Tomorrow is the 7th day of her demise. When I told my cousins about her this passion and she writing on tellyupdates all were surprised and then they only asked me to post this. When I checked her mobile I thought to post till she had typed but then we checked her dairy were she had written an outline sketch of the story so I added that to.

She had some breathing problems but neither she nor us had taken it as that serious but I guess aunty and uncle knew about this. Actually along with arthritis she was a heart patient also. She had a surgery last week and it failed she was in ventilator for two days and left us on 24th. Still can’t give she is not among us. Please pray for her soul.


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  1. Let her live in peace

  2. Simin

    What this is such a big shock
    i dont know what to say
    j mean i know she was hospitalised since long
    i hope her soul rests in peace
    i dont know whats happening
    first imama now mariya this is sooo disturbing
    i hope they rest in peace

    1. Kakali

      Simu see na again what happened?what should i say? God us soo merciless..

  3. It’s too shocking…. May her soul rest in peace…….

  4. wait so you mean that the writer of this story, and also of that swaragini current track ts is no more!?!?!? Rest in peace 🙁

  5. Rosey

    It’s really shocking I didn’t believe it yaar she was like my little kiddo sister I thought she is I’ll that’s why she is not posting but I didn’t know that she….I can’t even imagine yaar -??????????

  6. Kakali

    Shut up Shiny.. it’s all not a joke.. how can u say like this? Noooooo.. Better u think before speaking…
    How is this possible?
    Plzzz Don’t say this Dear…
    Mariya,come back soon.. TC my sis.. continue ur story.. i will be waiting.. sry for not commenting on last 2 parts.. !! Thnk u.. ;-*

  7. Rosey

    May her soul rest in peace

  8. We will surely miss you dear. Prays for your soul. I don’t know what to say. I read all the episodes. Fate, what to say…………
    God please give peace to her soul.

  9. Kakali

    M SORRY.. for my behavior n rude comment.. i don’t know what happened to me.. Extremely sorry.. but it’s not easy for me to accept.. she was with us till 15.. than suddenly this all happened.. i can’t accept it now.. sry.. i don’t know..
    what to say… Rest in peace Mariya.. God bless her pious soul.. !!
    Will miss u a lot my Sis..!!

  10. Deeksha

    I mean what was that….?????? Really….????? No it can’t be true…..!!!!!!! I mean she was all fine a couple days back and then what happened….!!!!!! God….!!!!! Couldn’t believe it…..!!!!!!! Sorry dear….. Feel sad for the loss….!!!!!! Gonna miss you a lot mariyajap…..!!!!! Gonna miss you…..!!!!!!! May ur soul rest in peace…..!!!!!!! Miss you Mariyajap…..!!!!!!

  11. Her soul may take peace it’s shocking to me

  12. omg such shocking news may her soul rest in peace n god give u strength in dis tough situation

  13. Rabia

    Itss really shocking my her soul rest in peacee Ameen

  14. Anniya

    I seriously don’t know what to say , I can just say may her soul rest in peace….
    Not getting anything what to say , sry…

  15. May her soul rest in peace
    U will b missed dear 🙁

  16. U mean to say imama is also heavenly abode I do so miss her miracle and love and Mariya also its very very breaking to see this……..and hear about it may her soul rest in peace….and may god bless each and every child of his wid good health and spirit…….

  17. this is so shocking..i knw she was ill..but this.. may her soul rest in peace…

  18. RinaSivaguru

    No…. I couldn’t take this… We will miss u… I don’t know why the title of story is related with the reader current situation….. We hate you for left us but still we love u…. Ur the best person….. May ur soul rest in peace…..

  19. Abirsha

    Really it’s shocking news for all shiny…. Mariya is a cute and sweet girl…. We know she isn’t well but didn’t know that she will leave us…. Let her soul rest in peace….

  20. So sad let her soul rest in peace

  21. I am sorry if I ever hurt u dear I am sorry again u have taught me life is so short take care be happy any where u live
    May ur soul live in peace

  22. Nuramy1997

    You are great writer.May ur soul live in peace amin.

  23. Arshaanya

    Its so shocing dun knw how to react..
    May her soul rest in peace

  24. Kiruthi

    Feeling bad rest in peace.mariya u and Ur’s will live in us

  25. Nagamanasa

    May her soul Rest In Peace

  26. M totally blank wid dis shocking news…. still cannot believe… Gonna miss you alot…. rest in peace

  27. Simi

    Thats shocking.. She is my first malayalee friend in TU…
    Cant believe that she is no more..
    May her soul rest in peace..

  28. Soujanya

    Its so shocking….may her soul rest in soul….CNT believe…

  29. Independent

    its so shocking she was a kid then what happened can’t believe this may her soul rest in peace

  30. I don’t know what to say.Its sad…May her soul rest in peace

  31. It’s really a shocking news dear… O god… Shit… I really could not believe till now… My her soul rest in peace ??????…i m just speechless… Sorry

  32. Shreeyu

    It’s really very shocking… Mariya u were too good… I really don’t know how to react but this all what I can say that rest in peace Mariya

  33. Radhika..

    Its like a shock don’t wanna believe…… May her soul rest in peace

  34. Shifa96

    It’s really shocking..
    May her soul rest in peace

  35. Mica

    omg!!!!!! shocked dear ! rest in peace for you Mariya! God loves you more…

  36. Shiksha

    It’s shocking
    May her soul rest in peace..

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