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Urge to want him!!
* # * # * # * # *(FIRST-SHOT)* # * # * # * # *
Hello everyone! Howz u all? Dears missed u all so badly..and here ‘so badly’ mattering a lot..cz I could able to feel it. Ok, did anyone remember me even? Hey all lovelies I’m Sanswa aka ‘Effie’ my real name, So here with some 3 or 4 shots with my swasan, try to comment cz its been forever I hv written something, and as usual ur love will always encourage me more!! Significant fact is u all r damn innocent dat I just can’t keep myself away from u more time! LOVE YOU ALL..and I really mean it Darlings!! Not for my work but at least ans to my qn abt ur health..want to greet everyone separately cz rly its been passed such a long period na to our meeting! Sending lots of kisses and hugs to my every sweethearts with all of my love towards u!!
Swara’s pov started.,
My first day at university,
The first time I met Sanskar..!!
Yep Sanskar my first love…my first wish…my first dream…!!!
His beautiful charming smile had a captivating, enchanting and blissful effect on me.
His eyes were mesmerizing and hypnotizing every bone in my body, with their gorgeous, graceful, browny color.
His face, such a handsome structure, was cascading my heart like the night falls on earth with no warning.
I saw him in the refectory, talking to his friends…his voice like a sweet melody ringing gently into my ears.
As if my legs controlled themselves, they led me to his table and I stood there, my feet glued to the floor opposite him, entranced by his beautiful presence in my life.
The conscious in the back of my mind kept telling me to move away, because I probably looked like a crazy weirdo, but my heart didn’t listen.
He looked up at me for the first time of his life, noticing me as he had never done before.
Mind you, if I would have met him before I would have dived right into a kiss.
“Can I help you…??” His voice, so strong yet gentle, I recorded it in my mind so it became unforgettable.
He frowned then waved his hand in front of me as if to grab my attention.
He didn’t need to do that, he was the only one I could see. “Hello…??”
“Hi,” I smiled from my heart while dragging biggest ear to ear curve on my fumbled face.
“Hi,” he said, leaning a bit back as his stunning eyes travelled up and down my body.
I became slightly flustered but held my ground.
“May I…??” I asked gesturing to the chair a random guy was sitting on in front of me.
He gave me a confused look, nevertheless he nodded.
I grinned then pushed off random guy, hearing a thud and groan, then sat on the still warm chair.
I folded my arms on the cool table and leaned forward to get an up close look of the amazing guy in front of me.
His messy darkly black hair covered his forehead, resting just above his eyebrows.
I really wanted to run my fingers through his shiny strands, but he was leaning a bit faraway with a look that expressed discomfort.
“Hey…!! What do you think you’re doing…??!!” Random guy shouted…to whom my reply was ignorance.
“I’m Swara,” I said, gazing into his deep, browny eyes, trying not to get too lost in them.
“Sanskar,” he nodded and cleared his throat.
I got to know that Sanskar Maheshari was a year above me in the university we both attended.
He studied Engineering and I studied English.
He had every girl swooning over him, naturally, as he was a handsome himself.
He was every girls Romeo, and I wanted to be his Juliet, with a happily ever after.
He was Rainfall, and I wanted to be colorful rainbow.
He was the Knight in shining amour, and I wanted to be his princess.
He knew I had feelings for him, and day after day, they became deeper.
He treated me like he treated every other girl, but I still didn’t give up on winning his heart.
At the beginning he used me like every other girl, he proposed me and I accepted with infinite bunch of happiness.
But I was just a toy for him which he played with until he got bored and moved on to find a new one already reserved for his use.
But I knew deep down, he would return to me.
I didn’t stop following him. No.
All the other girls had dignity, self-respect.
I was so lost in love with him, that those words became extinct in my dictionary.
Some chicks used the ‘cold-shoulder’ on him, which attracted him to them even more.
But I kept trying to prove myself to him like a love-sick puppy.
I got asked out a couple of times, even around him.
He wasn’t bothered.
And when I turned the poor guys down, he seemed to get more dejected than they did.
“TO HIS LIFE, I was that dirty mark on his top he couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard he tried…!!!”
“TO ME, he was the world that I lived in, the drug that kept me alive, the addiction that was unhealthier for me than sugar for a diabetic, the light in my darkness, the only one I could see, the only oxygen I could breathe…!!!”
He tried to get rid of me.
I knew it, but neither my mind nor heart accepted it.
I saw him walking towards me…he clearly hadn’t noticed me standing only a few feet away.
His arm hung around a tall, really pretty, cover girl-like brunette, whispering in her ear seductively.
I could tell she loved whatever he was saying, whatever he was doing to her heart.
I missed that touch, that warmth, that charm he once planted on me a few weeks after our relation started.
I had given myself to him that night, the best night of my life when we were in relationship.
The only night I spent with a guy.
He was so sweet, so caring, and so gentle.
I missed him so badly.
And seeing him like that with a girl, day in day out, was nothing new to me, but scraped my heart apart like a lions claw attacking at its prey mercilessly.
But I took a deep breath, put on the smile which I only saved for him, and walked towards his sight to which he frowned at.
“Hi Sanskar,” I waved, my heart like an open book for him to read.
He sighed, frustration marking his angelic features.
“Hmm Swara,” he nodded.
I looked at the girl next to him…she smiled gently at me, confused by my sudden appearance.
“Aren’t you going to introduce us…??” She spoke to him in the sweetest, most gentle voice that any guy would fall for.
“Kavita, this is Swara,” Sanskar said, giving her his s*xiest smile, predictable.
He then turned to me with a hard face. “Swara, that’s Kavita.”
We said ‘hi’ to each other while greeting one another with not interested and cursing look, and then another girl that is Kavita’s friend Kavya came there, distracting Kavita and me from each other.
I took this as my chance.
“How are you doing Sanskar…?? Haven’t seen you for a while,” I spoke sweetly, touching his hand to grab his attention.
He flinched and pulled his hand away from me like I was some sort of fire, burning him with my flames.
“We saw each other yesterday,” he told me, not answering my question.
His whole body was turned towards Kavita and her friend Kavya, checking them both out.
I didn’t like that so I jumped into his view.
He narrowed his eyes at me then turned his face away from me, nodding at a few of his friends who walked past.
“Yes, and twenty-four hours is a while,” I grinned.
He sighed and looked at me straight in the eye.
“What do you want Swara…??” He asked me in an annoyed tone.
I loved how my name sounded in his voice…I wanted him to repeat it over and over.
“I WANT ONLY YOU SANSKAR…!!!” I whispered.
He groaned, running his hand through his beautiful silky hair.
“Swara, we’ve been through this. That night was only a one night standing…you have to stop following me around. If I really wanted you, you would be the girl in my arms, not Kavita. If you really loved me, you would back off…give me some space to breath. Can you do that for me…?? Just for now,” he spoke quickly, as if he was in a hurry.
Then he sighed, and placed his hands on my shoulders gently, looking at me straight with those magical browny eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you Swara.”
I knew he was genuine, he only ever showed this side like every once in a blue moon.
This was the Sanskar who I really fell for.
The one who was hurting within, the one who needed to let his feelings out, who kept his pain to himself.
I just nodded, my eyes lost in his, searching for the approval I wanted from the beginning.
He sighed again, but this time in relief, and moved away from me to go to his probably one-week girlfriend Kavita.
I watched him go.
He asked me so sweetly, how could I say no…?? I’d let him be with Kavita, until he moved on from her.
I was wrong though, about Kavita.
She lasted longer than I thought.
She lasted for a total of ten months and twenty seven days, give or take.
They seemed to get pretty serious too, Sanskar was falling for her.
But I kept my word.
I kept my distance, and gave him the peace he wanted, just watched him from afar.
Still, I didn’t give up.
He would turn to me, someday.
I only hoped.
And then it happened, the breakup, Kavita had to move back to London because she was just an exchange student.
Kavita was really nice though, and genuine.
I was glad it was her and not some plastic girl Sanskar liked.
I knew she made him happy, I could tell.
The way he smiled around her, I had never seen him smile like that before.
She began to change him, for the better.
But don’t get me wrong, I was heartbroken.
I knew I couldn’t go near him, I couldn’t see a girl in his arms that wasn’t me.
And when I saw him falling for her, it was the most crushing despair and loneliest feeling I had ever felt in my life.
I had felt trapped…my light was taken from me.
I suffered in the darkness.
My oxygen was gone, making every breath painful, sharpness attacking me to my core.
It was killing me…I couldn’t even cry myself to sleep because even my tears grew tired of my pathetic life.
But I still didn’t give up on him…I didn’t want to give up on him.
I knew I had fallen too far and too deep to let go.
I knew I loved him more than Kavita did…I loved him the most in the world.
He just didn’t see it or can say not bothered to even notice.
My friends and parents became worried for me…they thought I should have moved universities.
But being away from him was the worst thing I could ever do, I might as well die.
My life was no life without Sanskar.
My Mommy worried the most, she told me that this was an unhealthy obsession, and I needed to move on.
My Poppy even suggested therapy, I didn’t need some shrimp, but I knew he was just as distraught as my mommy.
My friends tried to keep me busy with different activities they planned, but I still found a way, a reminder, that brought me back to Sanskar every time.
Even a few of Sanskar’s friends began to pity me, but I didn’t care.
As long as Sanskar was in front of my sight, I knew that somehow, I would be okay.
So I didn’t give up on him.
And then Kavita left, out of his life.
And it affected him, not in a good way either.
He went out clubbing every night, and then he would either go home with a random girl or have a serious hangover and vomit when he wasn’t with one.
How did I know this? Because every night I used to wait outside for him, just to make sure he got home okay.
I was the one who walked him home, I was the one who put him to bed, cleaned his sick, aided his hangover, and listened to his drunken form until he was too wasted to even utter a letter.
“Why do you do this…??” He asked me one night, when he was more sober than usual.
He had been drinking, and apparently flirted with a taken girl, and got punched here and there by the girl’s boyfriend.
I was cleaning up his cut lip as he sat on his work top next to the sink in his flat.
Even though he looked a mess, to me he was the most handsome, attractive, gorgeous person on earth.
“Do what…??” I sniffed, he was hurt, and it upset me even more to see him in pain…physical and emotional too.
“This,” he pointed out. “Be there for me, every night, when you know my feelings for you aren’t the same.”
I dabbed his lip gently, but it clearly wasn’t gentle enough as he winced.
I apologized, and cupped his cheek in my left hand, parallel to his forming bruised lip.
I blew softly at his lip…mission was to sooth his pain.
“If Kavita was here, she would be tending my wounds. But even she left me, just like them. She said that neither of us was serious, this was just a small insignificant fling. She just said goodbye, she didn’t listen to me…she didn’t want me. So why do you keep coming back, after how much I hurt you…?? When you know that to me you’re just like every other girl, then why don’t you just give up…?? Why do you come back, when they everyone left me all alone…?? Why…??!!”
I then looked up to see his eyes looking deep in to mine, like he was searching for something in them.
His browny eyes were red all around…I could see the water that was threatening to slide down his soft cheeks.
His was vulnerable, he was confused, he was broken, and I couldn’t see him like this.
He wasn’t alone, he had me.
I became overwhelmed, for the first time he paid attention to me, and I presented myself like an open book to him like I had done numerous of times before.
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SANSKAR…!!!” I whispered.
A lonely tear escaped my eye, and ran down my cheek.
I wanted him to see it, to feel it, the intense emotions I felt for him, I wanted him to know everything.
But I knew he already knew of my feelings.
He couldn’t be blamed if he didn’t feel the same way.
He moved his fingers and wiped the salty water off my cheek.
He kept his hand there, gently rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
I became flustered and hot with want, I didn’t know what he felt, but my heart was thudding faster than a bullet train and I felt him move slowly closer to me, his hot breath tickling my lips.
I wanted him, I needed him, and I couldn’t wait anymore, so I pushed my lips against his harshly.
I put all of my feelings into that one kiss, but still felt it wasn’t enough.
I heard him groan and he pulled away, slightly out of breath.
He touched his lips with his fingers.
I gasped, I was so focused on myself that I didn’t notice I had hurt his already injured lips.
“I’m sorry,” I reached my hand out to gently caress his lips, but he pulled away again.
He pushed me back gently, and jumped off the work top, making his way towards the washroom.
“You should go home,” he said, without turning around to look at me.
“But you’re…..,” before I could say anymore he cut me off.
“Leave please…!!” He spoke in stern, sharp voice he had never used before.
No matter how many times I followed him, stalked him, bugged him, embarrassed him, he always had the patience and never became angry.
But this time I had gone too far, kissing him at a vulnerable stage, it was the worst thing I did.
I knew he was missing Kavita, but I still did that.
Guilt seeped through my heart and I bit my lip so my tears wouldn’t flow out.
“I’m sorry,” my voice broke.
I grabbed my jacket and bag and ran out of his flat.
I ran all the way home, not stopping once to look back.
Once I reached my flat, I lay down on my bed, curled into the quilt and let all my tears soak into my pillows.
I cried myself to sleep.
A few days had passed, but me being me, I still never gave up on Sanskar.
I still stalked him, spoke to him and tried to cheer him up all the time.
He seemed to be getting better…he seemed to be moving on from Kavita.
But I knew it wasn’t Kavita, it was something much deeper that got to him that made him become the way he was.
I never touched the topic because even I knew never to tread on a path which marked danger signs all over.
Sanskar preferred never to talk about that kiss, and I respected his decision.
He never told me to leave him alone, and until he wouldn’t tell me in clear words, I vowed to myself that night that I never will.
Swara’s pov ended.
Precap :- Sanskar send message to Swara having text, “I NEED YOU”