“That Unknown Feeling”- Chapter 26: Cold Thoughts

Chapter 25: Read Here

(Recap: Krishna accidentally feeds Tiger chocolate. Sayyam confronts her, enraged, and this ensues in an intense fight between them. Sayyam finally decides to stay away from everyone he loves)

To visit all previous chapters: http://www.tellyupdates.com/?s=That+Unknown+Feeling

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Krishna stepped out of the house, Suhani’s words ringing in her mind. A slight feeling of guilt had started to wrap its way through her mind, clinging on hopelessly, until she couldn’t shake the thoughts off. The way she’d acted with Sayyam hadn’t been entirely fair. She’d been wrong and now she knew that. She didn’t regret telling him to apologize to Yuvaan, but everything she’d said about his father had been uncalled for. She shouldn’t have made any assumptions about him or his father without knowing everything. When Suhani aunty had spoken to her about Sayyam, and his need to protect the things he loved the most and keep his feelings hidden- she hadn’t been able to completely understand it. She hadn’t been able to understand him. Everyone had a choice, she thought, to choose who they wanted to be, and Sayyam had made his. The least she could do was try to understand him; for Suhani Aunty’s sake.

She neared the outhouse, and heard a hushed voice from inside. Slowing her footsteps, she made her way towards the window, leaning forward so she could listen better. Peeking inside the window she saw that Sayyam was sitting on the ground next to the sofa. He was holding Tiger’s paw in his hands and whispering so softly, Krishna had to strain to hear his words.

“It’s all her fault; she did this to you, she’s heartless…manipulative. I hate her, I hate her so much but-”

Krishna’s eyes widened in indignation. She’d come here to apologize, but he? He was just so keen on hurting her with his words, with his actions. She hadn’t done anything on purpose, she’d never hurt anybody. It was obvious he’d never taken the time to understand her.

She stepped back and froze as she heard a twig snap under her foot. Her muscles tensed as she saw Sayyam’s head turn towards her.

So much for staying quiet.
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Sayyam sat beside Tiger, who was in a state of half-consciousness, his snout nuzzled into Sayyam’s shoulder.

Sayyam felt alone, isolated. He knew he’d done this to himself, he’d asked for this. But he couldn’t help but feel defeated. He knew without looking that his eyes were bloodshot from all the unshed tears he’d been holding back. The mask he wore seemed to be his best companion as of now. He could depend on it. It hid his emotions; his pain. He could get used to the façade he put up. It made things easier.

“Tiger,” Sayyam sighed, holding the dog’s paw in his hand. “Why do things always end up like this? Why can’t things ever just be normal for me?” Sayyam sighed, hoping for a response, receiving none.

“It’s all my fault Tiger, you’re my responsibility, if I just hadn’t- If I’d-” Sayyam raked his fingers through his hair in frustration at being unable to express himself. “I took it too far, didn’t I; I shouldn’t have said all that to Krishna, it only made matters worse.” Sayyam paused, a cold breeze flowing into the room through the window behind him.

“I don’t know what to think anymore; I keep trying to convince myself that it’s all her fault; she did this to you, she’s heartless…manipulative. I hate her, I hate her so much, but…but I know better, and that’s what kills me. If only I could go back to the start. I’d try; try to be good enough for ma, try to be good enough for everyone. I’d try to-”. Sayyam stiffened, hearing the snapping of a stray branch. Was someone there? His head instinctively turned to the side, trying to analyze which direction the sound had come from, and he stood up, making his way towards the door.

He opened the door, his eyes stinging from the chilled air blowing his way. He glanced around, exhaling in relief when he saw no one outside. A stoic expression made its way onto his face as he turned around, closing the doors behind him- shutting out the world.

Everything was fine. Everything would be fine.

He just had to keep pretending.

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Hey Guys!! I missed you all so much, It’s been an incredibly long time. I’m so so sorry; I hate giving excuses, so I’m gonna say this instead: I’ll be posting every week on Mondays and Fridays (and occasionally over the weekend if I can). Schoolwork is just takin’ the life outta me. Don’t worry about the length of this chapter, cause the next one is coming out really soon. Also, if I ever can’t post on a certain day, then I’ll always let you guys know through the comments. I’m going to try to be more punctual 😉

Love you all!
– Shreya <3