SWASAN – SHE’S NOT FOR ME
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Chapter 16
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Sanskaar punches Kartik.. Swasan kiss
CHAPTER 17
ONE MONTH LATER
Sanskaar : Is that all? Are all the blo*dy forms over?
His secretary, who was well adjusted to his moods now just nodded calmly.
Secretary : Yes Sir! There’s nothing else to do tonight.
Sanskaar nodded gravely. He stood up and picked up his coat.
Sanskaar : I’m leaving now, Natasha. Make sure that tomorrow that there aren’t these many forms to sign. Also, cancel the meeting with the Shuklas. I’ll take care of it later.
He exited the office and got into his car. His mind as usual went back to that fated night.
Every single detail was still etched into his brain, even though it had now been a month since Swara had escaped to Parna citing some emergency that had arised there to Mom and Badi Ma.
And it was an escape. There was no doubting that. Sanskaar didn’t believe for one minute that there was an emergency up at Parna.
If there was an emergency, she would have told him. Even when he was in Paris and she didn’t talk to him, she had always made sure he knew what was going on in all the Maheshwari Properties. She would never shirk her responsibilities.
Besides, he had kissed her, and more than that, he had seen her face after he’d kissed her.
If she could have run to the moon, she would have done so.
Mom and Badi Ma hadn’t seemed too terribly concerned that she was gone, although they did chatter on (and on and on) about how they missed her company.
He stopped the car in a corner and sighed.
He had kissed her. Kissed her.
Six years, he’d known her. Six years, and he’d kept everything beneath the surface, played his role to perfection. Six years, and he’d gone and ruined the whole thing with one simple kiss.
Except there hadn’t been anything simple about it.
How was it possible that a kiss could exceed his every fantasy? And with six years to fantasize, he’d imagined some truly superior kisses.
But this… it was more. It was better. It was…
It was Swara.
Funny how that changed everything. You could think about a woman every day for years, imagine what she might feel like in your arms, but it never, ever matched the real thing.
And now he was worse off than ever before. Yes, he’d kissed her; yes, it had been quite the most spectacular kiss of his life.
But yes, it was also all over.
And it wasn’t going to happen again.
Now that it had finally happened, now that he had tasted perfection, he was in more agony than ever before. Now he knew exactly what he was missing; he understood with painful clarity just what it was that would never be his.
And nothing would ever be the same.
They would never be friends again. Swara was not the sort of woman who could treat an intimacy lightly. And as she hated awkwardness of any kind, she would go out of her way to avoid his presence.
Hell, she’d gone all the way to Parna just to be rid of him. A woman couldn’t make her feelings much clearer than that.
Also, She had at least called his mother and spoken to her telling why she was leaving. All he had got was a text. The words burned through his mind : WHAT WE DID WAS WRONG. I’M SORRY. FORGIVE ME.
What the hell she thought she needed forgiveness for was beyond him. He had kissed her. She might have entered his bedroom against his wishes, but he was man enough to know that she had not done so with the expectation that he might maul her. She had been concerned because she thought he was angry with her, for God’s sake.
She had acted rashly, but only because she cared for him and valued their friendship.
And now he had gone and ruined that.
He still wasn’t quite certain how it had happened. He’d been looking at her; he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. The moment was seared in his brain—her pink dressing robe, the way her fingers had pinched together as she spoke to him. Her hair had been loose, hanging over one shoulder, and her eyes had been huge and wet with emotion.
And then she had turned away.
That was when it had happened. That was when everything had changed. Something had risen within him, something he couldn’t possibly identify, and his feet had moved. Somehow he found himself across the room, inches away, close enough to touch, close enough to take.
Then she had turned back.
And he was lost.
There was no stopping himself at that point, no listening to reason. Whatever fist of control he’d kept wrapped around his desire for years had simply evaporated, and he had to kiss her.
It had been as simple as that. There had been no choice involved, no free will. Maybe if she’d said no, maybe if she’d backed up and walked away. But she did neither of those things; she just stood there, her breath the only sound between them, and waited.
Had she waited for the kiss? Or had she waited for him to come to his senses and step away?
Sanskaar (whispering) : What do you want from me, Swara?
He banged his hand against the dashboard. Curse it all… This kiss had ruined everything for him. Before, he had managed to take his mind off her by spending time with some ladies, but he knew that could never happen now. One kiss… That kiss had promised him more than any other kiss with any other woman. He could never settle for less.
Sanskaar : Damn it all!
Sahil : Problem Sanskaar?
Sanskaar looked up. Sahil Gadodia.
Damn.
What was Swara’s brother doing outside his car? Why the hell hadn’t he returned to Mumbai yet?
Sanskaar got out of the car and gave a curt nod.
Sanskaar : Not at all, Sahil!
Damn damn damn. Sahil Gadodia was the last person he wanted to see right now. Even some terrorist with a plan to torture him would have been preferable.
Sahil : Shall we head inside?
Sanskaar turned to see what the man was pointing at? To his surprise, he found he was near a cafe.
There was no getting out of it; he could have lied and said he was meeting someone, but he still would have no excuse for not sitting with Sahil to share a quick coffee while he was waiting. And so Sanskaar just gritted his teeth and sat, hoping that Sahil had another engagement that would require his presence in—oh, about three minutes.
They ordered 2 lattes and the beveraged arrived. Sahil picked up his mug and looked at Sanskaar diligently.
Sahil : Swara’s in Parna?
Sanskaar nodded.
Sahil : I thought she wanted to look for a husband? Why did she leave so soon?
Sanskaar : I don’t know Swara’s mind.
Sahil (shuddering slightly) : Of course not. No man knows a woman’s mind. Highly complicated hormonal creatures.
Sanskaar raised an eyebrow at that. He knew that Aparna Gadodia was pregnant, hence Sahil’s comment.
Sahil (pressing on) : So it’s been 2 weeks since she arrived?
Sanskaar : 3.
Swara had returned to Kolkata the precise day that he had done.
Sahil : Ofcourse you would know that.
Sanskaar shot Sahil a sharp look. What the hell was he getting at? Sahil sat back with a careless smile.
Sahil : Well… I may be wrong, but I don’t think Swara will find a husband up there in mountainous Parna.
Sanskaar groaned inwardly, eyeing a table across the room. It was empty. So empty. So joyfully, blessedly empty.
He could picture himself a very happy man at that table.
Sahil : Someone doesn’t feel conversational tonight, do they?
Sanskaar (annoyed at his fantasy of strangling being disturbed) : No, they don’t. What do you want?
Sahil : Ah nothing! Just testing your mood… which seems to be as usual.
Sanskaar had to clench his fingers to stop himself from lunging at the man. Sanskaar glanced at the clock.
Sahil (watching him) : Isn’t it great that I’m completely free?
Sanskaar (his patience beyond tested) : What the hell is your point? Do you have anything to tell me?
For a moment it looked like Sahil, who could, by all accounts, talk anyone under the table when he so chose, would remain silent. But then, just when Sanskaar was ready to give up on any guise of politeness and simply get up and leave, he spoke.
Sahil : So, What are you going to do?
Sanskaar (holding himself very still) : About what?
Sahil (eyebrow raised) : Swara, Ofcourse.
Sanskaar : She’s in Parna!
Sahil (shrugging) : That’s not as far as Paris. Significantly closer.
Sanskaar (muttering to himself) : It’s far enough. She clearly doesn’t want me.
Sahil : I fear for my baby sister, You know. She’ll be all alone.
Sanskaar just narrowed his eyes and stared at him. Hard.
Sahil : I think you should… You know what I think.
Sanskaar could be polite no more.
Sanskaar : What do you want me to, Sahil? You don’t know a single damned thing.
Sahil kept quiet for a long time that Sanskaar thought it was okay for him to leave. He got up, muttered a hasty goodbye and walked out of the cafe thanking his stars that Sahil didn’t say anything else.
He spoke too soon.
Sahil (walking behind Sanskaar, in a gentle voice) : Sanskaar! You do know, right, that there is no reason for you to not marry her… Except for the ones that you are creating for yourself.
Sanskaar felt something tearing in his chest. His heart, probably, but he was growing so used to the feeling it was a wonder he still noticed it.
Sahil was still talking.
Sahil : Ofcourse it’s different if you don’t want to marry her. But I think you do. What do you think?
Sanskaar (speaking before thinking) : She might say no.
His voice sounded rough, choked, foreign to his ears. Dear God, if he’d jumped on the table and declared his love for Swara, he couldn’t have made it any more clear.
Sahil’s head tilted a fraction of an inch to the side, just enough to acknowledge that he’d heard the subtext in Sanskaar’s words.
Sahil : True enough. Aparna rejected me the first time I asked her.
It was the one thing—truly, the only thing—that Sahil could have said to completely diffuse Sanskaar’s churning emotions.
Sanskaar : I’m sorry? Aparna? Your wife Aparna? The one who loves you to bits rejected you?
Sahil (smiling warmly) : Well yes! But to tell the truth, this was before she knew me. I was kind of a jerk back then.
Sanskaar bit his lip to stop himself from replying that Sahil still was a jerk.
Sahil : Speaking of weddings, Ragini is getting married soon.
Sanskaar was happy hearing the news, which surprised him. He had thought that he wasn’t able to feel such emotions anymore.
Sanskaar : That’s really happy news. Who’s the guy?
Sahil : Chirag Arora! A nice guy. Ma’s really excited.
Sanskaar (smiling) : Yes. Mishti aunty would be. Umm.. Has anyone told Swara?
Sahil : We tried. But she seems to have disconnected all the electronic gadgets in the place. She doesn’t check her emails or pick up our phone calls. Though it’s been barely 3 hours since the alliance was confirmed.
Sanskaar : Someone has to tell her.
Sahil : Well! We did try. It’s her own fault for not answering.
Sanskaar : If she refuses to answer, someone will have to go to Parna and tell her.
Sahil (thoughtfully) : That’s a good idea. But.. Ma wants me around to help with the preparations, not to mention Aparna’s nearly 6 months pregnant. I don’t want to leave her alone. But someone should tell her.
He smiled at the last sentence. Sanskaar shot him an annoyed glance. He hated that Sahil Gadodia thought he was cleverly manipulating him, but he didn’t see how he could disabuse him of that notion without admitting that he desperately wanted to travel to Parna to see Swara.
Sahil : Ragini really wants her sister to be here. We wouldn’t want her wish to be unfulfilled, Would we? But who can go to Parna and bring back Swara?
Sanskaar scowled.
Sahil : You don’t have to marry her there, you know. In fact, don’t. Ma might just kill you. Just bring her back to us… Whenever you’re ready ofcourse. Goodbye Sanskaar! I’ll see you…. later?
Sanskaar swore under his breath, but he did nothing to contradict him. He might hate himself for it, but now that he had an excuse to go after Swara, he couldn’t resist making the trip.
The question was, would he be able to resist her?
And more to the point, did he even want to?
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Few days later, Sanskaar was standing at the front door of Maheshwari Cottage, his childhood home. It had been years since he’d stood here, more than four, to be precise, and he couldn’t quite halt the catch in his throat when he realized that all of this—the house, the lands, the legacy—was his. Somehow it hadn’t sunk in, perhaps in his brain, but not in his heart.
Summertime didn’t seem to have arrived in the border counties of Parna yet, and the air, while not biting, held a chill that had him rubbing his gloved hands together. The air was misty and the skies were gray, but there was something in the atmosphere that called to him, reminding his weary soul that this, not London and not India, was home.
But his sense of place was little comfort as he prepared for what lay ahead. It was time to face Swara.
He had rehearsed this moment a thousand times since his conversation with Sahil Gadodia back in Kolkata. What he’d say to her, how he’d make his case. And he rather thought he’d figured it out. Because before he convinced Swara, he’d had to convince himself.
He was going to marry her.
He’d have to get her to agree, of course; he couldn’t very well force her into marriage. She’d probably come up with countless reasons why it was a mad idea, but in the end, he’d convince her.
They would marry.
Marry.
It was the one dream he’d never permitted himself to consider.
But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Forget that he loved her, forget that he’d loved her for years. She didn’t need to know any of that; telling her would only make her feel awkward and then he’d feel like a fool.
But if he could present it to her in practical terms, explain why it made sense that they marry, he was sure he could warm her to the idea. She might not understand the emotions, not when she didn’t feel them herself, but she had a cool head, and she understood sense.
And now that he’d finally allowed himself to imagine a life with her, he couldn’t let it go. He had to make it happen. He had to.
And it would be good. He might not ever have all of her—her heart, he knew, would never be his—but he’d have most of her, and that would be enough.
It was certainly more than he had now.
And even half of Swara—Well, that would be ecstasy.
Wouldn’t it?
It would be worth it.
Sanskaar : I’m going to marry you, Swara Maheshwari!
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PRECAP : Sanskaar proposes marriage
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So guys.. This is the intermediate chapter.. From now on, it’ll be only Swasan and Swasan… <3 maybe a few phone calls here and there.. but the story is really gonna begin!!! Hope you ppl like it 🙂 🙂
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