The ocean is emotion incarnate. It loves, hates, and weeps. It defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles. No matter what you say about it, there is always that which you can’t.
I really loved to hang over the edge and watch the bow of the ship slice through the waves. I loved it especially when the waves were high and the ship rose and fell, or when it was snowing and the flakes stung my face. I felt like that the world is in my hand when I had done that. But now everything’s changed. The snow flakes which I had once compared as the blessing of winter seemed no more attractive.
This ship named ‘Great white’ was something I hate to the core of my heart. It’s currently stationary. I really don’t know why it was named so because I really have never found a shade of white anywhere. But I didn’t cared. Only thing i cared about was the Atlantic ocean that laid ahead of me as it have no end. I wanted it to wipe away all the human emotions from me. I wanted it to make my emotions, it’s. I wanted it to kill me. I no longer had the power to tolerate this mental pain and this ocean is the only medicine have for it. My pain will not be much compared to some others. I would be able to tolerate the physical pain but I could not bear basic rights forced away from me.
I knew what I had to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked, cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and, then, sleep forever, and ever and ever.
As I stood there my thoughts begins to divert. Like anyone who is going to commit suicide I started to think about how painful it would be. I thought about the movie ‘Titanic’ one of my favourites. I remembered the scene in which rose is going to do the same thing. Jack was there to stop her and which lead to the starting of their beautiful love story. But here there’s no one to stop me. I know it will be like a 1000 knives stabbing me. I know I am going to be freezing but for me that is a lot better than my current condition.
I had let gone before I wanted to do it and I was falling. I felt it took a rather long time to reach the water. I don’t know if it was because of the impact of what I was going to face or the value of ‘g’ is much smaller than 9.8 here but it was sure that the latter option was not reliable.
Finally I my body touched something and probably it will be the last thing I would ever feel. I have no clear vision of what happened afterwards but I know it was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I couldn’t breathe. The water was chill cold. I couldn’t move or I couldn’t even feel. My fingers were gripped tightly and i was completely shivering. I was in such a state that I wish that my enemies should not even have this. I wanted to scream for help. I wanted someone to save me. I wanted someone to care for me. But there is no one in here who cares for me. I am going to die in this freezing cold water. Last thing I saw was myself going down. Going down into far depths of the ocean.
I am feeling something but what and how? I can fell small heat on my hand. It was giving a loads relief. But do died people also feel or am I not dead?? If I am alive, then who saved me? And why?
But I really can’t imagine that someone from the ship would save me. But there was no people there.
It took me while to understand why I was saved. The crew would have thought that I was trying to escape and someone would have jumped after me to prevent from doing it. I was sure of my explanation because I had found the crew men were really stupid. They would not have known that this water is ice cold. IDIOTS.
But still I was not sure. What if I am dead. How stupid I was? How could I cheat myself? How could I be such a coward? Not everyone gets the opportunity to chose life and I had it and I think I lost it.
The confusion again stated to play in my mind. Am I dead or not? And I know there’s only one way to know it. I should open my eyes. I tried to do it but I think that my eye lashes were freezes. It was really difficult to move it. I tried to concentrate . Every part of my body was partly frrezed. But by this time I was sure that I am alive. I rubbed my eyes my arm which I managed to move. It was really long process and I knew by the time I was succeeded the whole ice had melted. There was a fire lit nearby.
I opened my eyes and saw someone with dark brown eyes which was burning with anger staring back at me in the darkness, so close they were almost nose to nose. I let out a yell but it does not seem to affect him and I really didn’t expected it too. But there was another sudden reaction. His arm swept coldly over cheek. He slapped me mercilessly. It was really painful. It contained his full anger . A tear escaped from my eyes but it was not a year of pain, it was a tear of vengeance. I will fight back. I will not give up and I will not give up until he let me go.
He was not caring about my reactions. He was still rubbing my hands which was still cold. He was too wet but he was not shivering like me. I think he pulled me out of the water very fastly. Suddenly his eyes met mine. Is there something other than anger in it? Is there some care inside it? No no. He does not care about me . He does not care about anyone.If he does then he would not have chose this occupation.
He is local goon who will do anything if money is given. He was my kidnapper and unusual one of course. But I hated him from the core of my heart. I think his name is Sanskar. I heard others call him. But he spiked everything. He spoiled all my happiness. If he had not kidnapped me I would not be Swara gododia, I would have been Swara Laksh maheshwari by now.