SWASAN: ONLY FOR YOU [EPI-58]
swara was sitting on the bed and shedding tears.
swara- why sanskar? why? why can’t you share your pain with me? i am there i am there for you. don’t run from sharing your feelings from me. you share everything with me then why not the pain visible in your eyes. why? am i not capable enough to listen to you and stand beside you.
swara- [now crying miserably] please sanskar share whatever you feel with me. i feel like the worst partner to you when you just hide your tears and pain from me. i want to vanish everything that makes your heart ache with my love but i am unable to. over these years i terribly failed to cure your wounded heart. i am worst partner for you. i can’t love you to the extent you love me. you are the ointment to every scar on my heart and i can’t fill up the cut then how will i cure the scar. god as he heals me with his love and care why can’t i. why didn’t you made my love so strong to protect him from every sorrow. why? sanskar i love you, i love you so much. please come back sanskar. i will try my best to love you more. love you immensely just come back and don’t run away. give me a chance to share your pain and let my shoulder take away all your tears forever.
downstairs in the hall, all were silent after sanskar went. they were in state of shock as sanskar left.
sumi- tanmay i will check swara once.
saying this sumi went upstairs. all were still silent.
sumi entered the room and saw swara crying badly. sumi rushed to her and hugged her and patted her back to console.
sumi- shona what happened. beta why are you crying?
swara- [while crying in broken voice] maa….sanskar….maa is….my love too….weak to …..not able….to …cure sanskar’s pain……..maa…..he is….in…pain. laksh’s words hurt him maa……maa you remember….once…someone commented…. about… sanskar….being….careless….about…me. sanskar felt so bad…that day…. he was so guilty and pained…by that….stranger’s….comment. maa i think…..sanskar is…blaming….himself….about…..the things happened in past……i don’t want him to think about that……. i forgot everything and maa…. it was not completely his fault…… he had reason….for doing….all….that.
swara- maa i want to cure every pain of his …..but…….. my love is too weak……. i think ……that is unable to heal the wound of his heart…..what should…i …do maa.
sumi- nahi shona. it’s not like that beta. your love is not weak beta. it’s just that the wound is so deep and keep hope and patience as you kept till now. your love will only give him power to move on as it did years back.
swara- maa he will be fine naa. i am worried for him. did he tell where he is going.
sumi- no but he assured that he will come back soon.
swara- maa i want to be alone for sometime.
sumi- you sure, you will be ok.
swara- yaa. just check swayyam once and if needed then send him to me. and yaa please get this cleaned. it may hurt swayyam and ayush.
sumi- ok.
sumi went from there. she came to swayyam’s room where both the kids were playing oblivious of the happenings enjoying within themselves.
sumi- swayyam ayush go to swara. she is alone and remembering you.
swayyam- ok nani.
sumi- [in mind] this would be best for swara now that she be involved in the kids. hope i could stop sanskar but now will have to wait for him to come back. hope he will be fine.
swayyam and ayush went in swara’s room and swara wiped her tears before they see it.
swayyam- mumma you called us.
swara- [i think maa send them] yaa baby. come.
both sat on bed.
swara- what were you both doing.
swayyam- ayush told me many things and we played games. he is very good friend.
swara- accha. good.
swayyam- yes mumma. you also play with me and ayush.
swara- swayyam baby he is your mama. don’t call him by name.
swayyam- but mumma he is my friend naa. then how will he be my mama.
swara- yesterday i told naa that he is nani’s son and my brother so he will be your mama.
ayush- didi let him call what he want and i am small naa. so it is good he call my name.
swara- but you are elder to him naa. ok don’t call him mama but call him bhaiyaa. ok.
swayyam- ok. same as rashika bua call papa as bhai.wow i will call you bhaiyaa and now i will have brother. yayyy. you be with me when rashika bua will tease me ok.
ayush- ok. i will call you chote. yes didi call me chotu so i will call you chote.
they both hugged each other.
swara got involved with the kids and did not come down.
downstairs-
sumi came down and saw the maheshwari’s.
sumi- annapurnaji sujata ji i think you all should leave for now.
sujata- par sanskar
sumi- i don’t think he will come till evening and swara is resting. understand the situation and please……..
ap- you are right sharmishtha ji. sujata let’s go.
sujata- jiji
ap- sujata understand. we should leave now. ji[to dp]
dp- yes. laksh aadarsh come let’s leave.
mm left from there.
sumi- shekhar i think u should also go.
shekhar- ayush
sumi- he will be here for today and now he is with swara, so let him be here. if he will need you i will call you.
shekhar too left.
otherside sanskar was driving the car roughly on the highway venting all his anger and pain. then he stopped somewhere and closed his eyes and let the tears fall out his eyes continuously without any sound. he was crying silently. he remembered he didn’t trust dp and laksh in case of kavita and the reason was valid because that time dp was a strict person with his values. he changed due to swara. sanskar doubting him was not completely wrong. then he remembered his plans he made for revenge and all the incidents till swasan got happily married with love. then finaly remembered the distrust of family on him and them coming mumbai and those dark six months with no happiness. many things were running in his mind.
sanskar then drove his car to a bar and consumed a lot of drink. he was drinking and lost in his own thoughts.
time was passing and each passing second was tough for swara. swara was worried for sanskar and so were the others. swara was with swayyam and ayush and made them sleep. she was waiting for sanskar to come back home. time was passing and bad thoughts started coming in swara’s mind and she was getting scared.
seeing swayyam and ayush sleeping peacefully she decided to go downstairs. she slowly stood up and descended down the stairs and came to hall. all were already present there sitting worrried and waiting for sanskar to come. time passed more and it was almost half past twelve when they heard horn of car and they all came out. sumi supported swara while walking. they saw sanskar parking the car and was driving in zig zag manner. at one point of time they thought that sanskar will bang the car with the tree but he somehow managed and parked the car.
he came out of car looking completely messed up and shabby. he has hung his coat on his shoulder, a beer bottle in the other hand. he was all drunk and walked shakingly in that state. he moved his gaze towards the entrance door feeling gaze on himself and saw everyone looking at him but did he cared about everyone at this point of time? no he only looked at swara who was looking at him painfully and questionable eyes. seeing her eyes he can feel that she is hurt. he too looked at her with a lot of emotions- love, care, pain, guilt, fear. all emotions were seen in his eyes at the same time. both stared at each other for quite sometime when sanskar started walking towards his swara.
he stumbled being drunk but managed to balance himself and stand properly but his gaze was fixed on swara. they all too walked towards sanskar and tanmay and risabh came forward to help him.
tanmay- sanskar you are drunk. come inside.
tanmay held him by shoulders but sanskar kept his hand on his chest gesturing him to leave and he is ok. he doesn’t need him still keeping his eyes fixed on swara. sanskar was moving forward towards swara and stood in front of her. they both stared each other for quite sometime. with flood of questions and things to share they didn’t know how to start and what to talk. swara thought it would be better if they talk tomorrow when he will be conscious.
swara- [composing herself] sanskar come inside. it’s quite late.
swara was about to turn when sanskar held her hand. swara turned to face him and sumi sensing the situation left swara and moved back. sanskar hugged swara leaving her and others shocked.
sanskar- swara it’s not late. [pleading] say naa it’s not late. i am sorry. i did hurt you but what i did was never to hurt but that was just part of plan and revenge i tried taking from laksh. i only thought about my mission and not about any emotions. actually that time i had no emotions. it came back to me when i saw you crying. that was the first time i got affected and thought about right or wrong but my mind overpowered me. your truthfulness and selfless love and care for everyone made me to think again over my actions. i am saying truth that when i realised that i am doing wrong i backed off and tried to make ragini understand. you are listening naa. i am really sorry. please mujhe maaf kar do.
sanskar broke the hug.
sanskar- [cupped swara’s face] swara i am sorry. i now realise your pain. i did realise it earlier too but now i really want to apologise to you.
sanskar moved a little back.
sanskar- maa i am so grateful that you trusted me after what i did. but i wonder why you gave me swara’s hand with whom i did such bad. i don’t deserve her naa. i am so bad. swara whatever punishment you want you can give me for all the pain i gave you till date. but if it’s to stay away from you i can’t.
swara- sanskar that is past and we have moved on in our life and there is no use talking all these now and i forgave you long back. now stop all these and please come inside.
sanskar- should i ask one question. why don’t people trust me? am i that bad? bade papa forgive laksh and agree for him for most of the things. why not for me? i have always loved and respected him and maa more than mom and dad. was the extent of my love so weak in front of laksh. why when it comes to laksh i have to seek for everyone’s forgiveness and trust while he doesn’t. i did mistake once but the reason was valid not completely but partially. actually i did that mistake for whom i thought i loved but actually it wasn’t a love but mere attraction and infatuation. i have become bad for everyone. swara why didn’t you come in my life before and made things perfect.
swara- sanskar we will talk tomorrow. come inside and take rest. you are drunk.
sanskar- no i drank so that i speak my heart out. i now you feel bad when i don’t share my feelings with you when i am sad. but swara it is not like i don’t want to but that i am unable to. i don’t want you to go through the dilemma and sort of pain which i am going through. let me speak today and you know this drink helps sometime. remember i first confessed my love to you when i was drunk.
sanskar smiles slightly.
sanskar- loving you is the only thing i did the best in my life. when you came to my life it became beautiful and even when sorrows came your unconditional love and trust on me gave me strength to stand again. i know i have encaged many of my feelings within myself but now i really want to share them. i want to be free. free from everything and just be in the small world we created. will you help me and stand beside me as you were till now. i know i act selfish many a times and think about myself only but what to do i can afford everything but can’t afford to see pain in your eyes and separation from you. please help me out swara. i really want to end these and end all this as soon as possible. please.
sanskar again hugged her and was murmuring.
sanskar- swara i love you. don’t ever leave me. be with me always. i just want you in my life.
swara- sanskar i am there for you. let’s go inside.
swara departed sanskar from herself. sanskar looked at swara and then said.
sanskar- you want to go inside. ok let’s go.
sanskar held swara’s hand and took one step when swara winced in pain.
sanskar looked at her and realised her condition.
sanskar- [teary eyed] i am so sorry princess. wait.
sanskar picked her up in his arms. others who were witnessing everything became tensed as sanskar is in drunken state and he picked up swara.
sumi- sanskar keep swara down. i will help her and take her to room. you are not stable now.
sanskar- but maa i don’t want her to walk. it will pain her. let me carry her.
sumi- but…
swara- it’s ok maa. sanskar i trust you. move carefully.
sanskar smiled overwhelmingly and started walking. he was not stable much but then he tried to walk properly. he was ascending the stairs and others were walking behind him as if he misbalances himself then they will support him. but somehow he ascends the stairs and walks to his room and gently places her on bed. he sits on floor holding her hand.
sanskar- thankyou so much for trusting me. i will never break your trust. promise.
sanskar placed his head on bed and dozes off.
tanmay tried to place him on bed but sanskar was holding swara’s hand tightly and as much tanmay tried to separate his hand from swara sanskar’s grip increased more.
then uttara helped swara move to other side of bed and tanmay placed sanskar on bed still him holding swara’s hand. they all left from the room.
swara looked at sanskar- sanskar i will always trust you and never leave you. just don’t do this to yourself. i have tried many times to take you out from your shell but now as you said you will have to share everything with me and we will put an end to this matter. tomorrow you will have to tell everything to me and i am directly going to confront you tomorrow. let’s put an end to this.
swara kissed on his forehead and then slept beside him adjusting herself properly and looking him.
it was next morning swara already woke up and was looking at sanskar. she was waiting for him to wake up.
after sometime sanskar slowly opened his eyes, vision blurred. he blinked his eyes several times and held his head.
sanskar- aahhhhh [his head was aching due to hangover]
swara- lemonade water is on the side table have it. you will feel relieved.
sanskar heard swara and opened his eyes completely and looked at her sitting at her side of bed and looking at him. he blinked several times looking at her to know exactly what her expression depicts. remembering the yesterday’s incident he felt embarrassed and avoided looking at her and sat up stilll feeling the heaviness in his head.
swara- drink the lemonade water. your hangover will subside.
sanskar looked for the glass kept on the table and had it. few minutes later feeling better he steal glances of swara who was already staring him.
sanskar- swara i am sorry for yesterday. i was drunk and blabbered anything.
swara- sanskar do you trust me?
sanskar- [shockingly] what kind of question is this!
swara- yes or no [looking directly in his eyes]
sanskar- yes i trust you and trust you more than anyone else and more than i believe on my self.
swara- do you trust my love?
sanskar- swara why are you asking all these. you very well know that what i am and i have is all due to your love.
swara- yes or no
sanskar- yes i do trust your love.
swara- you know that i will be by your side whatever happens
sanskar- yes i know.
swara- then today tell me everything you feel and let’s end the matters which haunts you, troubles you. let’s end it once and for all. a solution and answer to all our questions is needed and i want us to sort it out now at this moment without any more delay because now i can’t bear to see you in this state anymore. i don’t want your heart to love me and live me when there is a wound subsided beneath it. i want you to be free from every misery and want my sanskar who is always ready to fight back and live instead of breaking down and fearing the thing which you never did and deserve. so i am all here to listen to you and help you, stand by you and cure you with my love. it’s just that you trust me and give in with me and take me for yourself for always. we share everything but inspite considering ourself one soul you have kept your sorrows within you and i want to end it. so i want you to speak them all out.
swara waited for sanskar to speak and sanskar was looking at swara without any expression.
sanskar- i am going to freshen up and then you have to take medicines and breakfast.
swara- [teary eyed] sanskar you told yesterday that you want to share everything with me, then what happened now. don’t you find my love so strong to heal you. isn’t my love and me capable to share your pain.
sanskar- [cupped swara’s face] don’t over stress yourself and listen to me. let me freshen up and let’s have our breakfast. then i will say everything to you. swara your love is very strong and so are you but i am not. till now i kept it all within myself because i didn’t want to break down in front of you and give you pain, but i have realised that by doing so i am giving you more pain. i am just a stupid. just wait for some more time. i too want to end to end everything for now and ever. we will lead a happy life.
sanskar kissed on her forehead.
sanskar- will come after fresh up and yaa say kamala bai to bring breakfast in the room itself.
sanskar freshened up and came out of washroom dressed up. swayyam jumped over him.
swayyam- papa where were you yesterday. i missed you so much and i slept without you.
sanskar- [kissed his forehead] sorry champ. accha tell me who got you ready.
swayyam- nani. and not only me but bhaiyaa also.
sanskar- [confused] bhaiyaa. who
swayyam- ayush bhaiyaa. mumma told me to call him bhaiyaa. and now i have an brother same as rashika bua and uttara bua have you. so good naa. now i will tease rashika bua with help of bhaiyaa.
sanskar- ohh. good. did you have your breakfast.
swayyam- no we will have it with you and mumma. i and bhaiyaa will eat with you. come.
sanskar came and ruffled ayush’s hair.
sanskar- good morning ayush.
ayush- good morning jiju.
sanskar smiled.
sanskar- let’s have breakfast.
sanskar fed swayyam and swara and ayush too. ayush mingled with everyone well. in short time he has accepted everyone and bonded really good. he did not miss shekhar and dadi.
they had their breakfast and swasan sent them downstairs to others for playing and after they went sanskar and swara looked at each other.
sanskar-
done with this part.
precap- sanskar says something to swara. swasan going maheshwari mansion and then forgiving them. but will they really forgive them. just wait till episode 60 to kick out mm.