Aww. I got so emotional writing this. Not because its an emotional update but also because this is almost gonna end. . .
Pretty soon :'(
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Almost lost you. ❤❤ ~~
Sanskar’s pov ~~
Tears streaming down her face, she ran away. I didn’t know what to say. Specially after knowing that everything was lie. She lied to me about her and Ishaan. She never slept with him. I was glad that she didn’t, but one question that haunted my mind was that – Why did she lie to me?
I laid back on my bed, thinking about everything, trying to figure out what was going in Swara’s mind. I knew she won’t be okay, and that, she needed time. So I had to stop myself from going and seeing her.
Meanwhile mom was quite worried about me now. Actually, about us.
“What was the need to hit him? Look what you’ve done to yourself!” She scolded cleaning the wound.
“What did you expect me to do? Let him hit Swara?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. You should’ve straightway brought her home. That would’ve been more sensible.” She said.
“I couldn’t take it anymore, okay? I couldn’t stand him, and the way he treated Swara… I felt like the old Ishaan was back. You don’t know how he used to treat her.” I said.
“I know, beta. All I’m trying to say is that, in between all this, please don’t do anything which is going to hurt you in anyway.”
I sighed and took her hand in mine.
“I won’t, maa. I promise.” I said. She nodded, smiling weakly and went outside with the first-aid-box.
I just hope Swara was fine…
I couldn’t eat or sleep properly. Hell, I couldn’t even sit in one place for more than a minute! Her thoughts kept crossing my mind, making me feel more and more restless.
I had to talk to her…
I looked at the time – 7 pm. Its not that late. I could still go to her place. Not wasting a minute, I took the car keys and drove to see her.
Being the impatient person I was, I rang the bell not once, but ten times. Pacing around nervously, I thought about what to say her.
Suddenly, the door opened, revealing her mom. She too, looked quite worried. Just like my mom.
“Sanskar…beta, tum yahan?” She asked.
“Oh my God, are you okay? You’re hurt!” She added looking at me.
“Yeah, aunty. I’m okay. Swara kahaan hai?” I asked.
“Come in.” She replied, leading me in.
“Would you like some water? Or tea? Coffee?” She asked.
“No thanks. I just came to see Swara. Whatever happened today was not good, and I just need to see her. Is she home?” I asked.
“Yes, she is. In her room, upstairs. Go meet her. She won’t listen to anybody but you.” She said.
I nodded saying a quick thank you and left.
I was only hoping to make things right now…
Swara’s pov ~~
Stupid. Worthless. b*t*h. Liar. Unwanted. Cheater.
I was all these. I didn’t belong here. I didn’t deserve to belong here.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror. Why am I still here?
With teary and red eyes, I looked at the small thing in my hand – a blade.
To you, it maybe a small and useless thing. But for me, it was a way to escape from this world. A way, to escape from the problems in my life. A way to escape from myself…
I was in the bathroom of my room. I had already locked the door, so that no one could come in. This time, I couldn’t ruin it. I had to leave in order to make everyone forget me and be happy…
Sanskar’s pov ~~
I went upstairs, and knocked at the door once. “Swara?”
No response.
I knocked again. “Swara, are you in there?”
Again no response.
I knocked again, louder this time, and the door opened automatically. That’s when I realized that it was never closed.
I walked in to see everything out of its place. Her books, her clothes…
I started to get a little worried, as she never leave the things out of their place.
“Swara…” I called out again.
As I called her out, I heard some shuffling from inside the washroom. I felt a little relieved that she was in here, and was okay.
I knocked on the door. “Swara. Its me. Take your time and come out. I’m waiting, okay?”
Swara’s pov~~
“Swara. Its me. Take your time and come out. I’m waiting, okay?” He said.
Oh God, why? Why did you come, Sanskar?
I cried harder after listening to his voice. I was never going to listen this voice again, and I had prepared myself for it. But he just had to come in and ruin everything!
“Swara, you okay?” He called out.
“No! I’m not okay! Get out of my room right now!” I yelled.
“I came here to apologise for everything. We need to talk, baby.” He said, calmly.
“No! I don’t want to talk to you, Sanskar! Just get out of here!”
I heard him sigh, as I guessed he leaned against the door.
“Swara, please… Let me in for once…” He said, in a defeated tone.
“I already did that mistake once. Now go away, Sanskar. Let me be.” I said, lowering my voice.
“How can I let you be, Swara? How can you expect me to leave you on your own in this situation? I want to help you out, jaan. Please come out..” He said, his voice shaking after every word spoke.
My heart ached after hearing that. I leaned against the door, listening to him. I had convinced myself to leave, but this boy was only making it more and more harder.
“You don’t understand… I don’t know what to believe! Everything is so mixed up…” I cried.
“I know, Swara. I know. But I’m here, okay. I’m here to help you out. So what if you don’t remember anything? It doesn’t matter to me…” He said.
“W-what if I never remember anything? What are you going to do about it then? I can’t see you like this, okay? I can’t see my mom and dad looking for their lost daughter in me everyday. I can’t see Ragini and Laksh waiting for everything to be okay…it kills me, because the reason behind all this is me!”
“No! Please don’t blame yourself for anything. This wasn’t in our hands. It had to happen. And I really don’t care if you don’t remember anything ever. So what if we can’t have those memories back? We’ll make new memories, and that too happy ones. I promise…” He said.
Just for a second, I was convinced to go back to him. To make new memories…as he said.
But the pain was too much. Knowing how he cheated, what Ishaan said back at the mall, how it all turned into a serious fight all because of me… I didn’t feel like changing my decision.
I rested my head against the door, letting the last few tears fall.
“I’m sorry Sanskar. I can’t…call me weak, coward, anything you want. But I can’t do this anymore…” I said.
I heard shuffling from the other side.
“What do you mean by you can’t? You’re not going to do anything reckless, okay?” He said, suddenly raising his voice.
“Goodbye, Sanskar…” I managed to say.
With shivering hands, I brought the blade up to my wrist. I could hear him still calling out to me, banging the door, but thankfully, I had locked it.
“Swara! Please open up…”
I’m sorry, Sanskar. I’m sorry, mom, dad, Ragini, Laksh, Ishaan…everyone…
The sharp and pointed thing touched my wrist. I closes my eyes, and was about to cut it all, when I heard a huge bang.
The door was opened…
No…no, why?!
There he stood, tears in his eyes, as he rushed towards me and threw the blade away.
“You idiot! Are you crazy? How dare you leave me like that!” He yelled, pulling me against him. He held me so tight, that I couldn’t breathe.
“I almost lost you, you fool! How could you be so stupid?” He said, squeezing me in his arms.
“Why did you come?! You should’ve let me die!” I cried, struggling to get out of his grip, but he wasn’t willing to go.
“Its easy for you to say that, right? Let you die…” He said, pulling me outside.
Unwillingly, he made me sit on the bed, and sat in front of me.
“Give me one good reason to live…” I said, as he examined my wrist making sure I hadn’t accidentally cut it…
Sanksar’s pov ~~
“Give me one good reason to live…” She said.
I looked up from her hands to her tear stained face. She was asking me one reason to live, when she had hundreds of them. One of them was me…
“I’m here right in front of you. Isn’t that reason good enough for you to stay? I mean what the hell were you thinking?” I asked.
“You’re lying! I can see that nobody is happy with me around. Not even you. I don’t deserve to live. Specially after knowing how much I’ve hurt everyone.” She cried.
“Nobody’s hurt, you fool. Everyone’s happy with you around, can’t you see that? You should’ve seen everybody in the hospital when you met with that accident. All we did, was to pray for you to come back. Everybody loves you, Swara… I do…” I said.
She looked up at me once, and in a fraction of a second, wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m sorry, Sanskar… I don’t know what to do. I can’t find my way back, and its killing me everyday…” She sobbed.
“I know, jaan. That’s why I’m here. Even if you get stuck in the middle of the sea, I’ll sail the world to find you and get you back.” I said, kissing the top of her head. She nodded lightly.
I didn’t feel like stopping from crying. I guess she needed to cry. As I said earlier, sometimes, letting the tears fall and crying your heart out makes you feel better.
I don’t know how long we sat there, but whatever happened, was too much to take for her as well as me.
I had almost lost her again. But I had decided, that this was it. I was going to fight for my love…our love. I was not going to let Ishaan win.
**Swara was mine, and nobody had the right to come between us…**
Next update : The truth unfolds ♥♥…
Wondering what secret is going to reveal in tomorrow’s episode. Its a big one…
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Suicides – the thing I always dreaded the most. If that’s not enough…
Self-harming has become a habit, especially in teenagers. I had a friend who did self harming. Self harming and committing suicide doesn’t harm just you but also your family and friends. I know how painful was it for me to see my friend like that. So guys, if you or any of your friend does any of this please stop yourself or them. Because at the end its just the end of a blooming flower and a new life of joy and happiness. Bad phases are just like dark rainy days which disappear eventually. Light emerges even the smallest hole. But surrendering to your problems is nothing but cowardly attitude. And don’t be a coward, selfish person. And be happy in your life because God has given you so much that your whole life would be short to thank him for his Greatness. Love to live and love to love!
Anu ❤