I know you all don’t want to see Swasan separate but trust me that this track wont last long. Maybe five to six episodes, maximum. Actually, I had to introduce Ishaan’s character again and I thought of this twist for his entry. Swasan fight and Ishaan’s entry with some mystery, that’s how it will be going.
~~Lost and It’s over ~~
Sanksar’s pov ~~
“Chachu! I want to go to Swara! Please.” Ashmit yelled jumping up and down. This kid…he didn’t have to deal with anything like us. He had no clue why Swara hadn’t met him in so may days, and now, he wanted to meet her. Little did he know that she didn’t even remember who he is…
“Not today, Ashmit. Swara is not free today. We’ll meet her someday later..” I said. The little guy pouted and went back to whatever he was doing, which was hiding inside a bucket.
I sighed and laid back on the couch. One problem hadn’t solved but another had come up now. I was going to Sydney for three weeks. I had to. As much as I dreaded going there, it was my dad’s dream deal. I couldn’t leave my dad’s dream. I loved him…but I also loved Swara. It seemed really tough to leave her alone after the accident.
“Chachu? Where are you lost? You phone is ringing!” Ashmit said pointing at the phone lying beside me.
It’s Swara…and I was dragged back to reality. I had to tell her that I was leaving which was really a difficult task. Really difficult…
“Hi listen, I need to talk to you…” I said as soon as I picked up. But I couldn’t hear her… All I hear was noises of car honking, people talking…
“Swara, are you there?”
Again no response.
I was about to ask her again but she spoke up.
“Sanskar? Sanskar! Where are you?” She asked and I could sense something was really wrong.
“Uh- I’m home. But wait, where are you?” I asked.
“I-I-I dont know! Uh… I came here to the uh…I don’t know what place this is but I’m lost! I can’t find a way back and I d-don’t know what to do!” She cried.
Shit. . .
I quickly got up and grabbed the car keys.
“Swara, Swara just calm down…okay? Don’t worry, I’m coming! Just tell me, where are you?” I spoke, as calm as possible, while wearing my shoes.
“I don’t know!” She yelled.
“Okay, okay. Listen. Just tell me the landmark..like a store nearby, or a café, a mall or anything you see.” I said, rushing out.
She paused for a moment and I guessed she was looking around.
“Yeah, yeah there’s a café around the corner. It’s uh…Starbucks…yeah.” She said. I let out a sigh of relief, as I realized that it was the same café where Swara and I used to meet before. It’s sad, that she didn’t remember it but all I could see was her. She was probably freaking out there alone and I had to go and find her.
“Okay, I know that place. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, maximum. Just stay there and wait for me!” I said as I drove to the café.
It was almost 10:30 pm. and most of the shops were closed. I looked at both the sides of road, looking for Swara.
I parked my car outside the café, which was also closed, but Swara was nowhere to be seen. ‘I told her to wait here…’ I thought. Just then I heard some noise from the back of the café. There was a small path that led to that main road… But I never went there…nobody did I guess. It was always dark and trashy.
I followed that sound which seemed like someone was sobbing. I followed it and there I was – in the small, dark passage. I could easily see a girl, sitting on the ground, holding her knees to her chest and crying. It wasn’t too difficult to guess that it was…Swara.
“Swara…”
She snapped her head up as soon as she heard my voice. Her eyes were red and puffy because of crying. She quickly got up as I opened my arms a little, as if inviting her in. She ran and just held on to me tight.
“I-I’m sorry… I don’t know how I got lost…it’s just that… I just came out for a walk and forgot the way back home.. I didn’t know whom to call and I just… I’m sorry!” She cried. She looked really scared.
“Hey, it’s okay. It happens. You’re okay now, I’m here and you’re safe. Don’t worry…Relax…” I said, rubbing her head, trying to calm her down. But she just held on and cried.
I let her do so. Because, sometimes when you cry, you let all your worries and pain and suffering flow away with the tears. You feel lighter. You feel good. Like a huge burden has been taken away from your shoulders. So this is nothing to be embarrassed about; this is nothing to feel bad about. This is something to feel proud about – that you’re strong enough to cry your heart out, let the tears carry away your pain, and then move on with life.
Swara had called down after a while. She cried, I held her. I didn’t say anything. I knew she only wanted to be comforted and I did that.
“I’m sorry. I must’ve freaked you out. I’m sorry for the trouble.” She said, looking at me.
“I understand; and there’s nothing to be sorry about. You just got lost and asked for help. That’s it. It’s okay.” I said putting an arm around her shoulder and leading her back to the car.
As we stood outside, I opened the door for her. She didn’t go in, she stopped and looked at me. For a moment… Just for a moment, I thought my old Swara was back…
“I never thanked you, Sanskar. I’m just so…grateful to have you…” She said.
A smile formed on my lips as she continued.
“I say it all the time that it’s hard for me to cope up with this situation, but I never thought how hard it is for you. I mean just…knowing the fact that the person you love doesn’t remember anything about you… I don’t know how you deal with it…” She said. I didn’t know what to say her now.
Swara came a little closer, closing the gap between us. Resting her hand on my cheek she said,
“Those eyes….they’re so beautiful. But they’re not happy. That smile of yours…it could light anybody’s world. But it’s just a show off. A mask that you’re wearing; and I don’t want that. I may not remember anything about you; about us; but that look in your eyes…its like you’re always searching for those lost memories in my eyes; And when you don’t find them; you hide it with a smile saying its okay. Why would you do that?”
My heart just skipped a beat after heating those words. She knew me so well…
“Because I love you. I always have. I can accept the fact that you don’t remember me. But I can never accept the fact that your heart doesn’t remember me. I know, it does, because there was a time you loved me. And I believe, there will be a time, when you’ll love me again.” I said. I didn’t even realize that a tear had slipped down my eye. She smiled and wiped it off with her sleeve.
“I really hope that time comes soon.” She said. I kissed the top of her head and she hopped inside. So did I, as I drove her back home….
We stood outside her house as suddenly something struck me. The trip… Dammit. I hadn’t yet told her about the trip, and now, after what happened today, I felt even more miserable. More irresponsible and heartless to leave her alone again.
“Uh…Swara?” I stopped her midway as she was walking in. I guess I knew what was going to happen next. . .
“I..um I-I need to tell you something..” I started. She nodded as I took a deep breath. Here I go. . .
“I’m going to Sydney…for three weeks.” I said hoping she wouldn’t hear the last part. But as I saw her face, it was blank.
“When?” She asked bluntly.
“Tomorrow.” I said trying to make out whatever she was thinking. But it only came harder to me as her expression changed from blank, to sad, to angry. Yeah, she was angry. . .
She turned her back without saying anything and started walking back.
“Swara, stop…please…I’m just..I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve told you before –” I said but she cut me off.
“Did I say anything?” She asked again in the same blunt tone. But she was clearly not okay. . .
“No, I–” Again she cut off.
“No. I didn’t. Because you’ve already made your decision.” She said. It had started. . . She was angry now and I couldn’t see anything good ahead of this.
“It’s not like that! I’ve to go because it’s my job! I’ve to attend this meeting. I hate to leave you but I can’t stay back…” I said.
She sighed.
“Fine… You know for those last twenty minutes back in the car, I felt like I was getting hope. I was so sure that you were not leaving me alone…never. But guess what? You just did!” She said, while I just stood there, trying to explain myself. There was no use anyways, because somewhere she was right.
“Jaan, don’t say that. I haven’t left you. I never will. I’m just away for a few days…” I said.
“Three f**king weeks is not a few days! Just… Just go Sanskar. I guess I was wrong in trusting you. Just go…” She said. My heart ached after hearing that. She was pushing me away. . .
“I can’t leave like this. I need to make sure you’d be okay…” I said.
She laughed lightly, like sarcastically and said,
“You won’t be leaving me you really wanted me to be okay..because I won’t be okay! I just… I need you, okay? Please, just stay…”
“I’m always there for you…” I said holding her hand. But she pushed me away.
“No! Not like this! I want you here, with me. You promised you’d always be there for na and now you’re breaking that promise!” She cried.
And before I could speak, she wiped her tears, brimming from the corner of her eye, and composed herself.
“You said you love me right? Then you’ll have to chose…it’s either me or this work.” She said.
Oh God, why? It’s impossible to chose.. What do I say her? It’s my dad’s last dream. What do I do to make her realize how much I love her?
I kept quiet, while she just looked away, probably realizing what my silence meant. It meant, I’m going to fulfil my dad’s last wish, and I’m not leaving it. But why the f**k she couldn’t understand that I love her, and I would never even think about leaving her.
“See? I knew that. So don’t worry. Go. But don’t you ever dare talk to me again. I thought we had something. I thought maybe we could just work things out…but I dont think that’s gonna happen.” She said.
No way. No. She can’t just leave me! What the f**k is wrong with her! I love her for God’s sake…she should see that too.
“Please don’t say that… Don’t do this to me again… I can’t live without you, Swara. I love you.” I said. She gave me a hard and cold look, which hurt me like a thousand knives stabbing my heart.
“It’s over..you ended this before it started. Goodbye Sanskar.” She said and turned her back, walking away.
I stood there like a statue, frozen, yet numb and weak. I didn’t know what to do, where to go… I was just …lost.
Next update : Ishaan returns with a web of lies. . .
**
Am I dragging or something? I don’t know if you all want to continue reading it, because I have never gone so far. Nearly 50 episodes done. And again a twist will be introduced so that I can extend it a little. So I hope you all don’t mind this. So you have to chose. It has to reach beyond 50 ar least guys. And once this ends, my only focus would be Fix You. So decide …
1: Destiny ending in 50th episode in a little hush hush.
2 : Or going with flow and the pace of the story.
I’m asking this because I don’t want to drag this and make you all bored. So I’m a little confused. And don’t worry about Fix You because its a surprising story and hopefully you all would like it till the very end.
Anu <3