Chapter 12:
Scene 1:
Location: Hotel, private space
Kavita expressed her feelings for Sanskar.
Sanskar: (bluntly) but I don’t love you.
Kavita: (smile fades) I know it. Will you marry me?
Sanskar: what? Are you crazy? I mean I told you that I don’t love you and still?
Kavita: I am serious.
Sanskar: why do you want to have me as your life partner?
Kavita: because you are different from others.
Sanskar: for example?
Kavita: I told you that you are not like others and you have proven it every time. You are very handsome and a very good man. And….. most importantly I love you. I a……
Sanskar: (irked) stop it, Kavita! This is not any proper reason. I mean you can find more better life partner than me. You can find more handsome, more different and more good man.
Kavita: but it’s not possible. You are above all!
Sanskar: every man is better than me.
Kavita: (confidently) then prove it!
Sanskar: I can prove it but I will not because it’s against my morals.
Kavita: Sanskar please!
Sanskar: call me sir! I am your senior.
Kavita: (teary eyes) why are you doing this? I love you. Why can’t y…..
Sanskar: (angrily) how much shameless are you? Don’t you feel shame in declaring your blo*dy feelings to me in this way? Don’t you have any self respect? I am saying that I don’t love you, then why are you forcing me?
Kavita: if this is called shamelessnes, then I am shameless. I told you what was in my heart. Your love made me do this. I can’t stop now. And why are you refusing? Is something missing in me? Tell me, I can overcome all my shortcomings.
Sanskar: (rubs his forehead) Kavita, Kavita! You are a very good girl. There is not a single shortcoming in you. In fact, I think that I don’t deserve you. I can’t marry you. I can’t…..
Kavita: (holds his hands) Sanskar! You are very good man. Believe me you deserve better than me but I….I can’t lose you.
Sanskar: (jerks her hands) shut up!
Kavita: tell me the reason why can’t you marry me?
Sanskar: it’s very simple. Because I don’t love you. And I….. I love somebody else.
Kavita: (stares him with her lips in “o” shape) what?
Sanskar: yes!
Kavita: I don’t believe you. You are lying. The way you behave around every girl confirms that you are not involved in any girl.
Sanskar: I don’t care if you believe me or not. But yes! I love someone else.
Kavita: you never told me?
Sanskar: I was never comfortable with you, then how can you expect me to tell you my secrets.
Kavita: who is she? I mean her name…..
Sanskar: no use! Because due to certain circumstances, our marriage can’t happen.
Kavita: what? I mean…. You love a girl knowing that you can’t marry her.
Sanskar: you can take it as you want.
Kavita: but why?
Sanskar: feelings could not be stopped. I don’t have authority on my heart. But if I can’t marry her, then I will never marry anyone.
Kavita: this is foolishness. This is craziness!
Sanskar: yes, I am crazy for her. And about marriage…….aam…… I will think of it after fifteen to twenty years and there is no guarantee whether I will be alive till then or not. And I am sure you can’t wait till that time. And now…… I don’t want to waste my time in all these silly arguments. I hope you will understand my condition. I am sorry and bye! (walks briskly and goes out while Kavita sits there all bewildered)
Scene 2:
Location: Maheshwari mansion, dining table
Sanskar came to meet his parents and he was having his dinner with his parents.
AP: do you know Kavita?
Sanskar: (stopped the spoon just an inch way from his lips and looked at her) who Kavita? …..oh, that Kavita Bose?
AP: yes!
Sanskar: she is a nice lady and she is my colleague too.
AP: What you think about her?
Sanskar: (suspiciously) in what respect?
AP: ah nothing. Just like that…..
DP: (cuts her) in respect of marriage. (Sanskar choked his food and started coughing vigorously) what happened?
Sanskar: are you serious?
DP: yes! We are serious. You will cross thirty next year, so we were thinking to marry you. You have become mature, you are handsome and most importantly you are settled and doing a good job. It’s enough.
Sanskar: no dad! I mean….. I don’t want to marry now.
AP: don’t worry. We will do only engagement. And she was telling that you two are good friends. (smiles) ok?
Sanskar: (curtly) friends? I don’t have any friendship with her. She is living in her dream world. She is just my colleague and I respect her. I never thought about her like that. You people know that I don’t like closeness with girls. I don’t even talk with her. It’s she who keeps hovering over me all the time like she has all the spare time for me. I feel irritated seeing her face all the time and you are planning me to marry to that problem? No mom! It’s not possible.
AP: why my son? Mr. Bose himself proposed this advice. I and your dad have personally met her. She is very sweet and we both like her. It will be a very good decision.
Sanskar: but mom I don’t like Kavita in that way. I am not marrying her and that’s final.
DP: ok fine! We will find another girl for you. Which family will refuse to our proposal?
Sanskar: mom! Dad! I am not ready to marry. Am I clear?
DP: what is your problem man?
Sanskar: I want to concentrate on my career.
DP: we are not restricting you to leave your career. We are planning to get you a life partner.
Sanskar: then I don’t want to have a life partner.
DP: why? ……look Sanskar! I know that accident has cast a big effect on you. First, you memorized Vedah, I didn’t said anything. You go for pilgrimage every year, I never stopped you. You changed your lifestyle and became religious, I didn’t said anything. You left UNICEF and joined banking, I still didn’t say anything. Then you transferred your job to Pakistan, I still didn’t say anything. But that doesn’t mean you should stop enjoying your life. Don’t you think it’s too much? You should forget that and move on. That was a small accident and look you are perfectly alright.
Sanskar: dad! I am not afraid of anything dad and you know it very well. And thanks for all your support but I can’t marry. I…… (teary eyes) neither with Kavita nor with any other girl.
DP: why?
Sanskar: I can’t tell you and I don’t want to lie. Would you please change the topic?
AP: no! Time has come that you should tell us. We are your parents and we have the right to know everything about you. Tell us that why don’t you want to marry? What is your problem? Maybe we can help you. (after two minutes of deep silence, Sanskar broke the ice)
Sanskar: I can’t marry because……. Because I am married already! (DP jumped hearing this. He knew he was talking about Swara)
AP: (wide eyes) what?
DP: are you referring to your marriage before ten years? (Sanskar nods) with Swara?
Sanskar: yes!
DP: (angrily) you only found that piece of… shit? You i…….
Sanskar: (cuts) don’t you dare dad! (points his index finger at DP)
DP: you are pointing finger at your father?
Sanskar: you are my father, that’s why I only warned you. If somebody else was in your place, I would have killed him.
AP: (loud voice) Sanskar!
Sanskar: mom please! I would never hear even a word against her.
AP: that girl has snatched our son from us.
Sanskar: she didn’t snatch your son from you. Instead she returned me back to you. The reason behind my every action is her. Ten years……(crying) ten years have passed since I saw her. You can’t even imagine how painful it is. It is so much difficult to live your life without a person whom you love the most.
DP: (surprised) Sanskar! I a…..
Sanskar: dad! Let me complete.
DP: fine! Go ahead.
Sanskar: you always thought that the reason behind my change was that accident. But this is not the truth. The truth is that my life was changed due to Swara. The day I saw her, she started changing me. And the best part is that she doesn’t know anything about it. (tear escapes the corner of his left eye) that girl does not know how much this idiot loves her. This man with IQ 150+ fell in love with a simple and normal girl. I was immersed in sins and she was a pure soul. She brought me out of my dark world. You know what? If I am standing here, this is because of her. If she was not in my life, I would not have been here or who knows I would not have been alive. If I am something today, then it’s all because of her. The sole reason for my existence is Swara. The things which I got to know some years back, she knew them all before. Sometimes, I feel like the dumbest person of world. You know why I went to America?
DP: to study.
Sanskar: (smiles) no! I went out of India to forget her. This place always reminded me of her and I can’t bear that pain so I ran from here like cowards. But I never succeeded. She was always with me. I saw her everywhere even in bathroom. Whenever I opened books to study her, I saw her face everywhere. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. That’s why I failed in third semester.
DP: what? You failed because of Swara?
Sanskar: no dad! I failed because it was my punishment. God wanted to show me that even after having IQ level of 150+ and photographic memory, I can’t win over everything. I never tried to permanently settle here because this place reminds me of her. (cries) whenever I enter my room, I always see her. Her expressions, her cute fights, her sarcasm, I feel like I have gone ten years back. You know dad! I loved to tease her. I can still feel her scent here even after ten years. I love her but I don’t know why? I love her so much that I can do anything for her. She always disliked my get up and habits. (wipes his tears) but mom! I am totally changed now. See! Do you remember your old Sanskar before ten years? How was I? I was a carefree guy. I didn’t knew any manners but now I have a groomed personality. And see my get up mom! This is how she wanted her life partner to be. But this all is of no use because she is not with me. I have everything but still I feel like I have nothing. I am all alone standing on an unknown platform.
AP: no my son! (cups his face) you are not alone. We are with you.
Sanskar: (hugs her) but she is nowhere. I want her with me. I want to see her. I don’t even know where is she? How is she? Is she safe or not? Is she having financial problems? I did everything to find her but I can’t find her mom. I can’t. This pain is killing me. (he was begging like a child) I…. just want her to see me once. I want her to see that I have become just like she wanted. She always said that she wants her life partner to be a religious person who would act upon the orders of God, who would love God and who would recite holy Vedah. I do pilgrimage every year. I even perform one pilgrimage from her side every year. Then why I didn’t see her till now? I only see her in my dreams. Mom……(he can’t speak more due to continuous hiccups)
AP: (worried) sh, Sanskar! Don’t speak more. You will get panic attacks. Come, sit here. (makes him sit on chair. DP passes him water and he gulps it down his throat)
DP: are you fine, Sanskar?
Sanskar: yeah! I am fine. (laughs) nothing bad happens to sinners soon.
AP: why are you talking like that?
Sanskar: I am saying the truth. This is my place in this world. The man with IQ level 150+ is not worth of a normal girl he loves. (hits on his head) this IQ level is of no use. I pray God to take this IQ level and give me my Swara back.
DP: (holds his hands) what are you doing?
Sanskar: why? She didn’t paid any heed to my IQ level. She….. left me because I didn’t knew the basics of our religion.
AP: come out of her trance. This will reduce your pain.
Sanskar: it’s not under my control. And I know why God gave me photographic memory. He did it so that I can’t forget her; So that I keep sulking for my whole life. And I have no complaints regarding this. Because I deserve this, I am worth of it. After what I did with her, this must happen to me. God wants me to bear the punishment of separation. I didn’t know how much she would have cried because of me. I gave her tears and expected that she would love me? (DP looks at him shocked)