CH-05
*****Flashback*****
“Arrey Janaki beta…” before I could complete she took me by surprise as she hugged me in a bone crushing hug. “What happened?” I asked her when I found her a bit relaxed in the night. She placed her head in my lap. “Maasi maa…” she said in between her sobs.
Flashback:
“Mrs. Janaki the reports are right. You have brain tumor and in last stage” the doctor’s words stopped her world. In a minute faces of everyone in her life flashed in her mind.
“Jaan” Shekar hugged her from back. “Shekar you are becoming naughty day by day” she complained as she tried to get out of his hold.
“Dee I…” before Sumi could speak anything Janaki slapped her. She dragged Sumi and hugged her in a bone crushing hug. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked and Sumi was silent not able to speak anything
Janaki was walking on the corridor of the hospital lost. She wiped her tears as she decided something.
“dee” Sumi welcomed Janaki inside her house.
“What are you talking dee. I can’t do this please” Sumi pleaded when Janaki asked her something to do.
“Sumi please Shekar ke liye yeh kar de. I don’t have enough time. I don’t want him to see me dying every second and die thousand time within. I don’t want my daughter to see me in that state. I don’t want her to suffer and see my condition at this age. And only you can help me. I want him to hate me. I want my daughter to hate me. I want them to learn to live without me”
******End of Flashback******
My world stopped spinning in that moment. I stumbled and Adarsh held me and prevented me from falling. What was that ? The biggest truth of my life. “Maa” escaped my mouth as a soft whisper. My short time span which I spent with her flashed in my mind.
Tears flooded out of my eyes like there was no end to it. I looked at Ragu who was sleeping peacefully like a small kid unaware of her surrounding.
“She is your sister” said Nanny aunty and my heart beat stopped. “Janaki was pregnant when she arrived here. She came to know after a month of her arrival. She planned something and God planned something else. She did not wanted Shekar to know about her condition so she hid it from him. She hid herself from everyone. For your and your dad’s happiness she took a promise that I should never contact you people to tell about Ragu. After Ragini was born there was positive change in Janaki’s health. But it was not permanent. Her tumor grew and she left the world when Ragini was four years. From that time Ragini has become like this. Silent and timid. She is scared of people. She is all alone in this world. I was wondering what will happen with her when I leave this world. God sent you here to take your sister I guess” Nanny Aunty spoke and I was staring her innocent face.
I walked towards her slowly. I wanted to touch and caress her hair. But I couldn’t control my emotions anymore. I just ran out from there.
I collapsed on the ground looking up at the dark sky.
“People who leave us will be always with us Pari. As stars watching over us” I remembered mom telling when I was upset about Dadu’s demise. I saw a twinkling star.
“Pari” I felt Adarsh’s touch and immediately got up to hug him. He patted my back consoling me. “She loved me immensely Adi. She was the best mom. But I could not become her best daughter. Not even a good daughter. I just blamed her for everything. She struggled so much alone so that she can keep us happy. She made Ragu go through so much alone for my sake and dad’s sake. My sister my little sister went through so much for me. I’m such a bad person” I sobbed in his hold.
“Shhh” he said as he brought me out of the hug and wiped my tears. His care always healed my wounds. He kissed my hair and my heart relaxed. His touch communicated that everything will be alright and I believed every time that everything will be surely fine.
******.*******
“I promise I will take care of her Nanny Aunty” I assured her holding her hands. She smiled at me. “Of course you will take care of her. She sometimes gets panic attacks. If she hears some loud noises she faints due to fear. Just wanted to tell you.” I smiled at her.
“I won’t go. I won’t go anywhere” she stamped her foot as Adarsh walked behind her. “But Ragu bacha Nanny is not well na so she can’t take care of you” said he and looked at me helplessly. I agree on one point he can never convince someone. I’m worried our kids will be ruling rather he becoming a strict dad.
I sat in front of her when she sat on a bench folding her hands cutely. “Ragu” I caressed her cheek. “Don’t you wanna live with your dee” she looked at me with her eyes wide. I smiled nodding my head. She looked at Nanny Aunty who nodded her head. “B….but you said that you are d…. dee to only your Sho…. Shona and V….Vikky” she said fumbling.
What has happened to my little life. She stammers and I just wish I could reduce her suffering. It pained me to look at her like this. She was deprived of all the things which she deserved.
“You are my life Ragu bacha. And no one can take your place in my life. My lost mother and newly found child” I told her and she looked at me confused.
“Don’t you wanna see your family?” asked Adarsh kneeling beside me. “Family?” she asked cutely. He chuckled. “Family means you your dee and your other siblings, your mom…” he was interrupted. “Maa. I will get my maa?” asked she excited and he nodded his head.
She jumped in happiness. And I looked at her emotionally. Adarsh side hugged me to console. Her state was vulnerable. And other than giving her all the love I had there was no other way to cure her.
We reached Kapoor Mansion and I explained everything to Ram uncle. He warmly welcomed Ragu. She was scared of everyone around her. But slowly she started smiling and then laughing.
A laugh which was lost 10 years ago and got buried with mom was back on her face. It felt like mom herself is back.
I don’t know how Shona and Vikky will react to her arrival. But I can’t let them know that they aren’t kids of Dadda. It will break my family. And I will never let my family break. At any cost.
******.******
Dad dropped his luggage as he saw Ragu who was standing beside me. She moved behind me and hid herself. She was attached to me like a magnet. In this whole world if she believed someone after Nanny maa it was me.
“Jaan how about a little sister for Pari” Shekar asked Janaki. “Shut up Shekar” she hit his chest. “No I’m serious. I want one more daughter who will be your shadow. Who will look like you and will have all qualities of yours.” he said thoughtful. Janaki locked her fingers with his and placed her head on his shoulder.
“We will name her Ragini” he said looking at the dark sky from their room balcony. “Shekar don’t plan so much also” said Janaki. “I don’t know I feel one more sweet princess is going to enter our life”
Dad took a deep breath to control his emotions. He and maa had arrived immediately when I informed them about Ragini. As dad stood in front of me Ragu completely covered herself behind me looking at him scared. I could feel the pain in dad’s eyes. The only woman he loved all his life was mom. Though he married maa (Sumi maa) they were just like friends. And more than me nobody knows how much he had missed mom all these years.
I dragged Ragu and made her stand in front of him. He moved his hand to cup her face and she moved back hesitantly. “Ragu bacha… Dadda…” I said and she looked at me and then at him. He nodded his head with tears shining at the edge of his eyes.
I had never seen him so vulnerable. “D….Dadda?” she asked me and I nodded my head. “Mathlab?” she asked cutely. I laughed lightly at her innocence. “Dadda means Dad our superhero” Dad chuckled listening to me. She looked at me confused.
“Dad means who is like a protecting shield across us. Who struggles and gives us a happy life. Who himself sleeps without food so that we have full meals” I said and tears tripped out of my eyes.
She looked at him. “You are my dad?” she asked innocently. Dad nodded his head. She slowly moved and wrapped her hands across his stomach innocently and placed her head on his chest. Dad’s emotions busted and he took a deep breath to control his emotions. I bit my lower lip to contain the emotional pain.
He covered her in his embrace and tears flooded out of his eyes like rainfall. I looked around to control my emotions looking at them.
I realized how lucky I, Shona or Vikram were compared to Ragu. She had all her life struggled to get a drop of love. Mom left her when she did not even realize the world around her. She lived with Nanny maa in an asylum where she was all alone. After 10 years she is experiencing love of her family. How has she lived all this years.
I promise I will give her all the love and affection she has missed all this years. I will bring her out of this sorrow.
******.*******
Sanskar looked at Ragini who was sleeping beside him as he closed the dairy and placed in the drawer. His eyes had the tears. “How much have you struggled Biwi. From where have you got so much strength” he whispered as she moved in her sleep. He lied beside her and still tears flooded out of his eyes imagining her plight in her past. Ragini who woke due to her sleep got disturbed looked at Sanskar who was staring her.
“Sanskar” she got up and cupped his face as he also sat in front of her. “What happened? Why are you crying? Is everything fine?” she asked and he hugged her immediately surprising her. “I love you” only could escape his mouth. “So why are you crying for that?” she asked confused.
“Ghonchu kahi ki” he said as he dragged her more close to himself. She covered her hands across him confused about his behavior.
Now he could really understand why Pari was more close to Ragini than anyone. And when Pari left the world how she felt. Now he can in true meaning understand his wife’s pain. Pain of losing Pari. Pain of losing her own kid. His heart cried as her pain spread to his heart.
“I promise Bhabi… I will get her out of this sorrow for sure. I will.” he spoke in his mind looking at the twinkling star in the sky. He grabbed her more tightly in his hold.
He did not wanted to let her go. He wanted to heal her pain of so many years. The pain which had only gone increasing but not reduced an inch also.
She has just made herself habitual to live with that pain.
Dil mujhe de agar dard de uska par
Uski ho wo hasi gunje jo mera ghar
Aye Khuda Aye Khuda jab bana uska hi bana
Mere hisse ki khushi ko hasee ko tu chahe aadha kar
Chahe lele tu meri zindagi par yeh mujhse wada kar
Uske ashko pe ghamo pe dukho pe har uske zakhm par
Haq mera hi rahe har jagah har gadi haa umr bhar
Ab fakath ho yehi wo rahe mujhme hi
Ho juda kehne ko bhichade na par kabhi
Aye Khuda Aye Khuda jab bana uska hi bana
Mere kismat ke har ek panne pe
Mere jeethe jee baad marne ke
Mere har ek kal har ek lamhe me
tu likhde mera usse
The cool breeze blew and they lost themselves in that beautiful moment of theirs which was only theirs.
Love a word may make your loved one forget their pain but you have to heal their pain in order to make them to live their lives fully.
And now when Sanskar understood the depth of her pain he could heal her pain with more determination.