Tashan-E-Ishq – Baarish
– Listen to ‘Baarish’ from ‘Half Girlfriend’ while you read. –
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I couldn’t recall when it all had happened but it did happen a couple of years ago, probably when I was beginning with my first year at college. I had always wanted to move out of the small town we stayed in – Amritsar. Not because Amritsar lacked any facility, though – I genuinely wanted to explore a life in the city.
Gratefully, my single mother had always provided me with abundant options to explore and enjoy my life. Although, unlike a few of the rich kids I’d seen growing up in my neighborhood, I was scolded for the wrong. When I moved from Amritsar, maa was on the verge of crying but she wouldn’t let the tears fall, because she knew her daughter would stay back if a single tear rolled down her eyes. That was the day I stepped out of Taneja mansion with innumerable wishes to be fulfilled and some wishes I thought would never be fulfilled.
You were in the third year when I moved to the city of Mumbai with so many wishes to be fulfilled, yet knowing – assuming, rather – that one of my earnest wishes would never be fulfilled. Chinki had asked you to take good care of me and even though, I had shouted at her for burdening you with unnecessary responsibilities, I couldn’t quite fathom on my fluttering heart.
After you graduated your high-school, you’d come back to Amritsar from Canada for a few days to spend your vacations with your family. I had heard a lot about you from Chinki and admired you for the qualities you’d ingrained in yourself. If I say I was envious of you, would you be mad at me? I was envious, even if slightly, because you’d so many qualities in you and to me, it seemed as if you screamed perfection. But I never let you know because I truly admired how you’d prepared yourself so gentlemanly.
I saw you for the first time when Manohar uncle hosted a party for your return. It was a family party, though – I remember – but Chinki had insisted me several times to attend the party and I had hesitantly complied. I wasn’t good at parties. I liked to stay within a closed group of acquaintances, I liked to stay locked inside my room on a rainy day and read novels, I liked to be unsociable and live in a small bubble of happiness. I was too nervous when I’d attended the party because I was only surrounded by an unfamiliar group of people and Chinki was missing.
I only knew uncle and aunty but they were busy attending the guests and I couldn’t blame them. I knew the quiet, peaceful places at your home and I remember, I had only taken a glass of juice for myself and picked up a novel from the library, before curling into the unsocial girl not everyone liked, under the staircase of your house.
It was peaceful and relaxing. I loved the place just as much as my room and I truly admired the thoughtfulness behind the architecture of the seating under the stairs. I switched on the light for myself and the white, pristine light fell on my book – casting a soft glance.
I had brought up my knees to my chest and my eyes read through the words printed in small, beautiful letters. You’ve often told me it was surprising how I could always snuggle up with a book in my hand, but that is how I am – unsociable – or how you like to say, unique.
I was still reading the novel, my eyes refusing to notice anything when I felt a weight on the soft cushion shift beside me. I looked beside me and I saw your beautiful face, glistening under the pristine light. I smiled softly at you and closed my book, my face turning towards you.
It was only until you’d introduced yourself that I’d gotten to talk to you. I hadn’t understood the apologetic expression on your face then, but it is just how polite and nice you are. You were apologetic to a stranger, whom you hadn’t known, because you’d to excuse yourself when Manohar uncle called you. That day, that apologetic face and your instant response to Manohar uncle, had only made me begun to believe that whatever Chinki had talked about you all those days wasn’t fictional, but it was true. You were the absolute gem I had been admiring all those past years.
After your sudden disappearance, I hadn’t seen you anymore in the party while I stuck beside Chinki all the time. Your disappearance hadn’t mattered to anyone as such, except Chinki and… I, if I may say. But Chinki was worried and I, on the other hand, was interested to talk to you and get to you know you better, more than what Chinki had told me all these days.
Chinki and I separated our ways and started looking for you. I’ve always appreciated the bond between the two of you. You both fight like any sibling would do, but you both don’t have ego issues; you both reconcile too quickly, as if in a spur of moment, you just forget what you fought about.
When I saw you standing under the moonlight again, the pristine light falling over your face, I stared at your sharp and bright features. I hadn’t failed to notice them then, but something under the natural pristine light seemed different and I think I’d seen you crying that day. I’ve never asked you about it, though, but as far as I’ve gathered, you’d been nostalgic because you’d come back to your family after all those years. You’ve told me you regretted staying alone in Canada for those years, but I’ve never wanted to hit on the spot you’ve not wanted to talk about.
That was the day I’d begun to appreciate you again. I still remembered the time when I was bidding adieu to Chinki, you’d insisted to walk me home. My heart still flutters at the thought and I still feel so special, even after all these years. You’d walked me home and the one or two times you’d caught me staring at you, you’d only smiled and waved it off. You’d waited until I’d gotten inside my home safely. You still don’t know how special each of your actions make me feel, just like you didn’t that day either.
I hadn’t met you after that day. Not because I didn’t want to – I wanted to – but because somehow, just like that night, you’d disappeared again. Chinki knew, though, but we never talked about you. We talked about our class assignments and everything at school kept us busy.
I was riding my bicycle, bringing home the few stationeries I required for my assignments and that was when I had seen you again, after all those days. I halted my bicycle and waited for you; saw your features brightening as you neared me and recognised me. A soft warmth cascaded down my features and I felt relaxed at your arrival. I wasn’t expecting you, I remember, but may be, at the back of my mind, I wanted to meet you. I wanted to see that bright smile of yours which seemed so relaxing and soothing, adding a glow to your sharp features.
You brushed the back of your neck, totally unsure of what to do and then, your gaze fell on my bicycle, halted against the wall. You shot an eyebrow at me and just like that we were racing with our bicycles, any other worries forgotten. The air blew against my hair and it flew recklessly, tangling itself in various knots as we sped through the empty roads of Amritsar and enjoyed each other’s company.
Neither of us won that day but excitingly, neither did anyone lose. Our bicycles just fell down and clashed with each other and we fell down on the perfectly manicured grass beside the paved paths. We laughed till our cheeks and stomach hurt and we still couldn’t stop laughing. There was just something too joyful about the moment and even now, thinking of it, my lips unwarily twitch upwards in a fond smile.
I remember I was going to tie my hair that day but you didn’t let me. You grasped my wrist softly and asked me to keep it loose, to let it cascade down till the half of my back. I was persistent, though and you let me – giving me another reason to admire you. I didn’t know how respect and admire your gentleman like behaviour and for that day and for several others, I loosened my hair, letting it cascade down whenever I met you. It was the only way I could be myself, yet not be, at the same time. It was actions like these I used, to talk to you – maintaining my unsociable composure.
After that day, I looked forward to meet you – unwarily. I didn’t even know what I was looking for when I stared out of my patio, towards yours. But all I was waiting back then, was your presence in the patio somehow. I was so unaware of everything happening to me but it clenched the muscles in my stomach and everything felt joyful.
The second day we were racing, I’d told you I’d anticipated rain but you didn’t listen me. You told me it won’t rain and we could race without any worries. But it rained but you made me look over my perspective of a rainy day. You told they aren’t just days to enjoy a book while warming your hands against the hot mug of coffee – there was a lot more to it. And you danced with me, the raindrops drenching us and you were steering me into a fantasy I was unaware of then.
The gold freckles in your black eyes shone so bright and I could see so many different emotions wavering through them but I couldn’t decipher any of them. You told me you loved rains but you were already falling for me and you could see the same glint in my eyes too, but only, I was unaware.
We spent three months together and you made me look over so many of my perspectives. You made me look at my life differently but you never asked me to change. You wanted me to remain the same girl you were falling for, but you never asked me. You only wanted and you never voiced your thoughts, but all those moments I’d enjoyed with you, all those moments you’d made me look over my perspectives happened only because it was YOU and wouldn’t have happened if it was someone else.
The day you were leaving to Mumbai, I came to see you and I thought I saw the transparent tears were rolling down your eyes again, but you never showed, never gave me a chance to be sure. You only hugged me and pulled out the elastic band from my hair, encircling it around your wrist, before you left. The action was intimate and it made me feel special that day, and for the next two years whenever you came and went.
I never cried when you took any of my belongings with you and I never knew why. Whenever you took away something of mine, it only made me feel special and made me feel… yours. I couldn’t wipe the small smile that played on my lips for the rest of the day after that. It only made me think about you – all the time I wasn’t doing anything. My mind focussed on you unwarily and it kept me happy, kept me flooded in your thoughts.
But when I shifted to Mumbai, you never took away my belongings with you. You took me away with you, hopping around everywhere and taking me around to all those places you’d discovered for yourself. You found yourself at peace there and I found myself at peace with you – at any place.
It was only halfway through my first year when I realised I was falling for you. When you didn’t take me to a party anymore. You told me you’d a partner and I had no one. I was unsocial and I thought you’d take me. I thought you’d take me to the party, like you always did but you didn’t and everything in me hurt. I kept reminding myself that the girl you were partnering meant nothing to you.. and neither did I. I cried sitting in my room, curling up into the unsociable girl I’d once been but you came back to me in the middle of the party, running around the campus, drenched in rain.
I saw the similar glint in your eyes and you asked me for a dance again; a dance, that you told, we should’ve done in the party. I had laughed at your words, the pain in me slowly subsiding. But you’d so many intentions hidden, so many promises to be fulfilled – I didn’t know about. You held out a hand for me and I let my hand slide against yours, our fingers interlacing and palms perfectly moulding.
You let the rain drench us and we danced in the rain again, only it wasn’t normal anymore – you were romancing me and then, I knew what you were trying to convey – I wasn’t the tenth grader anymore – I was a grown-up adult.
I was looking into your black eyes and you were staring back at me, conveying all your emotions through unspoken words. You weren’t looking at me – for all I know now, you were admiring me and thinking about the confession. You still didn’t speak, when I thought you would’ve. But instead, you kissed the corner of my lips and made innumerable unspoken promises, innumerable confessions and begun a relation that would last for years.
You didn’t break any promise and I shall be grateful to you – for all you’ve given to me during these years is absolutely precious. I cherish every moment you’ve spent with me. I adore all the gifts you’ve loaded me with. I value the love and care you’ve blessed me with. I respect you for the gentleman you are. And I love myself for falling for you, KUNJ.
I stare outside the window, the raindrops rolling down the transparent window. It’s raining again today and I’m waiting for you, with a cup of coffee cradled in my palms and a novel in my lap.
“Twinkle,” I turn around at your smiling face and a soft smile blossoms on mine. You kneel down on the floor beside the chair I’m seated on and place yours palms on either of the armrests, moving closer to me.
“Beautiful, it’s raining,” you whisper and your minty breath brushes my face, a warmth cascading down my skin. Your woodsy cologne surrounds me and I inhale deeply, the scent refreshing my senses, “And you’re reading. Shouldn’t we be outside, already?”
I slide my palm through yours silently and stare into your black eyes, the gold freckles coming into my vision – a sense of excitement refilling me. You pull me out of the chair and gently wrap your hand around my waist, pulling me outside to the patio to perform our ‘rain routine’.
You spread our arms apart and pull me closer to yourself as the pelter drops hit against the marbleized floor. You sway our bodies to a rhythm you’ve always had and I sway accordingly, matching you. The glint in your eyes still excites but I don’t push you – I wait until you tell me.
You move further, closer to my face and my body flushes against yours, a warmth enveloping me. You move the wet strands of hair from my face and press your palms against my cheeks, the moisture extremely soothing.
You press your lips at the corner of my lips, the touch electrifying my nerves and knotting the muscles in my stomach. I hold tighter onto your shirt, my eyes shutting down in reflex, “We,” you breath warmly against my lips and my lips shiver at the intimacy, “are getting engaged.”
My heart misses a beat and I inhale deeply. My large intake of air makes you smile and I turn around, refusing to show the crimson colour spreading across my face. I wriggle my hand out of your grip and try to leave but you tighten your grip and pull me back flush towards you again. Your hands snake around my waist and you press a soft kiss on my shoulder, “I love you.”
You ignite my heart and my nerves and muscles twitch in fire, leaving behind trailing ashes of your love. I snuggle closer to you, my head hidden in you chest, inhaling your woodsy cologne, “I love you too.”
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Hey folks,
It’s been too long while I’ve been away, and that’s purely because I’ve not been able to manage time at all. Okay, needless to say, not that I’m back again – I won’t be – anymore. I wrote this OS only because I’d thought of writing a farewell OS for a really long while but I never managed to; but here it is today.
Thank you to everyone who have had supported me in the entire one year for all I’ve ever written. These FFs have had me up at nights sometimes to write for you all. It has been a splendid journey with you all and it was because of you all, I discovered my penchant in writing – Thank you so much! I’m grateful to you all for all the support and love.
I hope you’ve liked this OS, too.
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