Bela is back. I know I am too late, but I had exams, so I am sorry for the delay. Hope you guys understand.?
Let us get straight to the story…………….
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NO.
I do NOT like Lakshya. No. I have absolutely NO sorts of feelings for FFL. I like Sanskaar. Not Lakshya. There must be some chemical locha in my brain which is why I am mixing up the names. I will get myself checked tomorrow.
UGGGHHHHHHHHH
Why? Why are we humans so stupid and fickle? Why is it that a perfectly rational girl like me falls for two of her best friends, one after the other? Why? And HOW? How am I able to like Lakshya without un-liking Sanskaar first? And do I still like Sanskaar now, or is Lakshya the only one I am interested in?
My sudden and unwanted realization of my feelings for Lakshya has messed up everything. It was hard enough, hiding my feelings for Sanskaar for so long, now how do I do the same with Lakshya? Lakshya isn’t a playboy; he is a one woman man (where that woman is the wretched Kavya Kapoor). Nor is Lakshya an unfeeling jerk, he is super sensitive, if a bit of a tease. How can I ignore my feelings for him without breaking either of our hearts?
Beep Beep.
Lakshya: Oye PSL, I am at Candolim. Coming to your place in 15 minutes. Get ready, we are going to Fort Aguada.
Oh God, NOOOOO. I do not want to be near him right now. Not after what I have recently come to know. Somebody stop him. Let his car break down. Or let him forget the way to my place. Wait, this is technically his hotel, how can he forget the way to this place? Damn damn NOOOOOOOO.
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I looked at Ragini beside me. We were sitting on top of the Fort Aguada, Dil Chahta Hai style, with beer bottles in our hands. It was evening and there was a gentle breeze. We were silent, feeling the breeze and contemplating on our own issues.
Ragini was uncharacteristically silent for the whole while, in a far-off dreamland of her own. She responded to my conversation with a one word syllable, a ‘Hmm’ or a ‘yeah’
“Ragini?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay?”
“Hmm.”
“We will be returning to Delhi tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
“How was your trip here?”
“Fine.”
“Not brilliant?”
She finally turned towards me. I looked at her keenly, noting the slight bags under her eyes and the way her smile didn’t reach her eyes as she said, “It was amazing.”
“You don’t look happy PSL. Is something the matter? Did Sanskaar…….”
“Why do you always point fingers at Sanskaar? I know he acts like a jerk at times but really, that’s my issue to be handled, not yours. You don’t get to talk about him like that, please. Don’t forget, he is my best friend!”
“And who am I?” I asked in a quiet voice. Admittedly, her lashing out on me this way hurt me. I couldn’t explain the feelings that were rushing through me, hearing her defend that good-for-nothing ‘best friend’ of hers and shouting on me.
Ragini emitted a loud sigh. “You are my best friend too. And this is precisely what I want you to understand. You both are my best friends. I cannot choose between you both, so stop trying to make me do that. Stop fighting with each other because in the end, I will be the one stuck in between. Spare me the pain, please.”
“Makes sense. I assume that you had a similar conversation with him before you had it with me, if you want this to be a mutual feeling.”
“I will talk to him too. I didn’t see him today.”
With that, Ragini ended the conversation by turning towards the scenery and taking a sip of the beer. I mirrored her actions, a feeling of dread settling in me, as I tried to figure out what exactly had gone wrong between us.
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We are back in Delhi and from tomorrow, we would resume our routine lives. The trip had been a success- we had visited both North and South Goa, frequented all the classy clubs, collected sand from all the beaches and tried out the Konkani as well as Portuguese cuisines. Yet for me, the trip had been a dream turned disaster. Not only had I managed to confuse and horrify myself with my sudden feelings for Lakshya, but I had created a wedge in my relationship with both of my best friends. Sanskaar was decidedly reserved around me now while I myself was reserved around Lakshya. Everything, it seemed, was going wrong.
To add to this madness, I had been duly informed by my parents during dinner an hour ago that I was being sent to London to oversee that part of the business as well as to avoid unnecessary speculation about the article that Mark printed. I was angry but in retrospect, this plan makes sense. Not only would it give me time to think about my feelings and what I wanted to do now, but it would end my ongoing personality assassination by one Mark Singh. Thanks to him, many tabloids were running stories about me and this undivided attention on me for all the wrong reasons was affecting me. Had I stood a chance with Lakshya, I would not have minded it but knowing that Lakshya was probably interested in Kavya still, I was just looking like a fool. All my public contact numbers were switched off and I was forbidden to discuss Lakshya and our relationship by my parents.
Now back to the question that was plaguing me- were my feelings for Lakshya genuine? Did they even exist or was it just my imagination? I know for a fact that I care for Lakshya more than I care for Sanskaar now, I trusted him so much that he would be the first person I would call if I fell in a problem. But was that enough?
MEEEEHHHHAAKKKKKKKASAAAAAA
I whipped my head around, trying to locate the source of this creepy voice. Finding it to be coming from my mobile phone, I picked it up in confusion. Lakshya was calling me.
“Hello, Lakshya?”
“Hey PSL! Liked your new ringtone?
“What, in the name of my father’s colorful socks, is this noise?”
“That is you singing while being pissed drunk.”
“NEVER!”
“Yeah. While I was being tortured with this deadly talent of yours, I decided to become of some use. I recorded the cringefest and made it your ringtone. Heavenly, no?”
“Wait, how do you know the password of my phone?”
“You told me yourself, in that drunken state. You were trying to click a selfie and told me to open your phone. I had no idea that you were so obsessed with me that you put ‘Lakshya is Lalloo’ as your password.”
His words brought a smile to my face. Trust him to correct my mood in an instant even though he was the reason behind it worsening. As if reading my thoughts, he asked, “Are you feeling better?”
I sighed. I wasn’t. I was unable to sleep properly and the thought of losing Lucky was making me mad. I decided to tell him that. “I…am not. Honestly Lakshya, I am not feeling better. Yes, you have brought a smile on my face for now, but as soon as this phone is kept down, I would revert to my depression.”
“Then don’t keep the phone down. Talk to me for as long as you want to. Tell me what is happening, what are your feelings, your insecurities. Tell me everything, right from the start. You know I won’t judge you…….”
“Don’t be stupid. You have a meeting tomorrow. I can’t keep talking to you, you have so much work…..”
“Don’t be stupid. I also have just you. Will you rob me of my wishes and duties towards my only true friend?”
I found myself at a loss for words. To be thus thought of and cared for by someone other than my parents, someone I had now developed feelings for, was the supreme feeling of joy for me. I wanted to tell him everything, confess my feelings and ask for his opinion. It seemed ironical that I felt comfortable in discussing about my feelings to the person I had them for!
“Lakshya…..really. I know you care for me but I care for you even more. We will talk tomorrow. I swear, tomorrow evening.”
“PSL, really………………..”
“No, really. I will be fine till then. We will talk tomorrow. Lucky’s Caffe at 5. Done?”
“If that’s what you want. Be fine. I know that Mark and his article are troubling you. Honestly, I hate this mindset where it is the woman who has to bear the brunt of everything. Even my name is involved but the maximum I am being subjected to is a call or two for comments. I am so sorry.”
“I am glad you feel this way, but unfortunately, that is how it works. I am fine. Goodnight, and all the best for tomorrow.”
“Thanks mate. Goodnight.”
I gave a sigh of relief as I disconnected the call. One more moment and I would have blurted out everything. Thank God I could control myself.
I had just come back after my night time rituals when my phone rang again. I saw a message from Arjun, asking me to come online on Houseparty for a group video chat. I saw Nisha, Arjun, Kabir, Radhika, Twinkle and Kunj online, all looking at me suspiciously. I raised my eyebrows at them.
N: Wassup?
Ka: How are you?
R: You look ill baba.
T: Arrey go to the parlour and get a multani mitti facial done.
Ku: Shut up Twinkle!
A: ALRIGHT GUYS! LET HER SPEAK.
Me: Ho gaya? Thanks Arjun…..
T: But the idea of a video chat was mine.
Ku: I am so proud of you. Now shut up.
R: Guys please, focus. We are here to ask her if she is fine or not.
Ka: Chal jhoothi, you are here to ask if she is dating Lakshya or not!
N: KABIR!
Me: Guys, I am dating no one.
Ku: But do you want to? That is the question.
Me: I….don’t know.
T: She wants to be, she is just shying away.
R: Guys, please. Ragini, sweetheart, do you like Lakshya?
Me: I really don’t know. Did you all come online to ask this? Is this why Sanky isn’t online too?
A: Frankly, the way he has been acting about this issue, we thought to kick him out of this chat.
Me: There is no issue, in the first place.
Ka: Bro, you cannot lie to us. We know you.
N: Dekh Ragini, we were interested initially but since a few days, we have noticed that you are disturbed.
Ku: Exactly! We are worried for you. We know that you would never get depressed over a stupid Mark Singh article. It is clearly something more.
T: Shall I say something?
Ku: NO!
R: Guys, please. Rags, jaan, please. Talk to us. We are very worried.
Me: I am so sorry guys. It is just that I don’t know. I think I like Lakshya but how is it possible? I like Sanskaar!
T: And he likes my ass!
Ku, A, N, R, Ka: Shut Up Twinkie!
Me: No, seriously. I am confused. I know just one thing, I don’t want to lose either of them.
A: But if you had to lose one and if you had a choice, who would you choose?
I stared at everyone’s expectant faces. This was not a fair question. Between Sanskaar and Lakshya, I trusted only one more. And judging by the looks on everyone’s faces, I knew they understood my response in my silence.
Ka: Admit it Rags. You will choose Lakshya.
R: Lakshya it is, right?
Me: I didn’t say that…….
A: But you didn’t take Sanskaar’s name promptly as you used to before. You have clearly moved on.
Ku: It is okay Rags. Sanskaar was the ideal choice since he was part of the group. But he wasn’t the perfect choice ever.
N: And he can never stick to a girl. We don’t want you heartbroken. And he is too busy with Swara…….
Me: But how can this be?
T: Why not? Ragini Shekhar Gadodia, you are an amazing woman who deserves the best. Lakshya may not be the best but he is definitely the best for you. He cares for you, is considerate about your feelings, knows your likes and dislikes, makes an effort for you and your friends and most importantly, makes you feel good about yourself, something Sanskaar never did. He makes you smile. Why can you NOT like him?
Ku: Exactly?
Me: But doesn’t that mean I am fickle?
N: That just means you have finally gained sense Rags.
Ka: Stop being foolish. What do you mean by fickle? Falling for someone who cares for you isn’t fickle, it is sensible.
A: You remember that night in Shimla, when we went for a trip? You told us what all you desire in your dream man. Now tell me, between Sanky and Lakshya, who fits the bill?
R: See, we aren’t pressurizing you. We came here to know what was bothering you and now we do. We have also given you the solution. We all like Lakshya, Ragini. He first seemed too good to be true but we realize his flaws now. And none are so grave that we wouldn’t want to see you with him. Just think about it. Talk to him. Talk to Sanky. Gauge your feelings while conversing with them. And then decide.
Ku, Ka, A, N, T, R: Take care. Bye.
I let out a long sigh, as I disconnected and fell on my bed. They were all right. There was no reason for me not to like Lakshya. But does love see reason?
A solid vibration of my now silent phone brought me back from my thoughts. I saw a message from Lakshya. I frowned, wondering why he had not gone to sleep yet.
L: Hey, I know you must not have slept till now and to be honest, even I couldn’t sleep. I have perfected the Marble Mawa cake, so do have a bite of it tomorrow. Meanwhile, I know you are disturbed and so, I have tried to create a mashup of sorts of all the soothing songs that you like and have in your playlist. Some of them are also my favorites. Do listen to the mashup and try and go to sleep. It is very gentle, I am sure it will help you sleep. Don’t you dare take any pills! Goodnight❤.
I stared at the screen for a long time, re-reading the words till I had memorized them by heart. With trembling hands, I connected my phone to the music system in my room and played Lucky’s medley. Beautiful and melodious music wafted through the room as I recognized acoustic versions of Arijit Singh’s songs and a mix of guitar. The mashup was beautiful, it had classical Hindustani songs blended with modern instrumental songs- Bollywood, English, Spanish and many others. As each tune followed the previous, my mind registered the fact more forcibly that Lakshya had worked hard to create this medley of songs just to create a lullaby and put me to sleep.
As sleep soon started engulfing me, I had a vision of sitting in a cozy living room, sprawled on the floor and laughing. I looked older but I was glowing, caressing my baby bump. Touching my bare feet with his, was Lakshya, holding a little child in his arms, making faces. Lakshya looked at me gently and leaned in to kiss my forehead, full of love and joy.
And it was then that I accepted that I was in love with Lakshya Maheshwari and no other man could take his place- in my heart and my life.
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Phew, I was trying to stall Cocktail since it is to end within a shot or two. I hope you liked this part. Drop in your comments and let me know.❤