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when i was a little girl, i had a passion of flying kites. i would fly them every evening at a exact time, in the same place where the gentle waves scatters the evening sun like the sequins that laid scattered and the sand is softly golden with just the right comforting warmth. to rest on the beach feels like a cosy hug, one only matched by the sunshine filled sky. even during exams, i just had to fly a kite.
maybe because that way i could meet the man of my dreams. mahir sehngal.
we both were not from the same background, he was very poor with not much to live on and he didn’t have a proper education yet he was very clever. he never begged, instead he ran a little stall where he would himself make lemonade and sell it. i on the other hand came from a multi billionaire family, had everything i wanted – well what my parents thought i wanted- but yet i longed for a simple life. i hated it when high class people would come to my parents’s house for all these meetings. it meant i never had attention from them. but mahir….he gave me all the attention and love in the world.
we met when i was 8. I was simply flying a kite as the sun was slowly taking its own sweet time to set. then the kite became loose and soon it departed from the string. i followed it as it flew with wind till i reach the middle of the beach where a fair young boy, no more than 10, held my rainbow kite looking at this curiously.
‘what is this?’ the very first thing he ever said to me. i happily told him it was a kite and he looked very amused.
the very next day, i came to the beach with my kite and was about to fly it when i heard hi. i turned and remember seeing his eyes sparkle when he saw me and that cute smile….haaye. i felt a smile being formed as i saw his cute face. he wanted to know how to fly a kite and i showed him. to be fair, it looked as if he was more focused on me than learning how to fly the kite though he did succeed in making the kite fly i will admit.
he was my best friend after a few meetings on the beach. we would play in the sea and build sandcastles with wet sand. we would collect seashells as well. though there were some days when we left the beach and went to a beautiful place where no one else but us knew. a secret garden mahir found. it was gorgeous. the bonsai trees lined the perfect lawn in their wooden boxes. in the centre there was a pond as large as a small lake with flowering lily pads and a wooden bridge that crossed the middle so you could look down at the koi carp. the flower beds were a riot of May colour and even on close inspection they were weed-free.
amid each green leaf and delicate petal, there were the dancing birds and the squirrels that darted. it was as if the song, the scurries and the subtle movements of flora are their voice, the song of true love for those who listened with more than their ears. i listened to this beautiful song with my heart and because of that song, i learnt that mahir was my mr right and if i was ever to marry, it would be him only.
soon we both grew up, mahir’s financial issue was not going anywhere but he always had the passion to study. growing up, whenever a kid put their old study books for the bin he would nick them and absorb every bit of information from them.
he wanted to be a doctor as his mum died from cancer when he was only 8 leaving him and his little sister alone and his father was grief-stricken ever since. he got a scholarship with my help and was soon going to leave to Delhi to study medicine. i was so happy for him. i myself finished my studies on fashion designing.
three days before he left for Delhi, he proposed to me with a lily on the beach and my answer was yes. I don’t remember much about that day but all I knew is that I didn’t go home till the very next day.
but….life is always cruel. I told my parents the next day that I wanted to marry mahir. I told them all about him but a marriage proposal more like business proposal was slammed right into my face and their words ‘you can only marry a man of our standards’ ringed in my head.
the night before he left, we met on the beach but my back was turned to him as I was flying a kite. tears filled my ears and I could feel my heart breaking as the kite departed from the string and landed in mahir’s hands. he must have read the note which was on the kite ‘my parents are getting me married to a man of their standard, I am sorry but maybe it was never meant to be’.
when I heard his voice for the last time, he was heartbroken and I couldn’t even show him my face as it would hurt me a lot. tears ran as I heard his voice one last time.
mahir: goodbye bela. maybe this goodbye may be forever but I want you to know that you are my only true love and you are the best thing that happened in my life. I hold your love deep within my heart and your love has given me beautiful dreams. if I ever happen to cross your mind again, please don’t hesitate for one second to look for me no matter where you are. goodbye bela, I love you.
we were like the kite and string. the kite and string held on for as long as it could till eventually the kite became loose and detached itself from the string
my eyes dripped with tears. my walls, the walls that hold me up, made me strong just… collapsed. moment by moment, they fell. luckily no one could see my silent tears as the red veil was covering my face and my head was bent down. i was forcing myself to walk the seven rounds. i didn’t want to because after those seven rounds i would be officially married and that i didn’t want but what to do? my fate was cursed.
seven rounds later, I was officially bela advay singh raizada. sindoor was on my maag and the nuptial necklace choking my neck. after the vidaai, I left my parents home to start a life with advay singh raizada as much to my disappointment. advay didn’t look as if he was much interested in this marriage either.
five weeks of hell passed and I was hating life day by day. suicide crossed my mind a million times. I felt sick and dizzy a lot. that advay singh raizada was someone who I hate with all my heart. if I didn’t do one thing right like put sugar in his tea, he would beat me up. he was very possessive and he would come home drunk most nights and then pull me into the game of [email protected] before he could enter me, he would faint. gladly.
one day near the stairs, he was beating me up for a mistake i didn’t even do till i lost my balance. one minute I saw light but the next I saw more darkness.
the stark smell of bleach was overwhelming. I scrunched my eyes at the bright light that was sipping through my closed eyelids. I felt powerless and heavy. I could not move my hand, my head or my body.
I slowly started blinking, desperately trying to open my eyes and see what’s around me. where was I? as blinding light slowly subsided I could take a look around my surroundings. I was at the hospital.
the room was pristine clean and gloomy. typical hospital bed, IV and monitors beeping. the walls were a sickly green color and the linens were grayish. the place looked nothing like a room where a patient should be motivated to get better. if anything the murky room was making me even more nauseous.
just then a nurse came with me along with advay who was looking as angry as a raging bull with a red cloth. my heart suddenly started to beat as fast as anything seeing his face.
nurse: we are sorry mrs raizada, you lost your child.
my brain stuttered for a moment and my eyes took in more light than I expected, every part of me went on pause while my thoughts caught up. child? my hands slowly placed themselves on my stomach as I was trying to digest this information. soon a flashback came to me about that night mahir…mahir proposed to me. that night we made love….in the beach house….no protection.
fb (no POV):
slowly his lips made contact with her neck as she moaned in pleasure.
then his hand wrapped around her waist as she started to unbutton his shirt.
both landed on the bed with her on top of him.
(back to Bela’s POV):
i felt ashamed that i lost my own child….my child with mahir and that child….that child was my last memory of mahir. i lost a mini mahir that day and that day advay was more abusive than ever.
bela’s POV ends.
it had been three years since bela lost her and mahir’s child. since then advay has tortured her both mentally and physically. he would come home drunk, smash plates on her head (thanks goodness she was still alive), beat her up till she was bleeding, some days he would put on protection and then attack her in a game called [email protected] he wouldn’t even pass out, he would only stop when he felt bela was tortured enough.
as for bela one of life’s most painful losses is that of an unborn child. miscarriages cause a pain that is unfamiliar to most and understood by few……the intense grief after losing mahir’s baby caused her overwhelming, possibly frightening, emotional and physical reactions. she didn’t even know she was pregnant and when she got to know, it was when she already lost it. she was left to wonder what might have been and a pair of empty arms can seem emptier than ever before. only a mother can explain the pain of losing her child.
dark…the dark now became her best friend as all she saw in life was darkness. she wanted mahir back but he was busy studying. she wanted to escape hell but advay kept high security around the house as according to him, bela cheated on him after they got married but that wasn’t true.
advay came home stumbling. it was clear that he had been drunk again. he went upstairs and into his and bela’s room.
‘bela!’ he called out, lust clear in his voice. ‘tonight satisfy me.’
near the window was a girl, she turned and she was revealed to be bela.
her complexion was ashen. her natural golden skin had sunken in tone to something so lifeless. bloodshot pallid eyes and bloodless lips. it was a result of her pain. without even arguing, she walked slowly to advay well limped to advay. he trapped her in his arms and then the game of [email protected] started.
his lips brush hers. not innocently and gently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. she tried to pull away but she couldn’t as his arms were wrapped around her waist very tightly. once he broke the liplock, he took of her clothes to give him more pleasure and slowly took his clothes off. she wasn’t wearing a bra so he took full advantage of that. he started to suck on each boob till he was happy and leaving purpley red marks.
then he kissed every inch of bela’s face then more harshly hovered on bela’s body and gave her love bites on her collar bone, cleavage Valley and other parts. once he was satisfied with that, he situated himself in between her thighs and without thinking twice, started to thrust hardly leaving tears to roll down her eyes as she felt the pain once again.
soon he was happy and left her aching on the bed as he kept his clothes back on and left the room.
bela went to the washroom and turned the shower on, letting the mwater wash the monster’s touches away. once done, she changed into a simple salwar kameez and went back to the room.
the tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I felt the muscles of my chin trembled like a small child and I looked toward the window, as if the light could soothe me. There was static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I lived with. I heard my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It took something out of me I didn’t know I had left to give. That’s the way it was when people are hard. It’s like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see.
that night changed everything for me.
three weeks later:
after that encounter, I have been having cramps, small bleedings, dizziness, sickness the list goes on and on.
one day, I was cooking for my mother in law who came to visit. as I was cutting onions, my eyesight blurred, but not because tears were welling up. everything became fuzzy; then I saw nothing at all. my consciousness was floating through an empty space filled with a thick static. throughout the inky space my heartbeats pounded loudly, echoing in my ears, alongside fading pleas for help. feeling in my body drained away until finally all was black.
I woke up in my room, a doctor on one side and advay and my mother in law on the other side. before I had the opportunity to speak, the doctor said: congratulations you are pregnant.
right when I was about to give up, right when I was about to let go of the dwindling ray of hope that flickered dangerously inside me, the blanket of blackness was replaced by bursts of light that pierced through the darkness. it was like the heavens had given me another chance to live my life right, and my heart soared, mending itself once more. waves of happiness and relief washed over me, and I felt it soak right into her bones. dizzy with exaltation, I closed my eyes and savoured the felicity that fizzled in my heart
a tiny thing wrapped in a fluffy white blanket was placed in her arms. just after an operation, I was blessed with a gorgeous little girl.
when I saw my daughter for the first time, I was filled with overwhelming gratitude. there, in my arms, was everything that I needed to heal the pain of over three years of struggling with the loss of my first child. holding her simply wiped away everything that existed before her. I was amazed that one little person could have so much magic.
however something didn’t feel right when I look up at advay, anger so visible on his face.
‘KILL THIS CHILD’
he yelled right at my face the minute we came home.
advay: HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME A DAUGHTER?! FOR ONCE I GAVE YOU LOVE AND CARE DURING THESE NINE MONTHS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD GIVE ME A SON BUT NO! f**kING USELESS WOMAN!! GAVE ME A DAUGHTER! WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY?! KILL THAT CHILD! DO ANYTHING BUT I WANT HER DEAD!!
I had have enough of his disgusting behaviour. love and care? more like fear and pressure. I was tired of being silent. I was tired of him having his way. these last three years he would torture me. he has destroyed me both physically and mentally. he made me leave my career as well. he would give me more pain when I was already grieving my dead child….the child I never got to meet. but enough! now he had to listen and I will talk!
me: ADVAY! HAVE SOME SHAME MR ADVAY SINGH RAIZADA!! YOU WANT TO KILL A CHILD?! A CHILD WHO HASN’T SEEN THE WORLD PROBABLY YET! WHO HASN’T LEARNT WHAT LIFE IS REALLY ABOUT!! THREE YEARS….THREE YEARS I HAVE BARED YOU, YOUR WORDS, YOUR WAYS OF TORTURING ME…I DIDN’T SAY A WORD BUT NOW IS ENOUGH!! I ALREADY LOST ONE CHILD THANKS TO YOU AND THAT CHILD…I NEVER KNEW I WAS EVEN PREGNANT!! AND NOW I DON’T WANT TO LOOSE MY DAUGHTER! YOU KNOW WHAT?! I AM LEAVING THIS HELL AND I AM TAKING MY DAUGHTER WITH ME!!
advay looked at me dangerously but for once, I didn’t get scared.
advay: fine leave. LEAVE THIS PLACE BEFORE I KILL YOU AND THAT b*t*h!!
me: WITH PLEASURE! AND DON’T YOU CALL MY DAUGHTER A b*t*h YOU blo*dy DICKHEAD!!!
I went to the room where advay would use me for himself and found a small bag. in that small bag, I kept a few stuff and went back to the main room, picked my daughter and went to the door. before I left, i remember something was in my bag. i took the papers out and said: here are the divorce papers which you already seemed to have signed. also do tell the lawyer that the baby is mine and i have my baby’s custody.
i took a pen and then wrote my signature throwing the papers at his face.
me: thank you advay. thank you for showing me what pain is.
and with that, i left him with my baby daughter. to start a new life. to start a new chapter.
in twilight the beach was tinted sepia, the sand more orange, the water darker, our skin soft to the eye. i stared at the waves, going up and down so calmly. it had been ages since i went to the beach but it has always been a second home to me. as i stared at the waves, memories of me and mahir came back. just then i felt a tug at my duapatta and saw two kids holding a kite.
kid 1: didi, please help fly this kite.
me: of course beta but is it ok if you can hold my baby whilst i fly this kite?
kid 2: yes didi, it will be fine.
smiling, i gave my baby to the eldest kid and took the kite. soon it was flying in the twilight. just then the kite departed from the string and along with the kite, my duapatta flew as well. as i searched with my eyes for it. the kite and the duapatta were in the hands of a very familiar man.
his eyes were black, not soulless nor lifeless. Instead they were like two pristine stones of onyx, that lit up with a purple flare when touched by candle light. the perfect face shape. as i drew closer to him, he was no other than….MAHIR!
i hugged him tight crying and soon i felt his arms wrapping me.
mahir: bela, you?
bela: haan mein. i missed you mahir, i really missed you mahir. he was a devil mahir. a devil.
mahir: i missed you too.
he has became so successful. finished his medical course in a year and then became more successful in the medical field that he gave his father and sister a new life. his sister, gauri, has grown up to be such a beautiful woman and his father was so sweet letting me and my baby stay in their house.
mahir and i had so much to catch up that night but soon the dead baby conversation came out.
bela: haan. because of advay, i lost my baby. i lost our baby. and i didn’t even know i was pregnant. i was really depressed. i was going to look for you but advay kept such high security that it was impossible to escape from the window.
mahir: i can’t believe this. i feel so guilty.
me: why? it wasn’t your fault.
mahir: but i wished that we never did it so then you wouldn’t have to go through pain.
me: but at least god blessed me with a new baby. mahir, i don’t care if she was made with advay but for me, she is not advay’s daughter. was never, never is and never will be advay’s child.
mahir: biased idiot! i wish i could kill him right now.
me: that is not necessary. i want to start a new chapter with my daughter and you. we wanted to marry but at that time my parents made me marry a devil. now i am with you and i just want to stay with you.
mahir: same but please give me some time so that i can bond with the baby. please.
me: you have all the time you want.
i was back on the mandap, taking the seven rounds again but this time with the one i loved. a smile was permanently glued on my face. it took mahir two months to bond with the baby and now he proudly goes around calling himself a father of a beautiful little girl. i couldn’t ask god for a better soulmate. he put me through so much pain for a reason. i am now glad he did because now i am where i want to be. with mahir and with our daughter, meher.
her POV ends.
her smile shone like stars after dark, with no city lights to dim them. for in that moment time stopped to stare and admire her. despite everything she’s been going through, she still persisted to smile and be the one thing that brightened up even the saddest of days.
mahir ‘s POV ends.
his smile was one of happiness growing, much as a spring flower opens. I could see how it came from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. a person smiles with more than their mouth, and I heard it in his voice, in the choice of his words and the way he relaxed. it was beautiful.
a falling kite started my love story and now it restarted it. we built so many dreams as children and now we can fulfill them.
cover credits :@_imperfectlyperfect04 on wattpad