We boarded the first flight from Udaipur to Hrishikesh. Kartik understood my desperate need to reach there, he was trying his best to remove frown lines from my face, but it really wasn’t working. I did not want to snap on him but it was getting difficult.
“Naira, look at me, worrying isn’t going to help, we are going there, aren’t we? He is going to be fine. I know he means a lot to you, I understand, but you are worrying too much.” He said.
It was really my break point now, “ You really don’t understand anything Kartik. You don’t even know anything to understand.”
“Tell me then” he said simply, looking into my eyes, he asked my genuinely, but I couldn’t. I was a dumb girl, I won’t share the biggest stupidity of my like with him. “I can’t” I replied.
“Can’t or won’t”, he asked me. It was won’t, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Though he read it on my face. I thought we share everything, I told you my story, it’s your turn.”
I knew I had to. I was the only person who knew, I never told anyone what happened. Not because I was trying to hide anything, just that it never came up. No body ever asked, I guess no one dared to tickle a sleeping dragon. It was a part of my life I was desperately trying to forget. I knew, it was really stupid looking back on them. That what everyone else feels too. But nobody understands. But now that he had asked, I had to tell him.
He held me, wrapped his hand around me, assuring me that he’s there and he would be even after.
I began, “Imagine a 15 year old girl, whose mother was a lady who was perfect. Who she had seen make decision because they were right, caring little about who and what got affected. Not that she didn’t care, it was just my view at that time. I had wanted to become a model that time, I was getting attracted to fashion. Imagine this immature girl, who was seeing her brothers wedding, and her mother only cared about her brother. I now know that she cared for me too, but my 15 year old self didn’t.
I had explained myself that my mother was selfish, only thing that interested her was her own reputation. I was influenced deeply by my best friend that time, Sukanya. I called her Su. She was a model, famous, beautiful. Everything I wanted to be. I befriended her. Only person I talked to, listened to was this girl. My mother didn’t like her very much. She was right in way, she wanted me to do well in school, she could clearly see that this girl was ruining my education. She wasn’t against modelling per se, just the timing, I wasn’t the right age you see. Sukanya had a boy friend whom she had ditched, he was trying to get her back. I as the best friend I was, had warned the guy to stay away from her.
He didn’t like my involvement and had threatened me. He probably wouldn’t have had done anything, but Su hit him on his head. We thought we had killed him. Gayu di was with us when this happened. She was insistent that we tell this to our parents. I was inkling to but wasn’t firm. I was doubtful of my mother’s reaction. And even Su said we shouldn’t. Think this from a point of view of 15 year old, giving in to peer pressure. Her views were important to me.
I was trying to explain to Su that we should tell my mother. That she’ll take care of everything. But she was adamant. We were discussing this on the door of train. In our discussion when the voices were raised I never realised. Some people might have heard all that… She was vehemently denying that we shouldn’t, that …she would stop supporting me if I did. She.. she took a step back…”
I couldn’t continue, words were caught in my throat. He understood and ran his hands down my spine, trying to calm me down. I was sobbing unabashedly. Once I calmed down, he asked me to continue. It was probably better that way. To be done and dusted with it, I didn’t want to think about it again.
“I had just lost my best friend. I locked myself in the bathroom of train, I didn’t realise when I fainted. Police were called, and they found Sukanya’s body. They thought I had run away, people had heard us shouting, it was easier to believe I had.. had killed her. My mother denied. She took me home.”
“I was I’m my room, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as they call it. My family were trying to take care of me, I was almost convinced that I would be ok. Except that day, I heard her saying to police- if my daughter is at fault officer, I would bring her to myself.”
“I again lost all confidence, my doubts came back. Distrust in my mother profound again, except that this time, I was convinced that to prove herself great she would make me a sacrificial lamb. I ran away, to never come back again. I boarded some random train got down at some random station, I was shit scared. Every time siren went off I felt that they were there to get me. Running wildly, in dark of night. Anything could have happened Kartik, anything. I was 15 and scared I didn’t think about it, but to think back. I don’t even dare think about if I hadn’t found Negi Uncle that night.”
“He took me in, gave me basic education, nothing fancy, but it was all he could do. Staying there with Negi uncle and kids made me independent, modest. I understood life there in that ashram. If it wasn’t for Negi uncle I wouldn’t be this Naira. He pampered me like his own kid. Not a daughter, his son. That Ashram, Negi Uncle, those kids, I cannot explain what I owe to them Kartik. I would give my life to pay them back for what they did to me.”
It was out, finally, my secret was no more a secret. He still had me in a firm grip, I stayed like that, let him absorb the information. I didn’t know how he would react, I was worried, not too much though. He trusted me before knowing everything. He would yet. But a tiny doubt of what if he didn’t, lingered. It was wrong found. I could see that in the set of his jaw. The determination of his eyes. That he would, like me, go out of his way to help them. And I also understood my secret was yet a secret, we weren’t different, just two bodies, rest of us one life one soul. Kartik and Naira were just people. Kaira was life and soul.
Precap – Negi Uncle
Authors note –
I wanted this part to be done in show, so I thought that as this was my show, I can very well add it.
How was it?
And we are on 10th chapter already. I’m ecstatic. How do you feel the story is progressing?
And yet no one of you guessed the food couple- it was Ron and Hermione from Harry Potter, well no potterheads here.
Love everyone of you, keep commenting, keep loving kaira and shivin
Happy reading.