Sanskar could not understand whether he was dreaming or not when he opened his eyes and the tears were at the bay ready to drop. Meanwhile he felt Ragini’s presence very near to him.
“I…” she gulped in suddenly feeling her dry throat. “I am sorry” her voice had the high pitch but less intensity. She sure was broken beyond repair. And he very well knew it. But he was so helpless that he could not mend her and heal her wounds. He so badly wanted to do it.
But the thing only he could do was watch her suffer this guilt. How difficult it was for Ragini was not the question of the moment. It was way too difficult than that for Sanskar. He could not see her like that. He did not had the strength.
He turned slowly covering her in his embrace almost suffocating her. He did not wanted her sorry. He wanted to come out of that guilt. But it was neither in his control nor in Ragini’s. It looked like she will never be out of it. And it sure killed him each second. He cursed his life every second he saw that repentance in Ragini’s eyes.
She was so innocent that she did not even remembered what she caused. She doesn’t even know whether she owns that emotion of guilt or not. That made the situation still worse.
Yes he was prepared for the worst but it was beyond his imagination because Sahil’s forgiveness just added to her misery really and he could not blame his cousin. He knew what Ragini meant to Sahil and what Kumud meant to him.
Though her accepting Ansh came as a bit of relief in all that mess he sure knew the storm is only getting stronger with time. As she will flip each page of her memory and realizing every moment which passed her causing Sanskar, Sahil , Ansh and Vikram to go through things because of her that pain will come alive and she will drown herself more.
It looked like there was no way rather than looking at her suffer and experience the pain double than her. There was no light on the street he was walking. Only darkness.
He just wished he survived it.
He brought her out of the hug and cupped her face and kissed her forehead. “I’m really sorry” she said again this time breaking into a bitter cry. “Shhhh” he said placing his index finger on her lips silencing her.
But her sobs did not stop. And it was painful to hear them.
“I love you okay and nothing matters” he said but he knew no words of his can cause her comfort. “How can you love me?” she asked squeezing her eyes and he hated to look at her painful state.
“Because I don’t know to do anything else with my messed up life” he touched her forehead and the tear dropped his eye.
“And I messed it didn’t I?” she looked at him painfully. “I don’t acknowledge what you blame yourself for. Because I know only one truth” he said rubbing her cheeks with his thumb fingers.
“You are the reason I feel alive. You are someone without whom I cannot even imagine a second of my life. You are the one with whom I want to live my life. And” he took in the much needed breath.
“And you are the only person with whom I want to see the end of my life” he said smiling sadly.
“Why do I deserve all this?” she asked looking into his eyes. “Because you are that princess who brought that light in everyone’s life remember” he smiled a bit. “But I made everyone’s life a misery” she said controlling the growing pain.
“You said you liked my version of story didn’t you?” he asked and she nodded her head. “Then believe me I want you to remember only that version of our story” he said pecking her lips. She closed her eyes painfully.
“Just don’t give upon me please” he pleaded her. She hugged him again burying her face in his embrace.
“Can I ask you that much for my survival?” he asked and she nodded her head. “I can’t face anyone” she said sad.
“I won’t pressurize you to do that also. Take your own time. But one thing” he said and she came out of his embrace to look up at him.
“Just remember the good things the life brought you all these days while anything crosses your memory to weaken you” he said and she smiled forcefully. “I wish I could handle it” she said sadly looking down.
He placed his fingers beneath her chin and lifted her head to look into her eyes. “You are stronger than you know” he kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes letting those tears to drop.
“What have I ever done so good to have you in my life?” asked she. “You have loved me” he said and she smiled at him with her painful eyes.
There was no light still. But somehow his heart knew he will find a way. If he had to see her facing this pain he had to make sure he stays beside her all the time to absorb every negative thought she will have. He had to tolerate her grief because there was nothing he could do to take her out of it.
It might drain her spirit sometimes. But he had to stay beside her even if nobody will be. He had to hold her tight and make her cross this path of life.
Nothing the life was offering them in this journey other than pain. But he had to make sure it doesn’t take her away from him. He just needed her beside him breathing.
And in return he could tolerate anything. Anything and everything.
***.***
Days had been passing and there was no reduction in that sinking feeling Ragini was feeling. She was all lost her charm and chirpiness. The worst of side effects her guilt brought and Sanskar had to deal with it.
He tried cheering her but the smile on her face was momentary. Ansh sure zoned her out for sometimes from all the mess. But she had been finding it difficult to not to feel the pain when he was around.
It was her third test and Sanskar made her sit on the bench outside and walked inside back to the doctor to discuss the things.
“The baby seems fine. But your wife doesn’t look okay” he said and Sanskar smiled sadly. “I can only keep her healthy but not happy” he said and doctor looked at him confused.
“Thank you doctor” he stood up taking the report and scan report and walked out. He saw Ragini glaring blankly at the wall.
It pained him to look at her like that but he was tolerating it. He took the sharp breath not to let the tear to drop. Because he knew that he will only add to her sadness if he expressed his vulnerable condition to her.
“Ragini” he said and she looked away from the place and turned her gaze to him. He wished she will ask him about the baby but she did not. And it wasn’t new.
He wished may be she will change herself a bit after the baby arrives. But she was not showing any signs of excitement about the baby. He missed that smile on her face while she used to talk about the baby in the past.
He walked silently beside her. “Chocolate?” he asked pointing at the shop. She nodded her head.
“Bhayyu will be angry” she said suddenly without realizing and that drew a huge smile on Sanskar’s face. It had been so many months that she even mentioned about Vikram. He knew she missed him every second but she had no courage to express it. She stopped realizing what she said.
“I don’t like eating” she changed her sentence and Sanskar smiled inwardly as he knew it was a good thing that she at least tried to express it.
He nodded his head and walked beside her and they reached his car. He helped her with the seat belt and then drove the car to Rawat mansion.
There was kind of sudden bustling in the mansion. Sanskar stared in confusion. “Oh my god I missed you both like hell” Annapurna squealed happy hugging Ragini and Sanskar as they entered the mansion. Sanskar smiled weakly and Ragini stood not looking up.
Annapurna was surprised as she looked at Ragini who was not her usual self. Kishan and Anjali exchanged glances as they also observed Ragini. Durgaprasad walked to them and blessed them and Ragini still did not looked up at any of them. She walked from there.
“What happened to her? Tell me you did not upset her” Kishan asked Sanskar. Sanskar nodded his head lightly.
“What happened Sanky?” Anjali asked concerned. Sanskar had always found Anjali more like a friend among all his sister in laws. She had been his support system always. He leaped forward and hugged her and bust into bitter sobs. Anjali patted his and looked at him concerned.
“You are scaring me. Tell me what happened?” she asked dragging him out of the hug and placing one hand on his cheek. He looked at her with painful eyes. He so much needed her these days was visible in his eyes.
****.****
All of them were too shocked to believe any of the things Pari narrated them. But it was true never the less. And eventually they have to grasp it.
Anjali looked at Sanskar with her eyes filled with tears. “You went through so much” she looked at him painfully. “It was the least I could do because I love her and I feared of her this state only” he said and buried his face in her palm.
Annapurna looked at her son emotionally and walked up to the room where Ragini was. She knocked on the door and Ragini looked up and found Annapurna standing.
She wanted to crush her mother in law after she returned from a near to death experience but the knot in her heart made it difficult.
She looked away not able to meet her eyes and Annapurna neared her more. She sat in front of Ragini who did not raised her gaze.
“Ragini” Annapurna bent her head trying to get a look. “Can I talk to you?” she asked and Ragini nodded her head. “I know you are going through a lot” she said and Ragini closed her eyes.
“I won’t tell you to forget everything in a go. But you can try at least” said she unsure.
“Forgetting the sins I committed has been the biggest punishment I cannot overcome” she said sadly not looking up and it pained Annapurna.
“I know the feel of it. I have seen Sanskar in this state when he was so drowned himself after he woke from his injuries. But he took a different path to hide it. He became emotion less. And you know I was so worried for him” Annapurna said emotionally.
“But you brought him out of it” she lifted Ragini’s head. “And I was the same person who pushed him to it also right” she said painfully.
“We can’t control whose life we affect in what way. Sometimes we really can’t help from hurting them or pushing them to something worst of their nightmares. It is quite complicated” Annapurna smiled.
“But there is something we can control” she smiled and Ragini looked at her. “We can heal the wounds. We can mend the ways. We can surely not fight destiny but” she stopped.
“But we can stand with them to face everything” she wiped her tears and Ragini stared her.
“And you did that without even realizing yourself. Consider yourself lucky to get a chance. Because everyone doesn’t get to choose that they can heal the wounds they created. Nobody has the wisdom to repent it in that way” Annapurna caressed Ragini’s cheek.
Ragini hugged Annapurna and let out her tears. And Annapurna caressed her hair. She knew Ragini will take time but she had a hope that everything will be back to normal not immediately but eventually.
That hope was enough.
****.****
Sanskar was caressing Ragini’s hair while she fell asleep beside him. His phone vibrated and he took it without disturbing her sleep.
His eyes gleamed looking at the text.
“Everything is ready” he read the message and a huge smile appeared on his face. “Thank you” he replied back and placed the phone on the side table.
He slid beside Ragini and kissed her forehead and she stirred in her sleep. He patted her forehead so that she can falls asleep again and he was successful.
There was something in the air tonight and it made his heart a bit happy. It had been months that he even felt his heart beat. How could he even when his life was drowning herself with each passing second.
He closed his eyes and the sleep covered him in warm embrace in that chilly winter night and it almost felt he was in some heaven.
****.****
Sanskar looked at Ragini’s image in the mirror placing his head on her shoulder. She did not looked up. He stretched his lips to hide his disappointment.
He strengthened himself taking a deep sharp breath and walked out of the room to reach the car. Ragini was just walking with him not aware of the things which were about to follow.
Sanskar glanced at her while he was driving. But she did not looked anyways interested to know where he was taking her.
He halted the car and helped Ragini step out of the car. Sanskar flung his hand across her shoulder and gave a quick squeeze. She looked at him and he signed her to look front.
Her eyes went wide and she felt her heart dropping into the pit of darkness. She took her steps back. “No” she whispered and a tear dropped her eye as she controlled her heart a lot. But everything looked of no use. Was she ready to do this?
*****.*******
Oh god finally I have reached this milestone.
Can’t really believe it.
Okay so let me know of few things.
1. Do you feel I’m dragging this?
2. Tell me your favorite scenes of this story so far.
3. Which bond makes you cry most? And which one cracks you up and which one lives a wid grin on your face.
4. Which song do you like me to incorporate into this story?
5. Nominate for the following.
A. Best pati
B. Best patni
C. Best friend
D. Best neem coated Karela.
E. The cute jodi
F. The romantic Jodi
G. The Tom and Jerry Jodi.
6. Describe your journey with this story with any of your favorite character.