Part 11
With his head dropped in his hands he was letting the silent tears make their way from his eyes drenching his shirt, he just wanted to forget all about the mess he was in right now. To make his mind numb to the heartache he was having now he tried to drown himself in tons and tons of whiskey bottles.
(Note: Guys another song to describe Advay’s feelings, his pain and the hell he is in right now.)
Runnin’ by Adam Lambert
“Steel to my trembling lips
How did the night ever get like this?
One shot and the whiskey goes down, down, down” He gulped down the whiskey in his glass in one go which went down giving a burning sensation to his throat and burned his chest. He liked this burning against the coldness that was taking over his heart. He felt that he has nothing to live for now, he wanted to die or at least be insensitive against the guilt and pain that was slowly killing him.
“Bottom of the bottle hits
Waking up my mind as I throw a fit
The breakin’ is takin’ me down, down, down” But one bottle didn’t numb his pain and besides the pain he felt like something is boiling inside him he knew what it was. It was his anger and his rage for himself and the man who was the reason of turning him into a monster. For now he was feeling like he wanted to destroy the whole world, smash everything, break everything and turn the world into ashes.
“My heart’s beating faster
I know what I’m after
I’ve been standing here my whole life
Everything I’ve seen twice
Now it’s time I realized
It’s spinning back around now
On this road I’m crawlin’
Save me cause I’m fallin’
Now I can’t seem to breathe right
Cause I keep runnin runnin runnin runnin
Runnin runnin runnin runnin!
Runnin from my heart!” With his rage he was also feeling miserable because he knew that he was desperately in love with Chandni but he also knew that Chandni hated him. He wanted her to forgive him and love him, but he also knew that he didn’t deserve it. He wanted her to be his salvation, his savior and his redemption, but he also knew that her hate for him was his hell and it was going to be there for the rest of his life.
“Round and around I go
Addicted to the numb livin’ in the cold
The higher, the lower, the down, down, down
Sick of being tired and sick
And ready for another kind of fix
The damage is damning me down, down, down
My heart’s beating faster
I know what I’m after
I’ve been standing here my whole life
Everything I’ve seen twice
Now it’s time I realized
It’s spinning back around now
On this road I’m crawlin’
Save me cause I’m fallin’
Now I can’t seem to breathe right
Cause I keep runnin runnin runnin runnin
Runnin runnin runnin runnin!
Runnin from my heart!” “I need more of it” he thought to himself while gasping for air for it was getting harder for him to breathe with all these pent up emotions of guilt, pain, rage and misery. He took another bottle and poured its content in his glass and gulped it instantly welcoming the burning sensation closing his eyes. The moment he closed his eyes Chandni’s innocent and angelic face twirled in front him and he remembered all the pain he had inflicted upon her. “She is never going to forgive me for what have I done to her” he thought painfully, his grip on the glass grew stronger and stronger until it broke into his hand giving a deep cut into his palm and blood gushed out of the cut.
“Whoa, I’m coming alive
Whoa, I’ll wake up now and live
Whoa, I’m coming alive
A life that’s always been a dream
I’ll wake up now and live!
I’ve been standing here my whole life…
My heat’s beating faster
I know what I’m after!!!
I’ve been standing here my whole life
Everything I’ve seen twice
Now it’s time I realized
It’s spinning back around now
On this road I’m crawlin’
Save me cause I’m fallin’
Now I can’t seem to breathe right
Cause I keep runnin runnin runnin runnin
Runnin runnin runnin runnin!
Runnin from my heart
Cause I keep runnin runnin runnin runnin
Runnin runnin runnin runnin!
Runnin from my heart!” He looked at the cut and a bitter smile appeared on his face full of hate and disgust for himself “yes Mr. Advay Singh Raizada the worst monster on the face of earth ever, you deserve this pain and worst than this, this wound is nothing compared to what you have done to Chandni and yet you wish that one day she forgives you and accept you whole heartedly, how delusional are you? Come out of your world of fairytales and live in the real world. What do you think, you will show her your regrets, pledge to repent your sin, make promises of giving her the life you brutally snatched away from her and show your love to her and it all will be rainbows and butterflies in your life. She hates you from the core of her heart, she is never going to forgive you, she will never be your salvation and she will definitely not fall in love with you because you are monster and you deserve to be hated truly and deeply” he told himself not caring about the pain caused by the wound, not even bothering how deep the cut was or how much blood he was losing.