Swara had dreamt of this moment for so long. She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but she’d missed him like crazy. Her subconscious was proving it again and again.
She always woke up from intense dreams, panting and gasping for air. The mere thought of him kissing her again made her shiver. But now that his lips were finally touching hers, she couldn’t find the courage to give in.If she answered to his kiss, she’d be putting her heart out on her sleeve again.
All the while all that was going on in her head, her heart fluttered as he was testing her, it was part of their occasional foreplay that she’d play hard to get and he’d eventually convince her to give in.
He was teasing her, kissing the corners of her mouth and slowly dragging the tip of his tongue along her lips, softly biting on them here and there.She was fighting the urge to just succumb to his increasingly fervent kisses. He’d worked his hands up into her hair, engulfing her completely.
Tears were rolling down her face and he’d capture each of them with his kisses. It wasn’t just passionate, it was so much more than that. His kisses told her all about how much he’d missed her, how much he was paining to see her like that, how much he was regretting what had happened.
But she couldn’t give in. She didn’t have the courage to do it. She knew that life without him was no life at all, but she just knew she couldn’t forgive him. He’d betrayed her. He’d gone back to his old ways. And then he went ahead and accused her of cheating on him, that too with their loyal friend.
‘Don’t’ he whispered, resting his forehead against hers and inhaling deeply ‘
Don’t, Swara… don’t close in. Please hear me out…’
Her shoulders were trembling, she was silently crying and her whole body was shaking, he embraced her tightly and pulled her head against his chest
‘Holding you in my arms… it’s like I can finally breathe again’ he exhaled audibly
She nestled over his chest and for amoment she allowed herself to feel loved again. To pretend as if nothing had happened. It took her back to when they were perfectly content, before she lost the baby.
She remembered how happy she was and it made her heart beat even more rapidly
‘I don’t even know what I’ve been doing all this time… it’s like I’ve been asleep, having the worst nightmare…’ he whispered against her hair.
She was trembling again and he soothed her, and made her look at him. For a few moments they just looked into eachother’s eyes. A meaningful gaze that exchanged more than words ever could.
Her eyes were telling him how hurt she was. How much she’d suffered without him. How much it killed her everyday to know that he’d betrayed her.
His eyes were telling her how much he regretted everything that had come in between them. How much he hated himself for letting her go. How much he wanted for them to forget it ever happened.
For a split second,her eyes lowered to his lips, but she quickly looked back into his eyes hoping he hadn’t seen her small slip.But it was too late.His eyes were suddenly portraying a whole different story.
They were telling her about how much he’d missed her. How much he longed for her, how much he lusted for her touch.She was just taking the whole sudden shift in, when he leaned in for another kiss, but this one was different.
He wasn’t asking her for permission, he was taking what rightfully belonged to him. Hesitant at first, but she found herself responding this time, and she had no intention to fight her impulses.She had never felt so scared and so protected at the same time in her life. She felt like she belonged in his arms and had finally arrived “home” after such a long painful journey.
He took a long while to kiss her, to search for every hidden part of her that might still be apprehensive. Slowly he felt her ease up and give in to him fully. Only then he picked her up in his arms, noticing right away how much lighter she was now. He placed her on the bed that was a few feet away, never parting with her, making sure he wasn’t rushing things
He kept watching her between his eyelashes, she never once opened her eyes, she was totally surrendering herself to him, andit drove him crazy.Touching her after so long felt surreal. Her arms were faintly placed around his neck, she could feel her tremble and it reminded him of their first night together.
They knew eachother so well, yet they were acting as though they’d never been intimate before, it all felt so novel yet so familiar at the same time.
Swara was not wearing anything feminine. She wasn’t wearing makeup even. Her hair had not been done, and he soon discovered that her s*xy lingerie had now been replaced by white cotton boxers. Her once curvy body was now replaced by well toned muscles. Yet her kiss was the same, her scent was the same, her touch was the same.
She noticed right away his cologne, it was different. But she still loved it. It was over powered by an intense scent of tobacco. She had noticed the white in his beard and sideburns, but it only made him more manly. He was even better looking than she’d remembered him to be, as though aging was only enhancing his handsome features.
As he’d slowly discarded their clothes, he leaned over her and nuzzled his nose around hers to make her open her eyes. She was overwhelmed with what she saw. She always knew Don loved her. But that I instant she learned just how much. She wished she could somehow never forget that look in his eyes. It was asthough he was hanging by a thread to their last hope at being together. And he was begging her not to let go.
Without even thinking twice, she reached for his lips and kissed him passionately, just like she’d imagined she would all that timethey spent apart.He rested his forehead against hers, panting.
As they became one he took a moment to just sink in the feeling of them being together again after so long. They’d been through so much just to finally get back where they belonged, in each other’s arms. And he intended never to let anything change that, ever again.
How he’d missed her sweet moans and pleas. It felt like music to his ears to hear her unravel beneath him.
Swara couldn’t think about anything else than the present. She didn’t want to. She refused to believe there was anything more important than finally being in his arms again. She didn’t care right then and there about anything. She didn’t worry about what illegalities he’d been getting into, or what he’d done while they’d been apart.
How could all that matter when he was finally there with her? Nothing mattered. She’d nearly forgotten how he’d always bring her to the brinks of ecstasy. Just being in his arms was enough for her to lose her mind, he didn’t even have to try. But he did try, and it felt like he’d concentrated all his efforts into making sure she’d pass out that night.
She was finally there, he was not going to let her go. He had to prove to her again and again how much he’d missed her. He never once stopped kissing her, he never once broke eye contact with her. He didn’t allow her mind to wander anywhere else. He made sure she was very much aware of just how much he loved her.
As he took her hand and pulled it to his mouth to kiss it, she noticed something unfamiliar. He was not wearing his wedding band anymore, as neither was she. But in its place she could now see a tattoo. It was a capital “S”.
She wondered when he’d gotten that done He pulled her into his arms and inhaled her scent
‘I don’t want to let you sleep. What if I wake up and this was all just a dream?’
Her heart ached hearing him talk like that. She’d been acquainted with his poetic side before, but she’d forgotten how surprisingly romantic he could be.
‘I’m not going anywhere’ she whispered
‘I’m not letting you’ he whispered back ‘Not ever again’ he tightened his arms around her ‘I mean it, Swara’
‘I want to forget all of this ever happened. I wish I could…’
she felt like she was going to choke up again when he kissed her all over, soothing her
‘You will, I’ll spend all my life erasing all that from your memory’
he whispered as he kissed her eyelids tenderly she sighed contently and he chuckled seeing her so exhausted
‘Don’t, don’t go to sleep… I’m not done with you’
he added, biting on her earlobes she giggled‘You’re mad. You’re old now, act your age’
‘That does it’ he warned her in a deep voice
Swara bit her lower lip, remembering how she used to tease him before in regard to his age, knowing fully well how he’d go out of his way to prove just how much stamina was stored within him. There was going to be no sleeping, not for a long, long while.
Swara opened her eyes and then rubbed them vigorously. She felt as though she’d been sleeping for ages. For one split second she just enjoyed the feeling and immediately it all came back to her. There was a very good reason behind her tiredness, her soremuscles despite her athletic physique and that feeling of an immense weight having been lifted from her heart.
She looked to her side and quickly stood up as she realized she was alone. Fear immediately snuck beneath her skin. For a moment she even wondered whether it’s happened at all. But there was clear evidence of that to add to the list. The bedsheets were wrinkled, the room was oozing his scent and as she raised a hand to her face she could also feel a small rash around her mouth, caused by his beard- obviously, her skin was no longer used to that.
She flinched when he appeared suddenly from around the corner.She looked at him for a long moment then pinned her eyes to the bedsheets. She didn’t know how to act around him anymore. And she had to take in the view of him standing there, in her small apartment that was too small to fit his aura, his exuberant gestures and imposing stance.Also, she was feeling extremely self-conscious now that he was getting a good look at her, in broad daylight.
‘You’re staring’He chuckled
‘No, I’m oggling’
A smile made its way to the cornersof her lips. He’d always say that. But that didn’t stop her from pulling the bedsheets tighter around her
‘Welll… could you not?’
He sighed and sat deliberately way too close to her, invading the very last drop of privacy she was hoping for
‘Why shouldn’t I?’ he asked in a deep voice, bending to kiss her shoulder‘You’re such a sight for sore eyes’
She smiled again ‘I thought you were going to complain about my boney figure’
He sighed again and lied his head in her laps ‘You’ve no option, sweetheart. I’m only going to be feeding you these days’She giggled and he tagged on her hair slightly, pulling her closer to him
‘And love you. That’s all you’ve got on your agenda: s*x and food’
As her gaze turned heated she suddenly had a reality check. This was a bubble they were sinking into, but real life was not as simple as that.
He chuckled ‘And here comes what I’ve been expecting you to say all along’
‘And that is?’
‘That we need to talk’ he said after a moment of silence ‘But I wantto postpone that for as long as possible’
‘I don’t want to talk’ she said, looking away
He furrowed his brows ‘Am I hearing this correctly? Phir se bolo?’
She eventually looked into his eyes ‘I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to discuss anything. There’s no point, we both know how that’ll play off…’
He regained his initial position ‘I won’t do the same mistake again, Swara. This time everything will be alright’ he rested his forehead against hers
‘I want you to know the truth. Because it’s who I am. And I know you love me no matter what, just the way I loved you all this time, even when I was certain you’d cheated on me’ headded the last sentence on a grave note
‘I’ve loved you when I should’ve been hating you. You’re under my skin, you’re in my blood, you’re in every breath I take’
he looked deep into her eyes‘And I know you love me just as much. I can feel it.It’s what I’m most certain of in this life’
Swara couldn’t believe how perfectly he’d depicted her feelings. She felt the exact same way, only she knew she could I’ve never found the right words to tell him all that was going on inside her heart.
‘That’s the only truth I want to know’ she whispered,
her eyes welling up in a swift motion he captured her lips with his and pushed her back onto the pillow
Swara giggled ‘I thought you were going to feed me’
‘I’ve got a bigger appetite to soothe’
‘This way we’re never getting out of bed’ she feigned resistance
‘You’ve read my mind, sweetheart’
he bit her lower lip and she began undressing him. Why he had bothered to get dressed in the first place, she couldn’t make out.They couldn’t decide whether to go slow or just cater to their long overdue longing. Whenever he’d slow down she’d protest and pick up the pace herself, and when she’d bask in the sheer joy of having his skin on hers, he’d groan and reignite the rhythm.
Suddenly her phone rang, and even she was surprised to hear the unfamiliar ringtone. She was almost never using her cell.They had silently agreed to ignore it. Although silent was not the case as their moans and groans increased, to muffle the sound of the ringtone. When it rang again, Don exhaled audibly and she panted, grinning
‘Maybe this is our wake-up call. Something tells me we’ve lost track of time a long while ago’
‘That was the intention’
he raised an eyebrow and eventually reached for the nightstand to grab her phone.His gaze darkened and she already knew what name must’ve been displayed on the screen
‘Why is this loser spoiling our mood,darling?’ he asked in an aggravated tone.
The call ended before he could pick up (thank God).He couldn’t seem to unfurrow his brows, although he was back at devoting his full attention to Swara.
She noticed that, and just when she wanted to say something, the ringtone echoed again At that point, Don grabbed the phone and threw it swiftly across the hall, scattering it to pieces.
As Swara tried to make sense of what had just happened, Don got dressed from the waist down and went into the kitchenette to look for his cigars.
Swara finally got a chance to get dressed, ever so slowly. She knew him well and it had not shocked her. It almost thrilled her to see him so jealous after all this time. But it also scared her. It was a very mix of all these intense feelings he was igniting in her. She felt alive after such a long time.
When she stepped into the doorflame she could see him pacing the small area. Don would usually smoke just for the sake of smoking, but she could tell that this time it was not the case.
‘This… this is why we should’ve talked’ he pointed out blatantly
‘What’s there to talk about, Don?’ she sighed ‘You already knew about him. He was showing me around Delhi, just as you said. Since you obviously know there was nothing to it, why make a big deal out of it?’
He stared into space while he smoked ‘I don’t know’ he eventually admitted
‘You obviously know there’s nobody else. There never has been. It’s me who doesn’t know what’s happened since I’ve left. And you don’t see me throwing tantrums’
He smoked some more and finally said ‘What do you think happened?’
‘I’m not that naïve,Don. I know you. I know your appetite, as you’ve said so yourself. That’s precisely why I’m not asking. I’d rather just pretend …’ she trailed off, at loss for words.
She obviously hadn’t expected him to had been celibate all that time. She actually suspected him to go out of his way to make up for her absence with as many female companions as possible.He chuckled, still staring into space
‘You probably think I’ve f*cked my way through these agonizing months, don’t you? It’s close to two years… and I’m no saint’
he raised an eyebrowand pierced her eyes with his ‘I can’t imagine how you can just pretend nothing happened and be ok with it’
‘I’m not ok with it. And I can’t pretend. But what can I do? Kick you out? Tell you it’s over, tell you I don’t love you anymore because you’ve cheated once? Who am I kidding, Don? I knew what you must’ve been up to all along, and still loved you. It’s pointless. If I hate you, I’m miserable.Loving you is torture. There’s noway around the pain’
He exhaled audibly ‘Do you trust me?’ he asked out of the blu
She raised an eyebrow ‘That I honestly don’t know’
He chuckled again. She loved his expression wrinkles in the corners of his eyes whenever he’d smile
‘But do you at least know that I’d not lie to you? Not out of principle or respect necessarily, but it’s just the way it’s always been with the two of us.I don’t need to lie to you’
‘Where are you going with this?’
‘I need you to know that I haven’t been with any other woman since we got married. Since before that, actually, but you know that-‘
‘-Huh? Excuse me?’ she was dumbstruck
‘Hear me out. Don’t raise a statue for me just yet. For a long while I just couldn’t get my mind around it. I drowned myself in work, illegal work, just to clear that out before you ask. I ensured my way back at the top, where I always belonged’
Swara felt a lump form in her neck. She knew he’d gone back to his old ways but hearing him confirm it was sending chills up her spine. Also the fact that he was claiming to have not slept with anybody this whole time was the most shocking thing she’d heard in her lifetime.
‘For a long while I didn’t even realize I’d been abstinent.It was as if you’d taken my libido with you when youleft. Nothing aroused me, nothing. I wasn’t concerned, in fact I didn’t even give ita second thought.I don’t know whether Sam told you… but I did something I’m not proud of’
‘I never talked to Sam about you’He shook his head, smirking
‘So I’ve heard… I took Maya away from them ‘
Swara had to sit down, at this point it was getting difficult to keep track of what he was saying and not feel dizzy
‘Don. What are you saying?’
He shook his head again, mirrored her action at the opposite side of the kitchen table and looked back into that point in space
‘I wanted to punish Sam the best way I knew. But that wasn’t the only reason. Most of all, I love Maya. You know I do. I didn’t want her growing up with … what I thought was a low life traitor’
She blinked at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying ‘What do you mean you took her from them?’
‘Just that. I took her to live with mein an apartment downtown London. She hasn’t seen Sam for almost 2 years. For a longwhile she didn’t see her mother as well, but I eventually decided she needed a female figure in her life. But just in the weekends….and Yana has to come all the way from Berlin every week for that.’
‘This is insane… why would you do that…’
Swara felt like chocking. She couldn’t believe how much pain she’d indirectly caused Sam and Yana and of course little Maya.
‘So I filled my time with drugdealing and raising Maya. The most contrasting two occupations I could’ve thought of’ he smiled a sad smile ‘I tried my best to be the father I wished I would’ve been…’
At this point Swara had tears rolling down her cheeks one after the other. They’d never discussed her miscarriage as openly before.
‘And I also began drinking a lot. Not when Maya was around. Never then. She’s never seen me inebriated. But it got out of control… it’s become a problem. That’s why when …’ he inhaled sharply
‘When I first attempted to sleep with someone, I blamed my lack of… excitement, to my increasingly high consumption of alcohol’
Swara just stared at him, she didn’t know what to say. It was all so overwhelming. She didn’t even know what to think, let alone verbalize.
‘Actually, my first attempt was also the last. I couldn’t understand what was happening, and I was comfortable blaming it on the alcohol. But I knew it wasn’t that. Now, obviously, I confirmed what my subconscious has been telling me all along… I’d self-sabotaged myself that night. And, had I tried it again, I still wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. I’m glad I didn’t, now’
he looked at her, locking her gaze ‘But I was downright furious then. I’ve been frustrated about it ever since. And this only happened a short while ago’
Swara lowered her gaze, breaking eyecontact. She was glad to hear he’d not been with anyone for so long because of her, but also knowing how badly he’d wanted to do it, hurt. But she was being silly. Just earlier she’d confessed to being ok with him sleeping with someone else. Because she had no other choice. Now she knew he’d been faithful and was feeling hurt by his mere intention of having s*x with someone else?
It was ridiculous. She had to shrug it off. What was important was the fact that his heart had taken over his body when it came to her.
‘And there’s something else I need you to know, Swara. Look at me,please’
She eventually complied, and he continued ‘You had all the reasons to think I’d gone back to my old ways back then. But I hadn’t, not as yet. I’d feigned wanting Togo back in the business so that I could find out who was after us. As much as dug around, the person that broke into our mansion that day… I could not figure out who it was. They’d left no trail, nothing. I knew it must’ve been someone dangerous enough, then.’
Swara couldn’t gether head around what he was saying. He was on a roll. She didn’t know what was more shocking out of all he’d been telling her
‘I won’t deny, there have been many times when I’d craved going back. And now that I have gone back… I’ll tell you headstart, there’s no denying it anymore, sweetheart… I am what I am. And you know me well enough to have sensed it was a big enough part of me for me to be able to give it up entirely’
She looked away. She knew it was true. Don was what he was and there was no denying it. Having ever expected him to change his ways entirely had been really foolish of her.
‘That’s why you sensed I might have wanted to go back. That’s why you were so convinced that that’s what had happened. Because you know me well enough to think otherwise. But genuinely, I was not planning to get back in the game, but rather make everyone else that mattered believe so. And this was the original reason why I had my eye on you this whole time… I was genuinely concerned for your safety’
he suddenly got up from his chair and went to crouch in front of hers ‘I wasn’t here anymore to protect you’ he placed a strand of her hair behind her ear and then wiped her face gently ‘I couldn’t risk it. I was lying to myself, thinking I was doing it just to prove myself a point… waiting eagerly for you to do something that’d disappoint me… when in reality I knew deepdown that you’d never be able to go on with your life, just like I couldn’t…’
he slowly bent and buried his head in her lap again.
Swara found herself caressing his hair immediately, soothing him. Now she knew the full extent of his misery. He didn’t have to go into details, she knew he’d been suffering just as much as she had.
She felt even more relieved now, upon hearing all that he’d had to say to her. And the best part was that she was not mad at him, not at all. She knew it was wrong, all of it. His taking Maya way from her parents, going back to his old ways, attempting to sleep with someone else. But she knew the reason behind all of it, and it was reassuring to know that he was the exact man she’d fallen in love with, and she wouldn’t have wanted him any other way.
_________________________________
So this was the chapter…I know u all don’t want her to forgive him easily…and I disappointed u all…u expect me to make him suffer but I couldn’t do it…I hope by listening to him u felt something for him also…
Just for her safety Don return back to the underworld just to make sure nothing happen to her…For her safety he spy on her…cz he can’t loose her but she misunderstood him…when he questioned her at that he believes her…he want to hear it from her he want her to prove him wrong.. He want her to share her feelings with him… H want to know the reason why she went to the hostel why he lied to him…
But she didn’t said anything…cz she was not able accept that he doubted her so she didn’t said anything in her defence which makes him to hate but he couldn’t able to do that..
Yes he called other women cz he thought that it will help him to forget her but it was not possible he didn’t do anything and left the girl…it’s true he had been relationship with other women but at that Swara was not there in her life…from the time they became one he hadn’t with any other girl…
about Ragini he didn’t did anything she was gone crazy for him…she only trapped her sister it was not done by him…
I mean to say he did wrong but there us reason behind all these and justified…However he took Maya with her was totally his thinking was for her safety only but cz of his over passiveness…she is away from her patents which is clearly wrong.
Ab Chodo yeh baatein…May be u don’t like what he did but u always appreciate me n my writings which makes me always smile…thanx a lot for your support…
Sorry for not replying to some of comments in last part actually in the early morning my Brother went to Mumbai for his work but by mistakenly I put my phone in laptop bag and he took the bag with him…it was all my mistake but I’m getting mad at him…I have already wrote this part n thought to post it in Morning but he went n just now he came so I’m posting it…the whole my phone was not with me.
I’m so sorry cz I have disappoint you all…but I was out of idea how to make him suffer…actually my mind is not working properly cz some unusual things around me which is making very disturb I couldn’t concentrate on writing my whole my mind is revolving around that only…
First one my relative passed away she was so young…my two friends nani passed away in one day both are different…in front my home a boy hits the water tank and he died on the spot with pool of blood which I saw in front my eyes I’m not able to forget that incident…one of my friends sister passed away she has same age as mine…she was also mine friend I have a good equation with her I’m not able to believe she is no more…so many deaths occur at once I’m also not able to digest it I know all of them personally except the boy…
I want u all to pray for them CX they need it…sorry for bothering you but couldn’t control myself from saying this…I also lost my nani in an accident…I didn’t had any grandparent cz all died when I was small only my nani was there but she also left it’s been some years for her death but I can my friends position so thought to tell you to pray for them
Love you all??????????????