Breakdown moment #Riansh OS (Riddhima’s suffer)

Hello guys. Here is a new os of mine. It is something that has came on my mind and I wanted to get it out cause I really need that. I will tell you its reason at the end. It could be a short one still don’t know. Do tell me your opinion on the comments.

So let’s start.
Riddhima’s POV starts:
I’m not able to bear this pain.
I’m not able to tolerate it and feel as if it is normal.
I don’t know from what I’m crying from it now.
I don’t if it is from the endless pain that I feel it or from my lonely or from that precious and important person that isn’t with me.
I’m alone and feeling so weak.
My health is so terrible and I’m not fine.
I feel that I will die at any time.
I’m not even able to say that.
I must to always appear that I’m fine.
I must to always appear strong in front of everyone.
As I can’t make them worry.
I can’t give this pain to my beloved ones.
I can’t tell them that I’m dying.
I’m really dying.
I have so many physical wounds.
Along with also so many emotional wounds.
Feeling that I’m alone killing me more than this stupid issues.
Feeling that I need to console myself is hurting me.
Now, I’m being at my room alone.
Thinking about how I will handle the next attack if as usual I will face it alone.
I’m thinking about what could I do if I have lost my breathes once again?!
Do I will be saved once again?!
Do I will return back?!
Or it will be the end of me.
I will just leave this world and go to the best place ever.
Just go to God.
Just have that endless relaxation.
I always wish that this pain could end forever.
I always wish that I could find some peace.
I wished a lot that God could take my soul to him.
I do need him.
I do need my God.
He is the one who supports me.
He is the one who understands me.
He will feel my pain.
He knew that I’m trying.
He knew that I’m doing my best.
But he also knew that I got tired.
Yes I’m surrounded with so many loving and caring people.
I know that they love me a lot and they care about me so much.
But still I’m alone because I can’t express all what I owns it inside me.
I can’t tell them everything I owns it.
I don’t know if they will understand or not and even if they will understand I don’t know if they will be able to bear it or not.
I’m broken.
I’m totally broken.
This health issues is making me so weak.
I’m so young to feel that pain.
My age isn’t related to my health at all.
I can’t do so many stuff as what people do at the seams age of mine.
I’m so broken.
I’m alone and shattered.
But still I’m accepting what God has given it to me.
I can’t do anything other than thanking him.
Because God is so generous.
He is giving me this pain because he loves me.
I know that.
I know that God gives sorrows to the ones who he loves the most.
So he could see what will be the reaction and I will always do my best to not fail in this test.
But sometimes I do lose hope.
Sometimes I do give up.
Sometimes I feel that I don’t want this more.
I feel that I’m so weak and I can’t bear this.
Since childhood and I suffering from this health issues.
Since childhood and I’m paining so much.
Since childhood and I’m that weak.
Why it got so high now?!
Why I’m feeling that pained?!
Why?!
I’m so broken.
Even my heart is pouring from pain.
My heart is so shattered.
I could handle my health issues, but I can’t handle my heart.
I can’t handle my shatter and broken.
I’m thinking about him a lot.
I do miss him so much.
I miss him and I can’t tell him about my state.
I can’t tell you Vansh that I’m dying here.
I can’t make him worry.
I can’t make my husband and the only man that I love him so much to worry about my health.
He is abroad.
He is being at Thailand having a business meeting there.
So how I could make him panic?!
I can’t make him know that I’m not good.
I can’t.
That’s why I’m locking myself at my room to not make anyone notices anything about me which could make them tell him.
I have to fake that I’m fine.
I have to hide my body’s pain and my heart’s shatter.
My breathes!
I’m not able to control it.
I’m not able to feel it.
I’m not able to sense about anything now.
I hate this feeling.
I hate that feeling of being weak.
I hate the feeling that I have to rely on something to give me life.
I hate this oxygen mask.
I hate it.
I hate using it.
I always like to depend on myself and my abilities.
I hate depending on such stuff.
I’m always independent and I will keep being this even if I will die.
But I can’t die alone.
I want to die while being on Vansh’s embrace.
I need him.
I do need him.
I need him to cure all my pain.
I need him to calm me down and comfort me.
I’m so broken Vansh.
Please come to me.
Please come I do need you.
I do need this pain to end.
I’m crying.
I don’t know from what exactly I’m crying from.
But I’m just crying so badly.
I’m weak, shattered, and pained.
I’m crying badly.
I need to get all my shatter now.
I need to get all my pain out.
So I could keep being strong in front of people.
I have to take strength.
I have to always be strong.
Like my Vansh always tell me.
My Vansh always love to see me strong and I will keep doing that for his sake.
Just for you Vansh.
Just for you I will fight.
I will fight till the last breath of mine that will be lost and don’t return again.
I will fight so much.
I will be strong.
I will bear this pain.
I will win against it.
I know I will be fine soon.
I will laugh again and smile again.
I will be strong Vansh.
I will be strong always.
I will remove those tears and I will fight.
No.
No.
No.
No.
The attack.
Again.
No.
It is hard.
I’m losing my breathes.
No.
I’m not feeling anything around me.
No.
Riddhima’s POV ends.
Riddhima has fainted.
She was knowing that such an attack could lead her to this state.
Riddhima’s POV starts:
I have waked up!
How?!
Who has saved me and how?!
I have turned to see who is beside me and I have found Vansh in front of me.
I have hugged him so tightly.
I was really needing him so much.
Vansh: Thank God that you have waked up sweetheart. I was going to die if anything has happened to you. I was feeling about you and about your bad state so I have left everything and has came to you. Thank God that I have came at the right time. Thank God that you are fine now.
I hugged him more and more closely.
Me: I was just needing you so much. This attack gets less when you are here. Don’t leave me. These attacks will not leave and I don’t want to express it alone.
I didn’t have felt on myself when I faced another new one.
But this time I was a little relaxed.
As my Vansh is with me now.

The end of the os. I hope you like it. I’m sorry if I made anyone of you emotional as me myself I was crying while writing this one. The reason of this os is what I’m suffering from it right now. What I have mentioned here is what I face it. I have tried to express a very tiny thing from what I feel. I do needed this and I was really wanting to write it. This what I always face it so I have tried to just give a short thing of what I suffer from daily. The difference that I don’t have Vansh 😅. I hope you liked this os and do tell me your feedback. I think it is a short one as it was just expressing some feelings of mine. I will be waiting for all of your lovely comments. I hope you could comment so many comments here as your overwhelming respond on the previous os is what makes me still able to fight. Do comment so many comments here guys. Will be waiting for every comment. I hope that you all could break the previous record of my comments. I want so many comments here as your respond is what will make me know if I will write another os or not. So please guys keep supporting me the way you are doing. Please guys don’t forget your feedback in the comment section below