ADHOORE HUM ADHOORE TUM
Chapter-7 (And They Part Ways)
The next day at the shooting location, KG was giving a very important shot of the show. Veer and Sanchi were behind the camera and monitoring everything. There was a scene where he was supposed to act as though he had got hurt. While doing this scene, he really got hurt and the blood was flowing from his right hand. He continued with his shot despite the fact that he was hurt. Even after the shot was approved, he refused any assistance or first aid from anyone. Veer announced a two hour break for lunch before the shooting would resume again in the afternoon. He told KG, “I’ll send Sanchi after an hour to your van and she’ll explain your shot for the afternoon.”
Kabir was very hurt and was finding it really difficult to manage just with his left hand. Just then there was a knock at the door. It was Sanchi. He said, “You were supposed to come after one hour isn’t it?” She said, “Yes, but that was for the scene. I’ve come now because you’re hurt. How did you think you could manage all by yourself when you’re badly hurt? Now show me your hand. I’ll apply the ointment.”
Kabir reiterated, “I’ll do all that on my own. You really need not take all that trouble.” She reproached him, “Oh, I see how you are managing! And how do you suppose you’re going to eat your lunch with one hand? Never tell anything when you really don’t mean it. I know that you never mean more than half the things you speak. You say one thing while you intend something else. Kabir, you’ll be in real trouble some day if I begin taking your words at face value.”
Sanchi began applying the ointment and dressing his wound. When she had completed it, she gestured him to sit down while she began feeding his lunch with her own hands. Though Kabir looked a bit shy in allowing her to do this, he knew that there was no point in refusing her. She would always see behind his No’! She was very stubborn in that respect. She always managed to read him like an open book. While feeding him, she kept explaining to him the scenes that were lined up for him in the afternoon shoot. After that she left him saying, “Now my job’s done! You still have half an hour before the shooting resumes. Relax for some time. I’ll go and have my lunch now.”
Kabir looked surprised, “What? Didn’t you have your lunch before coming here?” She smiled before replying, “No! How could I eat when I knew that you were hurt and would be starving? See you in the afternoon!” A contented and satisfied expression came to his face. No matter what he said, she always managed to pierce through his mask and see what he really wanted. She was the only person other than his mother who could assuage his anger and pour the soothing balm of affection and care on his tattered soul.
Kabir really could not understand even now what she saw in a complicated person like him. She was the only person who seemed to be at perfect ease with him and his erratic behaviour in that entire set. He somehow started feeling that he could always depend on her in any situation. She would never misunderstand either his anger or his aloofness.
That night, Kabir was telling his mother all that had happened at the location, when she remarked, “Kabir, I think you really ought to let your past go. Try to come to terms with it. Forgive the people who you think have hurt you and destroyed your faith and trust in love and humanity. You’ll be happier in your present if you do that. Your past always keeps interfering with your present. And have you told her about your past?”
Kabir said, “No, I’ve not spoken to her about my past. I see no need for it at all. Our present together is very beautiful. There is no need to taint it with the shades of the past. Moreover, I do not know how she would react knowing all that.” His mother cautioned him, “I can judge how she will take your past. She is a very sensible and mature girl. But what if she too has a past? Would you also take it in that same mature way? Or would you be angry with her and lash out at her that she too cheated you like all the other people in your life?”
Kabir silenced her fears telling, “Ma, she has no past. Even if she has one, wouldn’t she have told me about it? Your fears are all unfounded.” His mother said, “Well I see only hypocrisy and double standards on your part now. You have not told her about your past, but assume that she will and must tell you her past if she has one? I just hope that my fears on her past are unfounded because I know how you would react if that’s true.”
Kabir was reminded again and again of this conversation he had with his mother whenever he began to think about the rift between him and Sanchi. Similarly Sanchi’s words to him, “Kabir, you’ll be in real trouble some day if I begin taking your words at face value” began playing in his mind again and again. He had spoken those angry words to her during their argument on his thirtieth birthday just on the spur of the moment. He had not really meant anything he had spoken then.
The fact that Sanchi was a divorcee came as a big shock to him. More than that, the fact that she had not confided it to him aggravated his temper. He felt really let down by her. He had always thought of her as only his. The fact that she had been somebody else’s before made him angry with her. He could not digest it. So he spoke those hurting words to her in the heat of the moment. Now after that accident, she refused to meet him or even talk to him. She would disconnect all his calls to her.
When Sanchi was discharged from hospital and came home, she had an unexpected visitor. It was none other than Kabir who had come to see her. She would be taking a break of one month from tomorrow onwards to go to her home town, Vijayawada in Andhra Pradesh. She wanted to recoup herself from her disappointment before coming back to Mumbai and continuing with her job. She wanted to be amidst people who loved her unconditionally and would never judge her for any of her actions for some time.
After sitting for one hour without saying anything, Kabir agitatedly began saying, “I heard that you’re going home tomorrow?” She quietly replied, “Yes! Anything else?” He got up and started pacing the room up and down and said, “Then what about ourselves?” She drily laughed and said, “It was never ourselves, Mr. KG. It was always just you and me.”
Kabir did not reveal how bad he felt hearing himself being addressed by her as KG. Wasn’t he her Kabir? KG sounded so distant and formal from her mouth. And hearing it from her at a time when he was trying to bridge their gap and sort out their differences made it even worse. He felt very hurt but did not show it outside. He said, “You do not have any justification for what Nikhil said against you?”
Sanchi wanted to be cool and collected but with each exchange she found herself becoming angrier with him, “You see these marks on my shoulder, my waist and my thighs, this was how my marriage with him was. He kept me locked up like an animal in a cage and you tell I’ve no right to protest just because I’m married to him. I was not allowed to speak to my own parents. I was blackmailed and manipulated by him to remain with him for fear that he would harm my parents or my brother. Would you tell me that I ought to tolerate him even when he was violating my modesty against my will just because he happened to be my husband? I’m not ashamed of any of my actions either in the past or the present. And I owe giving you no justification when you have already passed your judgment against me that day.”
Kabir gathered her in his arms and consoled her telling, “Hush! Don’t cry! Everything will be all right. I was wrong, but now I’ve realized my mistake. I spoke all those words to you in anger. I’m sorry. I love you, Sanchi, with my whole heart. Will you be mine? Please don’t hate me. I cannot bear that.”
Sanchi looked at him and said, “Mr. KG you’ll gain nothing out of me. Something within me snapped and died that day. I cannot bring back anything of what existed before that. And I don’t hate you. I feel nothing at all for you now. I feel a complete emptiness and apathy.” He staggered back shocked, “What? You feel nothing at all for me, not even hate?” She replied, “Yes!” Kabir swooped down at her and gave her a kiss on her cheeks and said, “Don’t you feel anything for me even now?” She said firmly, “No!” He caught her waist and pulled her close to him and whispered in her ear, “Don’t you feel anything even now?” She hissed, “No!” Kabir was getting more and more frantic and frustrated with every passing moment. He embraced her tightly within his arms and said, “Not even now?” She said with a tone of finality, “No!”
This was even worse than he had expected. All his hopes were dashed to the ground. She did not even flinch when he came near her. It was as if he was embracing a marble statue and not her. Even if he forced her into marrying him, she would never be the Sanchi he loved. He could not bear when he saw her lifeless and numb expression. She had literally stopped feeling anything for him at all. It was as if she suddenly became soulless. He would have borne even her hatred for him to this empty void. It tormented his conscience even more to think that he was responsible for this condition of hers. Could he ever bring back the Sanchi he had known again?
Kabir sat down on his knees and broke down crying, “How will I live without you Sanchi? How will I? Should you punish me so badly for just one mistake of mine? Don’t I deserve a second chance?” She turned her back towards him trying to keep her voice as normal as possible, “Please don’t make things difficult for you and me, Kabir! I feel bad when I see you in so much pain. I never wanted to give you any pain or hurt. I wanted to heal them and not aggravate them. But at present, I am hurting terribly myself. I’m not in a position to offer anybody comfort or solace. Not even you! Just leave me and go, Kabir.”
Only love has the power to hurt you as nothing else has when it is unrequited. Similarly, only love has the power to heal you out of all your hurts and disappointments. Sanchi got over her terrible marriage experience but broke down when she felt that she was betrayed by the person whom she loved. What remained to be seen was whether Kabir’s love for Sanchi was strong enough to heal both their hurts and reignite the embers of the fire of love that had died down between them. That night Kabir lay down on his bed but sleep continued to evade him. He was reading Bob Marley, “You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect, you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break ‘her heart’. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyse and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
As he began thinking about both of them, he realized that their love could not die just like that. This was just a passing phase, a test of their love for each other. They would surmount this obstacle to their love too. But he realized that she needed some time and space to heal from the hurt he had caused her. So Kabir decided not to prevent her from going to her parent’s house. Though he would be completely lost without her presence in his life, it would help her greatly in recovering from her broken heart. He could bear anything for the sake of her happiness. She too would feel happy being with them and her brother. He would try to win back her love after she came back to Mumbai again after her one month break. They say that time is a great healer and this one month away from him would perhaps make her forget the hurt he had given her and help her in forgiving him.
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