Never believe ur eyes – Part 1

Hello i am qwerty123, actually i wrote a ff on ishqbaaz.. i want u all to see it and comment on my ff… it is my first attempt thats why i need support plz help me out..

“Hello,what !!deal are not signed yet? I want that property no matter what. It is all about my reputation.” He ends up his call..
(A guy from behind comes.)
“Shivaaye, whats wrong? Asked om
“Om,its nothing.it is just a small deal.” Shivaaye said.
“What deal?.” Asked om.
“After 5 days,it is mom’s birthday and you know mom loves jasmine flowers a lot and i thought….”
“And u thought what??.”
“There is a property which has small garden and a house. I heard many people said that there are jasmine flower and many people tried to buy that property but could’nt.”said shivaaye.
“So you want to buy that property for choti maa and to prove others that you are shivaaye singh oberoie,right.”said om sarcastically
“Maybe, you are right.”said shivaaye
(shivaaye get into the car and rode toward his destiny )
(when he gets to the place. He is amazed to the beauty of the place but yhe only thing that looks old was that small house)

Shivaaye : indeed, khanna was right about this place.

(when he enters the house, he first saw a boy playing in a sofa. It looked like nobody is at home.)
Shivaaye : hey, kid. Id there someone else.
(no response)
Shivaaye:listen, I am talking to you.
(no response )

(*i konw it is slightly same to the original one but plz if u find any mistake or u dont the the story plz comment*)