It’s okay not to be okay~ OS

I don’t know why I felt like posting it. So posting it.

A group of people is seen some are smiling wholeheartedly some where laughing but there was a girl standing their with most prettiest smile, but who knows what’s behind that smile which make it’s most prettiest smile.

Girls POV,
Hi I’m riddhima. trying to smile infront of my family, no one is their with whom I can share what’s happening to me, what’s bothering me. I can’t share with them, if I’ll share then they’ll say what you can do in that. And they think that I’m just a small girl they what can bother me. Like seriously I was having panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, it’s just that I didn’t share with anyone that doesn’t mean I can’t be stressed. You’ll be thinking why I don’t tell about what’s happening to my friends…, I have only one friend indeed best one but she’s not in that state to listen to me and I don’t want her to worry about me.

Feeling like a drop in the ocean
That don’t nobody notice
Maybe it’s all just in your head
Feeling like you’re trapped in your own skin
And now your body’s frozen
Broken down, you’ve got nothing left

I can’t tell her it’s pain the most when she don’t share her pain, I know she do this because she knows if she’ll cry infront of me then I’ll also start crying…

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
It’s okay not to be okay

Once my mumma said the way you used to get happy when you talk with your friends, you should get happy in the same way with your family too, but as I’m good at acting I pretend to be happy with them sometimes. Like now, I want to cry but smiling for them.

Feeling like your life’s an illusion
And lately, you’re secluded
Thinking you’ll never get your chance
Feeling like you got no solution
It’s only ’cause you’re human
No control, it’s out of your hands

You know what I most scared of…I’m scared of depression because if I’ll get depressed no one can take me out of that.I always say that I don’t have heart and emotions. Deep down I know I’m running from all this. Because I’m not strong. I’m just tired of all things but still bearing all this.

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
It’s okay not to be okay

One of my best friend after a small fight, actually not small, she called me egostic but at that time I said to her think and call me whatever you want, if you want to call me egostic, I’ve attitude, you can call me, I hell don’t care. But I know I’m not egostic, I don’t have attitude, I’m an emotional fool who still cares for you. Sometimes I hate myself for still caring about her no matter what.

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
It’s okay not to be okay

Someone said me “when you smile you look pretty” and when I smile infront of my friend she say what happened….

Sometimes I think to give up on all things and run from here and just go to some place where no one can find me and I can find some mental peace which I need most now. I’m afraid of myself because I don’t know what will I do when I’m angry on someone so I just distant myself from all. And start drawing or writing something while listening music on full volume.

Some times holding up your emotions for long time is impossible but sometime you need someone to say IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY.

The end

Do listen this song ‘It’s okay not to be okay”, you’ll like it🙂

So sorry if you get bored and hurted anyone.I had written this because I’m feeling very low from yesterday night.

So sorry I hadn’t posted friendship goals, because I’m not in that state of mind to write something funny. And thank you so much for your comments on previous part because of that my mood got better in morning but again that friends topic rose and my mind got disturbed😞