I Am Always In Your Heart ~ A Riansh OS

Two months has passed after Vanya’s death but still Riddhima was living in her memory. Vanya breathed her last in Riddhima’s lap after battling with brain tumour. Vansh and his son, Ansh tried always to cheer her up but everytime they failed in doing that. Sometimes the pain is too deep to mend.

“Riddhima, please have dinner now, “ Vansh said while knocking the door. 

“Vansh, you have dinner with Ansh. I don’t feel like having anything, “ Riddhima replied without even looking at Vansh like a lifeless person.

“Riddhima, please come. Ansh has been waiting for you, “ Vansh again requested.

“I want to stay alone. So, please go, “ she said with a stern voice.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to shout. I didn’t come here for persuading you to come. I just came to give you this diary. It is high time you should read this, ” saying this Vansh keeps the diary beside Riddhima and without saying anything he leaves the room.

Riddhima gently takes the diary in her hand. It was Vanya’s diary. She didn’t had the strength to read but she decided to read it. 

Dad might have given this diary now. I asked him to give it you when he will feel that you need to read this. And I have complete faith on my dad that he won’t read it. You know it well that VR and her dad VR can never break any promise. And keep this diary safely after reading as I don’t your monkey son to read this diary.  People usually call their dad their superhero but I never did. It’s because my mom was my superhero. I was inspired from you to raise your own voice. You inspired me to stand alone when none will be beside me. You inspired me to create my own way when there will be no way.You inspired me to deal with problem. You inspired me to fight till my last breath. (And Dad, if you are reading this diary, don’t think that I don’t love you. I love you lot but I love mom more *winks*)

Controlling her tears, she turned the next page.

When everyone said that I cannot do it, you said that none other than me can do it. When I lose hope on my myself, you showed your trust on me. Maybe there were times when you felt sad seeing me depressed. Maybe you yourself felt defeated after seeing me losing but it was not never on your face. All I could see was an motivator who never let me lose any hope. To be honest, I never had half of the hope which you had on myself. Maybe this hope always made me remember that I had to give my best to see a smile on your face. I remember I had broken my left hand because of falling from the stairs. I had my final exams the next day. With a high fever and broken hand, I still sit for the exam and cleared it our good grades. It’s all because of the smile which I crave to see in your face.

Many times were there when we both differed in opinions. Many time were there when I made you upset. But there was not any single moment when I felt that you don’t love me. It feels so strange that I always said that I wish to die soon but now when I am dying, I wish to live sometime more. I want to spend sometime more in your lap, just for finding my eternal peace. Humans are strange. They cannot express feelings in words but they can definitely confide their feelings in their diary. You might be wondering this after reading my diary. Am I right or am I right? Ma, whenever I express my feelings to you, I always used to break down in tears. I doubt if I would have told these things when I was alive, I couldn’t even complete a sentence. You always said that why I don’t celebrate any day. It’s just that I don’t feel this single day out of 1 whole year belongs to you. Each and every second of my life belongs to you only as you are the only reason I could see this beautiful world. People celebrate only one day as Mother’s day but for me Mother’s day is every single day of the year.

Riddhima remembers it well how every year Ansh used to fight with  her for not celebrating any day.

I was the one who heard you sobbing every night after coming in my room in late night. Papa felt weak after seeing you but he knew he can’t show it as there will be none to handle you. The forhead kiss with tears every night would make feel that I was someone’s heartbeat. I wasn’t scared to die, I was scared to see you dying from inside seeing me dying . My last wish is to die in your lap. If I ever did any good work, God will make me lose my soul in your lap.

Her tears were flowing continuously after reading this page. She never knew her little munchkin would be so mature. She was feeling to cry hugging her daughter but it was a cruel gane of destiny that her daughter wasn’t with her anymore.

I don’t have the strength to write more. This is the last page I am writing.  I know I am not there now to wipe your tears now, to hug tightly as if there is no tomorrow but maybe I am smiling among the twinkling stars after seeing you smiling thinking that your daughter loved you. Now please stop crying and give me an imaginary hug. And tell your son that he can’t create a love triangle between the mother-daughter duo. You might be blaming yourself or God after my demise. But every person has to embrace death. Some embraces it earlier while some does it later on. If you keep mourning because of me then who will watch over Ansh? Ansh is always looking for chances for escaping studies. He will succeed in that  and I will lose my calm. Now please stop crying and go back to your normal life. Let me speak like Neerja once in life “Ridhu, I hate tears” Mom, don’t think I am away from you.  I am always there in your heart.
~The end ~

Riddhima hugged the diary with tears flowing down. Because of her condition, the others were in also pain.  Wiping her tears, she got up from her bed and kept the diary safely in her diary before going to have dinner with Vansh and Ansh.  

~By TSA