A/N: Hey guys. Thank you so so much for your lovely response. I’m really overwhelmed due to your support. And I’m more confused now about the lead. I just want to clear one thing this ff is all about Omkara and his self realization. It’s all about his life and his emotional struggle. He is not like every lead on TV he is most unconventional character so the character has its own challenges like extremely mature thoughts and complicated relationships and acceptance of self. So if I bring Ishana either have to bring a dramatic twist in the ff. So I have decided to just name my character. You can imagine your favorite actress. If you are Ishkara fans just think Ishana has entered his life just now and others can imagine your own favorite actress. I hope you will like the update. Happy reading. I’m terribly slow which my TU friends who read my other ff know. So guys bear with me. Keep smiling.
Arhhhh it had been a tiring day. Really being a normal human is not as easy as I thought. Uff I’m exhausted giving back to back interviews from past week. Some doesn’t like my profile. I did not like some companies. Some did not like my qualification and most funny was one company where they refused me sighting my long hair as reason. “Bade Baal wale Bhayya” I remembered the way Soumya used to address me. It automatically brought a smile on my face. She has been calling me from last week everyday to complain about Rudy. Gosh sometimes I think their brain stopped growing up when they joined Pre- School. But the way Soumya cools and makes Rudy realize the situation nobody can do. I took the water bottle placed on the dining table and emptied half the bottle through my throat. I never knew water also tastes so good. I placed the water bottle back and wiped my face. My savings whatever I had was getting drained as the time passed. I’m really worried as will I get a job before I go completely bankrupt. Hope so. “Koshish karne wale ki kabhi har nahi hoti” I remembered Dadi’s words and smiled. I thought of just visiting a nearby park. Choti maa always used to say the best stress buster in the world is watching the kids play and their laugh. I picked my apartment key and headed out. Wow Mr. Omkara has learned to lock the door also I appreciated myself as I twisted the key in the keyhole. These small little works which I was doing filled my loneliness. I slid the key in my pant pocket and walked down the stairs to reach the society park.
This looks good. I brushed a bench slightly and sat on it. The sun was still bright but it’s rays were not sharp. I wondered how the same sun changes it’s intensity with time. I looked forward. I looked at the kids playing. Some were laughing. Their laugh was so contagious it automatically brought a smile on my face. Some kids cried as they fell. Awww I felt when tears flew from their little eyes. How they make you connect to their emotions even without connecting to you. My hands moved over and touched my lips in shape of gun and my elbows rested on my thighs. I kept admiring them and time passed without my knowledge and the sun was slowly covering itself. As the cool breeze touched my face I realized that I have to look at the time also. I looked at my watch. “Jo wakht ki kimat karta hai uski kimat duniya karti hai” I remembered chachu’s words when he made me wear this watch on my last birthday. I wiped my face getting up from the bench and stretched my arms. I took a deep breath and headed back to the building. As I was in the corridor I found the lift closed. Why to waste time standing there I thought and started climbing the stairs. That’s what I have been doing most of the time.
As I was just about to place the key in the keyhole of my apartment I heard a faint female voice. “Excuse me” I could realize after few more trials. I turned to my left. I could see only many carton boxes. I shrank my eyebrows to check whether whatever I’m seeing is only in front of me. It took me few seconds to confirm and the voice repeated excuse me one more time. Okay she needed my help. Gosh really I took hell of a time to realize it. I sensed she was about to drop all the boxes as she stumbled. I rushed and held the boxes from my side. “Thanks” I heard her. “That’s okay” I said and stood helping her. “Can you please help me to get inside my apartment” she pleaded me. I looked around and realized I only have to help her. “Sure” I said after a pause. “If you don’t mind can you please unlock the door. Key is in my right hand finger” she said struggling to hold the boxes. I had no other option. I stretched my lips and looked at her right hand and detached the key from her finger and unlocked the door. She entered the apartment and I supported her carton boxes till she was inside her house. I bent my head to look at her face but she was still covered with the carton boxes and I felt I should move back to my apartment before she misunderstands me that I’m stalking her. “Phew” I heard her sigh after few seconds and a small curve appeared on my face without my knowledge. I nodded my head smiling and headed inside as the door opened. “Thank you” I heard her scream when I was about to close the door. “That’s fine” I screamed back and closed the door.
I sipped the last sip from my coffee mug as I was encircling some of the interviews I planned to attend next day. I never analyzed what profile or job will suit me. It’s better said that I’m discovering myself. It felt great to know your strengths and weaknesses. I never felt it necessary earlier. My loved ones always used to fight my fears instead of me and I never got a chance to fight them or even to face them. As the great wall Mr. Shivay Singh Oberoi was in front of me always as a shield. His character can be described as a Banyan tree. It always protects the weak but never lets them to fight nor at least to learn to fight. But the weak shoots become so dependent on it that they can never survive without it. I somewhere felt same.
“Let me try this at least” I said over the phone when I was washing the dishes and my phone was on loud speaker. “Omi why do you want to search a job. I will name a company on your name or if you like to start a business or I can buy the company you like” said Shivay from the other side. He was damn concerned about me. “If I fail in a week I will definitely do what you say at least let me try for a week Shivay. Please” I pleaded him. “Okay fine” he said in his usual tone. “Shivay baby” I heard Tia’s voice approaching him. “Didn’t you decide yet?” I asked him. “Omi I have already told you my decision” he said. “But you are still confused Shivay aren’t you?” I asked him. “I will talk to you tomorrow” he said and disconnected the call. How can he sail in two ships? He loved Anika that was crystal clear like his kanji ankh the way Anika says. But they say na the spectacles you wear to clear your vision will show you everything but not itself. His feelings about Anika were in similar situation. Everyone could see his love but he himself was not able to see it. I just wish he realizes his love soon.
“LOVE” I stared my ceiling as I lied on my bed. It has always confused me. Ridhima said she loved me. But I don’t know why I could never feel it. The way I feel ShiRu’s love, Prinku’s love, Dadi’s love I could never feel her love. I also used to think that I loved her but did I was the real question. I could never feel the emotional connection which I find between Shivay and Anika. Love always confuses. I wanted to stay away from it. Will I be able to deny it when I find it on my heart’s doorway? Ahhhh what is wrong with me why am I thinking about the emotion I have to avoid. For the time being I have a week time to prove myself to Shivay. It’s not that I cannot refuse him. If I get hurt I can tolerate but him getting hurt seeing me hurt is something I can never tolerate. So I have to prove myself for him and for his sake. I closed my eyes.
“Ae Zindagi Gale Laga Le……
Ae Zindagi Gale Laga Le…………
Humne bhi tere har ek gham ko gale se lagaya hai………………
I heard her voice again. I smiled still my eyes closed. I must say she was terrible singer. I just hope she never gets an idea to try in a reality show. Or else half the population of India will turn mentally retarded.
It had been my routine now. Though she sang like Phata hua dhol I don’t know how she used to sing songs hinting answers to my restlessness. I never saw her or I did not feel an urge to see her. I just enjoyed this distance. I felt relaxed and dozed off.