I’m again standing at the door of this house. The house I left two days ago. I rang the doorbell. He opened the door and stood blank. I did not look into his eyes. His eyes which I believed will always speak truth and only truth. Now I could only see lies in them and I did not had courage to face those black orbs. “Ragini” he said painfully. And my heart stopped beating for a second. It happens whenever he calls my name with his heavy voice which always makes me weak. I closed my eyes to control my emotions and I did not wanted to fall weak in front of this man. Not now at least. “Mumma” called out Rasha and ran to me and hugged my legs. My ego my self respect my stubbornness everything vanished in that second in her touch. I lost everything and I was happy to lose also. After all I have nourished her for nine months in my womb and protected her. Though I left her with this man in a moment of rage but she was my life. And I reminded myself why was I here. My real and only purpose my bacha. I lifted her and headed inside with my bag. I had decided this time I will convince her and take her also with me. As I walked in I saw his gaze on me. His painful eyes though my eyes avoided them but my heart started sinking due to it. How much it still loved him even after he cheated me. Cheated me for 5 years.
And the proof of it was standing in front of me. His….. Yes his 5 year old son out of wedlock. His face reminded me of my husband’s betrayal. He reminded me of that fateful day when my husband shared my part of love with someone else. How could he do that? how could he?. May whatever the consequences he did not had the rights to hide the truth from me at least not for blo*dy five years. Was he waiting his son to pop up from somewhere and him leading to tell me the truth. I mean if he wasn’t there I wouldn’t have known the truth at all. I smiled at my fate sarcastically in my heart.
I don’t know what was I feeling looking at him. Hatred? Can I hate a five year old kid? It makes me feel disgusted about myself. But is it my fault or his fault that he is in our life? I had no answer. It felt odd really very odd
“Lakshya what are you doing?” I asked him when he knelt in front of me holding a velvet box. Though we were committed to each other from two years I never knew he will propose me for marriage in such cheesy way. “Will you be mine forever?” asked he with his charming smile on his face. I can’t describe what my heart feels when I see him smiling. I nodded my head smiling through my tears and he made me wear the ring and hugged me in a bone crushing hug. My life looked so beautiful and sorted. I loved him beyond limits, beyond ages and beyond time.
He was my soul my life and my everything. I never knew love can be so blissful until he entered my life as a blessing.“So Mrs. Lakshya Maheshwari ready for a new life?” asked he leaning to me on our blissful night. I smiled and lowered my eyes and my cheeks turned crimson as the blood rushed to my cheeks. He held my chin and lifted my head and still I couldn’t meet his intense eyes. “Ragini” he called increasing my heart beat with his heavy husky voice and my eye lashes moved and my hazel orbs met his black orbs which were filled with passion…… with love…….. I lost myself in ocean of his deep eyes, ocean of his love. His face neared mine more and more and he removed my nose ring and it made a streamline of electricity pass through my body. And I inhaled a lump of breath and my grip on his sherwani tightened.
As he closed his eyes nearing my lips they shivered due to his hot breath and within a moment his lips captured mine and I felt his passion flowing within me. It wasn’t that it was our first kiss but we never took our relationship to that level. We waited for our elders to approve our union and we ended up marrying each other. I’m so happy. So happy that I gave my everything to him my officially wed husband. “Hey what happened?” asked he concerned when my tears fell on his chest when I was resting in his embrace. I couldn’t describe him what I felt. I was not hurt I wasn’t sad but something beyond happy that I completely became his and only his. I just nodded my head and he cupped my face and kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes. His concern, his love was what I needed in my life nothing else.
I roamed in my room feeling nervous. How will I tell him this. I was finding ways. I wanted to make it special. Most special moment of his life. I bit my nails nervous. I looked at the wall clock and its every click made me more nervous. How difficult it was. I was just thinking how will he react. Will he be happy? The question made my nerves, numb. I even asked mom about her experience and she gave me a filmy idea. And finally after thinking a lot I decided to do that. I sighed and headed to kitchen.
“Why is this for?” asked he looking at the miniature coffee cup which I placed on the tea table in our room when we were enjoying our evening coffee. “This is for you” I said handing him his cup. “This is for me” I said taking my cup. “And this one for…” I paused and caressed my stomach. I waited to decipher his feelings. Blank. I couldn’t understand was he happy. I sensed his eyes widening like his eye balls will jump out and he inhaled deeply. Still I’m blank. Is he happy. I can feel he is shocked. Did he get what I wanted to convey him. These guys are seriously dumb heads. Next I saw his lips stretching and his chest beaming. And he almost screamed “Are you serious?” Was I joking? I asked myself. I nodded my head in yes. And next I sensed his move and kept the coffee mug back and he placed his coffee mug and within moments I felt I’m in air. OMG he was so happy and he twirled me and I felt dizzy. “Lakshya” I said and he sensed I’m feeling uneasy and brought me down carefully. “Are you alright?” asked he concerned cupping my face. I smiled weakly and nodded my head. I can’t believe this. He was so happy to know about my pregnancy. All my worries, insecurities vanished when I saw his eyes gleaming with happiness and a tiny tear drop trying to escape his eye. Awww who said guys can’t be emotional. It showed how much he loved me. How much he loved our new life which was blossoming inside me. Now I really felt that happiness to be pregnant and soon to be mom as I saw him happy, happy beyond limits. He kissed my forehead and I hugged him encircling my hands around his stomach and heard his thumping heart which made me blush.
“Our baby” said he like a kid smiling through his tears when he sat beside me on my hospital bed. I forgot all my pain when I looked at his innocent face and extreme happiness. Now I could say I’m complete. My struggle my pain and the feeling of returning from death while giving birth felt worthy when I saw him grateful for my courage to go through all that to bring our baby our life our love into this world. “Rasha” said he smiling and touched our daughters nose with his nose and made faces to make her smile. And she smiled. “Awww” said he and I smiled looking at his kiddish behavior. I placed my head on his shoulder and caressed Rasha’s head and smiled. He turned his face a bit and kissed my forehead. How can someone love someone so much. His every touch, every kiss was filled with immense love and I was drowning in that love more and more as the time passed.
“You are spoiling her Lakshya” I said and glared him. “Leave na Ragu she is still a kid” he said and lifted Rasha in his arms. “You daughter father duo will make me crazy someday” I said as I placed the milk glass on the dining table. He approached me and encircled his other hand around my shoulders and dragged me into a bear hug. I twisted my lips faking anger. It was fun torturing him. I really felt special when he used to try to cool me. I loved his every shade which made me fall for him more and more. He kissed my cheek and I opened my mouth shocked. “Mumma dino will go inside your mouth” said Rasha chuckled and held her little hands near her mouth. I glared him and he dragged me back into the hug and I cooled down.
Today is our 10th anniversary. I made all his favorite dishes and decorated the house. I wanted to celebrate this day with him and only with him. I checked the candles and rose petals. I blushed remembering our first night. How he filled my life with so many colors. His love was something I always cherished. I felt I’m blessed to have him in my life. Or I can say he has become my life.
His antics to cool my fake anger, his teasing, his love, his protective embrace filled my heart. I looked at the clock. My smile widened as I heard the door bell. I knew it is him. I ran down to open the door. More than seeing him surprised there was no better happiness for me. As I opened the door I found him. My smile started fading when I felt him tired. I was confused. He had actually promised he will come early today. I couldn’t understand what was his face expression. As I analyzed him I found he wasn’t alone. Some one might be a small boy hiding behind his legs. What is happening. Who is that boy? Why Lakshya has brought him here? So many questions ran in my head like they were on virtual race. I made way for them to enter the house. Still the kid was hiding behind him. I don’t know why but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Unknown fear crept me. I moved my gaze to Lakshya. He bent to the kid and lifted him in his arms and headed to Rasha’s room.
After few minutes I saw him coming back to where I was standing unmoved. I looked at him and my eyes were depicting my mind which was full of questions. “Ragini” said he and I made myself ready to listen what he is trying to say. “Ragini he is my and Kavya’s son” he said in a go and I felt my vision blacking out. Is he joking. I was blank totally blank. It felt like the whole world collapsed around me. “What do you mean by your and Kavya’s son?” I asked him as I neared him. He was staring ground and making me nervous. Somewhere my heart wasn’t believing what he was saying. It wasn’t agreeing with my mind.
“I couldn’t control myself Ragini and….” before he could complete my hand touched his cheek with a thud. “How can you Lakshya? How can you?” I asked him holding his collar. My dreams, my love my belief and everything scattered in front of me. Did I deserved this? Where did I went wrong? Was I incapable to keep my husband happy? Am I so worthless to expect my husband’s loyalty.
“Please Ragini give me a chance. I’m really sorry” said he pleading me when I was packing my stuff. “Will your sorry repair everything Lakshya?” I asked him and hot tears were gushing down my cheeks. He had no answer. “Please Ragini don’t leave me I cannot live without you” said he.
I smiled sarcastically. “Okay I give you a chance but on one condition” I said as I threw the cloth I was folding. “Tell me I will agree for anything” he said pleading. “Are you sure” I asked him with serious tone. “Of course” said he and cupped my face. His touch burnt me today. I jerked his hands and looked at his black eyes. How much I trusted them. “Will you let me to sleep with some one for one night?” I asked him and I felt a heavy blow on my cheek. He held me by my shoulders and dragged me close to himself and I saw his eyes bleeding. It stopped my heart beat for a moment. “What non sense are you talking you are my wife” screamed he. I smirked at him. I released myself from his grip. “Of course I did not forget that. But I think you forgot that” said I and his eyes turned painful.
Still his pain had the power to squeeze my emotions. “Just because I spoke you have problem. You did that and you expect me to forgive you for such thing which you cannot even let me think of” I said and packed my stuff and headed from there. I found Rasha sleeping. “I will send dad tomorrow morning to pick her” I said and walked out.
Waw our 10th anniversary couldn’t turn more memorable and beautiful. I wiped my streaming tears. I called my dad to pick me up immediately. He kept asking me the reasons and I was not in a state to answer myself. How could I answer him. I stared blank. I know I’m scaring him. But my body wasn’t responding nor do my emotions which were stuck in my throat. But tears did not stop. I was confused as whether I was breathing in sync with my tear flow. Was I breathing more or was I weeping more I couldn’t differentiate.
My heart was heavy, cold and it pained. It pained like hell. I felt like ending my meaningless life. A life unworthy to live. Meaning of my life had left me all alone in this battle. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to hit myself and punish myself for loving him. For trusting him. For making him part of my life.