SWASAN – SHE’S NOT FOR ME
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
Thnxx for comments and to my silent readers….
ALL CHAPTER LINKS :
CHAPTER 6 LINK :
BEFORE STARTING THE CHAPTER, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGISE FOR NOT UPLOADING MMAI.. I COULDN’T WRITE IT WELL AND SO DID NOT WANT TO UPLOAD SOMETHING I DIDN’T LIKE…
I WILLBE RETURNING BACK TO TU ONLY AFTER 22ND NOVEMBER ONCE ALL MY EXAMS ARE COMPLETED. THEY START ON FRIDAY..
SORRY FOR NOT POSTING IN SO LONG! WAS GOING THROUGH WRITER’S BLOCK
Swasan argue…. Sanskaar decides to leave Kolkata
Swara : Sanskaar? What are you doing here?
Sanskaar hadn’t known she’d be in Kolkata. Damn it, he hadn’t even considered that she might be in Kolkata. Not that it would have made any difference, but at least he’d have been prepared. He might have schooled his features into a wicked smirk, or at the very least made sure that he was impeccably dressed and wholeheartedly immersed in his role as the Charming Casanova.
But no, there he was, just gaping at her, trying not to notice that she was wearing nothing but a dark crimson kurti made out of that thin material. She was also completely drenched which meant he could see the slight curve of her—–
He gulped. Don’t look. Do not look.
Swara : Sanskaar? When did you come back?
Realising that he had to say something, Sanskaar said the first thing that came to his mind.
Sanskaar : Swara? What are you doing here?
She looked at him like he had gone mad.
Swara : What am I doing here? I am not the one who is NOT supposed to be in India. So you tell me, What are you doing here?
Sanskaar (shrugging carelessly) : I just felt it was time to come home.
Swara (incredulous) : And you didn’t feel like informing anyone here?
Sanskaar (raising one brow and stepping closer) : You wanted me to tell you?
It was, and was meant to be, a direct hit. She hadn’t spoken to him since he’d left. He had sent her three emails and had called her about 10 times but once it became apparent that she didn’t plan to answer, he’d conducted the rest of his correspondence through his mother and Laksh’s.
Swara (her cheeks a bit pale) : You could have told Ma or Chachi or anyone really. Someone would have been here when you arrived.
Sanskaar : Aren’t you here?
Swara (impatiently) : That was a lucky coincidence. Besides, This house has been empty for three months now. Nothing’s ready. If you had told us, We would have made it comfortable for you.
He shrugged again. The motion seemed to embody the image he desperately needed to convey.
Sanskaar : I know how to take care of myself, Swara!
She hugged her arms to her body, effectively blocking his view of her cleavage, which, he had to concede, was probably for the best. He turned away from her and moved closer to the electric fire, trying to feel warm.
Swara (her voice a bit sharp and chattering) : You should have told us…. It’s only polite.
Sanskaar’s ears perked up. He turned around. How could he have not noticed?
Sanskaar : Are you crazy?
His sharp voice made her look up in surprise.
Swara : What?
Sanskaar : You’re freezing, Aren’t you?
Swara looked down and saw that she was clutching herself tightly to feel warm.
Sanskaar (in frustration) : What an idiot! Getting drenched in March. It’s not summer yet, you know. How could you do this, Swara?
Swara (feeling a bit guilty at his worry) : I…
Sanskaar moved forward, shrugging out of his coat and wrapping it around her.
Sanskaar : Be quiet, Swara! First, get all warmed up. You could catch pneumonia or something else. (taking her hand) God! You’re like ice.
He made her sit in front of the fire but it didn’t seem to help immediately. Swara was still shivering. He stood near her to see if she wanted anything.
Swara : For what it’s worth, I didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome! The important thing is that you’re home. Your mother will be thrilled. So will Ma!
He turned away so that she wouldn’t see his humorless smile.
Sanskaar : I’m sure.
Swara : I am really happy that you’re back as well.
She sounded as if she were trying very hard to convince herself of this, but Sanskaar decided to play the gentleman for once and not point it out.
Sanskaar : You still cold?
Swara : Um. Not really.
Sanskaar (softly) : Liar!
An involuntary smile came across Swara’s lips. She wondered why she could have kept it from Sanskaar. He had a knack of knowing everything.
Swara (admitting) : Maybe a little.
Sanskaar sat down on the floor and gestured that she should move closer to the fire. She complied but shifted uncomfortably.
Swara : I should go upstairs now, I think!
Sanskaar : Swara, I won’t bite. I’m still me, you know!
Swara swallowed, wishing this weren’t so difficult. This was Sanskaar, for heaven’s sake. It wasn’t supposed to be difficult. Yes, they’d parted badly, but that had been in the dark days immediately following Laksh’s death. They’d all been in pain then, wounded animals lashing out at anyone in their way. It was supposed to be different now.
Sanskaar couldn’t stay away forever, they’d all known that. But once her initial anger had passed, she’d rather hoped that when he did return, they’d be able to forget that anything unpleasant had ever passed between them.
And be friends again. She needed that, more than she’d ever realized.
Swara : How was Paris?
Sanskaar : A lot of work… yet it was fun.
Swara : What plans do you have now?
Sanskaar : Well, Right now, I’m trying to get rid of the jet lag. and get used to the Kolkata atmosphere. I mean, I can’t believe it. It’s March and I’m cold.
Swara : One would think that you would have experienced an even colder climate in Paris.
He turned to her then, a wry smile tilting one corner of his mouth. He’d changed, she realized. Oh, there were the obvious differences—the ones everyone would notice. He was tan, quite scandalously so, and his hair, always messy and casual, now sported a crisp business-y (if that was an adjective) look.
But there was more. He held his mouth differently, more tightly, if that made any sense, and his smooth, lanky grace seemed to have gone missing. He had always seemed so at ease, so comfortable in his skin, but now he was… taut.
Sanskaar (a slight twinkle in his eye) : One would think so. But I personally never got a chance to experience it. (Winking) I never had to spend time outside. It was always inside.
Swara laughed at that, absurdly pleased to have anything to laugh about in his presence.
Swara : I am glad that at least this hasn’t changed.
Sanskaar (in a low voice) : Are you?
He said nothing, but watched the fire. Just then, Deepu Kaka entered with two bowls of steaming hot, tomato soup.
Deepu Kaka : Swara beti! Sanskaar beta! Please take the soup. It will warm you up.
Swara (taking the bowl gratefully) : Thank you Kaka! Also, Please see that my suitcases are not unpacked when they arrive. I’ll go to Baadi tomorrow.
Sanskaar (surprised) : Why?
Swara (turning towards him) : It isn’t advisable… Just the two of us. I’ll come back once Ma and Chachi come here. They’ll be here in a week or so.
Sanskaar nodded. Swara was very particular when it came to propriety. Deepu Kaka left and the two slowly sipped the soup.
Swara (closing her eyes) : Ah! This is heaven….
Sanskaar smiled. Swara hadn’t changed at all.
Sanskaar : What are you doing here, anyway?
Swara : Excuse me? I live here.
Sanskaar : Well, not until April usually.
Swara : You know that?
For a moment, he looked almost embarrassed.
Sanskaar : Mom tells me everything.
Swara shrugged, then turned to one side, presumably to warm that side.
Sanskaar : I haven’t got my answer yet.
Swara : I just felt like it.
He turned too, presumably to warm his side, and then he was facing her.
And he seemed terribly close.
She moved, just an inch or so; she didn’t want him to realize she’d been made uncomfortable by his nearness.
Nor did she want to admit the very same thing to herself.
Sanskaar : I thought Swara never changed a decision once she had made it.
Swara : Swara has decided she can do whatever she wants.
Sanskaar (moving his face closer so that he was nearer to her) : Touche! (moving back and staring at her) You haven’t changed at all. You look the same… Well, except for your clothes.
He gestured towards her drenched clothes which made her gasp. It was a bit sick of him, but he was rather pleased with himself for having offended her. He’d needed her to step away, to move out of his reach. She was going to have to set the boundaries.
Because he wasn’t sure he’d prove up to the task.
He’d been lying when he’d said she hadn’t changed. There was something different about her, something entirely unexpected.
Something that shook him down to his very soul.
It was a sense about her—all in his mind, really, but no less devastating. There was an air of availability, a horrible, torturous knowledge that Laksh was gone, really, truly gone, and the only thing stopping Sanskaar from reaching out and taking her was his own conscience.
It was almost funny.
Swara (interupting his thoughts) : That was certainly unlike you. You’ve never been rude at my expense before. You’ve.. You’ve changed.
The sad thing was, he hadn’t. Not in any of the ways that might have made his life easier to bear. He sighed, hating himself because he couldn’t bear to have her hate him.
Sanskaar : I’m sorry. It’s just the jet lag and it’s a bit unsettling being back.
Swara smiled and Sanskaar knew he had been forgiven. She took his arm and nodded in understanding.
He sucked in his breath. She used to do this all the time—touch his arm in friendship. But Laksh would have been there; Laksh was always there. And it had always—always—shaken him.
But never so much as now.
Sanskaar : I better get to bed.
He was usually a master at hiding his unease, but he just hadn’t been prepared to see her this evening, and beyond that, he was damned tired.
She withdrew her hand.
Swara : Ofcourse! You can take the main bedroom by the way. I’ll shift to another one.
Sanskaar (protesting) : That’s unnecessary. You can keep it…
Swara : This is necessary. Just follow it.
Her voice held no refusal and Sanskaar just grinned and nodded. She got up to tell Deepu Kaka or someone else about the bedroom change.
Swara : Tomorrow or sometime later, You have got to tell me details about Paris.
Sanskaar : I would have told you, but you didn’t want to talk to me.
Her lips pursed for a moment. It was an expression he’d seen countless times on her face. She was choosing her words, deciding whether or not to spear him with her legendary wit.
Swara : I was really angry with you for leaving.
So she had chosen the truth instead of a sarcastic comment.
Sanskaar : I’m sorry.
He meant it, even though he wouldn’t have changed any of his actions. He’d needed to leave. He’d had to leave. Maybe it meant he was a coward; maybe it meant he’d been less of a man. But he hadn’t been ready to be the responsible one. He wasn’t Laksh, could never be Laksh. And that was the one thing everyone had seemed to want of him.
Even Swara, in her own halfway sort of manner.
He looked at her. He was quite sure she still didn’t understand why he’d left. She probably thought she did, but how could she? She didn’t know that he loved her, couldn’t possibly understand how damned guilty he felt at assuming Laksh’s life.
But none of that was her fault. And as he looked at her, standing fragile and proud as she stared at the fire, he said it again.
She acknowledged his apology with the barest hint of a nod and turned to him, her eyes filled with sorrow and perhaps a hint of their own apology.
Swara : I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. I.. I just didn’t feel like it. Thinking of you made me think of Laksh, and I suppose I needed not to think of him so much just then.
Sanskaar nodded, even though he didn’t understand her completely.
Swara (wistfully) : We had such fun… The three of us. I always thought it would be so lovely when you finally married. You would have chosen someone brilliant and fun, I’m sure. What fun the four of us would have had.
She was immersed in her thoughts and he needed to move their banter back to where he felt most comfortable.
Sanskaar : Don’t worry. By the end of the week, I’ll have dozens of women wound around my finger.
Her lips pinched slightly, but she was clearly amused.
Swara : I change my opinion. You haven’t changed.
He gave her a half-smile. But it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Sanskaar : No one really changes, Swara!
Swara considered his words but didn’t say anything more about it. She took care of the bedroom arrangements and walked out of the room.
Swara : Good night Sanskaar!
Sanskaar (softly) : Good night Swara!
She walked out of the room, then walked back in and hugged him.
Swara : It’s good to have you back here again.
And then, as if she needed to convince one of them of it—he wasn’t sure which, she added.
Swara : It really is!
Well guys, meet you after the 22nd <3 <3
I'll reply to your comments though 🙂
Sorry about the wait…. wish me all the best 😛 😛