SWASAN – SHE’S NOT FOR ME
Heyy, It’s Anjali back with the next chapter!!!
Thnxx for comments and to my silent readers….
ALL CHAPTER LINKS :
CHAPTER 27 LINK :
Sanskaar falls sick again
The air was misty and threatened more precipitation, so Swara grabbed an umbrella and made her way to Laksh’s Garden. She sat down in one of the stone benches that had been Laksh’s and her favourite place.
The tears that had appeared when she saw Sanskaar better had gone but now, they came back with a vengeance.
Each sob was huge, and hugely unladylike, but she didn’t care.
Seeing Sanskar so ill had terrified her. She had thought he was dying. She had thought she was going to lose him forever just like she’d lost Laksh.
It had nearly killed her last time.
And this time… The same terror had gripped her again. The pain had hit her so hard she didn’t know if she could bear it.
But she had and now… Now that Sanskaar was better, She knew the truth.
She pictured him, saw his face, his smile.
She closed her eyes, remembered his kiss and the perfect feeling of his hand at the small of her back as they walked.
She pictured him telling jokes just so she could laugh and remembered him telling her he loved her.
She finally understood the truth. She understood why she was hurting so much.
It was because she loved him.
This thing between them, this bond—it wasn’t just passion, and it wasn’t wicked.
It was love, and it was divine.
She loved Sanskaar.
She loved him.
She loved him so much.
Not just as a friend, but the way a woman felt for a man. She loved him with the depth and intensity she’d felt for Laksh.
It was different, because they were different men, and she was different now, too, but it was also the same. It was the love of a woman for a man, and it filled every corner of her heart.
A smile appeared on her face.
Swara : I love Sanskaar.
She looked around the garden and then looked upward at the sky.
Swara : Laksh! How are you? It’s another rainy day here. But ofcourse you know that. You can see everything. You know everything. I still want to tell you though.
She looked around, half expecting some sort of divine sign from above. But there was nothing, just the gentle ruffle of wind against the leaves.
Swara (a bit nervously) : I… started feeling something for someone that perhaps I shouldn’t have done. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt it, or maybe I should have, and I just thought I shouldn’t have. I don’t know. All I know is it happened. I didn’t expect it, but then, there it was, and… with…
Swara (smiling ruefully) : Well.. You obviously know who that is. Can you believe it?
And then something remarkable happened. In retrospect, she rather thought the earth should have moved, or a shaft of light come sparkling down from the heavens across the garden. But there was none of that. Nothing palpable, nothing audible or visible, just an odd sense of shifting within herself, almost as if something had finally nudged itself into place.
And she knew—truly, fully knew—that Laksh could have imagined it. And more than that, he would have wanted it.
He would have wanted her to marry Sanskaar. He would have wanted her to marry any man with whom she’d fallen in love, but she rather thought he’d be almost tickled that it had happened with Sanskaar.
They were his two favorite people, and he would have liked knowing that they were together.
Swara : I love Sanskaar. I love him and I, I think you’re not angry, Laksh. I think you even wanted this to happen.
She closed her eyes and opened them, tears filling them once more.
Swara : I wasn’t expecting love. When anyone asked me what you would have wanted for me, of course I replied that you would wish for me to find someone else. But inside— Inside I knew it wouldn’t happen. I wasn’t going to fall in love. I knew it. I absolutely knew it. So it didn’t really matter what you wanted for me, did it?
Swara : Except it did happen. It happened, and I never expected it. It happened, and it happened with Sanskaar. I love him so much, Laksh. I kept trying to tell myself that I didn’t, but when I thought he was dying, it was just too much, and I knew… oh God, I knew it, Laksh. I need him. I love him. I can’t live without him, and I just needed to tell you, to know that you… that you…
She couldn’t go on. There was too much inside of her, too many emotions, all desperately pushing to get out. She put her face in her hands and cried, not out of sorrow, and not out of joy, but just because she couldn’t keep it inside.
Swara (whispering) : I love him.
And then, from behind her, she heard a noise. A footstep, a breath. She turned, but she already knew who it would be. She could feel him in the air.
Swara (turning around) : Sanskaar!
He stared at her, his jaw open.
After Swara had run off, Sanskaar had had some breakfast and tried to regain his energy. He had felt better and that’s when he began to wonder about Swara.
The way she had kissed him surprised the hell out of him. Despite everything, a glimmer of hope began to shine in his heart once again and so, he set out to find her.
He didn’t see her at home when the gardener told him that maybe she was in Laksh’s garden. Sanskaar had smiled and nodded. Ofcourse Swara would be there. It was the place where she felt connected to Laksh still.
He’d gone there too alone, a few days after that extraordinary moment in his study, when he’d suddenly realized that Laksh would have approved of his marrying Swara. More than that, he almost thought Laksh was up there somewhere, having a good chuckle over the whole thing.
And Sanskaar couldn’t help but wonder— Did Swara realize? Did she realize that Laksh would have wanted this? For both of them?
Or was she still gripped by guilt?
He knew guilt, knew how it ate at one’s heart, tore at one’s soul. He knew the pain, and he knew the way it felt like acid in one’s belly.
And he never wanted that for Swara. Never.
She might not love him. She might not ever love him. But she was happier now than she had been before they’d married; he was sure of it. And it would kill him if she felt any shame for that happiness.
Laksh would have wanted her to be happy. He would have wanted her to love and be loved. And if Swara somehow didn’t realize that—
She didn’t have to love him. She didn’t. He’d said those words to himself so many times during their brief marriage that he almost believed them.
She didn’t have to love him. But she did have to feel free. Free to be happy.
Because if she wasn’t happy…
Well, that would kill him. He could live without her love, but not without her happiness.
And so, He had come to the garden as fast as he could with his still weak body heaving with the exertion.
And that’s when she heard Swara talking to Laksh saying she loved Sanskaar.
Sanskaar stopped and stared at her sitting on the bench. Had he heard her right? What had she said?
She said it again.
That’s when Sanskaar knew he had to go to her and when she heard him and said his name, He thought it was the best think he had ever heard.
Swara : Sanskaar?
Sanskaar : Swara! Swara!
Swara looked at him straight in the eye.
Swara : Did you hear what I said?
Sanskaar (whispering) : I love you, Swara.
Swara : Did you hear me?
She had to know, and if he hadn’t heard her, she had to tell him.
He nodded jerkily.
They just stared at each other, twenty feet apart, not able to move from their spots.
Swara : I love you. I love you. I love you. I have to say it. I have to tell you. I love you. I do. I love you so much.
And then the distance between them was gone, and his arms came around her. She buried her face against his chest, her tears soaking his shirt. She wasn’t sure why she was crying, but she didn’t really care. All she wanted was the warmth of his embrace.
In his arms she could feel the future, and it was wonderful.
Sanskaar’s chin came to rest on her head.
Sanskaar : I never thought I would see this day. I love you so much. I have no idea what I did to deserve you.
Swara looked up at him.
Swara : I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry…
Sanskaar (touching her cheek) : Shhh! To tell the truth, I was so angry with you. I was so hurt and I thought you were being selfish. But then I thought and I understood. You needed time to believe it. You needed time to realize. I’m so sorry for forcing you. All I want is your happiness, Swara.
Swara : I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell sorry. It’s my fault. (tears filling her eyes again) I just was so confused….
Sanskaar kissed her shutting her up. He kissed her soft and hard. He kissed her for the happiness in the future and for the sadness in their past. He kissed her because he loved her and she kissed him back for the exact same reason.
Sanskaar : Let’s forget everything. To new beginnings.
He turned his face into her hand, then brought both of his up to cover it. He pressed a kiss against her palm, stopping just to inhale the scent of her skin. He’d tried so hard to convince himself that it didn’t matter if she loved him, that having her happy was enough. But now…
Now that she’d said it, now that he knew, now that his heart had soared, he knew better.
This was heaven.
This was bliss.
This was something he’d never dared hope to feel, something he never could have dreamed existed.
This was love.
Swara : To new beginnings.
Feeling herself cry again, She chuckled and hugged him.
Swara : I’ve become a watering pot, Haven’t I?
Sanskaar (loyally) : Not at all. And even if you are, You’re my watering pot.
Swara (softly) : That I am.
She hugged him again. Suddenly it seemed like the air changed and they looked at each other.
Sanskaar : Bye Laksh! Thank you for being happy for us.
Swara : Bye, My love. Stay happy. You’ll always be there in my heart.
Sanskaar looked at her happily.
Swara (turning to him) : You are in my heart too.
Sanskaar (nodding) : I know.
Swara (softly) : Shall we go home?
Sanskaar nodded again and they set off to carve their new lives together.
So… Some of them wanted me to introduce one last twist but my poor Sanskaar.. I couldn’t stand him being in pain anymore.. So decided to chuck it and came up with this.
hope you like itttt
I have used many phrases and sentences from the actual book, so full credit not to me.. Not even half credits. I apologise but the book was just too beautiful and I knew nothing else could top this.
Will post mmai ts part two in a week. SORRY FOR THE DELAY!
I will be ending snfm soon. I will continue cf. If I think of another story, i shall come back with it, but if not, Just the one story.
TYY!!! :* :*