Darkness was the first thing which he felt when he first time awoke from his long-lasting dream but slowly, very slowly that darkness extinguish and the very lovely face appeared in front of him. It was the face of his beloved. The face which he didn’t see for few years, or these were years, or might be it was eternity, he didn’t see that lovable face which only illuminated the light and he was the utter darkness. He knew, very deep down, he knew that she was the only light in his life. The very first time, when he saw her, he understood the light of that girl but his inner devil, damn on his inner devil, though he cursed that devil many times, but after realizing his love for his wife, he cursed more and more to the Lucifer of his life as well as his own self to being a selfish like this.
He claimed that Sanskar Maheswari could fix anything but that little girl of his wife, made him realized badly that some things were also there which he could not fix or correct. This was the time when mighty had fallen. That was second time, he had fallen. First was with his so called first love and third? Well! The third part of this trilogy was very interesting.
Yes! He had fallen in his own fantasy world, where everyone loved him, where he was still a perfect and innocent boy, where his girlfriend never became his wife and where his guardian angel visited him daily.
It was the day, after few months of his comma period when he first time got the memory of his worst nightmare. Yet, it was slowly but like slow poisoning, it was painful and heartache memory for him.
Firstly, he got the memories of almost one year of his first marriage, or he should say, his second mistake. He already did first mistake by loving and trusting Meera.
He was firstly, feeling overwhelmed to gain that memory and bit numb because he never expected himself to end like this. He was smart boy and considered as genius. How could he fell for something like this? He wondered to think that. His thirty-two years mind was matured and astound at the act of nineteen years boy who married his minor girlfriend.
Maheswaries were always the one who obliged and followed the rules and regulations as well as laws. The family of Sanskar was really strict and he was always the obedient to his elders. He wondered, how did he go against them.
But next years was brought more wonder as well as pain for him when he got to know that the girl left him, for whom he went against his loving family, for whom he accepted the ragged life by leaving the luxury life and for whom, he loved from all his heart.
After the day of her betrayal, his worst nightmare had started. After that day, the solace in the words of his guardian angel, had rapidly increased. He felt the wetness on his tears many times. And many times, he felt the soft hands on his cheeks brushing away the wetness.
That time, he wanted to touch and clasp those hands, he wanted something more from those hands and soft lips, more than the mere touch or soft whispering.
It was nothing like the physical desire, it was pure desire of heart and soul and he wanted to fulfill the desire with his heart and soul, not physically.
Upcoming few weeks were his worst days of life. He witnessed every painful memory and the hatred towards the world. He got to know about his impish victories which he got by wrong mean and steadily, his hatred towards the world, became the hatred towards himself.
In his life, after life revealed itself to him, if Sanskar Maheshwari loved someone, it was his very own self but after the day when he got the memory when he first time sold himself, he started to hate himself.
In his previous life, he repented sometimes and hated his past life which created the monster like him. But it was because of his own selfish reasons. He loved victory and because of his past sins, he lost sometimes. It was just selfishness, nothing else.
But in his dark world, (he still didn’t know where was he?) he started to loath himself. The feelings of self-loathing and hatred were very overwhelmed and he felt his breath stopped many time. That time, he also realized that he was the patient of asthma. He started to feel the inhaler more and more.
Though, in his dark world, which he understood that it was the hell for his sins, he felt the hands of his guardian angel and his worried voice.
She often told him about her would be born child and the suggestion of name. She wanted him to give the name of her child but he was lost in his past sins that he didn’t think that he was deserved to give the name of new soul with his sins.
As he got the more memories, he started to feel the more hatred and self-loathing towards himself. Days passed and his overwhelming condition was subsidies but he was still loath himself to do those heinous things.
He witnessed himself, doing blackmailing to people, for his success. In his past life,he never thought to use short cut for his success and what he was doing, it was beyond his morals.
But his worst nightmare also brought something positive in his condition.
Compared to the previous time, he got the memories faster than before.
In few weeks, he got the memories of ten years and he often wept silently and again those soft fingers brushed away his tears.
He started to know his way of business, way of fulfilling his dreams of chain of hotels and the way he used everyone around him including his best friend.
His inner devil tried to convinced him that it was because everyone left him too. Everyone gave him great pain and he was just returning what they gave him but despite of his inner devil’s solace, he didn’t find one.
But when he was normal, he often wondered when his guardian angel would come in his life.
And soon, very soon he met with his guardian angel. He was happy after so much time, spending in his self loathing.
But if he know that his journey of hatred and self loathing, would increase when he got know about what he did with his angel, he never wanted to get his memories.
But destiny was cruel, isn’t it?
fan fiction December 11, 2016