SwaSan Os~ Am I A Mistake?
(A girl of about age 22 is sleeping.. Tear marks are visible on her chubby cheeks.. Suddenly her phone vibrated continuously.. She irritatidly got up and checked.. Name displayed ” Bff”
She sighed and cut the call.. She checked the time it was 6.30am.. She got up to freshen up.. After few minutes she came wearing a bathrobe looking breathtakingly beautiful.. She opened her wardrobe and took out a pair of blue jeans and pink t-shirt with a brown shrug but then remembered her mum telling not to wear modern clothes and put them back and took out a blue churidar.. She wore it and started brushing her hairs.. She looked up at the mirror and smiled sadly.. Her face was pale without any makeup but still she looked beautiful)
(Someone shouts from outside)
Boy: SWARAAA!! Come down for breakfast you sleepy head!
(Yes, the girl is our cute Swara)
Swara: Coming in 2 mins Bhai!
(She quickly made herself presentable and went down for breakfast)
Swara(smiles fakely): Morning Everyone!
(His father, Shekhar Gadodia died two years ago due to heart attack.. She was left with her mum, Shomi and brother, Laksh)
Shomi: Where were you? Come eat breakfast
Swara: Ji Maa..
Laksh: Swara, Eat quickly then i have to drop you to your college also..
Swara: Just 5 mins Bhai.. And look, i wore churidar today.. You said na-
Laksh: I know what i said and i am right.. You shouldn’t wear those jeans skirts and short clothes.. You are not allowed
Swara: But why?
Laksh: Cause i am saying! Come now or i will go
(He goes outside)
Shomi: Beta you know he is your elder brother and is saying for your benefit..
Swara(controls shouting): Hmm!
(She took her bag and went to car and Laksh drove towards her college)
(Swara was a medical student.. Her father wanted her to be a doctor but was this what she desired?)
(Laksh dropped her and went.. Swara came in silently and went to her class.. After 2 hours lecture got over.. She went towards garden when her phone beeped)
Message: Why aren’t you replying me or taking my calls? Talk to me dear! We will sort it out! Please!
(She saw the message and her eyes turned glassy due to tears.. She sat on the bench when one of her teacher came there.. Swara was an obedient student and high achiever.. All her teachers loved her)
Swara(turned back and wiped her tears): Sonia Mam?
Sonia(sat beside her): What happened to you? Why are you looking so sad dear?
Swara(fakely smiles): Nothing mam..
Sonia: Swara.. You can share with me sweety.. And i would really appreciate if you do so..
Swara: Its a long story..
Sonia(smiles): Well i am not having any lecture today and seeing you i guess even you wont attend your classes so we have plenty of time right
Swara(smiles): Thank you..
Sonia: So speak up whats bothering you..
Swara: 2 years ago, my baba died due to heart attack.. That was something i had never imagined even in my wildest dreams.. That shattered me but i decide to be strong for my mum and bro.. But they both dont have much time for me.. Always ordering me what to do and what not to stating ” Its for your Benefit”.. I didnt like that and i still dont like it.. Maa always said that me and bhai are equally important to her but her behaviour shows.. It shows that ” A Daughter can never be a son” She always differentiated among us.. And when i used to get angry at her, she instead used to scold me badly.. Cursing herself for giving birth to a daughter like me..
(By now, tears were continuously falling from her eyes)
Sonia(puts hand on her shoulder): Swara..
Swara: I used to cry.. Hiding from them.. Cry at night so no one could see me.. Me alone with my pillow.. I used to cry every night and sleep.. They didn’t bother much and used to show tantrums like i am wrong only.. You know one day what Maa said?
Sonia(held her hands): What she said?
Swara(sniffs): She said :
” You are good for nothing Swara! You are so selfish and rude with everyone! We are not your servants to tolerate your stupid tantrums! I curse the day i gave you birth! You are so selfish! No one will like to be with you! Your fairytale dreams will never come true! There is no prince charming for you!”
Swara: I cried that day so bitterly.. How could she say that to me? I was also a human? Dont i have a heart? But still a person was there who always was there whenever i needed him.. My bff..
Swara(looks at her and smiles sadly): Sanskar..
Sonia: Where is he then?
Swara(sniffs): He cheated.. Cheated me.. My friendship!
Sonia: Tell me clearly dear..
Swara: Me and Sanskar were classmates in Delhi.. He fell in love with me.. But in 12th grade.. We shifted to Mumbai.. I had never talked to him in person.. I always found boys bad and flirts.. But one day he messaged me, and we started chatting.. He told me he loved me.. I got angry and scolded him.. He said he is not telling me to reciprocate his feelings.. He just want to be in touch with me.. Thats it.. I agreed after alot of insistence.. I offered him friendship.. He agreed instantly..
Sonia: Then? What went wrong?
Swara: He was nice.. He used to cheer me up, understood me.. Well that was what i thought.. Once we had a serious argument on all this.. He said he wont bother me anymore..
Sonia: Ohh.. Then did-
Swara: After one year, he texted me saying sorry for his behaviour and said this time span was enough for him to know that he couldnt live without me.. I forgived him after sometime and we again became like before.. He shifted here, we started to meet quite often.. Enjoyed our hangouts, used to do loads of fun.. But.. With time, he started to order me.. Sometimes i agreed with him but mostly i didnt..
Sonia: Hmm.. What happened then?
Swara: I came to know that in that one year he had made a girlfriend but he left her.. I felt bad and argued with him.. He said that he loved me and only me.. This gf he made only to get rid of my thoughts..
Swara: Bad.. I know.. But even then i forgave him.. One day again we had an argument on relationship thing.. He also angrily told me that he made so many sacrifices for me and all the time i am ranting to go away..
Swara(cries): Why dont you go then? Leave me na! I dont want to be a burden on you Sanskar!
Sanskar(shouts): Enough is enough Swara! What the hell do you think its a game? Whenever you want you can leave and whenever you want you can stay!
Swara(cries): Sanskar! Thats cause you want it!
Sanskar(held her by her shoulder): I dont want you to go! I want you! Beside me! Forever!
Swara: I dont love you! We are just friends!
Sanskar: But i do! This friendship i did to be in touch with you!
Swara: What do you mean?
Sanskar: I thought with time you will also fall in love with me but no! You didnt! You are so selfish!
I just wish that i had never fallen in love with a girl like you who doesnt value feelings of others!
Sanskar: you are the biggest mistake of my life dammit! You dont deserve me or my love!
Sanskar: Never show me your face again Swara! It hurts! Hurts when you say you dont love me! Hurts when you say you will leave me and go! Now.. This love ends here.. We are nothing to eachother now! Our friendship is over!!
(Swara is crying bitterly.. Sonia hugged her to calm her down)
Swara(sniffs): Am i a Mistake? My mum and then my bff? Both of them said i am a mistake in their lives!
Sonia: Shh.. Calm Down Swara
Swara: Dad left me.. Maa and Bhai always scold me.. Sanskar also left me .. After few days he stared calling and texting me apologising
Swara: Am not replying him.. I am done.. He hurted me so many times but i forgave but not now! Its enough..!
Sonia: Hmm.. So what-
Swara(looks at her teary eyed) : Am i really a Mistake?
I know its way too boring.. Sorry for making you guys bore ?
Plus, this is the last time am writing here.. I won’t bother you guys with my stupid ffs anymore..
Less appreciation and point out more.. I am hurt.. Alot..
Still for all those who commented on my ffs, Thank you 🙂 And those who messaged me privately pointing out my values, have no right to judge me or my character! So please stay in your limits!
Sorry for talking harshly to everyone else 🙂