Missed you so much yaar
Hope you all doing fine
May Allah bless you all
Let’s start and don’t blaming me doing many secrets
Swara shouted: I said he isn’t your son Sanskar…..
Sanskar huffed: don’t be such cruel swara by telling those…
Swara calmly: look at my eyes Sanskar, look deep in them, do you think swara would ever lie about such topic? Do you think swara can be such cruel to take a son from his father?, do you think after all what happened to me I would give my son such fate to grow fatherless as I thought myself?? Look you all at me and tell me if I am lying.
Every one look to swara and soon their eyes went wide in shock as they saw utter truth in swara’s eyes, no hesitation.
Swara: Sanskar, he is not your son… nor mine, but by other ways he is my son and my son alone.
Sanskar’s breath shallow, hitched, throbbed and for seconds looked like forever stopped. Room was too silent but from the heart beats of the around people while shock and trying to reasons the words written over their faces.
Sanskar was in shock: h…hhh.. how… i… Don’t…. Understa…. I…
Swara tears flow silently as she moved to a chair to sit, her legs was sleazy not to be able to handle her body no matter how fragile it was.
Swara: sanky is mandira’s son.
Swara; when I left I lived with my friend mandira, she took me in even after I told her everything about me, she didn’t push me like others did (eyeing Sanskar). She was 5 months pregnant, her lover was a small constable but loved her so dearly, unfortunately they had relationship before marriage, he tried to propose her but her family rejected him.
Later on he died in action and mandira ran away with the baby she had in her womb. All doctors informed her that she was too young to have a baby and that her body won’t hold it, but she kept the baby. After giving birth, her body was total weak and she held her son only once before she give him to me. She asked me to take care of him, that he is only mine and have no one else but me, she asked me to raise him as my own son and that what I did, the moment I held him and looked to his eyes I knew he was mine.
I made mandira last rituals and signed sanky with my name, I raised him and care him. He is my son. And that’s why I came back, I became more understandable of why ma aur papa kept me, what love they held for me as a baby, and sanky deserves such love and family too.
Swara ended her talks crying in silent, sinking deep in the pains of her heart.
Shekhar sit by her side hugging side her: why you didn’t tell us?
Swara: I was willing too, but couldn’t find the courage.
After long breaths, swara saw Sanskar from her eye corner. Quit before chaos, that what he was, he was spacing not looking at anything, his wide eyes was a painted sketch of emotions rush. He was dull, unmoving, blunt and obscure yet breathing and rushing with emotions of sad and anger.
Sanskar felt heat running to his lifless body, he believed he had a son, a piece of him and his swara, he loved sanky as person and son, he wanted to give him everything, yet now to know that he isn’t, his heart was twisting. Swara start to move to go to her room
Sanskar sound came like after years of not speaking: why you named him Sanskar? Why he is much like me?
Swara smiled bitterly: is it too hard to find it out? I loved you so much that my life can’t go without you. When you left me I lost a Sanskar so I made a new Sanskar in my life, I kept a Sanskar so that name is never come to a halt from my lips. And for his manners, I was even more carless and selfish that I wanted him to be you, and by influent of my idea about you he became.
Swara left to her room and so others moved like stones dragged over marbles except from Sanskar but even he soon moved out of the whole house dragging his own feet as he was paralyzed as his uncle.
A week pass, no sign of Sanskar, he never came back to GM, laksh didn’t knew his where about, even shome and shekhar were worried and called MM to receive that he is only sending them mails saying he is ok. Swara was worry, hell worry, masking her emotions with work and everything else, she always knew where Sanskar is and now he was missing and that drove her insane mentally.
Gadodias treated sanky as always, nothing changed, they did that to swara and sure for cute boy like him they would, specially if he means that much to swara. Sanky turned to be gloomy, he don’t talk much or play much, he had finally found a dad, like you find a small gifted play in your snacks, but very soon lost him, like he has no right to have a father which broke his little heart.
Choto swara was no differ, a pampered princess she was by her sanseeka, now he is gone without telling her, and as the little girl she is she missed him a lot and was so furioros about not asking about her.
That night after the week passed, swara was sleeping on her bed but not comfortable or happily as you can clearly see the tears made its paths on her cheeks and wet spots on the pillow. It’s her routine since Sanskar left, to sleep due to over crying, she knew he was broke, she knew he wanted sanky to be his son but she had to wake him up from fantasies and that when he come back she will be forced to utter another truth that after forward they will never be together again.
Swara stirred in her bed hearing unpleasant knock noises, shuffling right and left until she realized that someone was knocking her balcony door. Starting to open her eyes, why would anyone dash in her room and knock her balcony glass door, unless the knock was from the outside.
Swara sat up on her bed frowning, who will be in her balcony at (looking at her watch) … 3 am?? Surly enough not a thief, also how would that – not for sure a thief – get to her balcony in the second floor, feet away from the ground.
Cautiously swara moved her body from the bed and her pink silky dress flowing touchy to her body as she stepped to the balcony, removing the curtains to revile a face that brought happiness to her heart.
Sanskar stared from behind the glass, looked at her lovely but tired. Swara sank in his features, his brown orbits were so tired and his eyes was caving brown due to sleepless nights, his face looked much thinner perhaps not eating good as well, so in general he looked fragile, tired and exhausted still his eyes carry all love to her which confuses her more. Shouldn’t he hate her?, shouldn’t he be going away from her finally?.
Sanskar watched swara’s eyes moving with his hand, the movement had snapped her from whatever thoughts were running to her mind. He moved his hand on the glass door to touch her, to be back 4 years where there life was going just perfect, for both of them to happy again. His hand called hers and she blindly moved her hand to meet hiss on the other side, their hands matched with the glass between but they could feel their touch nevertheless.
“please open swara”
Sanskar pleaded softly and whispery only for her to hear, she did open the door and Sanskar entered swiftly engulfing swara in a hug, softly but needy. He was in chaos and utterly confused, shattered and devastated and the only peace he can find was in her hands, in her embrace.
“come back to me swara… with sanky… you both belong with me”
“sshshssh please listen to me” Sanskar broke the hug and looked to swara “I love you, you know that and I want nothing but a family with you. Sanskar isn’t my blood well I don’t care, I can be his father, no, I want to be his father, I can do this as you did”
“Sanskar, we can never be family, I can’t love you same anymore, what you did to me is too deep and can’t be erased. You may say I can be sanky’s father but the reality of him not being your blood wull always step in the way, you can’t do it”
“shekhar uncle did it swara, so why I can’t?. believe me swara I love him as I would love my own. I will love you both till the last of my breaths…… swara please (Sanskar kneel to his both knees to swara) please come back to me, let’s sort our life again, love each other and be happy, I will care you swara, our life can be hap….”
Swara interrupted Sanskar again “I was pregnant Sanskar”
Again all traces is dead, all sounds fades, all colors disappear, no life, no breath, only space. Swara knew she will be killing herself and Sanskar telling this last secret, she will be killing any chance to be together, killing everything and set fire on their bodies for their death rituals. As she saw confusion and shock in his eyes she sit in front of him and continue
“after I left, about a week later I found out I am 2 month pregnant, my happiness found no boundaries, I wanted to come back to you, to tell you not to leave me and if you don’t want to do it for me then for our baby.
Again your words about how work is precious to you stopped me, if you pushed me for that why would you not do for our baby, I was confused and mortified, I was only thinking for 2 days after I knew making me decision to tell you only to find myself awake in a pool of blood.
I had miscarriage due to stress, tension and over thinking, that what the doctors said but the real reason our baby died Sanskar because when I most needed you I didn’t find you.
I needed you Sanskar more than my own breath but I guess you couldn’t hold a lot, I guess also I would have taken same choice, I would have left you Sanskar because I would never bear you be hurt because of me but that wasn’t the time, not that time Sanskar”
Swara started to take breaths, she talked a lot while crying and her throat hurt as more cried wants to come out. On the other hand Sanskar now lends his back on the glass door of terrace looking so broken, wasted and penitent, he never thought that by one simple action of his will do such damage, that while he think he is protecting his swara from his family and there mental abuse he actually lost everything he have.
Swara spoke again “now you see it right! I love you but I shouldn’t, I want to be with you but I can’t, I want to blame you as much as I want to blame myself but in what logic I should? You were just doing the right for you. Whenever I look at you Sanskar I remember our baby, I remember we would have a baby, I remember that he would have my features and your hazel eyes. Every time I see your face I see it as only my lost baby before I even feel his proper beat in my womb. And this is beyond my hold Sanskar, I simply can’t do it. Our sweet love became a simple Hatred Love, we love each other and we hate it”
Silent, and utter silent only, swara closed her eyes, her eyes hurt and her heart hurt with ache, her mind draft to that morning as she moved the comfort and found blood on her cloth and bed, she remembered her screams, her agony, she would be a mother in a night and a nothing in the morning.
Slowly sound of cries cooed to her ears, she snapped her eyes open and dashed into splits watching Sanskar crying. Sanskar covered his face in his palms crying like a baby, he cry and cry, his sobbing have slight sounds forcing swara to sob as well.
Swara crawled to Sanskar and hugged him, he bury his face in her neck crying his heart out, he knew what it means to be a father, he tasted it and now knowing that he lost a baby shattered him for the nth time. He felt utter sad and guilt, like he killed his baby by his own self.
Both swasan kept crying their lost baby, both imagining if swara wouldn’t gone how happy they would discovering it, going to the doctor for checkup, watching first ultra sound, hearing his heart beats, the first kick, having the baby in their arms. Perfect picture both wanted so badly and lost it abruptly. Swasan’s cries didn’t stop and both slept hugging each other and crying their hurt pain out.
Next day sun rise fall on swasan, and as heavy as their hearts can be heavy it was also light, no more secrets, not more mysteries, no more hides, they were both bare finally. Swara woke up first, feeling it so hard to open her eyes but then felt a steal arm surrounding her and caging her body, she gazed up watching Sanskar sleeping hugging her as his dear life.
She got lost in his angelic face stained with tears paths, he looked so beautiful but broken something that she can’t figure in her mind. She try to move his hand and get up as they slept hugging on the floor, but it was hard as the grape was tight and as she do so Sanskar stir in his sleep and woke up.
He opened his eyes as saw swara moving his arm and then her eyes met his, her eyes to him was too delicate and shatter pieces of gold in the pure sun rays, he could see his reflection in her eyes and how broken as well.
Swara got up a bit lifting herself to meet her lips to his forehead, she kissed his head between his fallen hairs, it was long and gentle print of a kiss, she poured her love as she print this kiss. A tear fall from her right eye resting on where her lips and Sanskar’s forehead met while she kiss him then she broke the kiss and looked at Sanskar as his eye has tears too, both knew what this kiss exactly mean.
Swara whisper what her kiss meant as uttering it will give it it’s own reality touching Sanskar’s cheek softly
“GOOD BYE MY LOVE”
She goodbye him knowing they are now like train lines that never meets, she goodbye her first, last and only love. Sanskar looked sad to her, silently begging for anything, wishing anything, praying for something he himself don’t know what is it, all he know he is in pain and swara is in pain and he wants it to end.
Swara got up and entered bathroom leaving him alone staring where she just been in his arms, but then he moved out the way he came in.