SWASAN FF I Hate u & I Hate Myself Because I Still Love U Episode 35

I’m sorry that i couldn’t make up to your expectations but i promise i will try my level best to give a proper ending to my ff

Bhai we are doing right na i mean i feel like we are compelling swara for this marriage said sahil to adi

Adi: yeah sahil me too feel the same (they are interrupted by laksh)

Laksh: what is this yaar how many times i have to make you understand that we are doing all these for her betterment only. You all know na how she used to be before that dreadful day. That accident, ragini’s eloping, sanskars disappearing everything made her like this. She was such a bubbly and naughty girl who always wanted to be pampered by others. But that day took all her bubbliness and naughtiness from her and made her a serious girl.

Pankhuri: are you sure by doing this we can bring her back?

Laksh: of course pankhuri ……. Just think her bubbliness was gone when me ragini and sanskar went from her life. Now i’m back in her life but sanskar and ragini they are keeping themselves away from her. They are guilty about their doings and they just need punishment from swara. By her ignorance she is giving them punishment but at the same time she too is suffering. I know her very well it hurts her more when she hurts them. So for bringing her out from this trauma we need to do this.

Uttara: but bhai won’t it hurt her when she is doing this marriage for our sake without wholeheartedly. I guess it will hurt her more when sanskar bhai is around her.

Karan: no uttu it’s just that swara thinks like that but in real she is very happy being sanskar around her. She is confused what to do and what not to. And this sanskar and ragini di is also not doing anything because of their guilt. So it’s time for us to show her the right path

Laksh: exactly and i’m sure during the rituals they will come close to each other and she will feel his love. Aur vaise bhi we hurt those on whom we have a right and swara thinks she only have the right to punish them. Only because of that she made all of us forgive sanskar and ragini. (smilingly) she can punish them but can’t see them punished by someone else.

Arnav: tho yeah baat hai (so this is the matter)

Anjali: i told you if adi and laksh are doing something like that and pankhuri is supporting them then there must be a strong reason

Khushi: but the great arnav malhotra won’t listen to anyone right di.
Saying this anjali and khushi gives hi-fi

Pankhuri: hay anjali di and khushi when did you come

Anjali: just now. Arnav was irritated knowing about you all compelling swara for marriage. We two tried a lot to convince him

Khushi : but arnav is arnav especially when it comes to swara he won’t listen to anybody so thought to pay a visit

Arnav: haan i was too much tensed for swara thought to confront you all but hearing to your POV i think you all are right. Me too want our old bubbly swara back.

Karan: then what are we waiting for come on let’s start the wedding preparations

(guys i don’t know anything about the marriage ritual as i’m a malayali and also from a christian back ground so please forgive me if i did any mistake)

Swara was already on leave and she enjoyed being with her siblings and have started to behave normal with all except sharmishta, shekar and ragini. They all have gone for outing, shopping, movie everything possible to keep swara happy. Some time sanskar and ragini also joined them or can say they were compelled to. She somewhat got free with sanskar as she had to pretend in front of others.

It was the day of engagement. Swara was nervous as she feels a little guilty for doing the rituals as for her it’s all a drama. But somehow she managed to do all the rituals.

Swara’s POV

What’s happening to me why i’m feeling this much nervousness. This is not the first time i’m doing engagement with him but this time it was different. May be this time I’m pretending to get married so I’m feeling like this.

She shrugged her thoughts and slept. Next day it was mehendi. Swara again felt something which she couldn’t understand.

Swara’s POV

What is tis again i’m feeling like that when that mehendi girl asked my wouldbe husband’s name why i felt shy to say his name. WAIT……. I FELT SHY ?!?!?!?! no no i can’t become weak like this. I just wanted utthil and lucky’s happiness. No swara this can’t happen. What if he again leave me i can’t handle an another separation
Mind: i guess you are going to do the same. In the fear of he will leave you you are going to leave him whatever happens the result is same na you both will be separated and this time forever.

Brain: hay you just shut up and don’t make her confused . she had done the right decision

Mind: right decision wow you know what you are manipulating her. I agree they did a mistake but they are repenting right and about punishment then i guess you have already punished them with your ignorance.

Brain: ohh was that even a punishment she was ignoring them because she was hurt and the real punishment is to leave him for ever and to live your life on your own conditions.

Mind: ok fine i will agree but before that give me an answer for a simple question and if your answer is an yes then i won’t come again to confuse her.

Brain: and what is your question

Mind: will she be happy in her life after living him?????? Can she enjoy her life without him??????

Brain: …………..

Mind: i know she will be devastated if he betray her again but in that fear why should she spoil her entire life. And by the way he is repenting for his mistakes I don’t think he will even think of betraying you again.

Swara: not even in his dreams…

Mind was happy and brain accepted his defeat. Swara ran in search of laksh to say all the developments because she know he is the only person to whom she can share these things.

Swara: Bhai where is Jiju

Adi: (astonished) swara !!!!!!! (keeping his palms on swara’s forehead) you are ok na?????????

Swara: what bhai i’m ok what will happened to me

Adi: you are calling laksh as JIJU for the first time

Then only swara realised what she called laksh. Although laksh is her jiju, she had a hesitation to call him jiju as she couldn’t forget what ragini did to her.

Swara: leave it bhai tell me where is he?

Pankhuri: guess he is upstairs, may be wit……. (interrupted by swara)

Swara: ok bye….

Saying this she ran upstairs without giving a heed to her

Pankhuri: swara wait ….

Adi: what happened pankhuri ? why are you stopping her?

Pankhuri: adi i guess laksh is with ragini if swara see them

Adi: pankhuri relax Swara ithena bhi nasamach nahi hai. Nothing will happen don’t worry.

Pankhuri: hope so

Here Swara went upstairs and when he was not found she went to terrace. Their she happened to heard ragini & Laksh’s conversation.

Ragini: please laksh try to understand it’s getting hard for me on each passing seconds. I’m already in guilt for misunderstanding my doll and now you are making me feel more guilty. Please laksh now also it’s not late please do something and stop our marriage.

Swara: (monolog) stop the marriage but why for what

Ragini: laksh i can’t take forward our relationship until i prove myself worthy of being a mother, jab tak meri pehli beti mujhe maaf nahi karti tab tak mein doosere ke bare mein sooch bh nahi sakti. (i can’t think of a second child until my first daughter forgives me) i can’t give you the happiness of being a father laksh so please do something and stop the marriage.

Swara: (monolog) di was in this much guilt?!?!?!?!?!? She was not even talking to me properly and was not at all trying to convince me. I felt weird but still didn’t thought that she felt this much guilt that it was pulling back her from moving on in her life. I thought after marriage everyone’s life will be settled but here it’s becoming more complicated. I’m sorry di you always tried to be a good mother for me but i guess i was not a good daughter that you couldn’t share your problems with me but now i won’t let anything go wrong and for that i will go to any extent

Her thoughts were interrupted by their talks.

Laksh: ragini how many times i have to tell you it’s not all about s*x, in marriage love, care, understanding and trust is important. I agree that love making is also a part of marriage at the same time it is only a part not everything ok.

Ragini: laksh i’m warning you you will regret

Laksh: did you ever feel regret in these 7 years for leaving your doll and your family for me ?

Ragini: …………..

Laksh: no na then how can i ragu

Ragini hug him tightly crying hard and laksh allowed her.

Ragini: (in between sobbing) laksh i always had a proud feeling about my decision of choosing you over my family. Masima also told me that i did right by listening to my mind. I felt that i’m doing something big by living for you unconditionally. But now i realise what i did with my doll. I left her at a situation where she wanted me the most. She would have searched for me she must have felt alone ….

Swara: she cried for several nights, whenever a nurse came for injection she searched for her di’s hands to hold, during thunderstorms she used to hide under her bed as her di’s chest was not available for her to hide, she never celebrated her birthday as her di was not with her, she never celebrated her achiveme….

She was left uncompleted as ragini hug her tightly not able to take it anymore. Both cried hard, but not wanted to leave each other, swara was carving for this touch, for this hug, for her di’s shoulder to cry her heart out. Ragini’s state was also not different, she too was carving to embrace her doll in her hands. Both sat down without breaking the hug and stayed for a long time. Laksh was have happy tears and was smiling seeing them like this, as he knew now everything is going to be normal.

Once again sorry if i disappointed you and also for the delay. I was on a meditation in a retreat centre for a week and you all may know that mobile and lappy are not allowed their. I will try to update next chapter as soon as possible and probably that will be the final episode. Thank you all for bearing me.

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  1. awesome .malayaliannalle .episode kalakki

    1. Mariyajap

      orupaaaaadu nandi. keralathil evideya

  2. Awesome ??

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u stg

  3. Deeksha

    Awesome mariyajap….!!!!! But dear I think that brain and mind both r same….???????take care of ur health dear…!!!!!

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u deekshu for ur comment and ur correction really i didn’t knew that

      1. Deeksha

        No problem dear….!!!!

  4. Rabia

    Good one dear ?

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u rabia di

  5. Raglakholic

    Amazing update

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u soo much happy that a raglakholic likes my swasan ff really i’m honored thanks a loooooooooot

  6. nice epi dr

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u parul

  7. Just awesome dear

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u soo much febi

  8. Anniya

    Awsm one

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u anniya

  9. Awesome

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u kaur

  10. Simin

    Take care

    1. Mariyajap

      sure and thank u simin

  11. Nice one dear ??????

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u vidhi

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sus

  12. Shreeyu

    Awesome Mariya

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u shreeyu

  13. Sanji


    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sanji

  14. Simi

    Awesome dear
    Happy to see that swaragini united?

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u simi

  15. Mirna

    Awesome dear 🙂 loved it 🙂

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u mirna

  16. Arshaanya

    Sorry to say bt i didn’t liked it sorry…
    First of all i agrer dat sanskar was in guilt dats y not convincing her n it showed in his action bt i dun agree dat ragini was also in guilt… n its all abt others i ve still not seen some swasan scenes n al… n in d end showed ragini as mahan… n wat was dat laksh still forcing n al… m sorry if i hurt u bt m angry n hurt wid d way story is moving… once again sorry

    1. Mariyajap

      sorry to disappoint u and thank u for the comment

  17. I really loved the mind brain scene why r u hurrying take time we love reading ur story updates ragini repent was a little abrupt but I think ragini as a character could be understood she did all this for love and Sanskar did all this for family that line is most perfect which makes it beautiful
    Now everything is solved so sanskars love for swara is evident make swara break the marriage in mandap then they get married just a thought
    Plz plz make sanskar convince swara giving her flowers and plz write few lines after swasan marriage and want to see swasan babies

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u aamias will try as per ur expectations

  18. Super awesome

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u tani

  19. Shifa96


    1. Mariyajap

      thank u shifa

  20. Mica

    awesome part mariya…

    1. Mariyajap

      Thank you mica

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