SWASAN FF I Hate u & I Hate Myself Because I Still Love U Episode 34

This is too much guys you all love sanskar a lot at the same time you need him to be punished. I thought to give him a small punishment and will end it by the next episode. But you guys are impossible that you want him to get a big punishment. So I decided to extend it to 2 or 3 chappies plz don’t kill me with your bare hands for this decision.

I guess it’s enough of my bak bak. So let’s start with the episode


Days are passing on uttara is back to normal life, raglak relation is also getting better, everything is back to normal except Swara. She is still avoiding sharmista, shekar, ragini and sanskar.

Swara was all set to go back to her flat but Adi, pankhuri, Sahil and Laksh together convinced her to stay in GM. She obliged as she can’t deny them.

Sharmista, Shekar and ragini is doing everything possible to win swara’s trust and forgiveness but she was not giving any heed to them.

As everyone was back to normal all decided to do uttara, sahil & raglak marriage. But ………..

Sahil: bhua please don’t mistake me but i don’t want this marriage.

Sharmishta: sahil what are you saying? Beta see you both suffered a lot in your past and now it’s time for you both to be happy.

Uttara: then what about swara di aunty (uttara calls swara as swara di as ) she too suffered a lot and still suffering just because of me and laksh bhai.

Laksh: so we have decided that we won’t get married or move on in our life until and unless swara gets settled in her life.

Swara who was hearing all these gets frustrated

Swara: what the hell why are you dragging me into this i have already told that i’m happy with my this life and will remain like this till my death and bhaiya & bhabhi you both had agreed to my condition also then what’s all these?

Adi & Pankhuri: swara dekho we are not forcing you. As you have the right to decide things related to your life they too have na and if their decision is this we both have nothing to do with it

Laksh: swara adi & pankhuri have nothing to do with this. The decision is completely ours. We are not forcing you but we too can’t move on in our life denying the fact that we are the root cause of your sufferings.

Sahil: han swara how can we be happy after destroying your life i’m sorry swara at least i can’t do this.

Swara got agitated and went from there and the youngsters had a satisfaction on their face while the elders were all tensed about the happenings along with ragini.

Swara went to her office and first she meet ramnath and discussed for some time and handed over a letter to him. Then she headed towards sanskars cabin.

Swara: may i come in sir?

Sanskar: you don’t have to seek permission swara just come in.

Swara: thank you are you free now i want to talk to you and i promise i will not take much time

Sanskar was hurt hearing her but now it has became his routine.

Sanskar: it’s ok swara i’m free waise bhi i was just about to leave so tell me what you want to say

Swara explained him the situation at home he too was equally frustrated. Even though he wanted her badly back in his life but at the same time he didn’t want it to be forced.

Sanskar: what the hell…. Wait let me call bhai

Swara: it’s of no use sir he is not listening to me then i don’t think you can make him agree. So i guess…… i mean …….vho

Sanskar: swara don’t hesitate you can tell me anything

Swara: (takes a breath) ok tell me what’s your future plans i mean about marriage, life and all

Sanskar was hurt and it was clearly seen in his eyes with was not unnoticed by swara.

Sanskar: mein shadi shuda hoon swara (i’m already married swara)

Both were avoiding eye contact

Swara: so what should i do

Sanskar: swara you don’t need to do anything i’ll talk to them. These all happened because of my stupidity and for that i won’t allow anyone of you to suffer you don’t worry i will make them understand.

Swara: or shall i pretend to forget everything and moved on with you ?????????????????????

Sanskar: no no swara don’t do that please you have already beard soo much so plea..(interepted)

Swara: sanskar please let me complete. As i said we will pretend to get married along with them and after some days i will make an excuse and will leave from here

Sanskar: what excuse and where will you go

Swara: that you leave it to me i have already decided and have started working for it

Sanskar : are you sure

Swara: yeah ……. I don’t want anyone to ruin their life because of me. I know i may sound stupid but i’m firm on my decision, it’s just i can’t forget that day of my life which made me an orphan. I don’t want it to be repeated. I know may be won’t but still that fear is eating me from inside and i want to escape from that.

Sanskar: are you trying to run away from yourself

Swara: may be but i guess it’s the only solution for the current situation

Sanskar: no swara you are doing wrong please i will talk to them and they will surely understand you

Swara: what if they don’t. I don’t want to take a risk please this is the last time i’m asking you something

Without any option sanskar obliged

Sanskar: ok swara i will be with you. Can i too ask something from you for a last time

Swara: bolo

Sanskar: before leaving can you please forgive bhabhi. Swara you know very well that urvashi mami had brainwashed her and her love towards bhai made her do that. You can understand na in love the person will become blind and they only see what they are shown and think only what they are told. Same happened with bhabhi also. Seeing bhai in such a condition his last words and mami’s instigating that too for a long 7 years swara anyone in her place will have reacted like her only.

Swara: (having tears) tho kya mera pyar itna kamzoor tha sir (was my love that weak sir)

Sanskar: swara it was my stupidity that i believed her and

Swara: and it was related to your siblings. For you blood was thicker than water and for di love was thicker than blood and in between i was left alone…… all alone (wiping her tears and composing herself) i think i must take a leave. Bye sir…… aur han i will try to be normal with di and if you don’t mind come home in by evening. We will talk to others.

Sanskar: sure bye

Swara left by bidding him bye. On the way back home she went to beach and sit on the sand thinking about the recent happenings

Swara’s POV

I was pretty sure that he will agree with me but never in my dreams had i thought that he will oppose that too thinking about my betterment. At last he agreed and after that he was pleading for di. When he asked for a wish i thought he will ask something which will benefit him but he was asking for forgiveness that too for di. At times i hate him for this he was explaining me about di’s love for jij then what was that feeling which i had for him was that not love. The thought it self kills me from inside that he can understand everyones love except me. And this is the mere reason i’m leaving. I can’t be around him and so only i decide to resign. At first i thought for a transfer but then realize that there are chances for our paths to cross. But ramnath sir didn’t allow me to resign so i opted for a long leave and go far from all these chaos in my life. Aur vaise bhi the leave i took for the mission is still to be finished. Now i’m pretty sure what i should do.

She left for her house with a determination on her face

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  1. Awesome dear

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u febi

  2. Awesome ??

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u stg

  3. Rosey

    Wow amazing yaar superbbb waiting to see drama

  4. awesome..tc..

  5. Simi

    In this ff sanskar is mahan?
    Nice chapter dear.. ?

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u simi

  6. Shreeyu

    Awesome dr

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u shreeyu

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u anu

  7. Awesome…..

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u purvi

  8. Arshaanya

    M not liking dis… evry1 is frcng her…
    Didn’t expctd dis from laksh n sahil… dey ve seen her suffer still ??
    I loved wat swara said abt ragini n sanskarz love…
    I toh hate ragini so much cnt tel u ???

    1. Mariyajap

      sorry that i couldn’t keep it to ur expectations but still i feel sanskar should get a second chance after this much repentance and what all he did for saving swara’s life. thank u for ur comment di and seriously u r a good reader that ur suggestions means a lot to me thank u once again

      1. Arshaanya

        Ya i also want swasan 2gthr n enough of his punishmnt… bt dun lyk d forcing thing of sahil laksh…
        Let sanskar again earn her trust n love slowly bt not by dis

  9. Deeksha

    Ohhh dear it’s awesome….. Pls continue soon….!!!!!and next time a bigger one….

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u i will try deekshuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  10. awesome
    post soon

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u thinesanju keep reading

  11. Pooja26

    superb part dear…..
    post soon…….

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u pooja

  12. Soujanya


    1. Mariyajap

      thank u soujanya

  13. Waiting for next… Update soon dear ???????

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u vidhi

  14. Abirsha

    Sorry to say i didn’t like this concept of prerending…..even in this ff if u make swasan separate also no pblm…..bcoz sanskar,shemish,ragini no one deserve swara…..but in this part u r showing sanskar as mahan now….ok ur wish…..whatever swara said about ragini is true….

    1. Mariyajap

      sorry to disappoint u di, but believe me its important and i don’t want to separate them as it only lead to hurt not only sanskar & ragini but swara also. after this much sufferings in her life she to deserve a happy life right. so for that they should reunite with out any hesitation. thank u for ur valuable comment di i will try my best to keep up to ur expectations in the next chappy

      1. Abirsha

        Its ok…. I am not against swasan reunion… I told that if u separate them also i won’t feel bad but this pretending thing i didn’t like…. Thats it…. And y laksh and sahil have to force her???? Its totally ok leave it….

  15. Sanji


    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sanji

  16. M commenting after a long time….its stupendously awesome…. I just hope u remember me

    1. Mariyajap

      of course i remember u and thank u for commenting keep reading take care

  17. awesome post next one soon

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sneha

  18. Radhika..

    Awesome part as always. Everyone wanna swara to move on but she is just in the middle thinking what to do and what not…… Just thinking what happen if she trust again she is like broken…… And sanskar think about swara and her well being….. .and she want to go far away……
    Let’s see what will happen next ….
    Loved it……???

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u soo much ur thought exactly what i meant it means a looooooooot

  19. Simin

    Superb dear
    She is sooooo hurt with all this

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u simin, will try to heal her wounds

  20. Dearie I know I am late but I thought to reply. Love doesnot mean forgiving everything . Love is trust and care . together . Sometimes punishment is required if this was the case sanskar ragini shemish and ap dp shouldshould never beforgiven .

    the best words which swara told about sanskar anfd ragini are true I bow down . Plz let him get punished to deserve her . Sometimes I really get sad that the culprit gets punished . If swara has taken wrong steps as suggested by ap too and then this repentance wont be required only .

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u aamias really u r a good critic thank u soo much

  21. The culprits punishment is also required for betterment and mostly so that swara could trust again

    1. Mariyajap

      yeah u r right

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u vyshu

  22. Shifa96

    Awesome..i have changed my username from afra..update next part soon.

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u afra then whats ur real name afra/ shifa

      1. Shifa96

        My actual name is shifa. Afra is my sister’s name.

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