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SWASAN FF I Hate u & I Hate Myself Because I Still Love U Episode 33

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Sanskars POV

It’s been the two days since that incident. Uttara is still in icu, her her health is improving. All are staying in the farm house where raj uncle & urvashi mami used to stay when they come here. But swara opted to stay with her friends as the college & hostel are sealed by the department. Everyone insisted her to stay with them but she denied. Don’t know what’s going on in her mind. While coming to hospital I felt like I was hurt and it’s paining her more than me. But after my surgery i didn’t get a glimpse of her. Even though arjun informed me that she is busy with the formalities of the case but my mind is not ready to accept it. I mean from the time i came to consciousness I’m desperately searching for her. Whenever the door opens i hope it to be her. But she……… not even once she thought of paying a visit. What happened Swara still u didn’t forgive me. May be she hates me. I blamed her for the thing which even never happened. If i was in her place may be me too will have done the same.

Vishesh entered the room breaking his thoughts.

Vishesh: hello sir how r u?

Sanskar: sanskar… u can call me sanskar

Visheshs smiles a little

Sanskar : why r u smiling

Visesh : when the doctor called swara as ma’am she too tell the same (mocking) SWARA… U CAN CALL ME SWARA. U both r exactly same

A smile crept on sanky’s face hearing swara.

Vishesh: can i ask u some thing sanskar, i know i’m a complete outsider and i just know swara only from last few months but see u both …… u know …. Out of curiosity

Sanskar: just split it yaar

Vishesh: we r friends from the very first day she came here. From then happy ho ya sad we shared everything …. We means our gang. Whatever the situation may be we didn’t see a teardrop in her eye. She was always the same. First we thought the she is still in the trauma of the death of her parents.

Sanskar : what …..???????????

Vishesh : i mean aashi’s parents were dead right soo

Sanskar: ohhhh

Vishesh: the first time i saw tears in her eyes was when that urvashi attacked u. She was crying like hell seeing u unconscious. And here in hospital also. I saw her panicked when the nurse asked her to arrange for blood, and her relief after knowing that my blood group is same.

Sanskar was having smile on his face while vashesh saying all these

Vishesh: i could see that love for u in her each and every movements. And now after seeing the smile on ur face i could conclude that u too love her. Then what happened between you both that she is not ready to face u. Today she send me to check on u yesterday kaira. Whats going on between you two. I mean……. If you feel comfortable then and i guess i can help you.

Sanskar :she always loved me unconditionally. But i was an idiot i give more importance to my family than her. For her i was her world and for me she came after my family. You know vishesh we know each other for childhood even after knowing her that much i doubt her. I being a police officer didn’t even try to find the truth. Simply believed what was shown to me.(Sanskar tells everything which happened in there wedding, her fake death, and everything happened after that till now to vishesh) But still she loves me i don’t deserve her vishesh. But i can’t even lose her also. I want her in my life i want to make her feel how special she is to me. Whatever punishment she gives me i’m ready to accept it, i even don’t want her to forgive me bcz i know i don’t deserve it, she can hate me can be rude with me but …. but i need her by my side i want her in front of my eyes always. Without her it’s killing me vishesh.

Sanskar was crying saying all these.

Vishesh : sanskar do you think she can punish you so severely. Even if she does na it will pain her more than you. Just give her some time i guess everything will be sorted out.

Sanskar : me too guess so. If she not come back i don’t know what is going to happen

Vishesh : sanskar what happened is everything ok ?????

Sanskar : no vishesh nothing is ok without swara. Everyone wants to ask sorry from her. Yesterday Mom & Ma were here full time waiting for her. They were not ready leave from here but at night ma had a slight chest pain so Adi strictly forbid her from coming here. Shekar uncle had locked himself in a room. He not even wants to hear anyone. Bhabhi’s contition is the most worst thing. She was already in guilt that she doubt her daughter like sister and over that bhai is not talking to her, not only to her but to me also. He is right in his place. Bhabhi is leading a lifeless life since her fake death. And swara she is not at all giving a chance to anyone to speak to her.

Laksh who was coming there hearing all these: did you give a chance to her at the day of your wedding. If you had allowed her to speak her that day then i myself would have taken your side. When you didn’t allow her to speak then why are you expecting her to give a chance to you.

Sanskar: you are right bhai i’m the culprit, punish me but plz forgive bhabhi she is not at fault she was brainwashed by urvashi mami. Plz bhai i can’t see her like this.

Laksh: sanskar i have already told you i don’t want to talk about it till swara forgives her. Arnav have arranged for your & uttu’s discharge so get ready we are leaving by evening.

Vishesh: ok guy then i’m leaving, take care sanskar

Sanskar: bye….

Vishesh went out of the room and looked at his phone the display showed swara on call…….

He cancelled the call and went from there

Here swara was crying miserably after hearing everything. After some time she get ready and went out.

In farm house

Everyone was getting ready to go back when they hear a knock on the door. Sharmista was about to open the door

Ragini: ma you try to get baba out of the room, I will see who is over there.

Sharmista: ok beta

Ragini goes and opens the door and get stunned by seeing Swara

Ragini: Swara…….

Ragini was about to call others but

Swara: I want to meet my hero…….i mean Mr. Laksh Maheshwary

Laksh: who’s tha…….Kiddu why are you standing there come inside

He was about to drag her inside but she hesitate. He was confused

Laksh: Kiddu you came here and now why are you not coming inside???

Swara: voh…. Can we sit in the garden. I just want to talk to you alone. So plz

Ragini had tears in her eyes after hearing this. Laksh took Swara to the garden

Laksh: Kiddu tell me what happened

Swara was about to tell him just then adi & pankhuri came there.

Adi/pankhuri : Swara…

She saw them and hugged them

Pankhuri: Swara why are you sitting here come na come inside

Swara: leave it bhabhi I just come to confront my this idiot hero.

Laksh: you called me idiot ….. Kiddu this is not fair here i’m fighting with everyone for you and you are calling me idiot

Swara: exactly…… why the hell are you fighting with everyone for me look hero they all did wrong with me so it’s my right to punish them. I thought you to me a little more mature.

Adi and pankhuri chuckled and laksh pouted

Swara: just think hero di left his world for you when you were in coma. Even the doctors who treated you was not sure about your recovery but it doesn’t mattered her. She leaved her family, me, her dream sab kuch just to took care of you. But what she get in return, your hatred. No hero what you did with her is wrong and i won’t forgive you for making my di sad. She did all that thinking that i tried to kill you she was angry on me for you. She loves you like anything and everything. Plz forgive her, i know you were concerned for me but now i’m ok and you should concentrate on your wif….no no your would be wife

laksh/ adi/ pankhuri: what?????? Would be…….

Swara: what… what….. if you guys are forgetting let me remind you di just eloped with this stupid and took care of him bus. These both didn’t get married. So bhai you just take di with you to GM and then fix a date for their marriage and get them married with all the rituals….. Wait i guess by then uttara will also be fine soooo we can have uttu & sahil and hero & di’s marriage in the same mandap. What say?????????

laksh/ adi/ pankhuri: then what abt you and sanky

Swara became silent. She was trying hard to hide her tears for them.

Adi : see swara if you can forgive ragini then why not sanky he too is repenting na

Swara: who told you i forgive di? I won’t forgive her so easily and the same goes with sanskar i was just telling hero not to spoil his life for me

Laksh: yeah i can see that clearly in your eyes that you are concerned for rather than your di

Pankhuri: swara plz just forget what ever happened. You don’t have any idea what happened after your that fake death. Mom suffered from a hear…..

Swara: i know everything bhabhi. I already forgive everyone in my mind but … it’s just i … i am not able to forget anything, that dreadful day which made my life upside down. Plz bhabhi i need time

Laksh : kiddo you take your own time but just remember one thing by passing each and every second you’re punishing yourself along with them.

Swara bid bye to the trio and was about to leave when all the family members surrounded her except ragini. She tried to avoid them but AP hold her hands.

AP: beta plz all these is happening just because of me. It was my stupidity that i came in urvashi’s words and made sanskar do all that. Swara he was not ready to do that but i compelled him and urvashi blackmailed him emotionally saying abt my heart disease. Otherwise he wouldn’t have done that in his wildest dreams. I’m sorry beta you please punish me and please spare others. (she folds her hands in front of her crying hard)

Swara: it’s ok aunty i can understand you chose your own son and daughter insted of me. And you are right at your place as your a perfect mother i’m not angry on you and why should i be i can’t expect the trust from others which my own family and my love didn’t had on me, so it’s perfectly fine. Bye aunty i have some work in my office

Saying this she left leaving a speechless shekar and sharmista behind

In hospital

Sanskar and uttara are discharged. Adi, laksh, and ragini came to pick them. Sanskar was surprised to see the happy face of ragini. When enquired she told him about laksh’s changed behaviour towards her.

Sanskar: bhabhi but who did this happen? I mean he was soo angry with us bpth but now he is talking to me normally…….. It’s not less than a miracle

Ragini: yeah sanskar and this happened only because of swara

Sanskar : swara?????????????

Ragini: han swara.. She had came to farmhouse to meet laksh. I don’t know what she told him but there was a notable change in laksh’s behaviour after that.

Sanskar: now i seriously feel that i really don’t deserve her

Ragini: me too sanskar we really don’t deserve her forgiveness. We accused her soo brutally but she…… she is thinking about our happiness. We are really bad sanskar really very very bad

Sanskar: han bhabhi i feel ashamed of myself. I told her that i will punish her with my hatred but i guess it’s my turn to be punished with her hatred

Just then sahil entered

Sahil: di, sanskar it’s time to leave, chalen

(in these days sahil took care of uttara as he is a doctor)

Sanskar (holding sahil’s hands): how could you forgive us so easily sahil?????????

Sahil: sanskar i know what you did is only worth for my hatred but you know what if i would have been in your place and swara in uttara’s then me too have done the same. So why should i be angry on you and more over if i will be angry on you then shona will not leave me. You know she loves you both a lot so was she hurt that much, she is a little angry on you but don’t worry every thing will be alright. We all are there with you man. And now Karan is also there with us you know she never denies karan for anything as he is soo sensitive.

Sanskar: thank you sahil. I want to apologise to him too as i hurt him also.

Sahil: it’s ok sanky he will understand

They leave from hospital. DP had arranged a private jet for all but swara refused to travel with them so Adi & Pankhuri stay with her. Later swara finished her official works and the trio also leave to kolkata.


Precap: last part may be

Please suggest me some punishments to sanskar and what do you want should swara forget every thing and move on or should she live all alone. Give me your suggetions that i can finish it perfectly please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease

55 Comments
  1. Shreeyu

    Awesome Mariya…. It was sooo gud … And abt punishment m really a big dumbo in that case so don’t know do as u planned

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u shreeyu

  2. Simin

    Superb dear
    Hmmmm make him clean entire house

    1. Mariyajap

      simin i will think and thank u

  3. I think she should live all alone and move on, what sanskar did isn’t forgivable, even though he came in urvashi’s words, he is mature he should have thought about it.. but in the end it’s your call, you decide the ending.
    And one more thing if she comes back to them then please don’t make her forgive AP so easily and also ragini and sanskar should get a bit of punishment from her.

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u will consider ur suggetion

  4. good going girl I just love ur story line
    swara’s family is repenting for their deeds but wat they did is unforgivable distrusting their own daugther who has their given values.
    its not easy for swara to unite wid them bcuz her own people doubting her is the most dreadful thing which she can never forget
    so they hav to first start gaining her trust, give her the love along with apology and wait for her to forgive them whole heartedly, instead of pestering her to forgive them

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u krishna for ur suggetion

  5. i was waiting for ur episode i would say u need minimum 2-3 episodes ignorance is the best punishment i think he will tease her and they will go to a party then he will tell their story and cry and get jealous
    like they will both go to mall and say sorry with kids
    again will take her to an orphanage and irritate her tease her again will hold her hand
    and will say her that he will not leave her and go on like that after sometime she will start forgiving and concentrate on ragini too for repentance
    lastly when others marriage he will cry then swara will forgive him then give an epilogue

    I WROTE MUCH NA plz plz post soon dont end without proper repentance u r an amazing writer i know being a sadistic person want desperate sanskar minimum for few days
    take care Happy new year
    how r u?

    1. Mariyajap

      wow u give me so many ideas thank u sooooooo much

  6. Awesome update i have news to share with u all helly is going to come in ishqbaaz

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u for ur comment and the exiting news

  7. Parulkashyap

    u will also end it sad pout koi baat nhi nice epi dr will miss u

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u parul

  8. Rosey

    No yaar punishment is necessary yaar
    And sorry I don’t know any kind of punishment yet

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u di but i’m feeling toooo bad to punish sanky

      1. Rosey

        well punishment is necessary so that he won’t do anything in future

  9. VERY NICE

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u bhuvana

  10. Awesome

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u anu

  11. Deeksha

    Awesome mariyajap…..!!!!!!!!!

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u deekshu

  12. Radhika..

    Hi dear.. Remember me…. I think not…. Absolutely how come u remember me as I didn’t commented on so many parts . sorry yr…. Actually I was not well and than went for a trip so don’t get time to read….. Just now read all the parts in one go and how r u ?? Ur surgery happen?? U r ok na now?? And take care dear of ur health and stay away from all this diseases ok. ……. Afterall first health than anything……. About the parts just awesome what to say about it. The story go in such a beautiful way just love it. The action and the whole thing emotional scenes , and the attacks and all kidnapping what not full of thriller just loved it……… Urvashi real face come in front of everyone ……. And she died she killed her own son how come she kill her own son….. And she say it her love what a mim kill him for her madness not for love and …. Swara condition is worse …….the way u portray the scenes and her emotions just amazing and aashi friends reaction . and laksh, adi, pankuri, arnav, khushi and Anjali meetingvscene with swara and swara making all the things allright and laksh, sahil forgive them……. everything is onperfect places……. About the questions i think swara should forgive them as she is so mature that she make everyone firgave them . she make laksh and sahil understand so why dont she do the sane thing . afterall the thing we tell to others firstly we have to follow them na so same go with swara and about the punishment I don’t know that u only think…….
    Loved the part…..
    Thanku for giving such a beautiful story.
    Loved the whole story…….😃😃😍

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sooooo much and i do remember u. about ur question i guess swara is the one who suffered due to their mistrust so she have a right to punish them

  13. awesome .loved it

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sneha

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u dharani

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u anu

  14. Awesome 😊

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u Stg

  15. swara should nt forgive sanky and family as trust is d base of any relation..and they didnt trust her..she should live alone..tc..

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u for ur suggetion

  16. Simi

    Awesome 😊
    Sanskar should be punished.. Bt dont have any idea abt punishment🙁

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u simi

  17. Arshaanya

    I think she shud unite wid sanky only aftr gvng some punishmnt…
    N dun want her to frgve her family coz of ragini shomi nvr gve swara motherz love n nw also dey trstd ragini n dun gve chance to swara for explntn…
    Bt its ur ff n ur wish m ok wid watevr u will choose bt hate ragini 😛

    1. Shreeyu

      Yes Mariya Arshaanya Di is correct…. And still Ragini is not trying to get Swara’s forgiveness, and abt her family they never trusted her and Swara never got motherly affection from sharmishtha …. I guess u should do something to make them realize that how much Swara suffered cause of them

      1. Mariyajap

        thank u shreeyu u r right

    2. Mariyajap

      thank u arshaanya i guess u have a point there will surely think about it

  18. SHAN

    Its awesome dr and definitely they needed a punishment yaar

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u di

  19. Awesome dear

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u febi

  20. Anu

    awesome dr!! reading your ff after a long time!! nd i think she should live alone !! think as a girl pov! if uh would have been in her place nd what would uh have done? so i think she should not forgive them!

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u sammy

  21. One more thing plz plz sanskar should repent big time to get her back

  22. Nice one dear

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u vidhi

  23. Vyshu10

    superb..unite swasan after sanky’s punishment

    1. Mariyajap

      thank u vyshu

  24. Sanji

    oh nooo

    1. Mariyajap

      what happend

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