Sorry for not replying friends. Actually I was busy in preparing for my exam and by God’s grace, performed it well.
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My heart is paining seeing her eyes but my mind is asking me to calm down seeing her smile. How can this foolish mind know about the pain of the heart. If it had been able to then we wouldn’t had these many criminals. I found her equally shocked no not equally but still shocked like me. I can read it from her face. Silence filled the distance between us but she broke it by her sweet voice.
” how are you sanskar?” She said in a usual way.
Oh my goodness. My name is so good from her mouth. I just nodded with a wide fake smile.
“Nothing sanskar. How is your life?”
” going good” I tried to sound it plain and convincing.
“How about you?” I continued.
“Good” she replied but her voice barely audiable.
We both sat on a bench near by.
” so how about your wife?” She asked in a low voice.
What!! Wife?? I wanted to shout at her but I didn’t.
” I am not yet married swara” I said smiling but I know that it is a fake one.” I think I need one more year as I am too young to marry” I added to lighten her mood and as expected, she smiled.
“All the best”
” how about your husband I mean akash?”
I observed her face changing colours but she composed herself.
” he is good”. Her voice heavy and pain.
I nodded but observed her seeing in the opposite direction not now but many a times in our conversation.
A voice cut my thoughts .
” swara…swara” some one yelled from the crowd.
Swara turned to me and smiled.
” just a minute sanskar.. I will be back”. She said while leaving. I simply nodded and looked down. Is she really happy with akash or just pretending? I am not that fool to not understand your pain swara. I will find out the reason for it. I just looked my mobile for the tenth time. It has been two hours and she didn’t come yet. Even the crowd is missing. I just went to one of the shops and enquired about her showing her picture which I always had in my mobile. Everything went in vain. I did the same with several shops but of no use. if she really wanted to go away from me then why did she say that she will be back? Did something happen to her? My dream came to my eyes and my heart filled with fear. I ran on the roads like a mad person but still failed tracing her. Immediately I called my assistant and asked him to trace her by sending her picture.I reached the room lifeless. Only one thing is running in my mind. ‘Swara’. What is she trying to hide. Why does she want to run away from me. I have seen hope in her eyes when she saw me for the first time but I lost my swara, that swara who always used to cheer me up with her nonsense talks, that swara who feared of little and tiny creatures on earth, that swara who always shared a chocolate with me for little thing and now I got habituated to it.Jones disturbed my thoughts by his call.
” sir..I got to know about her”
My eyes widend in hope. I have carefully noted the address.
Next morning, I got up at 5am itself and got ready in blue jeans with white formal shirt..a smile came on my face seeing my reflection in mirror as it is swara’s favourite outfit. I went down around 7am and had my breakfast and then sat in my car. After a long journey of one hour, I reached the destination and without seeing the board, I entered the building. Watchman stopped me at the entrance and asked me to fill the detalis. After filling , a nun came to me and asked for the reason of my arrival.
At first I was confused but now managed to smile and said in a low voice “swara” .
She smiled and asked me to follow her. We really had a long walk and then I realised that the place is something different. Something struck in my mind. Yes..till now my eyes didn’t notice anything because of excitement to meet her but the place is different. It is so calm with many trees around. Many people are roaming here and there almost in same dresses which swara wore yesterday…wait a minute..what is this place? Swara must be in akash’s house but why is she here? A layer of terror occupied my heart. My mind calmed me saying that she must be working here but my heart is not accepting. The nun stopped at a room and I came out of my thoughts.” There she is” she said pointing out the room.
I smiled to her and was about to step forward but she again called me.
” be careful mister. She is mentally challenged. Of course she was treated in the morning but still..”
What the hell is she speaking..mentally challenged that too swara. I felt like the whole world around me paused for a moment.
” swara gadodia” I asked her just to clarify. My heart broke into pieces when she nodded in yes. I looked around and found a notice beloning to that building.” MENTAL ALYSSUM” was written on top of it in bold letters. Nun left the place after saying that I had only one and half hour of time to talk to her.
I slowly walked to her room with heavy steps as I am really confused about what the nun said. How can my swara be a mentally disabled person. Anyways I will get the answer when I meet her.
I saw her sitting on the chair facing her back to me.I thought of going inside but its not polite to enter any room without knocking. The movement of her hands stopped for a while and she turned to me. My heart became weak seeing her eyes. They are red as if she was crying the whole night.
” sanskar” she called out my name in a heavy voice. I can sense the pain, hope, affection and fear in it. Will anyone on this earth will be able to spell my name like that? I wanted to ask many things but only one sentence came out of my mouth.
” what is this swara?” Even my voice had the same pain as hers.
She turned back and wiped her hands with cloth.
” I am asking you something” I said a bit loud in authoritative tone. It seems like it didn’t affect her. I went near her and held her by wrist. She turned to me and I saw tears flowing down her cheek which I never wanted to see.
” swara” I said as softly as I can.
“Destiny sanskar..I know that you will come in search of me ”
“What happened swara. Why are you staying here. where is akash..wait a minute…what did he do with you?”
” what he didn’t do to me?” She said in a depressed tone but I feel like she has been asking this from years.
” you can share with me swara” I said giving a assuring smile.
” what?” She asked innocently actually trying to act innocent but failed. I went near to her and took her hands into mine.
” won’t you share your problem with your friend” I said looking straight into her eyes. I just said it plain but she hugged me and started sobbing such that the entire building echoed it. I am worried now. Her cry is making me mad. It shows how long she suffered. She held me tightly and I covered her back by wrapping my arms giving her support. Her touch explained me how much she needed someone to sooth her, care her. It looked like she starved for an affectionate touch. I didn’t know how much time has passed but we both stood in her room hugging each other.
” akash.. Sanskar” she said still sobbing.
I took her face into my palms and made her look at me.
” what has happened to him?” I asked her in consoling voice. It increased her tears which worried me again. I hugged her back and gently rubbed her shoulder to say that she is in safe arms.
” he left me sanskar” she said in a heart breaking voice and collapsed on her knees. This time I let her cry because I understood that there is a volcano in her heart which needs to be burst out. After few minutes, she spoke out in a normal voice.
” like any other girl, I was also dreaming about my martial life with akash…no he showed me that dream world during our relationship. Everything was fine till four months. He promised me to marry whenever I wish and so I said him that we will get married whenever I will get my Ph.D seat. But after getting admission, he started behaving wierdly like leaving home at late nights. At first, I thought that he was busy in our marriage preparation but one day I heard him speaking to someone on phone. He was laughing in an evil way. It’s then I have decided to find the mystery behind his late night walks. One night, I saw him going out of his room at 1am. Thank god that I have got up for drinking water. I slowly followed him and finally we reached some hospital but”….she wiped her tears and again continued….” I missed him. The hospital was almost filled with patients and I was trying to trace him in that crowd. After few minutes, I saw him boarding the elevator and soon he reached the top floor. I reached the place after two minutes. The floor is completely desserted and I was able to listen my heart beat clearly. I started walking slowly along the corridor but stopped listening some laughs.”
She bursted out in tears and it pained me a lot. I sat in my knees and took her palm in my hands.her tears washed my hands and my brain received her emotions.after few minutes she continued.
” I wish I wouldn’t have gone there sanskar…I simply wish.. The room was closed but I managed to see inside through a window slit.Akash was talking to few members who were middle aged. I heard him saying that he had made a list of orphan and old age people and will get them operated and then would handover the organs to them. I was shocked listening to it. It means that he was doing illegal organ smuggling. My brain worked at the correct time and I recorded the incident of exchanging currency in my mobile.I was about to go but my destiny didn’t want me to be happy. One of his assistants caught me red handed outside the door and akash came out of the room. He no more had love for me in his eyes. I pleaded him, begged him, threatened to leave me and not to beat me but everything went in vain. He then said to me that he married me only for my money so that he can expand his illegal business. Tears were flowing through my eyes but not because of love. I immediately ran out from the building to our house. All along the road, his men chased me but after entering my bedroom, I safely hide the mobile and was about to leave the room when the door opened with a thud. There he was standing with red eyes that were enough to kill me. The next moment I was on the ground unconscious.”
“When I opened my eyes, I saw few nuns surrounding me and he was crying. For a moment I didn’t understand anything but then he said…he said that I am suffering from mental imbalance and so trying to harm him. He really didn’t want to get separated from me but also wanted to cure my disease. I was taken away by the nuns. I begged them to leave but no one considered. I know, I know that he wanted me to be alive so that he can atleast one day or the other can get my dad’s property in name of our marriage which never happened.”
She stood up and went few steps forwards wiping her face. I followed her.
“Initially I was treated badly sanskar” she said. Her voice barely audiable.
She again turned to me and I saw a deep scar on her shoulder where her sleeve slided a bit. She immediately adjusted it by seeing my gaze but it affected me because the scar is so deep and red. I can feel her pain infact I have noticed many such on her exposed parts.
” I pleaded them, tried to convince them but he has his men in this building and so easily manipulated everyone here not only people but also the report saying that I am..I am mentally ill person. I was given shock treatments thrice a day and the dose increased when I tried to run away ”
My vision became blur. Enough of now. I can’t listen to it but what about her? It’s paining me by just listening but it was her who suffered oh God!
” finally after long shocks and sleepless nights, I got to know that it would be better if I myself accept that I am mad. I have started staying calm and they reduced the treatment. I was not knowing how many days I must spent here but every evening when we were taken out for a round, I had a hope of becoming a member of this society again but all those dreams were shattered when I entered this room. I know that I can’t escape from this and so I kept praying God to depart my …soul from my..body” she again started weeping but this time more bitterly. I immediately went and hugged her and she too hugged me.
” no more swara. You need not to bear this pain” I said it almost crying.
She smiled at me and broke the hug.
” I must sanskar ” she said.
” I must because I betrayed my parents. How much pain they might have felt seeing their daughter disobeying. I am happy now that atleast I am getting punished for suffering them”
I just staring at her. She wiped her tears and looked at me.
” once he said to me that he will give me such a life after going to US that I never dreamed of and now see me..he gave me that life about whose existence is also not known to me.”
“Swara” my words tried to pierce my throat but stopped at the top of my tongue.
” its not polite to stare….sanskar” now her voice is completely change. It is so normal as nothing has happened now. Oh my god! How can she be so versatile?
” please stop staring..I am used to this sanskar. This room has seen my mood swings so please don’t pity on me”
I lowered my gaze to her hands.
” how are my parents?” She again asked breaking the silence that engulfed us.
” they are fine. Your dad is doing well”
“Oh” she said with a smile.” How about ragini? I think her naughtiness might have increased”
” someone came into her life to suppress it” I said smiling.
I don’t know what power she has but I always smile when I am with her.
” is she married?” Her eyes widened with excitement. ” to whom sanskar..please tell me”
I again smiled at her ” my brother, laksh”
She let a breath out ” oh now you are her jeth!”
” well I am happy because she is married to love..atleast”
” love!!” I almost exclaimed.
She smiled seeing my confused face.” Yes! She had a crush on your brother infact she came to your house many a times making stupid excuses.”
I looked into her eyes for a minute and we both bursted out laughing.
” oh God! Even my brother had crush” I said while holding my stomach. It ached because of laughter.
” he is finished now ” she added still laughing. Smile faded on my lips and a loving gaze touched her cheeks. She is so beautiful. I want her to smile like this for life time.
I was about to talk to her but the nun informed me that my time was over. I don’t want to go now but must. I turned back to see her and she smiled to me..the same energetic one. Now I got determined and left my heart in that room as I know that now only my brain needed to work.
I said in my mind” I will get you out from here swara ”
To be continued…