Hi guys,last episode was posted on 10th march,don’t know if u all remember this ff….
(In previous ,Sanskar asking Swara to go home,Raglak inviting Sanskar’s parents and Swara for their engagement,their engagement where Sanskar is not invited,Swara reaching her home,Sanskar’s sister Meera meeting Swara and venting out her frustration that her brother alone is suffering and being avoided,before leaving,she, keeping something on the bed and saying that it is for her……..)
Meera has left,Swara had accompanied her to the gate,she comes back and opens the packet which Meera had kept on the bed,she takes it and goes to the balcony,she goes and sits on the carpet there (it is also one of her favourite places where she finds comfort other than her father’s photo in the room,she slowly opens it,she is surprised seeing the contents inside,it is the same diary,pen and Walkman which Swara had gifted to Sanskar at school when she got him as her New year friend,she slowly opens it,a few petals fell down as she turned the pages,she gets more curious and surfs through the pages fast,she finds a few pages etc and realises that it is from another diary which has been stuck ,she reads the first page,a drop of tear rolls down her cheeks,she looks up not able to believe what she was reading,she quickly takes the Walkman in her hands out of curiosity,she finds a cd inside,she quickly puts the battery and presses the play button,she keeps the head set and closes her eyes…..
Swara listens , “Swara,I know you will never hear this,because,I have never let you hear what my heart wanted you to hear,I was helpless ,Swara,but ,if I don’t speak today,then,my heart will burst,it is your wedding after two days,I cant stay here and watch it,but ,if I go away,you may understand ,because ,you know me,very nicely,it is too difficult to pretend in front of you,Swara,these words are from my heart,every word is true,you have seen me crying before leaving for college,that time,I didn’t feel shy,you know why?,because I have never considered you as somebody else,always you were a part of mine…. (Swara is listening through the head set,her heart is beating faster,she is trying hard to compose herself,she closes her eyes and is crying,her stress is clearly evident from the way she has hug the diary and leaned on to the wall and the Walkman is there on her lap,she feels his voice travelling miles and reaching directly to her heart….), “Swara,silence has played the role of multiple words between us,more than words spoken,those which were to be spoken,were struck, somewhere in the heart itself….,you were right,all what you have felt was right,hiding my heart from you was the biggest challenge,still,you realised,everything,I realised ,that you were feeling everything,because,you were always a part of mine….and me,yours…
“On our farewell day,I wanted to tell you that I will miss you,but couldn’t,told,will miss Ragini,Lucky…….you”,you looked surprised,but how could I tell you that meeting you was the bestest thing that those school days had given,each moment spent with you at school,tuitions,were engraved in my heart,couldn’t tell you anything,Swara,then,after results,my birthday party at Ragini’s house,before leaving I asked you if you will miss me or not,you replied with a question,ie,what do I think about that,both of us knew the answer there,very clearly,yet ,I told I don’t know,but I knew everything Swara,have always read you…then when you all came to leave me at the bus stop,when I hugged you for the first time,told bye and that I hope you wont forget me,a tear rolled down those cheeks,I knew it was for me,I told you I will try to come atleast once a month,and you told that I wont understand and asked me to go,but I did understand Swara,don’t remember since when,but eversince you walked in to visit a recovered chicken pox patient,have been able to understand,every thought of yours….as soon as I took the sim and it got activated,from hostel,I dialled your number first,because,I was missing you,so badly,your voice ,your presence was like air,I go breathless when I go away from you,wish I could tell you this when you were there with me,then how you told me not to go behind other girls,but why should I go,when I have a girl who lives in me,then first vaction,seeing you at home,along with Rags,I wanted to come and tell you how much I missed you,I missed everyone,but missing you was a different feeling altogether,
I realised it when I stayed away,then you asked for the blue pot,you think I had thrown that away?,it was just given a new place,ie backyard,and Meera had always watered it and the branches that I planted evrytime I came home ,you brought 12 roses from 12 pots,my mom has asked me and Meera why we are giving extra care to those pots,but Meera,has never asked me that question,from the same womb na,she might have read her brother’s heart…number of roses blossomed in those plants and inside my heart,only for you,wish I could let you know this,Swara….that without giving you,I saved every petal,for you,inside my heart…Meera asked me if I am happy with your wedding,thank God she is in hostel now,because,I may fail to hide my eyes..then the number of sms’s,how you remembered every class tests,you would have offered special prayers also,right?(Swara nods with her closed eyes,her clothes are wet with those tears,it is as though her heart is pouring out the pain that has been suppressed for ages ,but this time,she is not sad,she is realising something for which she has lived 12 years….)
Then you took me to temple,together we lit the diya ,my heart knew what you were going to tell me and I was preparing my heart to tell you the biggest lie of my life,I wanted to tell you Swara,then the way you held your head and sat on those stairs listening to my rejection,I wanted to hug you Swara and tell you,that,you are just that one blessing which I have always wished for,asked for,when life gave challenges one after the other,it was your face that made life worth living,then ,after dropping you home,went back and collected those roses which were left there on the ghat,it was crushed ,I know how much your heart was crushed but it is just that I pretended as though I was unaffected,got a few petals and it is kept safely inside my personal diary,it may wither but my feelings for you,never will….
I had stood in front your dad’s photo and promised that I will give his daughter all the happiness this world could offer,but I failed Swara,totally failed,I broke your heart,how will I ask you to be a part of my troubles,you will never be happy with me,you told you will wait,but,I cant be selfish my dear,I cant put you inside a cage of problems,because…but I know something very well,not just this life,if there are multiple lives,then also ,Sanskaar will belong only to Swara,Sanskaar is Swara’s,no other girl will ever enter this life,I will live till the last breath,with you,who lives inside my heart…Swara…wish I could look into your eyes and tell you this, “you are the reason for my existence,your presence was the medication for my wounded soul,I have always believed that I was born only to love you,Swara,my dear,I love you,you will never hear this from me,but,I love you,and I always will,I will miss you,but will wait for the next life,when,you will be mine ,we will keep aside all our responsiblilties ,then,and just float in those clouds,like two angels,we will complete our love ,then..till then,let my love be buried,within this heart,itself……I will sing for you your favourite song ,though we have aways teased you for this song being your favourite,now this has a lot of meaning in our lives, I will sing this completely for you,today…
“Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi hai,mujko saza di pyaar ki,aisa kya guna kiya,to lut gaye haan to lut gaye,to lut gaye hum teri mohabbat mein,tadap tadap…..(Swara who was seated with closed eyes,hears his voice breaking and leaving way for his tears,she hears the Sanskaar who has always hid his heart crying loudly for her…she is shivering,suddenly she hears the recording being stopped and opens her eyes…she stares at the Walkman,the diary,she takes those dry petals inside her palm and her tear falls down on them,she surfs fastly through the pages,she realises that it has been written only about her,every memory of their time spent was there,she reads quickly,pages are getting wet with her tears,she kisses the page where she read how Sanskaar cried at the beach after she left after meeting Sanju…she suddenly turns the pages and finds that,it has end abruptly,she checks again and again,back and forth, as though words will appear by her doing that,then she stares at those precious belongings and rushes inside with it,she is in front of her Papa’s photo now,she goes and leans onto it,keeps the diary and Walkman on his chest in the snap and tells, “you heard,no?Papa,you heard everything no?my Sanskaar loves me,yes,he is not Sanju’s,he is mine,he has always been mine,what you told God didn’t go unanswered,God had heard Papa,he heard us,see,
Sanskaar loves me,saying this she cries loudly ,hugging the photo with one hand and supporting the diary in her left hand….her whole body is shivering and she is unaware of what her condition is,she slowly loses her grip on the wall and she is about to fall down,she composes herself and sits there,leaning onto the wall and tightens her grip on her folded knees and cries loudly….after some time,she slowly opens her eyes and checks the diary again and thinks, “but what happened after this,why did he marry me ,then,if he was supposed to sacrifice his love,what made him take this step,no,Sanskaar cant be selfish to hurt my loved ones and marry me,who were those masked men??lots of questions are disturbing her,she slowly gets up and goes to the wash room,stands in front of the mirror,splashes water forcefully on her face,not knowing that she is totally wet,then she tells to herself, “Swara,you have to find out what led to this,but ,Sanskaar wont answer you,then who else,what is that link that is missing between these events?… “Sanskaar,I am not going to leave you..my love is going to suffocate you………….”
(Not proof read)
(Thank you Sethooty(Malar) for messaging me and for your beautiful ff titled “Bz I loved her,Sanskaar’s love story”,if u had not msgd, I would not have posted today also,Vaishu,hope your mains was easy,Mickey,Joya,Shraddha,Vinita,Niti,Needhi, how r u guys?Appu,Leku,Sri,Shabrin,Meghs,Divya Shankar,Sindhuja,Shani,Nandana,Musku,Nidhi,Ishani,Devi,Akku,Manu,Neha,Dhara,Lakshmi,Kittu,Jyotii,Lee,Sree
Harini,Zoya,Dolly,Navi,Riya,Rs,Ambika,Diya,Divi,Isha,Snehal,Neha,Falguni,Bhargavi,Richu,Sanju,Nandini,Nik,sorry for not mentioning all the names,just mentioned a few who came to mind,but hope all you guys are hale and hearty,stay blessed………….)
Credit to: Vini(Veena)