SWASAN: ONLY FOR YOU [EPI-48]
A VERY VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL. HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COMES TRUE. NEW YEAR, NEW RESOLUTIONS AND TARGETS. WISH YOU TO FULFILL ALL THAT. GUYS JUST PRAY FOR ME THAT THIS YEAR I QUALIFY NEET AND GET MY ADMISSION FOR MBBS COURSE IN A GOOD GOVERMENT COLLEGE AND MAKE MY PARENTS PROUD. THANKS TO THOSE WHO COMMENTED AND NOW ENJOY READING.
sanskar- reading a particular page in diary
sanskar wants one more baby and she should be girl and i never said to him but i too want one more baby. sanskar and swayyam are two parts of my heart and they together make my life . when new baby will come she will become my heartbeat and i will be complete and i said she because i too want a baby girl. hope so this news comes soon. i want to say this to sanskar but whenever i try to say i feel shy and i am unable to. what should i do to tell him that i am ready for the next baby.and if the baby will be girl then i would give her lots of love and in one way live my childhood in her. swayyam has given me immense happiness by coming in my life and coming of the next baby will enhance the happiness. sanskar too wants a baby girl and i know that he will treat her like a princess and care for her and most importantly he will stand for her which i missed the most in my life. hope my baby girl comes in our life soon.
next page- tanmay and uttara’s marriage is fixed and tanmay’s parents want this marriage to happen in kolkata and we agreed to them. they know everything about us and they don’t have any problem. after one month is the wedding and i can feel that sanskar is a bit uncomfortable about going to kolkata. he has extended his work there too but never visited. when tanmay’s parents told this few days ago since then i am observing him. the past must be coming in his mind. i too am tensed but i can’t let this thing affect uttara’s marriage. i talked to sanskar about this and he said that he is worried about uttara’s wedding. i know he lied to me.i understand him more than himself. he has shared every feeling, all happiness and worries with me except about that day. when those so called family did not trust us he cried and so did i. the humiliation he faced while finding job broke him completely. that day he cried the last time over that matter and never discussed about that again. more than four years passed but that wound is still in his heart. maybe layers of happiness has subsided the wound but it is not healed.
next page- tomorrow we are going to kolkata. the kolkata where i have spent my childhood, my adolescence, and the major part of my life. hope things will be alright. me and sanskar almost fought yesterday. i talked to him about inviting maheshwari family as it is uttara’s marriage and he denied. i tried to make him understand that a girl wants her parents, her siblings, the complete family when she marries. for a girl her marriage is very important. she has many dreams regarding it but i could not convince him. i did not mention him about uttara’s wish about which tanmay told me. tanmay told me about uttara saying that it was her dream to have a grand wedding where everyone was present and her brothers bring her to mandap along with her bhabhi. i just hope that uttara’s wedding would be good and most importantly she will be happy. i am feeling uneasy and restless when i think of going kolkata. i don’t know why. i just pray to god that my family remains intact and happy because neither me nor sanskar has the strength to lose something.
maa is crying and i can’t stop her from crying. how could i stop her when the pain is so deep. that’s why i took this decision and filed for custody case. i can’t see maa suffering for a mistake which she has not done. i invited maheshwari’s for uttara’s mehndi and sangeet and i somehow convinced sanskar too and they came. everything went good but at the end they fought and that was seen by swayyam. but anyhow situation went under control but today in haldi when maa met ayush she can’t control herself. she is crying since that time. i have sent swayyam to her and she will be diverted but now i am feeling suffocated. how could he[shekhar] just ask forgiveness by saying that he got to know the truth. i will never forgive him. what does he think that are we dolls to act upon his wish and finds us suitable. he is my so called baba but i don’t want him. why should i forgive him. he disowned me and divorced maa without thinking twice. i craved for fatherly love since childhood but if a father is like this then i don’t want one. he trusts ragini and all others but when it comes to me and maa why we have to prove ourselves each time. i will never, never ever forgive him. relations are all about unspoken trust and understanding but i never found that trust in his eyes. each time he ask me to sacrifice. why should i when he doesn’t trust us and simply moves out from our lives when we need his support. he is no one to me. when sanskar carried swayyam in his arms, he taught him to walk, to speak and fulfilled his wishes and taught him difference between right and wrong i wondered how blissfull would it be to feel father’s love. when sanskar loved and cared for swayyam along with him i felt that love and care too. sanskar has filled all those spaces in my life which were empty and gave my life a new dimension. i don’t need anyone else. i will not forgive anyone of them who became the reason of sanskar’s tears, who could not trust us and they are asking for forgiveness today but i am sure if in future situation comes like this again they will again ask for proof before trusting. forgiving them means trusting upon them which i will never do. this is my decision and i will never impose them on anyone. maa and sanskar are still fighting with their own thoughts. whatever be their decision i will support them. if they forgive them and would want to live with them i will not object but yes the relation won’t be the same as before. i will never trust them, love them, as now my family is sanskar swayyam, uttara, tanmay, rashika, maa, sir and nikita ji and no one else, because these relations are based on trust and it’s pillars are so strong to be broken. i will never consider those people as my family who told that we are their own but never considered, who always needs proofs to show that we are correct. that day when they backed off they broke us and now i won’t give them chance to harm my family even a bit. never till i am alive. i can’t bear even a pinch of pain more for my sanskar.
i received a message from kidnapper and they sent me a photo of swayyam too. they have threatened me to come to them and i should not inform anyone else otherwise they will harm my baby. i don’t know what is going to happen next and who is behind this. but i have to save swayyam. i am feeling that something bad gonna happen and feeling as if i am going away from everyone. i am getting this feeling from yesterday. i don’t know what will happen next but i know i won’t let anything happen to swayyam and sanskar. they are my heart. they together are the reason of my life, my soul. god there’s only one request from you that keep my swayyam and sanskar safe. i love them both and can do anything for them. don’t harm them. i will die if anything happens to them or any member of my family.
diary ends. sanskar closes the diary and thinks about swara’s each and every word. he closes his eyes and only tears found it’s way to let out his pain.
sanskar- [to himself] why swara why you took the shot on yourself. why are you doing this. you wanted to save us but without you we don’t exist. please don’t leave us. get well soon. you need to fight back for me, for swayyam. do you even know what is swayyam’s condition. he wants you, we need you swara. don’t make me feel guilty. i swear….i swear the moment you leave me i will leave this world too. sanskar has no existence without swara.
sanskar was sitting like that for long. tanmay sat beside him and kept his hand over his and sanskar opened his eyes to see him.
tanmay- sanskar have some water [giving him a glass of water]
sanskar- [closing his eyes again] i don’t need.
tanmay- bhai when bhabhi can breathe again then i am sure she will be fine soon.
sanskar- [still closed eyes] yes she will be fine. i am not giving her any other option. she very well know the consequences of leaving me and so she will be fine. she has to.
tanmay- [not able to control himself and in chocking voice] i …..will check………. swayyam once…… and come.
tanmay stood and went from there so that he can cry. he can’t see sanskar shattered like this. swara whom he considered as his sister, a bestie is fighting between life and death. his buddy, swayyam that small child is suffering so much and all others are broken completely. he was crying. he felt a hand on his shoulder and wiped his tears immediately and turned.
risabh- tanmay no need to hide your tears from me. you can cry, it’s justified but remember at this time everyone needs our support.
tanmay- [not able to control hugs risabh and started crying] how can i act strong. what happened in this short period of time. why god always test them. they never did bad with anyone. we came here to get happiness but ……. sanskar can’t live without bhabhi. you didn’t see him. he took months to recover from the mental and emotional trauma. he became a robot. bhabhi means everything to him. if bhabhi is with him, we too exist but if she is not there then he won’t think of anyone because he himself will not exist. why so much of pain and this test for them.
risabh- sshhhh you can’t break like this. god tests only those who have the capability to pass them. and true love and trust is always tested. i am seeing the firm belief in his eyes and that trust will cure swara. now go to swayyam and check there once. i am here with him.
after sometime doctor came out.
sanskar- doctor she is fine right.
doctor- [fearful expression remembering sanskar pushing him and his anger] see mr. sanskar, she breathed again was a miracle but still she is not out of danger. the next 24 hours are crucial. if everything goes fine and she gains conscious then it’s ok otherwise she may slip to coma.
doctor prepared himself for his anger but sanskar’s reaction was opposite.
sanskar- we have 24 hours right. she will be fine and she will open her eyes. she will have to.
doctor- [amused] sir we can’t say anything.
sanskar- [detremined]you don’t even need to. i trust her and my love will compel her to come back. [softly] can i meet her.
doctor- hope so. she is being shifted to icu. after sometime you can meet her and please change your clothes. it may be infectious.
sanskar nodded and doctor left.
sanskar – tanmay i will come in some time. you
tanmay- i will take care here. go.
sanskar left and came back after sometime.
first he went to swayyam
sanskar- uttara is he alright.
uttara- yes bhai. but as doctor said he will sleep for some more time under medicines effect.
sanskar kissed his forehead and caressed his cheek.
sanskar- uttara this is his dress. keep it. when he will wake up change him.
sanskar was about to go out when he saw rashika sitting on couch with pale face and tears dried up.
sanskar- kiddo why have you made such face.
rashika looked at sanskar and fresh tears came to her eyes- cutie
sanskar- [wiping her tears] you trust me. [rashika nodded] then trust on my love. she will be fine and i don’t want these tears. i want my bubbly and chirpy kiddo. ok [rashika nodded and smiled a bit]
sanskar left from there and came towards swara’s ward. he saw sumi sitting outside and shekhar and ragini trying to console and talk to her. maheshwari’s were present there too. tanmay and risabh were standing near the icu door.
sanskar directly went towards them.
sanskar- tanmay what did doctor say.
tanmay- condition is still same.
sanskar nodded and opened the door and looked at his life lying lifeless and pale.
TU SAFAR MERA, HAI TU HAI MERI MANZIL
TERE BINA GUJARA AE DIL HAI MUSKIL
TU MERA KHUDA TU HI DUA MEIN SHAMIL
TERE BINA GUJARA AE DIL HAI MUSKIL
sanskar moved towards the bed and sat beside swara. he carefully took her hands in his and interwined their fingers.
MUJHE AAZMATI HAI TERI KAMI
MERI HAR KAMI KO HAI TU LAZMI
JUNOON HAI MERA BANU MAI TERE KABIL
TERE BINA GUZARA AE DIL HAI MUSKIL.
sanskar- princess how much will you sleep. i need you. it is becoming difficult for me to stay without your talks…………i know i am stupid when i thought about everything except you but please wake up naa i can’t live without you. i promise this time i won’t neglect you.
YEH RUH BHI MERI, YEH JISM BHI MERA
UTNA MERAA NAHI JITNA HUA TERA
TUNE DIYA HAI JO VO DARD HI SAHI
TUJHSE MILA HAI TOH INNAM HAI MERA
sanskar- princess this body, my breath, my soul is only for you then why are you giving me this pain to wait for you. i am sorry for my accusations but what to do. i can’t see you like this. i accept your silence for sometime but don’t delay much. i want to hear your sweet scolding.
MERA AASMAN DUNDHE TERI JAMEEN
MERI HAR KAMI KO HAI TU LAZMI
ZAMEEN PE NAA SAHI TOH AASMAAN MEIN AAMIL
TERE BIN GUJARA AE DIL HAI MUSKIL
sanskar- swara swayyam also needs you. every minute of my life depends on you princess. how will i handle him. he is sleeping now but once he wakes up, he will ask for you. its been few hours that i didn’t heard your voice but it seems years have passed. i am waiting. don’t make it longer as i don’t have patience like you.
sanskar- you never told me that you write diary. i always thought about my humiliation, their distrust on me and i confined myself to work. i unintentionally gave you pain. because of me u wrote this diary. i am sorry, sorry for taking so much time to understand everything. now there will be no more complications in our life. u know your diary gave answer to my questions and now i know exactly what i want and what i have to do.
sanskar- i will set everything right. swara just wake up. there will only be happiness and lots of love here after. i promise. swayyam needs you. his condition is also not good. seeing you both like this, it pierces my heart. don’t take much time to get up.
sanskar kissed on her forehead and immediately wiped his tears before it falls. he kept his head adjacent to swara and closed his eyes for sometime. sanskar spent almost an hour in the room.
sanskar- princess i will be back soon.
he kissed on her cheeks and palm which he was holding. taking a last glance of her he came out closing the door. inside swara moved her fingers a little.
sanskar- tanmay do me a favour. shift all our belongings to our mansion and tell the workers to clean the house properly as we will shift there. once swara will be fine she will tell to go home at first.
tanmay- sanskar till now doctors have not confirmed about bhabh….
sanskar- she will be fine. you just do me this favour. and moreover hospital environment is not good for swayyam.
ragini- sanskar come back to our house. i know we did a mistake but please forgive us and forget the past. see in this condition you need the family and swayyam too needs someone to take care of.he……
sanskar- you know ragini you are right. swayyam needs someone to take care of and i need family support and for your kind information i have both.
sujata- sanskar beta forgive us and come back home. i know you had suffered a lot and i became the reason for this. no mother wants that her children should get hurt, or they be in trouble but i myself became the cause. in order to make your life, i destroyed everything. please forgive me beta. i can’t bear this separation more.[she started crying]
sanskar- mom why are you crying. it does not look good that a mother ask for forgiveness. [everyone listening this thought that sanskar will forgive them] but mom just answer and justify my one doubt. which mother in this world herself proves her son a cheater, a characterless person to improvise his condition. [shouting] where in this world that deed of yours made my life good.
by this time uttara and others too came there and were shocked.
aadarsh- sanskar that was not chachi’s fault. whatever happened was because of me. i am ready for my punishment. you just forgive others and come back home. everything will be normal like before.
sanskar- [chuckled] everything will be normal like before. [blankly] you all want me to forgive you and forget the past. alright i will do so but for that i want something.
dp- beta we are ready to do anything to get your forgiveness.
sanskar- [painfully] ok then give me back the time which i took to overcome my sorrow, aadarsh bhaiyya give me my respect back which you destroyed, give back my tears and those nights which i spent working to forget about your distrust. give swara the happiness she deserved but was deprived of. give uttara those days back which she spent without you all because she trusted me while you all did not. take back the pain we suffered. baba[shekhar], ragini take back the pain swara and maa faced. give back those years to maa and ayush which they spent without each other. give back our trust, our faith and love we had for you, the heart which was filled by the love for you all, then only we can forgive because without trust and love how could we forgive you and come back. i hope nobody lives with stranger and when this heart does not recognise you then how am i supposed to come with you all who are stranger to me, mere strangers.
everyone were shocked at sanskar’s outburst. they were numb. they couldn’t say a word because what sanskar has asked can never be fulfilled because a scar on skin is healed but on heart never.
sanskar- what happen to all of you. you were ready to do anything then please i asked you to do something. please do it fast because i would like to come to your home after that.
uttara- bhai relax. it’s not good to create scene in hospital. people are gathering around.
sanskar- uttara it’s work of people to poke their nose in others matter. they see everything but no one comes forward to help when needed. they all enjoy things as if a movie is going on and they got tickets for free to watch it.
sanskar- [to nurses and other people gathered there] hey you all. don’t you have work to do that you are listening me. don’t enjoy much. i am not any star giving performance to you all. now stop staring and get going.
others moved from there while all were shocked as sanskar never behaves like that.
done with this part.
precap- continuation of this drama and sanskar’s decision and about swara.