nurse- she is sinking.
hearing this sanskar’s whole world turned upside down. he felt his knees weak.
swayyam- [to nurse] when will my mumma come out. i want to meet her.
nurse looked at swayyam and felt pity on him. she didn’t knew what to say and so she walked out.
swayyam- papa where is mumma. she didn’t told me about mumma. [tears falling from his eyes] why doctor uncle is taking time. papa papa say something.
sanskar was frozen at his place. he did not react at all. here swayyam was shaking sanskar and asking continuously about swara and when sanskar did not reply he started crying.
tanmay- champ come to me.
swayyam- no papa…… papa…..when will mumma come.
tanmay- sanskar bhai say something. don’t be like this. see swayyam’s condition.
tanmay shook sanskar.

sanskar- champ mumma will come. she will have to come. [wiped swayyam’s tears] listen to me. you convince mumma for everything naa. if she will not come we will go to her and bring her. she will have to come. she will have to come.
more than consoling swayyam he was consoling himself. he was holding swayyam tightly in his arms.
the nurse entered the ot and sanskar stood at the door seeing inside through the glass pane. swara was being treated. doctor was trying to pump her heart. he was pressing her near the heart with his hands. sanskar could not see this and moved aside. after about 5 minutes doctor came out.
sanskar- [scared] doc..t..or s..wa..ra.
doctor- i am sorry. her heart stopped pumping and we couldn’t sav….
sanskar- [angry] don’t say that word out of your mouth. my swara is fine and she will wake up now.
sanskar pushed the doctor and came inside while others stood shocked.
sanskar put swayyam down and cupped swara’s face while the nurses looked on.
sanskar- [stubbornly] swara open your eyes……[loudly] are you listening me. i said open your eyes dammit. you have to open your eyes. i have to ask many things for you, tell you many things. you can’t just sleep like this. you without complaining anything bared my silence but i won’t. get up dammit.
slowly slowly sanskar was losing hope. he was becoming weak by the passing second. he held swara’s shoulder and shook her. swayyam was confused on sanskar’s behaviour and scared too because he talked loudly with swara.
sanskar- [controlling his tears] please wake up, open your eyes. swara please don’t play with me. think about swayyam. open your eyes. princess don’t punish me like this. don’t act stubborn. get up

sanskar left swara and sat on the floor and started crying.
swayyam- [scared] p..a..pa
sanskar looked at swayyam. meanwhile others came in after coming out of shock and shocked yet again to see sanskar pleading swayyam to wake up swara. they were crying.
sanskar- [holding swayyam’s hands] swayyam tell your mumma to get up and open her eyes. she listens to you. you want your mumma naa then tell her to get up.
saying this sanskar was crying. swayyam freed his hands and climbed the bed. he sat over swara placing his legs on both the sides of her.
swayyam- mumma …. mumma talk to me naa. [holding her dress] mumma i am scared. see naa papa is crying.
swayyam- mumma papa is saying to open your eyes. mumma open your eyes naa. [since swara was not responding swayyam started crying, he was not able to understand what is happening and why isn’t swara responding] mumma…. talk to…me..naa. i will…not ask….for…chocolate….and……listen..to you……mumma…..
tanmay- sanskar …..sanskar you have to be strong for swayyam…..sanskar see swayyam….sanskar
sanskar- swara is not responding. please say her to open her eyes.
tanmay- sanskar please…… bhabhi is no more…… see swayyam’s condition……
sanskar- [pushed tanmay] she can’t leave me and swayyam like this. she has to live with us. don’t talk rubbish.
meanwhile sumi came to swara and called out for her.
sumi- shona. beta are you listening me. shona…
rashika was crying miserably hugging risabh while nikita and uttara were crying holding each other. maheshwari’s were crying too and shekhar and ragini moved towards swara and stood behind sumi while crying.

sanskar stood up and again started telling swara too wake up.
sanskar- swara how can you be so heartless. are you not able to hear swayyam’s cries. can’t you hear my pleadings. maa is calling out for you. why are not speaking anything. you promised to be with me till death then how can you leave me in middle. prove everybody wrong and open your eyes. you always say naa that you will do anything only for me so i demand you to wake up, open your eyes.
swayyam- mumma why are all crying. mumma i want to go home with you. i am scared. mumma talk to me naa. i did not do any mistake then why are you not talking to me.
sanskar- swayyam let’s leave. when your mumma is not ready to listen to us then we will also not to her.
sanskar held swayyam’s hand which were holding swara’s dress. swayyam was not ready to leave swara.
swayyam- no i want to be with mumma.
sanskar freed swayyam’s one hand and was freeing the other which he was holding below the collar near her heart and suddenly a nurse noticed something.
nurse- [to other nurse] screen is showing that heart is beating. call the doctor.
the other nurse left.
nurse- all of you leave the room. patient’s heart is beating again. please leave the room.
all became happy as well as shocked hearing it.
sanskar saw the screen showing her pulses and then looked at swara.
swayyam was crying still holding her dress. while sanskar stopped at his place.
sanskar- swara [happily] i knew you can’t leave us like that. i knew it.
sanskar- [to swayyam] champ mumma is alright. just she is sleeping. come with me.
swayyam- no …. mumma….i will be here.
doctor entered the room and others left but swayyam was adamant not to leave.
doctor checked swara and found her pulses and breath are back.
doctor- [in disbelief] it is a miracle. i myself checked her pulses and breath. but she is back again. mr. sanskar please wait outside.
sanskar- yes doctor. swayyam we have to go outside. doctor uncle will check mumma.
swayyam- [crying] no ….. mumma.
sanskar forcefully took swayyam in his arms.
sanskar- swara remember you have to come back to us. you have to live for me and swayyam. i love you.
sanskar came out with swayyam who was not ready. he was moving and trying to free herself.
swayyam- mumma….. papa…let me go……mumma…….mumma.
sanskar- [teary eyed] champ please
he made swayyam sit on chair and knelt in front of him. swayyam tried to get down from chair but sanskar holded him.
sanskar- please champ. stop all these.
swayyam- mumma….i want mumma……..mumma.

sanskar tried to control him but swayyam was crying and continuously asking for swara. sanskar hugged him to calm him but swayyam was only saying mumma i want mumma. he stopped struggling being tired but his murmur did not stop and what came as shock was he fainted.
sanskar- swayyam…. champ…. hey champ.. open your eyes….champ….swayyam.
nikita came and checked swayyam.
nikita- sanskar he is unconscious. we need to shift him in another room and get him checked by a doctor here.
sanskar- haan tanmay call the doctor.
doctor was checking swayyam.
doctor to sanskar- he fainted due to stress. as you said he is shocked and scared due to the incident. and above all that due to continuous crying and seeing her mother in this state he is highly depressed. i am giving him injection. he will remain unconscious with it’s effect. it will be better for him as he can’t handle seeing all this, especially he will ask for his mother.
sanskar- doctor he is scared of injection and moreover it will pain him.
doctor- he is unconscious. don’t worry. this will be best for him.
sanskar held swayyam’s hand and turned otherside while the doctor injected him.
after the doctor left sanskar emotionally looked at swayyam and caressed his hair and kissed on his forehead.
sanskar doesn’t want to leave swayyam but he has to see swara also.
uttara- bhai you go. i will be here with swayyam and promise won’t leave him for even a second.
sanskar nodded and kissed swayyam’s hand and left from there looking at him last time.
he was walking in the corridor lost in his own thoughts lifelessly.
sanskar- [thinking] just one night and so much happened. swara and swayyam both are my life and they both are in this state. god what could be more bad than this. please show mercy on us. i want my swara and swayyam back. please make them all good and fine.
sanskar came near the ot and saw swara lying on the hospital bed and doctor treating her.
he turned back and saw the diary which was lying on the floor which he left there. he picked it up and sat on chair and opened the first page and caressed the pic. he then turned the pages and started reading from where he left.

i am in my fifth month of pregnancy. my mood swings troubles sanskar a lot but he never complains. i feel bad sometimes and i even cry because i trouble him but what can i do. i can’t help it. my mood swings are not under my control. in all these i kept him away from me and sometimes shouted on him too. once not finding me he was tensed and then finding me sitting on the swing he first hugged me and later scolded me and i did not talk to him. next day was his birthday and i surprised him but he was still in the past. i couldn’t take it and i confronted him. i can’t see him in fear of loosing me. i want him to enjoy his life to the fullest. i felt bad as i told him so much on his birthday that too in front of all. but then it was fruitful he himself planned all the preparations for the day and apologised too and so did i. today he gifted me payal and himself made me wear this. i was very happy. but the thought with which he bought it made me laugh. he said that when i will walk then he could hear me and he will know that i am walking and going somewhere and his second thought upon this was that in a way he will feel that baby is walking upto him since he is inside me and he is making baby walk before it is born. i laughed a lot hearing this. he is crazy and i seriously love this crazy man.
next page- two days ago we went to theatre for watching movie and their i got to know that tanmay loves uttara. first i was shocked but then i thought that tanmay is a good guy and he will keep our uttara happy. i decided to tell this to sanskar and yesterday i told him and first he showed angry expression but then himself calmed and asked my opinion and i told him what i feel and he agreed to me and we both decided to see to this matter and give tanmay a chance. leaving all this apart i am fed up of doing yoga. sanskar has appointed a yoga teacher and she makes me does yoga which willgood for me and baby and help me during delivery. sanskar himself accompany me during these sessions and i am seriously fed up of all this.

next page- yesterday was my baby’s namkaran [naming ceremony] and sanskar kept his name swayyam. he is my swayyam, no no our swayyam. while i was in labour i felt i am near death and i heard his cry and went unconscious due to exhaustion. but the first time i held him in my hands i remember, that moment of my life was magical. the feeling of being a mother is so great. his tiny hands, blinking eyes, all his features made me smile while tears formed in my eyes. i could see the happiness on sanskar’s face. we waited for this time to hold our baby and we were so happy and we are now. i thank god each second to give me my baby. SANSKAR IS MY LIFE AND SWAYYAM IS THE ONE IN WHOM I SEE MY LIFE. HE IS OUR LOVE SYMBOL. i can see sanskar’s reflection in him and surely sanskar sees me in him. i talked to tanmay about his love and he gave positive sign and i can see true love in his eyes. i hope he confesses his love and most importantly uttara accepts him. all have got happiness and i can see maa happy after long time. till now she used to cry for ayush and seeing swayyam she is trying to give all her stored love to him. when i even think of being away from swayyam it feels like to die. now i could understand maa’s pain or may be not because i am not going through that pain. maa is very strong to bear all this. i hope being with swayyam her pain subsidises.
next page- it is swayyam’s muhjutti tomorrow. he has developed two teeth and due to pain he cries a lot. he is of six months now. i don’t get time and i missed to write so many beautiful moments of my baby. he is quite grown up and he somewhat crawls and twists and turns on the bed. sanskar gives his maximum time to swayyam and he too behaves like a kid. this shade of sanskar is completely new to me. more than swayyam sanskar cries when we go for his vaccination and once swayyam was severely ill and sanskar took one weeks leave and was with swayyam whole day. he cared for him a lot. the most funny part is now sanskar knows to play with him but his buisness talks never ends and when he returns to home then in the name of playing he tells about all the business deals he did and about the share market. ufff. he is total mad and i love this mad and his son more than my life. rashika she is angel devil. this name tanmay gave to her because she plays all the pranks on tanmay and never forgets to irritate me by calling me cutie maam. she every day comes home and plays with swayyam after her school and our sunday fun is still on. i wonder if life could be more better than this.
next page- now swayyam is 10 months old. he crawls and sanskar makes him walk. all have fun with him before dinner. tamay has proposed uttara but she hasn’t replied but i know it’s a yes. and i am happy for them. i want to share an incidence. once a neighbour came to our house and she too had a baby. sanskar was at home and the neighbours baby started crying and sanskar took him in his hands and i was carrying swayyam. swayyam started crying and even after consoling he did not stopped. then sanskar kept neighbour’s baby on sofa and took swayyam in his arms and he stopped crying. when we kept both the babies together to play then swayyam was pulling his hairs and scratched him too. i never knew that my baby can be so violent. he never did this before. i think he was jealous as sanskar took that baby in his arms. as father so is the son extremely jealous and possessive about their loved ones. sanskar calls him my bodyguard as swayyam does something or other when sanskar tries to come near me. what could be done. he is his son so some qualities will come in the son for sure.
next page- yesterday swayyam was playing and sanskar was trying to be romantic with me and meanwhile we got shocked to hear something. my baby spoke for the first time. he said ma-pa. we snapped at him and tried many times and told him to say that again and finally he said that. pa-ma. we were so happy. we fought over he said ma first or papa but whatever he said he referred both of us at the same time and called for us and we were happy.
next page.- sanskar was playing with swayyam in lawn and suddenly he shouted for me. i went out hurriedly and saw my baby walking. he walked few steps and stubled but sanskar held him. sanskar picked him up and threw him in air and catched him.

next page- it is swayyam’s first birthday and sanskar is busy in preparation. he did everything with his own hands. we all are so excited. uttara accepted tanmay and they want some time before marriage and we are happy for them……….
likethis few more pages were written about their spending time together which sanskar read.
then he was reading a particular page-
sanskar wants one more baby and she should be girl and i never said but i too want one more baby. sanskar and swayyam are two parts of my heart and they together make my life . when new baby will come she will become my heartbeat and i will be complete and i said she because i too want a baby girl. hope so this news comes soon.
done with this part.

precap- some part of diary which will help sanskar making decision.


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  1. Next part

  2. Next part

  3. Awesome dear

  4. Rabia0032

    Awesome plzzzz its big request dont wana mm people with swasan they normal with them but living toghter noooo

  5. Awesome plz upload next part 🙂

  6. Deeksha gupta

    Superb ….so emotional..

  7. Beautiful

  8. Awesome as usual…. Pls update mor episodes as new year gift……

  9. Soujanya


  10. Awesome
    Plz next part

  11. Amazing update… pls post next update soon…

  12. ARs

    neelu….u made me emotional ??…

  13. Please mor episode please

  14. Superb episode eagerly waiting for sanskar decision

  15. Tamil


  16. this is the first I am commenting here… this ff is one of the best ff I read… I like and love this ff very much… you are sooooo good…. love u a loads 🙂

  17. Should nt forgive them

  18. Superb

  19. awesome emotional

  20. Awsome dear
    I think swasan should forgive them so that they can live in peaceful life in Mumbai like they were living in these 4 years

  21. Abdul hafiz(Uma)

    Marvelous.. Loved it to.. It’s so emotional??..Aww,swayam possessiveness and jealousy,cho cute and cweet??.. Keep it up dear.. Waiting for nxt..
    Take care
    Keep smiling?

  22. Arshaanya

    Wow loved it..
    Post nxt part ASAP
    snd MM people bck to MM
    Happy New Year to u 2

  23. Vyshu10

    awesome…so emotional. Yayyy..swara is fine

  24. awesome .the episode was very emotional .

  25. Simin

    Superb dear
    A very happy new year

  26. Shibil

    Awesome …can,t able to xplain …while reading my eyes starts to shed tears… ur writings each and every words had feelings in it…..loved it …. do continuing….ALL THE BEST…. Happy New Year in Advance…

  27. Aliya123

    awesome…….too emotional hope swara gets fine soon…….i was ur silent reader nd frankly speaking..today i saw ur name otherwise every time i only sees ur ff name nd starts reading it….bt today as it is a emotional one so i have too comment…nd a very happy new year

  28. Amazing..Happy new year..tc..

  29. Mica

    uugghhh breathtaking episode… happy new year

  30. Highly emotional

  31. Update soon
    Happy new year 2017

  32. Happy new year.Please update soon

  33. Where is today’s update? Please update soon

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