Swasan – I dreamed a dream – “Hidden pain revealed” Episode 11

Hi friends!!!!
How are you all? hope, everyone is fit and fine. Sorry for breaking my promise. Have some relative in my house. So couldn’t make time. Sorry I couldn’t reply individually to your comment for the one shot and the previous update. I read every comment and felt really happy. I tried very hard to express the feeling. I don’t know how it comes out. So do read and give your feedback. Both positive and negative words welcomed. I am waiting for it. bear my mistakes. thank you so much for your support!! Love you all!!! go ahead!! No proof reading!!!


Previous update:


Recap: manisha’s mehendi function. Boys tried to mess girls’ mehendi. Unfortunately, swara became the prey. To lift her mood, sanskar got applied mehendi too. Manisha teased
sanskar and swara.

‘the past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it only can be accepted’

‘I am so happy for you, swara. I can’t express it in words’, manisha said while wiping off the haldi from her hands. ‘what are you talking about?’, asked swara who was seemed to be disturbed. ‘about sanskar’, said manisha, looking into swara’s eyes to get an answer. swara turned and laughed maniacally then said in between, ‘do you think I love him?’. swara stopped her laugh and continued, ‘what? Love? How could you think like that, mani? I just want him to fall for me and I know that I am near to my victory’, while seeing sanskar’s reflection on the mirror without anyone’s notice. Her eyes welled up but soon she hid it. Without getting any reply from manisha, she turned and got disappointment. She was talking on phone. Swara smiled, knowing that it was saral on the other side.

Then, she turned towards sanskar, expecting some reaction but again got disappointment. He casually signed her to come out. She went and saw him, taking out the cotton from
his ears. ‘thank god!! Saral saved me today. Otherwise this devil *indicating manisha* would have killed me. What I do, shona? The car was broke down so couldn’t attend haldi and that ravi, he stealthily escaped to saral’s place to give some things’, said sanskar and sighed. ‘shona, did you cry?’, asked sanskar worriedly, seeing her teary eyes. ‘yes, sanskar. I cried and crying. My heart is choking with tears as if it will get an attack. You know what.. you are the reason for it. But I can’t tell you’, said swara in mind. ‘Nothing. While playing with haldi, some went into my eyes and tomorrow manisha’s wedding. So got little sentiment ’, said swara while looking at manisha.

‘sanskar, where is swara? Her phone also became switched off. Inform her that I called her’, said manisha while adjusting her dupatta, on phone. ‘cool, manisha. Don’t take tension. In an hour, you are getting married. I guess, you don’t want to look bad’, said sanskar and cut the call. ‘where is this girl went?’, mumbled sanskar and went to search for swara. ‘madhu, have you seen swara?’, he asked the seventh person about swara but that time too got a negative reply. He got tensed when his phone started to ring. He picked it up on the first ring, ‘hello, shona’. Instead of swara, manisha voice came, ‘sanskar, come to my room now’. He looked at the screen which displayed manisha’s number. He replied a ‘mmmm’.

‘see this, sanskar’, said manisha, handing him a paper. He started to read, ‘sorry, sorry, sorry, mani dear. I couldn’t able to attend your wedding, tomorrow. I got a call regarding the meeting with Mr. Anshumann Arora, the CEO of DREAMZ magazine before an hour only. you know that how much I wanted to meet him. don’t be angry. Please. I needed to be there in Mumbai. I came to inform you but you were in your pretty sleep and I don’t want to disturb others. sorry. I am leaving. Enjoy you day. Love you… wait!!! There is your present in your cupboard. Bye!!’. Manisha showed him the tickets for paris and started to complain regarding swara’s departure.

But nothing was registered in his mind. ‘I don’t want to disturb others’, the line was repeating again and again in his mind. ‘something is wrong. Something is surely wrong. She is lying’, he said in mind and re-read the letter. ‘shona, how could you do this? Can’t you tell a lie properly? How many times I told you to read the news paper? Mr. Anshumann arora went to London two days back with his family for a month vacation’, a smile appeared on his face but it disappeared when his heart asked, ‘but, why did she leave? that too, without informing you’. He felt as something bad was going to happen. he tried her number. ‘Again, switched off’, he said irritately while running his fingers through his hair. ‘what happened, sanskar?’, asked manisha, seeing his tensed face. ‘I have to go. don’t worry. Everything will be fine. I will make it fine. You know me, right?’, said sanskar. Manisha just nodded her head positively.

‘Sir, this is your ticket for mumbai’, said the attendant. He took the ticket and sat in a chair, trying swara’s number continuously. He had called sumi but she didn’t give him a proper answer which confirmed the reason for her leaving him which he prayed not to happen these many days. he heard her voice which wasn’t cheerful as she tried it to be, ‘hello, sanskar!! Everything is fine, right? Sorry!! I don’t want you to…’, her words stopped hearing the announcement, ‘mumbai flight cn117 will arrive in half an hour. Please be ready’. She continued, ‘where are you sanskar? What is that announcement? You have to attend mani’s wedding now’. ‘why did you leave?’, he asked in a deep voice. She choked back her tears and said the same thing which was written in that letter. ‘do you think I believe it?’, he asked in the same deep voice. The call had been disconnected after her, ‘I need to go, bye!!’

‘why are these things always happening with me, mom?’, she cried in her mother’s embrace, remembering the haldi morning. she got ready and desperate to see sanskar. But he was nowhere to be seen. Devki pulled swara along with her to the backyard where, manisha was sitting in a big flat vessel. The elderly ladies and married girls were pouring milk with rose petals on her. She asked devki about it and devki said, ‘it’s called shudhikarn. The milk is symbol of purity. It will be kept in temple for 10 days. The married and elderly ladies will pour this holy milk on the bride. As we believe that the milk will drive away all the evilness and she will become pure as a new born baby. After that, the usual haldi will be performed’. Her smile faded away and eyes were welled up. The word ‘pure’ rang in her mind again and again.

‘everything will be fine, dear. Don’t cry’, said sumi who herself couldn’t stop her tears while wiping swara’s tears. ‘no, mom. nothing will be fine. I am again betrayed… betrayed by the god, mom. He again cheated me’, swara shouted while fresh set of tears were flowing down on her cheeks. ‘ he broke me once again by showing a dream which never be fulfilled, mom… ’, she hugged sumi again and cried till falling in asleep. She heard his voice. She couldn’t open her eyelids. She felt them so heavy. After few seconds, she opened and looked at a familiar figure. He helped her to get up. ‘shona, are you all right? Are you crying?’, he asked worriedly. It made her weak. She composed herself and said, ‘what’s wrong with you, sanskar? Can’t you understand a simple thing? If I lied you all and left means I don’t want to be with you. why are you bothering me? why don’t you leave me alone? I am just fed up with your this care. You aren’t my type. I tried to flatter you and wanted to spend a night because you are so handsome that I can’t resist and you are daring to back answer me. but now, I realized that you don’t deserve me at all. I heard you saying to manisha that you love me. love!! My foot!!! So please… just don’t call me and try to meet me again’. His eyes became red in rage. ‘shona, don’t ever think that I will believe your bullshit. I won’t leave you and it will never happen’, said sankar holding swara closer by twisting her wrist at the back. Her eyes welled up. Then, she felt his grip loosening and he fell on the floor saying, ‘if I left you means I left this world’. She screamed ‘sanskar’. She woke up from her nap and was sweating like hell. Her mind took some minutes to register that all was a nightmare while her fearing heart let out the tears.

‘I hate you, sanskar!!! Why did you make me fall in love with you? Why did you come into my life?’, shouted swara while throwing the things around the room and fell on her knees and hid her face in her palms. She again heard his voice but that time it was real. ‘shona’, shouted sanskar while entering the house. Sumi tried to stop him but instead she stopped by dida who held her wrist and gave sanskar a ‘you carry on’ look. Swara like a lost child, hearing her mother’s voice, got up and went to open the door but stopped. She closed her mouth by her hands to prevent him from hearing her cry. He knocked the door, ‘shona, open the door. please’, paused, ‘I know you are inside’. He heard her muffling cry. ‘you are crying. Open the bl**dy door, damn it!!!’, yelled sankar while banging the door. He knew how stubborn she is. ‘ahhh!!!’, he screamed in pain. The door bolt clicked open. Swara came outside to see what happened to him, but, only hugged by him. she tried to wriggle free from his embrace. The more she tried the more he tightened his grip. Finally, she let out everything in his embrace.

‘I don’t want to lose you, sanskar. I just don’t want. I don’t want to go back to that hell. It was really hard for me. this time, I just can’t. please don’t leave me. I am begging you. please, sanskar… please, don’t leave me for anything’, she said in between her cries and fell on the floor holding him. ‘shhh!!! Don’t cry dear. Calm down. You know that I can’t leave you, right? ’, said sanskar who also cried with her, ‘I know dear. That was past. I want to live with you in present and want to make a beautiful future with you, only’. swara looked at him shocked. ‘your mom told me everything’, said sanskar looking into her eyes.

One hour passed. Swara and sanskar was sitting on the bed, holding hands and swara put her head on his shoulder. The silence was broken by her soft yet deep voice, ‘at that time, I was in my 10th. Rohan was my senior, in 12th. On my farewell day, he tried to kiss my friend in drunken state. I helped her and slapped him. the next day, he apologized to me. We became friends as days passing. He helped me in studies too. I never thought my world would turn upside down due to him. one day, he asked me to accompany him to surprise his friend priya. Later, I came to know that surprise was for me. he acted those many days to take revenge from me. he and his friends forced me to drink and did it to me. the next morning, when I opened my eyes, I felt so weak and disgusted. I couldn’t get up too. My whole body pained like hell. I saw him, coming towards me with my blurred vision. He again tried to force himself on me. I protested with my leftover energy. Finally, he fell on the floor and I fainted. then, when I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital. My parents were with me. tears started to flow from my eyes. My mom hugged me so tight to assure me that I was safe. My dad caressed my hair. just then, a police entered. I was confused. then I got to know that I killed him using the broken beer bottle.

After a week, I got discharged. The police arrested the remaining 4 boys. they didn’t take action against me since it happened due to rescue myself. I started to get nightmares every day. My parents didn’t leave me alone for a minute. After a month, I started to go school. Only then, I came to know that this society is so cruel. There are many in humans living. They blamed me. they said that no guy took a step towards a girl unless she made a way to it. they commented about my character, my dressing everything. They cursed me whenever their child was seen with me. even my friends were distanced themselves from me. some other guys were tried to misbehave with me. I heard the sentence ‘you lost your purity. You are the disgrace of this society. You are a burden to your parents. You are a cursed girl’ many times. Some people if by accident touched me, they reacted like … I didn’t have a right word to fill it. not only the society, my dadi also said that it was my mistake that I was talking and making friendship with the boys. every day, my mom and dad had a fight with dadi. I went into depression. I started to believe their words and hated myself. Whenever, I looked at myself in mirror, I felt disgusting. At that time, a single day didn’t pass without my cry. I scared to come out of my room even. I tried to suicide but got saved. my dadi went to her elder son’s house and we shifted to Australia. There, ela, a neighbor hood girl became my friend, who introduced me into the world of drugs. I was slowly addicted to that. It was heaven. My all worries went into the thin air.

But my mom found out and made me to break my friendship with her, made me to consult a psychiatrist. But it made me behave wildly. Then, I couldn’t live without the drugs. If I didn’t take drugs, I felt like my head and nerves would burst at anytime. I tried to kill myself and others too. And, my father became the prey. He was in a critical condition. That time, I realized and tried very hard to come out of it. it took one solid year. We came to Mumbai and asked dida to settle with us. Dad monthly once visits dadi. For my family, I tried to become normal but I couldn’t. so I just started to act. Slowly, I found my interest in photography and my dad encouraged me a lot. I started to trust men though not fully.

I have nightmares then too but I hid it from others. I acted so well that they believed that I changed to my old chirpy, bubbly, optimistic swara. But none knows that it was a mask I am wearing except you. that time when you came to my house, I was truly scared of you, your closeness. You got me, my lie. I tried hard to stay away from you but like a magnet your eyes, everything pulled me towards you. I slowly forget my past and started to enjoy your company then fell for you and I knew that you also feel the same for me. life is not a diary. If we don’t want some pages, then tear it like that. Life is like a story. Each and every letters engraved on an unbreakable stone which broke my delicate dreams once again. Then, I realized that I don’t dese..’. she looked at him who closed her mouth. He said, ‘not you, it’s me who don’t deserve you, this pure soul’. The tears fell on his hand. He wiped them and said, ‘and, your bad fate that you have to be with me, forever’. She gave a fade smile and hugged him tightly which he too reciprocated.


Note: the ritual shudikarn is made up by me. I don’t know what the actual format of it is. I just used it’s name. if I hurt anyone’s feelings, I am sorry. no offense.

Credit to: Sindhuja


  1. Sree harini

    Emotional update sindhu! Loved it and thank-you for coming back. Missed your fiction a lot dear. Every emotion was perfect today. Sanskar’s stand for swara is just amazing but its hard to find such kind of people in our society. All the best dear.

  2. pallavi

    i mostly prefer to b a silent reader, but your dis episode made me write comment . Its just amazing, loved it

  3. abi

    wow….amazing!!!!atlast u update it….i was waiting for ur ff soooo long…..awesome…..sankys care s superb…..no words to describe…..pls update ur nxt epi fastly….

  4. Piya

    sindhuja this was really awsome.. it really touched my heart.. i never commented here this is the first time.. actually i couldn’t stop myself frm commenting..

  5. fantabulous sindhu… semma epi.. swara ku ipudi oru past irundhuruku.. cha bt ava happy irukura madhuri elartaiyum pesitu vaaldhuruka… cha feeling sad for her past and happ for hr future…
    hw r u sindhu???

  6. Angel

    wow yaar… I was waiting for ur ff for a long tym…. nd got a good result for waiting… my eyes welled up…. thanku

  7. Harani

    wow somewhere here I am feeling sorry waiting for someone like sanskar to take us with our flaws 🙂 🙂 🙂 awesome superb no more words , 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  8. I m a silent reader of ur ff ur ff is awsome yaar I don’t have word to describe ur talent and ur ff is mine fvrt and I want to say plzzzzz post the next epi spoon and today epi is amazing

  9. pratiksha

    hey dear I’m also silent reader of ur ff .my heart was broking inside by reading u r ff. I cryid out .,…I love u r ff ….especially today’s….

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