Why does it still affect??? (14)





Memory!!! Memory of your first day at school, memory of first meeting with your bff, memory of your first puppy love, memory of first A, memory of first class bunking, memory of first rose at some valentine’s day, memory of first teenage crush, memory of first heart break, memory of first love, memory of first break up………. The list continues like this. Memories are called memories because they never leave your brain memory. Yeah maybe you have tried to delete it but trust me it has not been reduced, it’s size is just compressed but it still is present in a small corner of your brain.
Just one click at resave in recycle bin of your mind and all those memories will be back with full force and in full size.
But no matter what, memories always make us sad. If you are remembering any happy memory then also you will feel sad because you can’t relive that time again and if it is a sad one then obviously you become sad because of all the pain you have suffered. But the memory which hurts the most is for one of those incidents where it was awesome and amazing in other words total moons and stars initially but it ends with a sad note, like black hole. In this case we humans want to relive the situation but also don’t want because reliving the situation will mean reliving the pain and leaving the memory will mean leaving all those happy incidents.

Same is happening with them.
HAVING LAKSH on her house brings back many memories for both of them. Happy, happiest, painful, saddest, many memories!!!
He is walking behind her on stairs. He knows she is trying to hide herself from him as she has been doing since last 4 years but he won’t let her do that today.
How he wants to grab her hand and pull her to his chest!!! But he has to control himself. He has whole day to see her, to apologise to her and he will not do it in rush. Besides her a*s is a pretty sight to see.
What??? He is a man and he can’t ignore such a pretty sight and especially of the girl he loves.
He stops at one step and watches her from backside. Small droplets of water are dripping from her soft black hair. Her hairs are swinging in the way which is provoking him to touch her hair, to lose his hand in her thick black hair. Water drops are doing no good to her thin top. He can clearly see her white lacy bra through it. And boy, does he feeling the pain in his lower part!!! She always has this affect on him and always will. He just wants to pull her from her waist, put her hair on one shoulder and kiss her shoulder, her neck, her ear lobe. Oh how he wants to taste her!!! He wants to give her love bites just to mark her and show those perverted men of the world, who she belongs to!!! Then he notices her long tan leg which is barely covered in her short shorts as usual and how he wants to run his hand over her legs. Oh how he wanted to do all these but he can’t. He f**king can’t!!!! Because now she does not belong to him and never will.

She is not his!!! He is not hers!!! And whose f**king fault is all this??? His, His, His and only his.

She is walking lost in her past world then she suddenly notices that sound of footsteps behind her stop. She notices someone’s breath in heavy pants, her feet gets mind on its own and stops her suddenly. If it would be happening 4 years ago she would have feel flattered but now she just feels disgusted. DISGUSTED!!!!! Disgust for him, because even after what he did 4 years ago he is still looking at her as she is some sl*t who will help him with his hard on. Disgusted for herself, because even when her mind is screaming on her to feel disgusted, her heart is reliving those old moments where she was happy with him.

She wants to cry!!! Cry! Cry! And only cry! She wants her tears to wash her pain, memories away but she would be damned if she will let him see her crying because of him.
‘Swara don’t forget what Sanskar has said. He is not worth my tears. The person who brings tear in my eyes is not worth my tears’ Swara thinks to herself. After shaking her head and making her face and body emotionless she waits for him to continue. She might loathe him but she can never be a bad host. It will be bad for her family tradition.

LAKSH notices Swara stop and realizes that he has been watching her for long time. So he just continues with walking but never for once his eyes stays away from her.

Both of them go on terrace and as soon as she sees chairs and table on the middle of terrace under large white umbrella with multi coloured polka dots she gestures him to sit down and runs off to her corner of terrace to cry in her solitude.
He sees her going but does not stop her thinking she needs time. Besides he knows how much she love being alone.

He notices a copy of “A TALE OF TWO CITIES” and smiles thinking she still reads classic literature. He remembers how she loved to talk in heavy language. She was always the one to use heavy and meaningful words, might be the result of classic literature she used to read.
He remembers how when no one was able to find her back then at the time of middle school he always knew where she was. In her corner of terrace, reading any literature book, her used to flow in such swift motion just like it is flowing now. That corner of terrace was kinda favourite spot of her father and her. He used to get irritated seeing her at that corner so one day he asked her that did she enjoy being at that corner the most and her answer totally caught him off guard. She replied in negative then with a smile answered that in this whole world she enjoys his company the most.
But look at them now! Here he is sitting alone and now she does not enjoy his company the most, in fact she hates it. SHE HATES IT!!!!

She stands at corner, trying to stop her mind from getting all hyper, trying to stop her mind from retrieving all those memories, trying to squeeze her heart so she will be able to decrease the pain her heart is feeling, trying to do anything to be away from here and to be with the only person she knows will understand her situation.
She does not even realise she is crying till she feels her teardrop on her hand which is on railing of terrace. She sadly smiles thinking no matter how much she tries Laksh will always make her cry. He will always hurt her. ALWAYS!!!!!!


  1. Lohitha

    No worda to say i wonder how could u explain the each every feeling so perfectly thank u so much for posting and plz post the next chap asap plzzZzzz

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