Why does it still affect??? (13)

From next day I am writing it under name “WHAT HEART WANTS” on tellyupdates and facebook both.

LOHITHA: Hey!!! Glad that you liked it.
DHARA: Thanks I think the same that one was confusing
AASHI: Love you too and glad you found it better
SWEETIE: Glad that you found it better n liked it. Stay blessed and happy
MONA SWASANHOLIC VARUNHOLIC: Hey that is too sweet of you and honoured that you liked it

Shock comes in many ways to you but the worst one is shock filled with sadness, hurt and pain. When someone tells you that your long time crush has a boyfriend/girlfriend now, shocking waves flow through your whole body but that waves are filled with little pain, it feels like someone has punched you heart. When your parents forces you to marry the guy/girl selected by them and you already have a lover, again shock flows but this time its not just a punch to heart, your heart breaks in small, very small pieces. You feel like anything would be better than the pain you are going through and death would be obviously better than collecting those broken pieces of your heart but you know the worst case???? When you have taken 3 full years to recollect those broken pieces of your heart and in last 1 year you have tried you best to glue and reform it again. And when you feel that you are almost done…….almost done………just one look at your heart breaker and you are back to step 1. You again need to collect those broken pieces.

That is exactly what she is feeling hurt, defeated,………. broken. When she came downstairs she thought it would be another grand surprise for her but she did not’t expect this. She has not seen his face yet but his mid night black hair, broad shoulders and well sculpted back are enough to make her recognize who he really is. He has increased muscles though but not enough to not make him recognizable to her. She can see that he is in heated conversation with her brother through the look on Sahil’s face but she can’t make even a single word. She is feeling…..feeling like heck she can’t even realize what is she feeling. Sometimes her heart is craving for his touch and the other moment her heart is despising him. Sometimes her heart is asking her to forget her best friend then other second her heart is shouting that how can she even think about forgiving a cheater, a person who broke her trust. No she will not forgive him. She has not forgotten what she has been through in all these past years, all because of him.

Her mind is jumbled with the thoughts of their childhood days, days when they were together. Her mind will not stop replaying those pictures. There are very few times when she is not able to control her mind and her heart but whenever those moments come she knows it beforehand that she is going to be hurt deeply.

She can’t be hurt again. She can’t let him hurt her again!!!!
She turns her back to go to her room and think about any excuse to rum from this situation, to run from him, to run from the pain his one look is going to give her, to run from those memories which she wants to forget, to run from everything related to him.

‘Now you can’t go…. See she is already here’ Sahil says.


He turns to make any excuse to run from here. To run from seeing that look in her eyes. That look which she has when 4 years ago he has left her. The tears in her eyes was clearly showing how much he had hurt her. Her slumped shoulders were enough proof for him that she finally lost the relationship, that she finally lost them. The fire in her eyes were screaming, how much she hates him, no not just hate, she loathes him. The rejected look on her face was proof that she is contemplating that where did she go wrong with their relation and he wanted to shout, he wanted to tell her to stop blaming herself but he did not. Her quivering lips were telling him that day, that how much she wanted to talk to him, he wanted to listen to her, he wanted to tell her that even her shouting are melody for him but he did not. He just turned and left her crying in her misery.

What made him come here??? He lost every right when he turned his back on her face. He lost every right, even the right to apologize.
‘Sahil I need to go. I just remembered I have a business meeting and I need to attend it’ Laksh says and waits for Sahil to finish his ‘talk’ which he gives when anyone disobeys him. Only Swara and Sumi had the power to interrupt him while he is talking or to disobey him not even Sanchi or his best friend Adarsh (Laksh’s elder brother). Laksh wonders how Swara dealt with sharing Sahil’s attention or how Sahil managed to give both the ladies equal importance.

Swara left the city after two weeks of Sahil’s marriage. It was a love marriage of two high school sweet hearts. He remembers Swara always wanted a love story like Sahil’s and Sanchi’s and they would have gotten it only if…….. Only if he had not ruined it 4 years ago.

‘……Now you can’t go…. See she is already here’ Sahil says and then only Laksh realizes that he must have tuned Sahil out. Then he understands the word Sahil has said few seconds ago. SHE IS HERE!!! SHE IS HERE!!!! What should he do??? Should he turn and greet her formally or hug her as old friends do or kiss her on cheek as old lovers or just grab her and take her to her room then kiss her senselessly, taste her lips, inhale her, memorize her face in his memory, apologize and continue to do it till she takes him back…….. Oh god!!! What should he do.

He turns and sees her back. Any though of what should he do leaves his mind as soon as he sees her in sky blue talk top and black shorts. He smiles thinking she has not changed herself. Thank god she has not changed herself!!!! She always used to hate heave dresses and used to love shorts as it makes her comfortable. Its not like his love for her has been reduced by seeing her changed self but he likes her better like this. His mind starts wandering in beautiful memories they have made together and does not even notice when her mother, Sumi has entered and when she ruffled his hair and when she ordered Swara to take Laksh to terrace. His mind is still on frozen figure of his angel who has not even turned slightly to see how does he look. He can say that he was ready for these kind of treatments by her but he has never expected the pain, not even in his worst dreams. Did she also feel like this when he turned his face away from her 4 years ago and did not even turn back to see her one last time???

Did she also feel like someone has ripped her heart away from her and is continuously crushing it??? If she has even felt 1% of what he is feeling right now then he deserves all this. He has vowed to never let anyone hurt her and see he did it. After the pain he has made her go through, he does not think any other pain can even affect her.

He has decided what he needs to do. He will be here full day with her and face her hatred. Face every pain she has felt and then at the end of the day he will apologize. He does not expect her to forgive him but he will do his best to make her forgive him. Not for him but for her. Because not even her forgiveness can make him live in peace but if she will forgive her she will be able to live in peace, she will be able to move on.

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  1. I mean wow Deepa….really a lot better than that one….i still remember terrace scene….it was your first episode I think???…..
    N that episode in which you had introduced Ragini was my favourite…secret admirer And all… I would say to publish you same as it was!!…..
    Out of the box
    Love you dear;❤

  2. The way u describe the pain of heartbroken people is just awesome actually i am going through the same pain now when i read those lines i felt like my entire feelings that i cant express through words are written by u thank u so much for this wonderful ff

  3. Wow Deepa!! It was too good..I loved it.. 🙂 Keep smilimg dear.. 🙂

  4. U r rewriting this ff…!!! this one is also awesome dear.. 🙂 🙂

  5. awesome dear 🙂 please continue 🙂

  6. can u send link for next episodes… I am unable to find next episode n dying to read them

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