Why does it still affect??? 10(Past memories 2)
THANKS FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT.
I agree it took me so much time to write it but trust me it was getting difficult to choose day. And Laksh’s and Ragini’s point of views were most difficult. Since I thought I am writing Swasan more so today’s one for Raglak also. There is Swasan and infact Sanskar’s pov in the longest but Important and emotional was of Ragini and Laksh.
Thanks Riya, Anjali, Aashi, Rosy, Twinkle, Meesha, Priyanshi, Deepthi, Angel, Shabrin, Nive.
And about the couples I am really sorry but if I will reveal it then the story will become predictable so just be patient and enjoy the emotional twists and turns in life of these 4 teenagers.
I guess I missed Ragini’s point of view that day. So here it is:
Ragini’s Point of view:
Finally I passed one more class. If you are thinking that I am happy because I took one step forward to my career then let me tell you, you are completely wrong. I am happy because now there is only 2 years left in this city after that I will go to some other city to continue my study. A city which would be very far from here, very far from my family, very far from memories of me and my mother. My mother… She was the only person who used to be at my back whenever I needed someone but last I lost her also.
I don’t hate my family because they don’t torture me physically, mentally or emotionally but yes I also don’t love them. Earlier when I was small I used to think that why my family does not love me when they love my cousin brother with everything. But later the confusion got cleared my father always wanted a boy to manage his business in future but my mother failed.
I have nothing to be happy. I have nothing to be proud of, I have nothing to show off……….
Till last year I had my mother but this year I also lost her.
This accident give my whole family a valid reason to justify their action right. It’s not like they used to love my mother. NO since she didn’t give birth to a boy she also had to listen to the taunts of My grand parents. She had to live with my father’s extra affair.
My family think I am unlucky for everyone………………….
14th February 2009 (Swaragsanlak are in final year of high school or I should say in 12th)
Ragini’s Point of view:
Today is Valentine’s Day. Everyone says it’s a day of love. Really!!! Does love even exist??? If it exists then I would beg that love to stay in my family’s heart. But why will love want to exist in their heart??? When I their own blood does not want to spend even one second with them how can love be with him. Just kidding guys. I know sometime I think my mother’s line that hatred in opposite of hatred will only make the condition worse. Sometimes I think I should follow it but then I know I am exactly like my father. I can’t love anyone more than myself. I am not ashamed of confessing this.
Yes I am selfish but don’t you think that a love deprived girl can never be better than me. I have my own ways to deal with my problems. My family does not want to see me, or talk to me. So I spend half of my night in clubs then in my house. Yes I have my own house. After my mom’s death everyone thinks I am responsible for her death and I am inauspicious so they left me alone.
Well this hatred has its own benefits. I am just 17 year old and I have my personal house, personal car, personal driver and personal everything.
I laughed an evil laugh.
Except mom there is only one person who wants to be with me, who loves me but unfortunately I hate him. Told you, I am just like my father. Unreasonable hatred is in my genes. My little cousin brother. He is just 2 years younger to me. He loves me. I know he does. He always tries to fit me in my family, to make everything right but I can’t stop hating him. It’s due to him that my father don’t love me. It’s due to him that just in the age of17 I feel like I will die with this loneliness. It’s all due to him.
Well coming back to Valentine’s Day. My friends Riddhima(Rids) and Ritika(Rits) are really excited. Oh no. Not because they want to be with someone romantic today well for us it’s the day of fun. You know we trio are known as R’s. You can call R for rude or R for red headed. It is not that we are red headed but yes our moods are just like them.
Well no one can resist our charm and beauty and on 14th Feb they show it and you know what do we do with them. We trio make fun of them. We make them feel ashamed for their believe on love.
I know you also want to hate us or maybe you already do. You know the worst part I can’t blame you there. I can’t say that you have judged me wrong. Because that’s what we deserve.
You know we trio have our own connection with hatred. Everyone who is important to us leaves us either through death or by hating us but everyone we love ultimately we lose them.
I don’t anyone to love me, my friends also don’t want anyone to love them. I am scared that again if I will be close to someone that person will leave me.
I know that does not justify my action but think from my side also. When I have seen nothing but hatred my whole life then how can you assume me giving love to someone.
Every evening when I go home and see myself in mirror, I feel disgusted but you know what that gives me a feeling of normality. At least this world, my family and I agree on one thing that I am a disgusting person. Initially I used to think that what is so different about me that everyone hates me. I tried to find the answer but I did not get it so see I changed myself. Now I am exactly like this world. Full of unreasonable hatred and hates that cute little Ragini inside me as everyone does.
When I was young I used to dream about being princess of my extremely rich father, being doll of my grand parents, being angel of my mother and finally being girl of some prince charming.
But see where I am today. My father and grand parents hate me for the mistake I have not even done. My mother left his world and let me suffer alone. My prince charming will never come.
Who will ever love this devil, this girl who can only hate persons.
No one will.
So congratulations to me. I was alone, I am alone and I will be alone.
Swara’s point of view:
Oh god again this day. It should be banned. This day is one of those fixed days of a year where there is only one look I keep to manage on my face ‘Don’t you dare to mess with me otherwise I will literally kick the hell out of a**’.
I won’t say that this day is equally painful as my dad’s birth and death anniversary but yes it is obviously painful.
It’s not like I don’t get flowers, cards and gifts. I get all of them and with the increase in the number of candles on B’ Day cake there is also increase in the number of surprises on V’ Day but these all gifts, flowers, teddies seems meaningless if they are not from right person.
Yes I get these many gifts and cards that I have to borrow some random girl’s locker but still I hate this day. Because these all flowers are not by the person I want. These all are not by Laksh.
You know the worst part, he buys red flowers, love cards and pink teddies but not for me, for every girl in this school but not for me. Why can’t he just like me as I like him??? Why can’t he ever consider me more than a friend???
For me every year he brings a bouquet of white and yellow roses, a best friend card and a large pack of handmade chocolates with a sweet friendship message on each of the wrapper. Urghhh!!!
It hurts. It is really painful when you have to watch your love of life with other girls, giving them red roses and those entire stupid red colour things to show he loves her. And if these gifts are not enough then a peck on girl’s cheek. I know how does my mind has such a good control on my tears but it has and not only on my tears my mind can control all my senses except this stupid heart. Because if it could control it could have saved me from falling for my best friend and specially when he is the best in Casanova market.
Don’t think that misery of the day has been finished. NO I have more to tell you. Every year on this Valentine’s Day I find a bouquet of 13 red roses in my locker, a card with some cheesy romantic line which ends with ‘LOVE 13’ in my locker by my secret admirer.
If you are going to ask me that how do I know he is my secret admirer then I will suggest you to go and check the meaning of 13 roses on internet or ask some rose and valentine’s expert.
Horses of my mind are pulled by surprised voice of Sara.
My two hot and s*xy but still single friends!!!
Sara is one of them who leaves in dream land or at least pretend to be but in real she is most practical girl. She has planned her life. When she wants to enjoy, when she wants to make boy friend and everything.
Where as Alya is reserved one. She does not get warm and cosy with everyone but when she does she can sacrifice her everything to be with that person. Currently she is going wants to be in ‘NO MAN’S LAND’. Her boy friend cheated on her 2-3 months ago. Only men she talks to is Sanskar and her father.
Well coming to me. I really don’t know who I am and how I am. Due to the jealousy burning in my eyes and heart I can only tell you one thing about me. I am deeply and madly in love with my best friend and he is completely oblivious of the fact.
“Oh god with so many roses and that too of different – different colours!!!” Sara exclaimed with joy after seeing Sanskar coming toward us.
“It is Sanskar so I am forgiving otherwise I would have insulted other boy for cheating on so many girls” Alya confirmed us. Told you she is currently heartbroken and in no man’s land.
“How is your V’ Day going??? Number of gifts shows it is nice” The only unplanned crush on Sara’s planned life and only hurdle in my dream of being class topper in each and every year of my school life but still a very nice friend of mine, THE SANSKAR.
If you are thinking that how can I think about marks and exams on Valentine’s day then don’t blame me there. I mean it’s 14th Feb and our papers will start in March so obviously it is the time to get tensed. And most important my books are lot more interesting than watching my love giving romantic gifts to others.
Speaking of gifts, Sanskar is fully loaded with different colour of roses. Since Sanskar has come Lucky’s fan following has been definitely reduced. And this is the major reason why I am so good to Sanskar, just kidding. But seriously girls won’t you be good with the person who is knowingly or unknowingly helping you in your love life and beside that he is really, really a good friend.
I mean he does make me feel special, something which Laksh forgets or ignores sometime. I am not saying that Laksh is not my best friend because he is stupid and Sanskar is my new best friend because I idolize him. No Laksh is closest to me after my family and always will be. I know he is stupid but that is what friendship is all about accepting other person however he is. I am also not perfect but Laksh never complains. And this is also the fact that sometimes Laksh forgets that whole world does not revolves around him.
I gave a crying smile to Sanskar as the reply of his question.
You know when someone in childhood ask you to give your favourite dress or toy and you want to scream and cry but out of the courtesy all you can do is smile. Exactly that smile.
You got the picture, right???
Sanskar’s Point of view:
I won’t say I hate this day but yes there is also not anything I love about it.
Many girls have given me flowers and believe me they all were very pretty but no one was that special one of my life. But if you would have noticed one thing about me then you can say that I am really bad with the word ‘NO’. I know this behaviour is so girly but believe me I can’t say no unless and until it is urgent. So I took all the flowers and now leaving to my friends Swara, and her company.
Swara is someone who always manages to make me smile. She is just like this. Even if she is not with you, her thought, your memory with her is enough to make you smile.
It’s not that she is more than friend to me. She is only and only my friend but you can’t stop complementing her. She is just like her pet name ‘ANGEL’. She always makes other people happy. Whenever I miss my house, my room and my family in Mumbai her small speech, her hand over my hand, her doll blinks assure me that I am not alone here. She is with me.
Initially I used to doubt why everyone around her adores her and loves her but now I know the reason. In these 3 and a ½ year one thing I have known about her. Swara is not someone who chooses best, she is the one who make the best with whatever she chooses.
When I came here some random boys like Laksh used to bully me and at that time she stepped out for me without even knowing who I am. Believe me no matter however cute and soft she looks she is a hard rock from inside. She never thought that her friendship can ruin her reputation or her friendship with Laksh she just been there for right and for me.
There she is!!! I can say from here that her legs are trembling and again she is trying to control her tears. OH GOD!!!
“How is your V’ Day going??? Number of gifts shows it is nice” I asked her and she just gave me a fake smile which does not reach her eyes and I guess I know the reason.
There is only one person in this school whose activities can hurt Swara so much and without any doubt he is Laksh. Why does she even care about him??? But that is not my concern. She is my friend and I have to make her smile anyhow. And actually I owe her this type of favour so I am just returning it.
I gave Sara a yellow rose because she might be irritating and too flirty sometime but she is a true friend.
Then a white with yellow tips rose to Alya. She is a nice girl, quite and calm. And yellow because she trusts me. And I totally respect that.
Now coming back to Angel. First I gave her a yellow rose.
“That is because for being a true friend. Foe being there with me whenever I needed you”
Then I gave her a white rose
“This is because. Ahm….. No matter how chirpy you are in the front of world but deep down you are a sweet, peaceful little angel who wants to take everyone’s burden and spread happiness and peace”
Then I gave her a pink flower
“For the real beauty you have. You are really beautiful Swara”.
Then I took out a artificial rose from my blazer which has golden coloured petals.
“This is for the heart of gold which you own and does not even think twice before giving someone place inside it”
She again replied with a smile but this time real one.
“This is the last one, right Sanskar???” She asked me and I shook my head then she just gasped due to shock.
Then I gave her two flower one pink with white tip and other white with pink tip. When she cocked her eyebrow to question me I simply answered that I found them attractive and beautiful so I gave them to her and then shrugged my shoulder.
I can’t tell her why I gave her those flowers. Combination of white and pink resembles attraction.
Don’t take me wrong I don’t love her; I don’t even like her in that way. She is just my friend a great friend.
But she is beautiful and moreover she is intimidating. It’s very difficult to be near her but still don’t get influenced by her.
Then she gave me a shoulder hug.
“Oh god Sanskar, that was amazing. How did you even get that idea???” She asked and I just smiled.
“By seeing your sobbing face, I guess” I replied and she looked at me with shock then she again start looking at his bench.
Great, F***ing greak I did so many thing to make her smile and again ruined everything by opening my big mouth.
Then she again turned to me.
“This is really great Sanskar. I don’t have any word to thank you but the least I can do is to say you at least thank you and unfortunately it is the most I can say as you can see I am numb and speechless by your amazing flowers and way to give it to me”. She told me with a huge grin on her face. She thought her grin can hide her sob but I am still happy. At least now the amount of happiness I given her is equal and may be more than the sadness Lakshhas given to her.
“Wait a second, I know why are you doing this. You want my mind to stop working so that you can easily top” She asked.
I chuckled on her question and started scratching the back of my neck. First because how now matter what she never forgets her marks and second because how can she always keep aside her tears.
Yes she joked just to confirm that her crying texture should not ruin my day.
Laksh’s point of view:
I love this day and I hate it also. First let me explain the reason of loving this day. I love this day because this day gives me a chance to surprise love of my life. Early morning, mind it Laksh gets up early morning to gather 13 most beautiful red roses of the city and then make a special bouquet of it with my own hand. I even wrap it myself. Then the card which I always buy on V’ Day eve, I write some nice lines on it. Believe me I don’t use any poet. I just write it by myself. It feels good by doing something on your own for the girl I love, for the girl I know for my whole life, for my girl.
Then I leave for school 2 hours earlier so that I can keep it in her locker secretly. You know she used to changes the password every year but I am her best friend. She tells me whenever she changes the password and I use it on next 14th Feb.
You know every year in the evening of V’ Day she says that she hates that secret admirer from the bottom of her heart but I know by time she has now taken him for granted. Now she waits for the gifts by her secret admirer. And I just love it. I feel satisfied when she shows everyone that she does not want to read that cheesy line but still through the corner of her eyes she does read it and even smile due to the stupid line written by me oops her secret admirer.
Then after dropping the gifts I go to her house to perform the role of a best friend.
What I hate about this day is that it makes me realize who I am. I am a coward who can’t even confess his feelings to a girl he loves. The girl whom I know for my whole life and the girl whom I love for my whole life. I don’t know when I realized that I love her, I only know that this feeling intensifies every single moment. And the fact that I can’t confess her sucks.
But call me coward, stupid, milksop and whatever you want but I can’t tell her ever. What if she will say that she does not love me??? You know how much I try to make her jealous??? I always let myself bear the torture of some half crack girl so that she could feel jealous but she never does. She keeps smiling. And that hurts. It really hurts when the girl you love does not eve care that who are you kissing and who are you romancing with.
Sometime she gets mad on me when I cancel our program or waste our time with others but I know that is only because she is my best friend. And if she would love me, a girl like her would have said it.
If you think that boys don’t cry then you are wrong whenever I think that she does not love me or will never love me I cry. I literally cry.
Sometimes I think will she ever love me even the half I love her.
After giving her gifts we came together in her car. And when I saw the first guy giving her a card my eyes felt like heart felt like burning. I could not control. I left. She called me but why should I stop to watch guys to give V’ Day gifts to my girl.
I know she is not my girl but what can I do. Simple go and tell her that you like her. No I can’t do that. I will never do that.
When I went in class, I knew she was following me but I did not stop. Then I saw a girl holding one flower for me. I smirked and thought that this time she will be jealous so I took that flower from that girl but when I turned my face to see Angel. My anger was boundless. Her desk was full with flowers and cards.
Why everyone has the balls to say to her that they like her while the person who is closest to her does not have that guts. Sometime I feel sympathy for me.
And then I saw that person I could have controlled my anger before but he was giving flower to Angel and not just one too many and with every flower I could see Angel’s mood lightening up.
Its not right, only I have the right to make her happy and smile. Call me shameless or bad or whatever but yes I kissed the girl in front of me just to reduce my anger. Told you that this day completely shows how I am. But again when I saw her she was hugging him and that was it I could not control more.
I went to them and hold Swara’s arm.
“What the hell are you doing???” I asked her. For a moment her angelic face melted me but when I saw him my anger overtook.
“Lucky, this is the not the way you are going to treat me. Leave me hand and hold her hand.” While struggling under my tight grip she said pointing toward the girl, whom I kissed.
For the first time I saw jealousy in her eyes. I knew she does not like Sanskar in that way but I knew Sanskar is slightly attracted to her.
Her jealousy melted in the form of water and start falling. This is not the first time I made her cry and trust me every time she cries my heart aches twice than hers but for the first time I was happy.
“Sorry Angel. I… ju…st…just over react…. over reacted” I apologized.
My voice was stuttering but I was happy. She feels jealous!!!
“Every time sorry can’t correct everything lucky and this is not the way you treat any girl. And why were you so angry??? Haan??? Tell me” She demanded the answer.
I gulped audibly. Am I ready to confess??? As you ever will.
In the middle of my monologue I saw Sanskar’s face smirking and my mind took a U turn to their flirting moment.
“You were flirting with him??? And you expect me not to be angry. Wow!!!” I snapped.
She was giving me look of ‘have you gone mad’.
“I was not flirting with him and what if I was. You can flirt with the whole school and I can’t flirt. You are being unfair lucky. Double standard” She said while wiping her tears.
“You left me alone just to flirt with this plastic” I asked. I know I left her but that does not matter. I am in a mid of a debate and in no condition I am losing it.
“I left you!!! You left me. You were in hurry to talk to your new girl” She said poking her finger in my chest.
“That is the problem Angel. I know that eventually I will come to you but I am not sure about you” I said.
Wait!! What did I say!!! I am in deep problem. What if she will not even understand where I am implying???
“Oh wow!!! How well you said??? If you are not sure about me then that is your problem lucky not mine. Similarly I am also not sure about you” She snapped me back.
Do it Lucky. Now or never.
“If you were not so sure about me then why did not you come and why did not you show your rights on me Angel” I asked and she opens her mouth but closed it.
“First time I saw you flirting with a guy and I came to claim you mine. I am doing it since god knows when to just see one sign that you feel bad. Why did not you give me that sign Angel???” I asked and she gulped in frustration.
Obviously this is the first time she is going to lose any debate.
“Why didn’t you Angel???” I asked her with full emotions because this time I want reply, because this time I am sure her reply will not be that bad.
“First because you are a guy. If you were doing all that to make me jealous then you could have just asked me out and second I was scared of rejection” She replied obviously with stutter.
I was shocked. I mean I never expected from her that she will not confess just because she is a girl. Where are we 18th century!!! But more shocking was that Swara Sharma was scared of rejection!!! She thought I will reject her. Not even in my nightmares I will dare to reject her.
“You were scared that I will reject you!!! How dumb you can be???” She opened her mouth to protest on the adjective ‘DUMB’ but I raised my hand and gestured her to stop.
I continued “I agree you are topper but you underestimated yourself. Trust me Angel, any guy can never reject you. I may be a failure in studies but I am not that stupid to let you go from my hand especially when I know that feeling is mutual”
She pressed her lip in nervousness.
“You would not have rejected me. You mean to say I wasted my tears just like that when I could have simply come and ask you. I am really dumb” She blamed herself.
“How does it matter Angel???”
“It matters. You know the chemical formula of tears???” She asked and I looked at her face she was smirking.
We both burst in laughter. We hugged each other tightly but I am still not going to tell her about secret admirer.
When everyone clapped then I realized that we have viewer also. When I opened my eyes I saw Sanskar leaving. For a moment I thought to sort out our problem but in the very next moment I thought the otherwise. So I just chucked the plan and again closed my eyes to enjoy the embrace of my girl and now I can openly say that also. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Precap: Ragsan first meeting. Swalak past romance. Swasan friendship.
Okay so if you will have any confusion regarding this post you can ask me in comment box. Did not you fall in love with Ragini after reading this??? While writing I fell in love with her. I just love her. Today’s Ragini’s part for all those Teju aka Ragini fans to whom I have promised that Ragini will enter with a bang.
Credit to: Deepa Sharma