i saw my daughter walk away as my tears welled up.
she really thinks i don’t love her?
i love her a lot. she is my first child. in fact before i decided to go for a relationship with shivay, she was the first thing i thought about and before daksh and i married, i beared a lot for her.
i met shivay at an award party 14 years ago. i only saw him as a friend because i was happily married to daksh and a proud mother of akshi. shivay and i became friends within the night and soon i gave him my number like friends would do.
a few days later, daksh got a promotion in his company. i was so happy for him but as soon as he got the promotion, he had to work all day and night, he didn’t get much breaks. he would come back at 1am when even i was asleep.
when akshi started school a few more days later, i was more lonelier than ever. with daksh at work and akshi at school, life felt boring. so i decided to text shivay for some entertainment. he was a really great person to talk to. we would go out for coffee sometimes. i didn’t really felt anything for him at first but as i slowly got to know him through text and coffee, i started to feel love for him.
whenever daksh was off, i just didn’t feel any love for him anymore. it was almost as if i forgot i was even married.
me and shivay went physical when we booked a hotel room for a get together with some other friends at nighttime. i didn’t have anything to worry about as i told daksh that i would be with some friends, helping them out with stuff and akshi had a babysitter. when they left, i had some ice cream on my lips and just like that, he jammed his lips against mine. it was the first time i was physical with someone after akshi was born. before both of us knew it, we had no clothes on.
i told shivay that we couldn’t meet anymore after 2 months because i felt bad for cheating on daksh and i had a daughter. he respected my wishes and we didn’t meet for 2 weeks. daksh noticed that i wasn’t myself and tried to go physical with me once but i rejected him and went to a party and to my surprise shivay was there.
i might have had a drink or two or five and that was when me and shivay conceived the twins. after that night, i realized that i couldn’t live without shivay. nothing felt right without him.
i feel guilty time to time having an affair with shivay when i was already married. i never imagined that being this selfish would lead to someone so innocent to die and a little girl to suffer.
that night i told daksh everything was the worst night of my life. because of me, i didn’t just lose my first boyfriend, i lost my daughter. when daksh’s parents came to take her custody, i couldn’t let that happen. my daughter was my very first child and i couldn’t bear to part with her. by god’s grace, shivay and i won her custody but she was very angry at that. she never loved shivay and when i married him, she insulted him so much and without even thinking twice, i slapped her.
akshi has deep hatred for me. she insults me every time she sees my face or she just leaves without even talking to me but she always gives me a disgusted look. her eyes are full of hatred and pain. a few times, she would ask that did i ever love daksh because i never wore sarees or sindoor or nuptial necklace.
i loved her father a lot. daksh was the type of guy who gave me freedom. he knew that i loved him a lot and he said that there was no need for me to wear sindoor and nuptial necklace nor traditional clothings. akshi doesn’t know that when i married shivay, i was told to wear sarees, sindoor and nuptial necklace because that’s what the oberois want in their bahus.
i am sorry akshi. i know that because of me, you lost your knight in shining armour.
i never meant for this to happen.
i thought it would go all calmly and me and daksh would have joint custody.
whenever i see akshi with gauri and somu, i can’t help but feel jealous and when i see her with their kids then again i feel jealous. i have nothing against them, it’s just i wish akshi could get along with the siblings i gave her as well and i wish that she could have some love for me.
i also wish that pinky mum would accept akshi and not call her illegitimate. my daughter is illegitimate because we both were married. i always yell at pinky mum if she insults akshi but akshi thinks that i am pretending to love her.
i know it is all my fault and shivay has nothing to do with this.