RAGLAK DRABBLE – Bas, Thodi Der
Hey, Ria is here with a drabble. Just a sudden thought.
She stared out of the window, at the raindrops splattering against the glass. The rhythmic and melodious sound of the raindrops was the music to her ears. The raindrops that splashed in the puddles of water, reminded her of how she once used to enjoy in the rains. Dancing in the rains, drenching in the cold, fresh water surged an immense pleasure through her. Everything about the rains still reminded her of him. Everything in her life related to him. Every minute, every second, she thought about him. But she did not complain. Whom could she blame? Her own self? Her fate? Or him?
She did not know. What she went through, what she surpassed was planned. It was destined. Everything that had happened right from the beginning was not her, or his own, but everyone’s fault. Had they stood by her side, Had they made her understand, Had they understood her, all of this had not happened. But still she did not blame them. And why would she? She herself knew whatever had happened, Whatever she suffered, was partly because of her too.
If there was the slightest chance, even a single opportunity, of going back in the past and rectifying what she did; She would have been contented. She could at least live peacefully, and not be swallowed in the in the grief-stricken memories. But those were all that she had with herself of him. Those tricks, those plans, those unnecessary fights, and the . . . Night he had loved her passionately. Probably, it did not mean anything to him, but she knew what it meant for her. She knew she had been claimed in all possible ways, and even if someone tried very hard, they could not claim her their own ever now.
Only he could. But what would she achieve thinking about what he could and what he could not? He had left her in all ways. He had finished their relationship, the day he had announced about his marriage. Those memories still seemed fresh in her mind, as if not even a minute had passed. Those words still hurt her; Injured her heart, and wounded her differently in a new way everyday, if that was possible. Not only he alone, but every Maheswari hated her. When, after all this, she had thought she could succumb to this reality, she was proved wrong. Her own Maa and Baba disowned her; And her Dadi, in a moment of spur, had forgotten all the affection she had brought her up with. She even refused to recognise her.
What was her fault? Was telling them that she was going to be the mother of his child wrong? Or was loving him truly had been her fault? He could not love her; He falsely accused her, yet she was to be at fault? Why could anyone not see what she was fighting within herself?
But she could not blame them. After everything she had done, believing her was unfathomable. She knew it, yet she could not believe it. Her mistakes were unforgivable, but still she had expected forgiveness. After all, every grievous mistake was forgivable.
Even he had made mistakes; He had mistaken to kidnap her, kill her. Because of him her mother suffered, but he had be forgiven. He could be forgiven. Weren’t his mistakes counted as ones? Wasn’t he to be punished? Why only her? But she dismissed those thoughts. She prayed for his well-being everyday; How could she wish for his punishment? No, she would not.
Her love for him was true. She had loved him despite what he had done to her, and she had been fateful to love him. At least he had not snatched that right from her. She could love him till her last breath, and no one could complain. Even he could not. She could love him in all the ways she had thought she would, if not for real, at least for surrealism.
Her love for him was strong and determined. She, under any circumstance, would have loved him, even if it meant she had to surpass death for it. That day when she had begged him not to break their marriage, he had asked her to reason. Asked her to define her love for him. And even, had asked her to prove the paternity of the child in her womb. That minute shattered her entire world. He had doubted the paternity of the child. After he had spent one night valuing her love, faking his lust as love, he had pointed out at her character. No. Even if she had loved this man, even if she would continue to do so her entire life, she could not spend her entire life with him.
She still remembered how, amidst everyone, she had mustered all her courage and swung her palm right across his cheek. Even if, that day he had killed her, she would not have cared. His palm had fixated on his cheek, and looked at her unbelievably. In that moment of spur, he did not have to say twice; She had broken all her relations with him. She had left his house, his life, everything that belonged to him. Yet everything that related to him, everything that reminded of him, was with her.
She was not embarrassed. And why would she? She had asked him to stop innumerable times, but he had dismissed her words. Even when she had tried rectifying her mistakes, he had dismissed her and only focussed on what he wanted to do.
Her dream of asking him to stop for a meanwhile had never been fulfilled. And now, she knew it never would be. Even if he begged her, asked her to look back, consider him for even once more, she would not. After all, through all these years, right from when she had left Kolkata, from losing her child in her womb, to today, she had changed. She was not the Ragini everyone knew before; She was now stronger and more determined. She could now live her life alone, only with his memories.
Today, she was the girl that the her mother, when she was young, had wished to see.
TODAY, she was only RAGINI. Neither a Maheshwari nor a Gadodia. ONLY Ragini.
Done with this. A little emotional, I suppose?
Acha chalo, scroll and comment phataphat se to let me know your views.
P.S.: Bawara Mann on its way. Shall be there by the end of the upcoming week.