So finally l m back with much awaited chap. With this chap there will be end of dark phase ie talkinf and pointing toward rproblema. Now with nxt epi light phase will start where there will be slowly change will take place.
Pls readears l have written this chap with many hard work. l emotionally broke down too.So pls pls aal break ur silence and sincerely tell me how it was.
While returning from Hardik’s house it became more than 11 pm. I haven’t told anything in house too. Now I will get a good scolding reaching home. All must have slept, god knows who will open doors? Whoever will open they will think there atrocity to make me hear some words of them. By every step, my heart was sinking. Due to uneven height of houses light of moon was scattered on roads. Dark smog was also present.
Don’t know why but there was strange uneasiness in me. Due to Uttara we couldn’t go to cinema that day. After two- three days program was resumed. Film ended at 9_30. I didn’t liked it much, but some romantic scenes were playing in my mind and there was a kasakh that all that could be in my life too. We were walking back home but Hardik stopped me to have dinner in his house. He is one of my very few friens. I was always a reserved child who are comfortable with very few people. Hardik is different from me in many terms. While he is a atheist, I am a person having deep faith in god. He has always been a criticizer of all my family customs and rituals. He thinks that rituals are something which should be changed by time so that they could be beneficial to society. He thinks religion is good until they don’t start becoming a hindrance in our progress. And honestly saying my many habits have changed bcoz of his continue nagging. I have now stopped wearing those many rings and anklets and I have also stopped keeping those weekly fasts.
While dinner he asked me. “bhai how is bhabhi? Maa wanted to meet her. If you get time then bring her here someday.”
I was in dilemma after his question. Will she come with me? And if she agrees too then how will I ask her. Not knowing what to answer I lied him that she has gone to her mayka. When she will come I will definitely bring her.
A scene was happening in house when I was going for film too. Actually happened that she was cleaning pulse sitting on terrace. On this topic a mahabharat started in house.
Maa was shouting-“you haven’t got any other place to clean pulses. All the boys of street sit on terrace whole day and you without covering your face were sitting there.”Ragini was listening all this being silent as always. Bhabhi added –“ it has been three years of my marriage but I never do all this on terrace.” Maa further said – “ no no if she will not go there then how will she then how will she interact with neighborhood lads.” Watching me she again threw her words-“already Sanskar does not give her any bhav. What if she will elope with someone?”
After this Ragini first time moved her head up. With wet eyes it seemed that she wants to say something but couldn’t say anything and bowed her head again.
I was not liking all this. So I shouted –“please stop it. Have some work maa. What are you doing?”
And then I left for cinema. In fear I knoked on the door. But this happened fine that Laksh opened the door or I was ready for a scolding. He said-“Where have you been bhaiya? All were worried for you.” I asked him slowly-“now all have slept na?” He answered in affirmative and I headed towards my room.
While entering in my room I was shocked seeing a dark figure sitting on a corner of roof leaning on the wall. Thoughts from thief to ghost came across my mind. Then moving a little further I saw that it was Ragini. There was satisfaction that I could even identify her in darkness. But what is she doing at midnight that too when so dark fog here. For a second, I thought that had she slept sitting here. But when I turned I heard her sobs in between crying. I was shocked. Many question was arising in my mind. Why she is crying sitting alone in darkness? If she had to cry then she could cry in room too? What if she catches cold? But the thing most shocking was that big things happened but I never saw her crying then what happened now that she is crying?
Should I go to her? Oh, shame on me. Someone is crying and I am thinking whether I should go or not! When I couldn’t contol I headed towards her. With this my ego came infront of me stopping me to go there. Then keeping it aside I reached her. Couldn’t understand to say so I coughed to make her attention towards me. But she didn’t moved, she was still crying bending her head down. I thought to turn back now. But seemed that my steps are not listening my order. With difficulty I took some steps backward. But an unknown force was pulling me towards her. Finally I turned back and came directly infront of her. For some time I stared her and then in broken voice I said-“ what are you doing here at midnight?”
Moving her head up she saw me as if watching me first time and then again bowed her head hiding it in her pallu. Her eyes filled with tears shined brightly in dark moonlight. I was standing there some more minutes. Then it seemed that my presence here was worthless and logic less. This time little rudely I said-“subah roo lijiyega. You will fall ill in this fog.” Somehow I had this but that moment I understood that there is how much difference thinking and saying. In saying this little thing my throat was chocking. Something was melting inside me.
“ Why do you care? Aap jaiye or soiye na.” she said removing her pallu and then painfully she said “Have you ever cared whether I live or die? Then what happened now! You go and sleep na.” She said this looking directly in my eyes. Hot tears boiling in her eyes.
That eyesight passed from each atoms of my body. My all strength was taken bcoz of those painful and tearful eyes. Strengthless and broken like a patient of years I fell on ground before her. With shivering hands I touched her shoulders and said-“ Ragini are you angry on me…?
Before I could say further she hold my shoulders, shaking it vigorously she said-“Tell me what I have done? What I have caused you? Am I not capable of you, don’t you like methen with your hands press my neck. I will not say anything but atleast tell me…………….say me something…..say me……say me.” With that heavy cry each atom of her body was bursting out. Then involuntary she gave herself in my arms and without thinking I too wrapped my hands around her, now sobs were not getting out of her mouth. With each hiccups her body was shivering. And don’t know when I started sobbing more than her. The volcano which was inside me bursted suddenly and all my emotions were coming out as its lava. Sticking fiercely with each other we were crying, just crying.
Even for a moment I tried knowing that she has heart too! Heart which have wishes and expectations. Never! Never ever! For what she was working like a slave day and night? She wasn’t owned by me? That day with which hands I slapped her, caressing her with same hand it seemed that they were melting. Melting bcoz of guilt.
Don’t how much time we crying like that. Then I fainted somewhat her in my arms to the room. We didn’t slept for whole night neither did we spoke anything. We just wanted to feel each other in every possible way that night, taking away each other pain and tears. For a moment we would leave other and then with double eagerness stick with each other. That night she became mune in true sense.
Moon had hid and sky has become clear.
RECAP- A NEW START AND MUCH AWAITED rAGINI’S POV
I know you will be thinking that there was no confession of emotions and it was not grand or royal. But sometime words are not necessary to display our emotions, silent is enough to say all.