The Horrifying (Im)Perfection – Chapter 19
Hey, Ria is finally back with her FF. Long time, I know. My sincere apologies for that.
Tell me honestly, how many of you thought this story would be left incomplete. Like, will be included in the ‘Aadha-Adhura’ category? No worries, even I did. ?
Now, let’s get to the damn late updated chapter. ?
Link to Chapter 18:
“Lakshya Maheshwari, I’ll kill you!”
Everyone around looked at me as. Maa and Bhai sympathetically while Di fiercely. I glared back at her, and slowly, the fierceness in her eyes faded away and she suppressed her laugh. It wasn’t funny though. I looked back at Maa and Bhai and smiled at them nervously.
Ragini Maheshwari. She was still the same, even after two years. There wasn’t a bit of change in her. Not that I complain; I love her the way she is. For what she is. She, after all, was an angel who had descended down the heavens above just for me.
In the last two years of our togetherness, never ever has Ragini let even the slightest of shadow of the past fall on me. I remember the past and it still, even after such a long phase of time, horrifies me. Back then, I was a beast who could not see anything except for his sister. Ragini had soothed me always saying if she would have been in my place, she would have done the same. May be; but for now, I was a beast who had been loved, cared by everyone around and probably, the effort of bringing out a slightly better person had come true.
“Lakshya, don’t you want to see Ragini?”
I nodded my head. Of course I wanted to. The special moment counts for a celebration and a grateful thanksgiving to the beautiful lady, Ragini, for providing me with everything. If it hadn’t been for her, things might not have improvised ever. She could have left me, yet she chose to stay back with me, care for me, and love me. The memory of another horrifying day flashed through my mind, and I shut my eyes close, still remembering how vulnerable Ragini was that day. Three years back.
The depression had surged through every inch of my existence, and I couldn’t help, but think of the tremendous and inhuman tortures that had been bestowed upon Ragini by . . . Me. How could I? Had I been blind all my life to not see the innocence and cluelessness in her eyes. She wasn’t meant to be hurt. She was an innocent being. A heavenly one. Who had descended down to the earth right from the heavens above. All she had asked for was a little respect and love, but when the beast married her, she forgot what she had dreamt of. What she wanted to. It wasn’t her fault after all. Anyone under such a inhuman treatment would. But she didn’t. She stayed with me, cured me, loved me, and more importantly, dreamt of a happy life with me. How could she? Hadn’t she seen the beast inside me? How could she love such an inhuman and stay with him when she had the option to leave. To not care. To not cure me. And to not . . Love me.
I made my way out of the room. This, after all, had to be concluded one day, then why not today. She had all the rights to live a happy life. With whomever she wished to. She wasn’t bound to stay with me, but she hadn’t left. She was there beside me. To pamper me and to support me. I had to sort out a way to thank her, and this, my Dear Lord, would accept as an excellent apology and the best thanksgiving. My feet unwillingly walked upstairs and before I could contemplate on the right or the wrong, I jumped down the terrace. Down the third floor. And then suddenly, everything went blank.
As a bright stroke of light flashed through my eyes, I slowly opened my eyelids. Certainly, they felt heavy, but I couldn’t comprehend ‘Why’. Everything around seemed bright and I squinted instantly. Adjusting to the light slowly, I opened my eyes and saw the one person whom I didn’t want to; Just now. Ragini Maheshwari. She stood in front of me with tears streaming down her eyes and hands folded across her chest. I had hurt her again. I didn’t intend to, but selfishly I had. I thought it would soothe her, make her happy. Instead, I had worsened the situations. Truly, I was a beast. But now, after being granted a new life, I couldn’t let her go. Again.
Maa walked inside the ward and soothingly caressed my face pouring in all her motherly affection. My eyes welled up, and the mere thought of the suicide I had been planning resulted a pang in my heart. I did not deserve all this. Everyone around me thought of me, loved me, cared for me, yet all I had decided was to ‘Conclude’ my life. I was horrible. I was a troublemaker. A sinner. I should have been punished for all that I had done, shouldn’t I?
Maa made her way towards Ragini and whispering a few words and exchanging a soft smile, she walked out of the room. She looked at me briefly and I stared back, guiltily. She was vulnerable. She was broken. And I was the REASON. How, after all I had done, had I decided to hurt her MORE? I should be punished brutally, but knowing the person Ragini was, I knew she would never hurt me. Never punish me.
I parted my lips to speak, but she turned around and walked towards the door. Was she leaving me . . . Alone? My heart beat rose and I frantically tried to speak words loud, but they came out faintly. Just a mumble. How would I stop her? MY Ragini? The emergency sound of the ECG machine hit my ears and the last I saw before fainting was, Ragini’s vulnerable face as she shouted for a doctor.
I found myself in a warm embrace. A warm embrace? Of Ragini? Slowly, I opened my eyes and the tears trickled my skin. It was Maa. She was beside me, taking care of me and curing me. I raised my hand and quietly rubbed the tears from her cheeks. Her eyes fluttered open and as she saw me looking at her, she smiled warmly and engulfed me in another brief hug. I had MISSED her.
“Maa, Lakshya ji’s . .”
My eyes shot open. I had finally heard the voice I had been craving to. Her melodious voice. My Ragini’s. I looked around the room and immediately spotted her. Dressed up in a light green salwar, she looked utterly gorgeous and I couldn’t help, but stare at her.
“Ragini, now that Lakshya has regained consciousness, please talk to him before you take any decision that turns both of your lives upside-down. I don’t want any of you to suffer later on.”
She nodded obediently while I wondered what the decision was. Maa smiled at me again and patting Ragini’s cheek softly, she walked out of the room. I looked at Ragini in oblivion. What decision had she taken?
“Lakshya ji, I’ve signed the divorce papers. After you’re done signing, we both can part our ways.”
My heart sank. The mere thought of being left alone horrified me. She had all the rights to be independent and take her own decisions after everything that I’d done, but my heart ached at the mere thought of being alone. Without Ragini.
“Why divorce? Can’t we sit and sort out all of it?”
“No, we can’t. There’s nothing left to talk about. I have been trying hard to get you out of the depression. Make you understand and trying hard so that you forget the past, but you don’t seem to care. This time we had been able to save you, but what if you attempt on doing the same again? What if after we become parents, you leave me? You want me to tell my children that their father was a coward who couldn’t look into the present and future and always looked into the past. And neither do I want my children to be brought up without a father. Rather than that, it would be better if I’m left alone all my life.” She inhaled deeply and continued, “I’m leaving; Sign the divorce papers.”
Her furious and vulnerable form turned away from me, towards the door, but I didn’t know what to do. I was clueless. Every single word she said was TRUE, but I was scared. Scared of being alone. I was selfish, but the mere thought of letting Ragini go collapsed me. I would die without her. My heart beat furiously as the door squeaked open and before she stepped out of the room, I parted my lips to speak. I couldn’t form words, and the only thing that came out was a song. A song Ragini loved.
Lag ja gale ki phir ye hasin raat ho na ho
Shaayad phir is janam mein mulaaqaat ho na ho lag jaa gale
Ham ko mili hain aaj ye ghadiyaan nasib se
Ji bhar ke dekh lijiye ham ko karib se
Phir aap ke nasib mein ye baat ho na ho
Shaayad phir is janam mein mulaaqaat ho na ho lag jaa gale
She stopped and shook her head. It wasn’t going to be easy to convince her, but I would try. I could not let her go. I knew she was not willing for it either, but was forced. I would not let her harm herself because of ME.
Paas aaiye ki ham nahin aaenge baar-baar
Baahein gale mein daal ke ham ro le zaar-zaar
Aankhon se phir ye pyaar ki barsaat ho na ho
Shaayad phir is janam mein mulaaqaat ho na ho
Lag ja gale ki phir ye hassin raat ho na ho
Shaayad phir is janam mein mulaaqaat ho na ho lag jaa gale
She turned around while the tears continuously streamed down her pink, rosy cheeks. I spread my arms and soon enough, we lay in each other’s embrace, holding each other tightly. I was never letting her go again. I would rectify my mistakes. I would love her to bits and pieces. I pressed my lips tightly against her hair and promised myself to never hurt her further ahead.
I held the small, petite form in my arms and kissed her forehead affectionately. She held all the heavens above in her small figure. I played with her small hands, and looked into her twinkling eyes that she had received from her mother. The same brownish coffee eyes which I could stare into my entire life. They talked entirety. I walked towards her mother, and placed a tender kiss on her forehead and thanked her for everything. She smiled and kissed my cheek softly.
“Thank you for making me feel so special always.”
The sun set and the night sky slowly dawned upon. The stars twinkled amidst the darkness merrily. My eyes wandered all over the sky. It had been around three years since Maa had passed away. Just before she died, she had told Lakshya to take care of me, and Bhai to provide Swara Di with everything. They both had obliged to her. The former recalling his past, went into depression and the latter, providing his wife with everything. It had been precisely two years now that Bhai and Di had been officially parenting. I smiled recalling that little child, Shaurya.
Time had passed away quickly. Every memory of Shaurya’s birth was afresh in my mind, as if it was yesterday and now, soon he was going to turn two. I remember fondling with him in the past two years mightily. A quiet kid who was head over heels in love with his Mama. I laughed remembering those times.
Shaurya, being the quiet kid he was, he was very fond of his Mama. Not because he was pampered by him, but because he could annoy him. He could assume him to be his place and excrete whatever he wanted to, merrily. The frown that appeared on Lakshya’s face was worth watching. He stunk and consequently, he finished a bottle of his deodorant. After a couple of times, the aftermath was discovered to be – I Won’t Visit Swara Di and Bhai unless their son, Shaurya learns to use the washroom. I laughed heartily. Lakshya, indeed despised the kid unless he turned a year and half. That was when he learnt the proper usage of washroom, but sure enough, he had missed his MAMA.
Lakshya and I had not thought of a kid unless he had been cured of his depression. I did not want the kid to be mistreated or feel unwanted. Being well aware that Lakshya could be an excellent father, I did not want, under any circumstances, our child to despise him. Once he was cured of his depression and we had a brief understanding amongst ourselves, we had finally prepared ourselves. For the new and extra happiness in our lives.
“Ragini . .”
I turned around and walked inside the room hurriedly. What had he done AGAIN? I furrowed my eyebrows looking at the father and daughter and folding my arms across my chest, glared at them. After having a daughter, I had two children now. Dear God, save me, please?
Both of them smiled sheepishly at me, while the devil smirk and all the other pen marks dislocated slightly. What have these two been doing? Lakshya, instead of managing Liya had been playing with her. I breathed in a sigh and made my way towards the closet. Pulling out a towel, I soaked it in water and handed it to them. This was unbelievable! Instead of helping me, he was making my work tougher.
I pushed the drawer of the closet close and as I turned around to walk out of the room, something under my foot crumpled. I stepped back and looked down at the floor. It was a plain, white sheet of paper, slightly crumpled, but folded neatly. I picked it up wondering what it could be. That too in the closet? I slowly unfolded the paper, and Oh, it was the letter. The letter Lakshya had written to me.
I know you must be wondering what this is and must be sure that this letter may be another trick of mine to apologise to you. Well, it is. Not a trick, but a sincere effort. I know that a letter is just not enough but I have no idea how to apologise for all my bad deeds. I am unable to face you, or myself now, so I think this piece of paper is the only thing which can express my feelings.
While I cannot even count the number of times I have hurt you, knowingly, I remember all those times when you have shed your precious tears over me. You may not believe me Ragini, but everytime you cried, something died inside me. I didn’t want to involve you in my revenge, not when I realised that I had fallen for you, madly. I locked myself up for two days at my farmhouse, fighting against myself, wondering whether I really wanted to use you or not. It was battle Ragini, a battle between my spiteful mind and lovestruck heart. My heart kept on telling me that I was wronging you but mind flashed before me the images of my beloved sister Swara, the day I found her after that incident- broken, bruised, battered and ruined. Her pale face was tear stricken, clawed by some vicious hands which I mistook for your brother’s when all she could whisper in her half conscious state was ‘Sanskaar’. I know it is pathetic, but I ended up choosing my sister over you. And I have nothing in my defence to say.
But I can just honestly tell you what all we had to see. You can’t even imagine what our state had been. My entire family was ripped apart, destroyed that day. Swara Di had been the light of our house, the life and soul of this family. That day, we lost everything. I saw my sister closing herself, becoming a living corpse. She would scream at nights, reliving the horrors of that fateful night. At that time, I would sit next to her, awake the entire night, crying for my sister. I would pray to God to give us strength. He did it, but it was a mockery of what I had expected. Maa overcame her grief, I soon habituated myself to the pain and even Di recovered……………never to return to herself again. She was now a shell of her original self. Depressed to the point of no return. Her life was ruined. And it angered me. It angered me how my beautiful sister’s dreams were crushed because of some monster. It angered me that I lost her due to a poor excuse of a man. The only name I had ever heard her utter after her ordeal was of your brother, Sanskaar Kapoor. I found his picture with my sister. The fire of revenge soon engulfed me. I came to your house, did a drama of loving you but somewhere, between my fake smiles and your genuine ones, I fell for you. Your innocence, your immaturity, your nature, your face, YOU. And it made me hate myself more. While on one hand, I was committed to avenging my sister, but on the other, I was in love with you. I fought with myself, my values, my love, my everything. The devil inside me finally won.
I have committed unforgivable sins. I have insulted my marriage vows at every turn. I have slapped you, pulled your hair, splashed water on you, hurt you, burnt your hands, treated you like a slave and so much more. But shall I tell you a secret? After every torture, I tortured myself. You remember how I suffered a car accident once? It wasn’t an accident. I wasn’t drunk, and I definitely was not driving safe. You have burnt hands, I have a burnt back. You have cuts on your wrists and hands while I have cuts on my thighs. You had water splashed on you while I deliberately dipped my head in a bucket of water for a whole minute. An eye for an eye. A torture for a torture. I am not saying that it reduces my guilt and faults. All I mean is that I have suffered with you every moment.
I will not blame anyone but myself for all this. You never did anything wrong. In fact, I ruined your life, an innocent’s life, in the same way as Swara’s life was ruined. And I realise now that with you, it was far worse. You had to suffer physical, mental, emotional torture at the hands of the man whom you trusted, the man you loved. I am no better than Kabir. He s*xually assaulted a woman, played with her dignity. I physically, mentally and emotionally assaulted you and snatched your happiness. You and I, will probably be scarred throughout our lives now, you because of the tortures you faced at my hands and I due to the tortures I inflicted on you. I know I am guilty Ragini. I am responsible for every damned nightmare of yours. I plead guilty.
And yet, I cannot help but hope. Hope that you would see my guilt. Hope that you would look in my eyes which display nothing but love for you. Hope that you would find it in your big heart to forgive me and my actions. Hope that we would one day be able to leave our painful past behind us and start afresh. I just hope Ragini, I don’t expect. It is a dream, a fantasy, where you run into my arms after reading this letter and demand that I remove my shirt. I look surprised, all sorts of naughty thoughts creeping into my mind. I voice them out loud and you hit me on my chest, and I wince in pain since you just struck on a knife wound which I inflicted on myself when you got hurt by those glass shreds. Your wounds have healed, for I was there to apply the ointment but there was no one to do my first aid, so mine haven’t. You get worried, you yourself gently remove my shirt and tears come out of both of our eyes as you witness the marks of my love for you. You still hate me for all I did but you forgive me and agree to give me a chance. And then, under the moonlight, we share a kiss, this time, with you in your senses. Filmy, isn’t it? Just how you used to love when we weren’t married. Doesn’t it feel like centuries ago? Those days when you would smear your ice cream on my face and then lick it off? When you would snuggle closer to me to whiff my scent? When I would pick you up, bridal style, and rotate you in my arms? Those days, those memories are genuine. I love them as much as you did. If I had the power to go back and make everything right, I would do it. Unfortunately, no such power exists and I am now liable for my actions which can never be undone.
I have nothing but my own guilt and my knowledge of your merciful nature to give me the strength to pen down this letter. I have died everyday Ragini, every single day. My life ceased since the day Swara Di got raped. You have been a balm to my wounds, a balm I rejected. I always used to think that you are being childish when you used to tell me that I am stupid, during our courtship. But now, I am sure, I am stupid. I am a dumb man who failed his love, his marriage, his relationship, all because of a misunderstanding. Life may give me a chance, God may give me a chance but for me, you are my life and our love is God. And I know that I may never get a chance.
Thank you for bringing my sister back to me, thanks a lot for returning her love to her, despite of all that I have done with you. I respect you a lot for your admirable strength and I am proud of the maturity you displayed in this case, by not letting our problems affect Swara and Sanskaar Bhai’s relationship. Please do try and give me a chance Ragini. I have nothing to give to you which may erase the pain of the past but I have everything which may subside it as we build our future together. If you think I am begging, you are being absolutely right. I AM begging. Begging you to return my life to me. Because my life is now in your hands. You hold the power to make or break me. And while I know that you are wise, I have no expectations. I can only hope. Please Ragini. For me. For us. Try and forgive me.
Yours forever until death do us part
Mr. (Lakshya) Maheshwari
P.S. The red lehenga would look amazing on you at the wedding. Just a thought.
My eyes welled up reading the letter. It was not the first time I was reading it, yet it still left an emotional impact on me. I looked towards Lakshya who was busy wiping Liya’s face. Was I not blessed to have Lakshya? Certainly, he did perform plenty of grievous mistakes in the past, but don’t we all make mistakes? Many of us do not repent about them, but Lakshya did. He tortured me, and he tortured himself along. I was wrong; Every time I had thought that Lakshya was nothing, but a ruthless beast, I was wrong. I was wrong to assume what he was not. He loved me, but his brotherly affection had just overpowered. May be, if I had been in his place, I would have done the same.
The running figure brought me out of my reverie and I looked beside to find Lakshya still cleaning his face. I giggled softly and tearing the letter to bits and pieces, I trashed it in the bin. Now, that we had forgotten about the past and moved on, this letter had nothing to be done of. I, under any circumstances, did not want Lakshya to go into depression yet again.
I stood in front of the dresser and applied the cream on my face. I inhaled deeply and realised we both together had come along a long path where there was no looking back. The horrifying imperfection had finally turned into a surreal perfection and I could not let it go now. We had a happy and content life to spend along with battling the struggles that were yet to come our way.
Lost in my thoughts, I felt two arms snaked around my waist. I looked up in the mirror and there he was. Lakshya. I smiled at him through the mirror and arched my eyebrows as he stared deeply into my eyes.
“I love you!”
“I love you too Lakshya. Until death do us apart.”
Phew! This is finally done. I’m serious, I never thought this would be completed. Well, now you guys have gotta do something. Jaldi se, scroll down and comment. Woh bhi jaldi se hi karna. Please?
Letter credits: Bela ?
Upcoming next: Epilogue ?