I’m so sorry, i was way too busy to update sooner but i hope this episode will make up for it. Thanks for the lovely lovely lovely commens and love, i appreciate them so so so much! Please keep commening to keep me going, i need it… I just wanted you guys to know that if anything bad happens to yuvani pease don’t give up on his ff, the bad times wont last for very long and there will still be Yuvani moments in every single episode. I know this isnt my best or longest episode but i still hope you enjoy it…
Last episode (To understand this one, and refresh your mind.)-
The family returned to the living room, half disheartened that their race day that was meant to bundles of fun and joy had unravelled to be an awful mess. Soumya was thrilled with herself, knowing she had permenantly brought cracks on the surface to Yuvraj and Suhani’s relationship, she sipped coffee from a steaming mug with a smug smirk.
Yuvraj stood still in the front of the room, yearning to lie his head in Suhani’s lap and be sung in to a calm slumber by her heavenly voice. He was beyond confusion, but all he needed was her warm innocent love and kind smiling eyes to bring tranquility to his heart.
Suhani waited at the back of the room, with tears welling up from her shivering lips. She hid them expertly. Her heart was in tangles of betrayal, broken trust and fear and in regret, deep poignant regret that had pushed her into a forlorn darkness, a room so crowded with dark grim thoughts that she it had stolen her right to scream for help. She knew she didn’t deserve the care she would recieve if she ran in to Yuvraj’s arms with tear in her eyes.
There was a knock on the door.
Suhani ran over and opened the grand birla doors, a fake smile on her face but aching beyond imagination in her heart. She saw her dada ji being wheeled inside, a intensely happy smile on his face.
Suhani threw her arms around him and embraced him, seeking any bit of solace she could find. She tried to hid the way she dissolved in to tears on to his shoulder. The droplets of her helpless agony soiled through the think layes of his hosptial shirt disintergrating her pained soul.
Yuvraj’s eyes watered with love and concern,confusion and realisation. He was the only person connected enough to Suhani in the room to hear the sound of Suhani’s whimpers echoing in his devoted heart.
Dada ji- I’m so happy you called beta…
Suhani pulled back from the embrace with unendurable regret and rage at herself. Yuvraj spotted how she stubled and shook with a turbulant mind and became distressed in fear for his love.
Dada ji- (He placed a proud hand on top of her hair.) Thank you beta… thank you for agreeing to marry my choice of boy for you.
Suhani and Yuvraj slowly turned to face each other, a ear defeaning scream playing in their minds, as their soul dies and bleeds through their endless tears. Their eyes lock and their tears are gritty with the salt of bitter betrayal. They can’t bear to see each other’s agonised desperate eyes, but couldn’t look away.
I felt the moment my heart stopped still in its tracks. That everything ended.
These were words echoes in my ghoulish fears, but i never expected to hear them as real bitter words leaving another’s lips. I feel each syllable rip through me like a bullet.
I felt the moment my heart stopped having a reason to beat.That everything ended.
These were words I knew were coming,that I repeatedly tried to prepare myself to hear. But now they’ve been said, my fragile composure fell apart.
The few months that I had spent you felt like a lifetime, a lifetime of your stunning eyes, a lifetime of your melodic laughter, your selflessness, innocence and love. And I felt with every fiber of my body how it crashed in to an end like a horrible car accident in front of me.
The few months i had the pleasure of knowing you erased any pain i had ever suffered through, it was endless care and respect fit in to a few months of such a vividly colourful life. Your handsome smile and caring heart, and that little sensitive part of you that you revealed to only me, your protective anger that I always know comes from a place of love and care. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.
I couldnt see- my eyes blurred with tears. I couldn’t hear- the white noise of agony fizzled in to my ear drums. I couldnt speak- you stole me of my heart, and my tongue. I was left blind, deaf and dumb, paralysed by pain. You had played a cruel game with my vunreble heart, but I still love you. Every drop of my blood and every beat of my heart comes with a thought of you.
I was too ashamed to face anyone, too embaressed to utter a word from my sinful lips and I was barely there anymore. It felt like you had betrayed me, though you never knew what i feel for you. Just seeing your manly hands rest against another turned me insane with impuse and love. I broke down every barricade of my emotions, making me commit my biggest mistake. But i still couldn’t ever give my heart away to anybody else, I’ll always love you, and only you. My heart is forever in your gentle hands.
I tried to muster up some rage, it had always been my defence mechanism, to hide my true emotions. But I just couldnt be angry at you, rather I was angry at myself. Angry that I was foolish enough to believe that I deserved you, the girl that makes the world turn and the stars fall like rain. That shifts the rocks, and churns the oceans. Whose graceful hands lift the skies and thunders the night. The epitome of beauty, the innocence of nature, how could i ever have that to myself?
I thought i was angry at you…. But all i needed was you, i needed you to hold me in your loving arms, and for our exhausted limbs to entangle together. I needed to rest my head against your chest and listen to your steady blissful heartbeat, secured by your embrace. Feel your warm breath against my neck, and just a whisper away. I’m so sorry Yuvraj, I’m a coward. I’ve not got the courge within me to fight for our love. I’m furious at myself, i have failed myself, ive failed our love.
Im so sorry that i thought you could be the one to see behind my plastered smile and see every little unsure thought that bites away at me. That i thought i could show you my flaws and you will fall in love with them equally as much, every insecurity, ever stupid tear. That you’d be the one that would stay long enough to know my favourite cereal, or the movie that makes me cry everytime. The little things… The little things no one bothered to remember. I’m sorry that i was so stupid.
I’m so sorry. I locked you away from your freedom, your potential. Your dreams and your bright future. Locked you away in my fantasies. I’m a monster, everything that nears me is destroyed. Ripped to hopless pieces of despair. Beyond repair. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry that this little tortured broken boy fell head over heels for every part of you. Every little thing. The way you cried at your amitabh bacchan’s emotional scene or made your sister run all the way to the shop to buy you samosa. That i couldn’t help but love the way you smiled at a compliment as if you could believe it, and the way your brown eyes darkened with sadness as you checked yourself in the mirror when you thought your dress had become too tight, as if you were blind to your own stunning beauty.
I thought your name was scribed in my heart, i thought my name was carved in your soul. I thought i paths had crossed and eyes had met to never part. You taught me to love, you thought me to live, you are the home to my greatest pleasures as well as greatest fears. But now i realise that maybe, i wasn’t enough for you. I realise that you deserve much better, much kinder, much prettier. Alia. I said yes to this marriage not through anger, but realisation. Realisation that i am stopping you from from being happy, and all i ever want is you to be happy.
You dwelled among the stars somewhere, a little perfect glimpse of light in a life of utter darkness. You were my guide that led me through the night, the angel that calmed the storm raging within me. You found the love within me i had lost. I will love you untill have no love left to give, and then spend every secod of the rest of my life finding some more. I wan you t be happy, with or without me, thatsal that matters. But i want to wake every morning seeing your face, uttering your name, holding you against me while the dawn glimmers away. I don’t believe in god, in fate or destiny. But i believe in us, and thats enought right?
..end of povs…
Suhani turned around and stepped away, looking strong but her blood stopping and starting and throbbing and driving through her veins, and her heart pulsating against her brittle breaking ribs. Yuvraj stumbled backward in agony, the shattering of their hearts synchronising.
Precap- Suhani’s fiance walks inside. Soumya’s mug slips from her hand as her mouth drops open, the mug breaking in to miniscule bits.
I hope you enjoyed this episode- I know bascially nothing happened. But i just thought it was such a momentous happenening that i needed to focus on their emotions for an episode, the plot will be fast moving from here on. What do you think happens in the precap? What did you like from this episode?
Thank you, Love you