I do not remember exactly when I first met him. Now, when my eyesight has become so poor, at this point of life I feel his absence. Something was missing within me, my soul. Wicked time snatched him from me 50 years before. No, I couldn’t blame time. What happened that day was all because of me. I am still getting punished.
It was a bright Christmas morning, I clearly remember. I was in my 20’s back then. Dave proposed to me in front of Saint Mary’s Church. My happiness did not know its bounds. I knew exactly what I had to reply, “Yes,” I saw a tiny drop of tear appearing at the corner of his eyes. It was clearly visible how much he loved me. We soon started the new phase of our life. Dave did not leave any of my dreams unfulfilled. I knew how much he adored, loved, respected and trusted me. My life seemed to see its completeness with him. His world revolved around me but at that time, I had no idea that my love was so weak.
We were the type of couple everyone looked up to. My friends envied me. Whenever we went to a party, I could notice all eyes fixed upon us. And then one day, our son, Edmund came to this world. Dave and Edmund were the best thing that ever happened to me. Dave was a perfect father and a more perfect husband and I knew he surely must have been the fruit of all my good deeds.
Then came the day which snatched everything from me. On a chilly Morning, I heard the post man ringing the bell. “Maybe that’s from mum,” I thought. I opened the door. The city was covered with a white blanket of snow, the sun hiding behind the clouds, I took the envelop and signed…. The post man was long gone, and I, rooted to the floor stood frozen. The contents of the envelope nearly killed me and left me hollow from inside. It contained Dave’s pictures with some other girl. Was he cheating on me? I was thunder stricken. This was the worst thing that I could ever have seen. Now when I realise that his love was as pure as the most sacred place on the earth, I’m left with nothing except for guilt. The day I stepped out of ‘our’ house, which was in fact the biggest mistake of my life for which I deserved a severe punishment. I went to my mom’s place with our little Edmund in my arms and swollen eyes of mine. My mom said that if was surely some misunderstanding but I believe I was not in my senses back then. I don’t know why ‘my’ love failed that day. I called him and told him that it was all over, he tried to explain so many times but little did I understand. Something did not let me trust him. That was a sin, now I know.
“How were the pictures? I bet they freaked you out,” Maria, our family friend told me on the phone. “Chill, It’s 1st April and I thought to test your love and trust and I’m pretty sure you passed it. I photo-shopped…” before she finished the phone dropped from my hand. I was absolutely scandalized. But deep inside I knew Dave would forgive me so without any delay I rushed to my Dave.
The door flung open and I dashed inside, Dave was nowhere to be seen. I went upstairs. What I saw was petrifying. Dave laid flat on the floor, blood everywhere. He had slit his wrist. He was gone and I saw our white wall screaming out, “I would love you, forever and always.” with his blood.
It has been 50 years since that day, my hands are shaky now, I really Dave to told them but he is punishing me for not trusting him. I can now imagine how he might have felt when I left him just on the basis of some worthless photos without any justification. I deserved it. Our Edmund, he rarely shows up as he believes that I am responsible for what happened and indeed I am. Life was punishing me. I know I am responsible for all this, I am getting punished, for his love was so pure and mine so hollow.
Credit to: Audrija Bhattacharjee