YuvAni OS- I AM SORRY
Papa, Somu and Yuvraj.. The three people in my life whom I called my greatest support..
Who could think that one day, the trio will break me completely- in and out? At least I couldn’t even think of that; not even in my worst nightmares..
For the first time, I felt like I failed as a daughter, a friend, and a wife.. Somewhere, there must have been my fault coz of which the trio didn’t think about me before doing that what they shouldn’t have done..
I stepped inside our room.. Our wedding pic grabbed my attention.. I took it in my hand.. For the first time, I tried to read yuvraj in it.. His sadness and anger were clearly visible.. I realised I was such a fool that I couldn’t even understand what he felt..
I opened the cupboard and took out my bag.. I started packing my stuffs when yuvraj entered the room..
I looked at him for a second and then continued with my packing..
He said with pauses in between- suhani.. Whatever I said.. Out of anger.. I didn’t mean it.. I know dadi was telling lies one after the other.. I couldn’t go against her.. I shouted on u.. I’m sorry..
I interrupted- excuse me.. U could put my self-respect at stake, just coz u couldn’t go against ur dadi? Is that what I came to this house for? Yuvraj Birla, whenever ur sweetest dadi and sisters-in-law taunted me, insulted me or plotted against me, I stayed strong coz I felt u will always be by my side.. But today, u proved that u are just their puppet.. All u can do is dance to their tune.. But I can’t tolerate anyone trying to hurt my self-respect…..
I stopped when I noticed a teardrop making its way from the corner of his eye..
He looked at me and said- I’m sorry..
I said softly- u don’t have to feel sorry yuvraj.. I should say sorry.. I’m sorry, for forcing myself and this relation on u.. I’m sorry, for continuously annoying and irritating u thinking u must be silently enjoying it.. I’m sorry, for feeling so lucky that I couldn’t even see u cursing ur luck every moment.. I’m sorry, for not understanding that all those songs, dances and everything else, that meant a lot to me, were nothing for u other than ways to make soumya feel jealous and gain her attention.. I’m sorry yuvraj!!
I was done with my packing.. I started to leave when yuvraj held my hand.. I stopped, but didn’t turn towards him..
He said- please.. Stay back.. We need u..
For a moment, I felt weak.. But then I realised that I had to be strong and leave Birla House asap.. I didn’t say anything..
He said- suhani, if u will give me a few minutes, I can explain that everything has changed..
I turned towards him and said- yes yuvraj.. U’r right.. Everything has changed.. My relationships have changed.. My outlook on love and friendship has changed.. My inner peace has been destroyed..
I closed my eyes and cried..
He grabbed my arms and said- enough suhani.. Will u let me speak? I always told u to leave soumya on her own.. But no.. U wanted to help her and also wanted me to help u.. Just for ur happiness, I used to help her.. So tell me, where was I wrong if she was preying on me? I never responded to her shit..
I shot back- Do u think I would have asked u to help her if I knew that she was preying on u?
He looked down..
I continued- no yuvraj.. I would have slapped her and kicked her out of this house..
His grab on my arms loosened and finally he left me.. I stepped back.. He looked at me..
I said- I’ll send u the divorce papers asap and u will be free legally as well.. Live ur life the way u always wanted to.. Be happy..
Saying that, I stepped out of the room when I collided with somu.. Oops.. Soumya!!
She hugged me.. I didn’t reciprocate..
She said- all the best for ur new life ahead suhani.. Be happy..
I faked a smile and asked looking straight into her eyes- are u sure u mean it??
She looked sideways.. I shook my head..
I looked at yuvraj for the last time and left from there..
I was sitting on a bench in the park.. Tears flowed continuously from my eyes and I wiped them myself.. I recalled my childhood, when papa taught me to be strong and honest always.. Those days when soumya used to fight for me with others.. Time changed, and so did people..
I recalled my marriage.. And whatever followed- yuvraj sleeping with snoopy on our first night, creating a wall with pillows between us so that we don’t touch each other even by mistake when we were asleep, and what not.. Its true he himself removed them later on.. I didn’t wana know why.. All I knew was I had to set him free from our burdensome marriage after whatever I got to know from him at the party..
The chain of my thoughts broke when a couple came to me..
The girl said pointing towards a small bench- di, can u plz sit there? U are sitting alone, but we are two..
The boy said to his girl- can’t u see her mangalsutra and sindoor? She is married.. (Looking at me) di, are u waiting for ur husband?
I shook my head and got up.. They thanked me and sat together.. I went to the other bench.. I took out my mangalsutra and kept it in my bag.. But sindoor.. I couldn’t wipe it off.. I wasn’t strong enough.. I knew the meaning of marriage and the vows taken.. They had deep meanings in my life.. I recalled the moments we had spent when we were together but still apart in so many ways.. I somehow gathered courage to wipe off the sindoor.. It was hard, but I had to do it before leaving Allahabad forever.. I was not Suhani Birla anymore.. Just Suhani..
As they say, “We must accept the end of something in order to begin something new..”
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