Hello peeps..thank you for all the love..
Let me inform you all..that the flashbacks will go on till chp-12 nd then we come back to the present..nd believe me..the chp-11 nd 12 r really important..so I wish u don’t miss them out..otherwise all ur patience nd hard work will go in vain…
Okay so now enough..
Here I bring to u..
I know. The problem lies here- ‘I know’. Didn’t get it? Let me make it clearer, ‘only I know’. What happened that suddenly I am letting out everything that I have inside me? I was running away from all this and yet here I am, reliving my story, my past. I am doing a simple thing which many forget to do- I am letting out every drop of emotion that I have inside. There’s a always a part of you that only you know. Isn’t it? Some secrets that only you know.
People think that they know you the best but they don’t. They just know a part of you because they have seen just a side of you. They judge you on that one personality out of hundreds that you have. Many won’t agree, but this is the truth.
Maybe this would change if I say this after ten years but still there’s a voice inside me that says, ” It won’t “. Because how hard you try or how hard I try, in this circus called life we always wish that we look interesting.
There’s this thing about me, that when I am with people- my friends, my family or anyone, I am the ‘Suman Kashyap they know’. And when I am alone, not necessarily physically, then I am the ‘ Suman Kashyap I know’.
So let me guess what actually happened.
We met each other and in the beginning we knew each other as the ‘ Shravan Malhotra which people knew’ or the ‘Suman Kashyap which others know’. He fell for me or I should say, he fell for a side of me.
Then slowly and gradually we or at least I started turning into what we knew ourselves as. The mask was removed. There was no side but a whole person with many more sides. At first we let ourselves overlook the mistakes. He persuaded me so that he could always have the ‘me’ he wished for. I didn’t give an answer, because I wanted him to know the ‘real me.’
At the end there was no overlooking left. We started finding faults. Look, here I am not blaming just him. I am always saying ‘we’ because I know that even if I try to decline, I know that I did it too. But I must say that we tried holding each other. We really did.
Out of your reach.
Again some silly fight of ours. I don’t remember the exact reason but I know that it must be something to do with Adi. Either him getting into his over possessive mode and asking me to take sides and stuff. So we were roaming around the campus in group. It was evening time and the dusk was near. I was planning to go to my hostel today and not the lake. I had already tried talking to him but he didn’t listen. So I took leave from the group and started going.
He came from behind and said, ” Suman.”
I turned and he walked over to me.
” What would happen if you choose? Just choose, it would satisfy me. You either talk to adi or me.” Again the same damn choice. Hell man. You always have to make a choice. Don’t you?
” What will happen if I don’t? ” I questioned back
” What’s your problem huh? You just want the attention of two boys right? That why your are doing all this right?” He nearly shouted.
I am seriously telling that I was disgusted.
” Yes I want attention and I am doing all this for that!” I shouted and turned to go.
He held my hand and the touch huh. It sent currents.
” Sorry.” God I hated and still hate that word so much. It sounds hell fake to me.
I just freed my hand and went away.
Of course all was well the next day. But we couldn’t help but accept the fact that we were losing each other, how hard we tried. We were going out of each other’s reach.