Thank you everyone who commented on the previous part… I m thankful that at least ‘you people’ are there to encourage me…its just for the sake of you people that I have not stopped posting my story yet….because my frustration level(for an obvious reason) is so high that I can’t tell u… Anyway here comes chapter 14… Read it if you find it worthy enough….
So its mid November now. My exams went pretty well, though they could have been a lot better. The post exam holidays were like heaven for me. Going back home was a perfect remedy for my broken, actually not broken but surely wounded heart. At times, spending time with your family is all you need to forget about your problems. I love my family so so much. I would be so incomplete without them.
Okay so now, I am standing right in front of Mr. Shravan Malhotra who is exactly 10 feet away from me. Before going home, I actually had some talk with him. Like some real talk, which I wanted to have for the past few months.
Was it real?
I take him to our usual place, near the lake. I know the lake had been craving for this view of us together but it doesn’t see why we are here. Like always, I wanted to talk.
We go and sit under the mango tree. Huh. Memories.
” Okay so Shravan, let me get straight to the point. I have been trying to understand your view for quiet some time and believe me when I say so. And I have tried mending myself and our relationship in every possible way but it just isn’t happening. So, that means that I have not understood you. So please help me out here. Why are you ignoring me?” I take out everything.
” I am not ignoring you. I am always ready to talk to you.” He says.
” Yeah, those forced conversations which I always start. I know about those. You never come to me and talk. Its always me. Why can’t we talk like we used to?” I needed my answers today.
” Look Suman, I never talk to anyone in our old group other than you. Isn’t that enough?” Seriously dude? Like now, I am just one of them?
” Yeah, because they have their self esteem. They don’t go around begging like me in front of you to talk to them. I am just a single faulty piece available. ”
And I see that old him now. That expression which he makes. Its that typical ‘Shravan Malhotra expression’ which is full of innocence. It kills you, you know?
” Did you even love me?” I ask and I don’t believe my ears that I am asking this. I never brought this topic up. But now I think its the only way.
He just gives that suppressed smile of his.
” What, like sisterly love? Because that is what I think.” And again I get that expression back and its killing me.
” Was it real for you?” I am flooding with questions.
” Then how did it get over like this huh?” What the hell! Did I seriously ask this? I wanted to shout on myself- ‘ because you told him to finish it dumb’.
He does not answer. I change the topic.
” Do you remember the last time you came and talked to me? Like ‘you’ walking over to me and talking?” I take out all my frustration.
He gives a look which answers the question- No.
” Okay, let me help you out. It was nearly 4 months back. And do you know what you said? I was waiting for Ananya for a long time and so you came up to me and said-‘ she is waiting near the court.’ That’s it. Done. That’s the last time ‘ you’ talked to me.
He now remembers it I guess. Because he stares at the setting sun and nods.
” Please answer honestly. Do you care about me or for me?” This is what matters the most.
” Yes I do.” He says without hesitating.
” No, I don’t think so. You have been harassing me and you say that you care.” I look away now.
“Hey, I still have the friendship band you gave me. I have kept it safely with me.” He says. Let me tell for a matter of fact that he was ready to give this band back when I asked. He didn’t hesitate. I was just testing him and he said ‘ okay’. And when I told him that I was just testing him, he said, ” If you are asking it back, why should I deny?” Anyway moving on.
” That doesn’t mean that you care for me.” And he scratches his head.
I didn’t notice but over the time he shifted close to me while talking. He shouldn’t be close to me. He shouldn’t be.
” Now can ‘I’ ask you something? What do you want from a man? Any man? Even if he is your friend?” He asks a question for the first time and I have an easy and and honest answer for this.
” I just want an assurance from him that he’s there for me.” He makes an expression which says, ‘ Okay’.
” So, what do you want?” He asks leaning his face forward.
” I want us to be normal. I want us to talk like we used to. Behave normally.” I sigh. I rest my case but he is in no mood to be serious.
” What! You are talking as if we are in a crisis or something.” And that contagious smile of his plays on his lips.
” Stop using that word. We are not having that debate of yours which you are so interested in. You don’t understand, do you? You don’t even try to.” And this time instead of him walking away, its me. I have had enough. I have tried my best.
I think it was just one of the many relationships he had had. I know that anyone would be frustrated and give up if you don’t answer him for one year. But if a person really loves you, he won’t let go. And even if he would, he would still hold on to you. Like me. I have let go and am yet holding on to whatever I have of him and I think its enough for me. I know that even if I try, I can’t move on. As I said I am one of those faulty pieces. But the conversation with him left me with just one question- Was it even real?
God! I always bore you with my past right?
But what do, I am not able to come out of it.
Is there anybody who can help me?